#elementary library

You may have heard of it. It’s the first in a trilogy, followed by Inspell and Inkdeath, but that’s not relevant. What is relevant is the curse on me related to this book.

When I was in 3rd grade, I happened across a copy of Inkheart in the school library. The flashy cover art caught my eye, though the reading level was slightly above what I was technically allowed to check out. However, the policy was that you could check out a book within one level above yours, and if you could pass the AR test, you could extend your reading level. As an avid reader, I was not one to let something like reading level stop me from reading any book I wanted.

My 3rd grade teacher, who had previously witnessed me devouring every Narnia book before she could get around to teaching them, was impressed with my choice in book. She made me a bet, “If you can finish and pass an AR test on that book, I’ll let you check out anything you want for the rest of the year.”

Having never failed an AR test in my life, and being more than a little frustrated by the limitations of my meager 5th grade reading level, I instantly took her up on that offer. After all, it didn’t seem like that dense of a book, and I was more than confident in my AR testing skills.

This was my mistake.

I wasn’t wrong about Inkheart being perfectly readable in theory. I read about a third of the book on that first day. Then, when the final bell rang, I tucked it into the book pocket of my backpack, and took it home, confident that I had this bet thoroughly in the bag.

Except, when I opened my book pocket at home, Inkheart wasn’t there.

After checking every other pocket (even ones far to small to hold a book that size) to confirm that I had not just misplaced it, I assumed I’d just misremembered putting it away, and that I’d left it in my desk. Not that big a deal. I fully expected to arrive at school the next day to find it sitting on the chalk shelf, which is where misplaced items were put in the classroom.

But it wasn’t there.

I thought maybe someone had returned it to the library. But no.

At this point, I began to suspect foul play. I asked my teacher if she knew where the book went, and she swore up and down that she didn’t. But I couldn’t be sure. I even dug through the supply cabinets, but no book.

I finally found Inkheart in my backpack, right where it should’ve been. On the last day of school. I had to turn it in without completing it, losing the bet. I was crushed.

But this is not the end of the story.

In the intervening years, I have made numerous attempts to actually finish Inkheart, each time getting a little further than the last. But always, always before I can finish the book, it vanishes. Only to reappear at the most inconvenient time, in the most innocuous of place. It seems like a prank, but it even happens when I am certifiably alone.

Inkheart has cursed me for my hubris.

Three days ago, I again began an attempt to read Inkheart. By now, my whole family knows about this vanishing book curse, so when I told my mother this, she laughed. But I won’t be defeated this time. This time I have a plan!

I read in the same spot every single time, and I always, without fail, put the book back in the same spot on the bookshelf. Even if I am only stepping away for a moment. I am being as cautious as possible to not let this book escape.

When I first opened it, three days ago, I got halfway through the first page when the book slid out of my grasp. It knows what I’m trying to do. But it won’t escape me. I will finish Inkheart.

Worlds Collide by Chris Colfer.

A stinky shoe

A chicken nugget

An actual chicken

Pizza

A used tissue

Just sneezing on the page

[The student’s] baby sister

The sneeze was my favorite. When I asked the student how a sneeze would even mark the page, they calmly pointed out that when you closed the book, the boogers would stick the pages together. You’d know which page you were on because it would be one of the ones you had to peel apart to read.

My predecessor inventoried every year, but I’m learning she wasn’t super big on weeding out the collection unless she absolutely had to. I started inventory yesterday and I already have a small mountain of books to remove from the collection behind my desk.

Out of everything I’ve found, here are my favorites:

A Scholastic book fair VHS from the 90′s that states on the box that it was supposed to be returned to Scholastic after the book fair.

To Hell With Dying by Alice Walker-- She’s an incredibly famous author, yes. But what is this doing in an elementary library?

One particularly politically incorrect fairy tale book from the 1950′s.

Me: *coming to check on a gaggle of students in the corner of the library* Hi everyone. Remember, we use browsing time to look for new books or read a book we’ve chosen.