#eli ask

OH I AM SO GLAD YOU ASKED

Baroque is an absolute hidden gem of a game. I never hear anyone talk about it, and I think it’s because it got really overlooked; it got only like 50% on GameFAQs ratings, but a whopping 90% of Google users liked it! It was apparently originally released on the Sega Saturn?? And then got remade for PS2 and Wii. It’s apparently also on Switch now???

I found it for Wii for like $5 in a Gamestop, and picked it up with some birthday money, and I AM SO GLAD I DID.

This is the game’s cover. It’s described as a roguelike RPG, and you play a mute, amnesiac protagonist who explores a post-apocalyptic world. You meet all sorts of characters who slowly become more and more twisted as the game goes on. Some of them are The Horned Girl, who speaks the thoughts of those who get near her; the Bagged One, who speaks the words of others instead of her own; and the Baroquemonger, who can read Idea Sephirah, which if I recall, are kind of like…memories of the past.

At the beginning of the game, Archangel (the guy up there on the cover) tasks you to purify the Absolute God, who destroyed the world. He gives you an Angelic Rifle, and directs you to the Neuro Tower. You go there, in hopes of absolving yourself of a sin that you’ve committed, but can’t remember.

The Neuro Tower is a series of randomly generated dungeon floors, with randomly generated enemies and loot drops, that you have to navigate through to find your way to the Absolute God, and find scraps of the story from other characters. You progress the story in part by dying in the dungeon; when you die in the dungeon, things in the world change slightly, and you unlock new dialogue, and slowly get stronger in order to progress further through the Neuro Tower. It also has a cool system of letting you store weapons and items in Consciousness Orbs that carry over beyond your death.

I CANNOT EXPRESS HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS GAME. It has been YEARS since I played it, but I loved it so much, I’ve picked it up over and over again through the years to start new runs. There’s something about it that just keeps dragging me in. You get to pick up these fragmented bits of story, and try to piece together the picture of what really happened in this world, all while watching the characters you meet at the beginning become more and more distorted over time. It was actively described as “hardcore” when being marketed for PS2 in the USA, because of the nonlinear way the story is given to you. You can find pieces of story before you’ve got its context. It all depends on how you go about playing it, what you discover along the way, how often you die, and what and who you interact with. It’s one of those games I’d suggest looking up as little as possible about, honestly.

And I just think that's neat.

I love the sea more than I love anything else. I adore space, and I will always longingly look up, but nothing compares to my deep yearning for the sea. The sound of crashing waves instantly soothes me, and the spray of salty sea air calms and thrills me in equal measure, and I never feel more alive than I do on the shore, looking out to where the line of the sky meets the endless stretch of the sea. I was just telling Michael that if I were to die in the ocean, that feels like the most natural death in the world - what could be more right, more fundamentally correct than returning to the water that birthed us? To give back to the ocean in the only way I can, like a whale fall?

I love mountains, I love the crisp clean air of the valleys between them, and how a dense forest can hide you away in places you will never be found, and I think there’s something similar in that - but the sea has my heart, always. I could spend my whole life looking out at the ocean, and be content, and if I were to die in the sea, or be committed to the sea upon my death, I can’t think of anything lovelier.

BLORBO (fave character/character i think about the most)

i mean, i think i have to say leto atreides here, right? i think i have to. he's so pretty. he haunts me. i want to be his loyal, beloved, trusted concubine. i want to lick shower water off of him. i want to stare at him all day, and also pet his hair so he can sleep at night. i want to wear dresses that make him stare at me during formal dinners. i want to do his paperwork for him so he can be a little less stressed. i'm in love? i'm in love.

SCRUNKLY (my "baby", character that gives me cuteness aggression, character that is So Shaped)

thufir hawat, no question. little parasol. constant :3 or 3: energy. i want to squeeze him like a stress ball. i would die for him, he would instantly try to resign if i did.

SCRIMBLO BIMBLO (underrated/underappreciated fave)

gurney halleck my beloved????? described as an ugly lump of a man in the book, which is something we literally all, everyone who ever touched dune, have decided independently to make the executive decision to ignore? hot af? bard vibes? face scar? aggression followed by affection bc the aggression is based in concern? i will wed him secretly and he will lay me down on blankets on the floor and say he wishes he could give me more and i will tell him this is all i need from him. also he will hold my hand, that part is non-negotiable.

GLUP SHITTO (obscure fave, character that can appear for 0.2 seconds in the background and i won't shut up about it for a week)

stilgar. old desert uncle. so old. so very old. soon to rejoin the sands. (for anyone who is not my husband reading this, this a long-running joke, don't look at me.) hot? hot. not just because of the desert thing, just. very attractive. 10/10, would let him spit in my mouth and thank him for it, probably.

POOR LITTLE MEOW MEOW (“problematic”/unpopular/controversial/otherwise pathetic fave)

piter de vries. drug addict. stands like a homosexual, also is a homosexual. weighs maybe fifty pounds soaking wet in his little black dress aesthetic. garbage man. gay little trash boy. crumples him up like a wet paper napkin. wraps him up in a rag like a kitten trying to bite me because he is probably trying to bite me. shakes him a little.

HORSE PLINKO (character i would torment for fun, for whatever reason)

duncan idaho. shoves him in the plinko machine. watches him bing around lovingly. i adore him. i want to kiss his face. i want to make him cry. i want to see him angry and frightened. i want to braid his hair and lie against his chest and also climb him like a tree.

EEBY DEEBY (character i would send to superhell)

Labyrinth (1986)

Muppet Treasure Island (1996)

Annihilation (2018)

Ex-Machina (2014)

I Am the Pretty Thing That Lives in the House (2016)

Honorable mentions go to: Sanctum (2011), the Friday the 13th series, the Alien franchise, the Tremors movies, and all bad B-, C-, and D-rate horror.

(I love them. that is such a silly noise.)