28 and elandras? Maybe as like, a kind of continuation of that previous prompt that ya know... RIPPED OUT MY HEART! xx tysm
Thank you!! Continuation of this post (this thing might be a bit hard to follow if you havenât read the first thing)Â
Elandras + âI hope youâre happyâÂ
âI hope youâre happy.â Lucienâs voice is flat, exhausted, spent. Â
Itâs late now. The moon, looking wide enough to swallow the sky from what Andras can see beyond the open window, has risen high over the court, watching over them all, oblivious to their pain.Â
They had retreated up here to Lucienâs chambers, the most distant and separate from everyone else in the manor, after the moment in the stables. Both had mumbled feeble, empty excuses and explanations to Elain they were sure she hadnât believed for a second, to try and cover up Lucienâs outburst.Â
Somehow....Somehow all the tension and frustration and agony both of them were feeling, for entirely different reasons, had spilled over into sex. Andras had quietly closed the door behind them, turned around, mouth opening to say something, he had no idea what. Instead he had found Lucien inches from him, a hand reaching out to grab his tunic, pull him forwards and kiss him, hard and deep.Â
He still feels a small stab of shame for the way he had reacted. He was going to stop them, going to insist that they talk about this, about what had just happened with the girl before in the stables. But then Lucien had whispered those words, soft, hoarse, âIâm glad youâre safe now,â and Cauldron damn him if he hadnât damned it all to hell and kissed him back.Â
At hearing those words from his loverâs lips he had become undone. He had sunk into that kiss, into the sex that had followed, losing himself in it, in Lucien, as he had done so many times before. One more night, he had told himself, he could have one more night with Lucien, to pretend, to dream, before he was lost to whatever agony was sure to accompany this girlâs arrival here at their court.Â
He didnât blame her, sheâd been entirely innocent, unwilling, in all this. He had dragged her here, hadnât he? He had brought her into their lives and torn apart the only small shred of laughter and happiness he managed to claw from it with Lucien. This was not her fault. He had no-one but himself to blame.Â
But heâd been willing to give himself this, this one night, just one night before it all had to end.Â
They hadnât even made it until morning before everything collapsed around him.Â
Andras is lying on his back now, staring up at the thick, deep red canopy above Lucienâs bed. Lucien himself is sitting a foot or so in front of him, back stiff and straight, knees drawn up to his chest, trembling. He might have put a blanket around his shoulders, or gotten up to close the window that was letting the breeze waft through the room, making the candles shiver, giving the light an eerie, flickering quality. But then those words had snapped out of Lucienâs mouth and heâd known that it wasnât the cold that was making him shake.Â
The words sting more than they should, but Andras forces his voice to remain level, calm, when he answers. âHappy that I brought my-â he breaks off, his what, exactly? Lover, certainly...but thereâs more between them now than lust and physical release. Friend? Heâs more than that too. He always has been. Love....For Andras, yes, heâs loved this male, in the same bed with him but now further than anyone else in this world. Swallowing he continues with only a brief stutter of interruption that has Lucien half-glancing over his shoulder before he stares straight ahead once more. âYour mate into this mess? Of course Iâm not.âÂ
Lucien still doesnât turn, just keeps staring at the wall, the rich Autumn colours all looking black and lifeless in the dark of the night. Much like Lucien himself.Â
âIf Iâd known she was your mate- If Iâd had the barest idea of- Lucien,â he interrupts, unable to keep his voice from breaking on his name, a flicker of the desperation thatâs raging inside him cracking through the professional mask his duty has helped him craft all these long centuries. âLucien, look at me, please.âÂ
He doesnât know what heâll do if he refuses. Doesnât know how hard he might shatter if Lucien just keeps staring at that Cauldron damned wall and pretending that he doesnât exist.
Lucien turns, his mismatched eyes utterly blank and Andras wonders if perhaps it wouldnât have been kinder to himself to let him look away. Trembling himself he reaches out, takes Lucienâs hand in his and thanks the Cauldron that he doesnât pull it away, as heâd have every right to.Â
âIf Iâd had any idea what she was to you,â Andras whispers softly, thumb stroking soothingly over the back of Lucienâs hand in a way that always calms him down, âI would never have told Tamlin about her, never.âÂ
Lucien starts, realising the depth of what that means to him. Refusing to tell Tamlin about Elain would have counted as treason, breaking the oaths he had sworn as sentry to defend, protect and obey the High Lord in every regard. Something heâs always consistently refused to do every time Lucien has begged him not to do his duty and put himself in danger crossing the wall.Â
âYou mean that,â he murmurs quietly. The words arenât a question but Andras nods firmly, squeezing his hand. Lucien shudders, turning away from him, though he remains clutching tightly to his hand, as though itâs the only thing keeping him grounded.Â
Finally, he manages to speak. âI canât do this, An,â he whispers hoarsely, burying his face in his other hand, shaking more violently than ever. âI canât, I canât, I canât.â Andras feels his heart shatter for this male who has already suffered so much and now...Now this. âSheâs in danger, in the middle of this, this mess,â he groans, âAnd the only thing that can save us is if I somehow persuade my mate to fall in love with Tamlin.â He lets out a bitter bark of laughter, âAnd then watch her die when Amarantha finds out about her and has her slaughtered.âÂ
Andras moves in closer, gently coaxing Lucien around until heâs facing him properly, hand squeezing his he leans in, whispers softly, âWeâll find a way to send her home,â he murmurs softly, and Lucienâs eyes snap up to meet his. âWeâll get her home, help her and her family find passage to the continent, send her away somewhere they canât hurt, canât find her again, canât-âÂ
He breaks off at the sudden pain that flashes through Lucienâs eyes. It takes every bit of strength he has in him not to drop his hand as he realises whatâs happening. No matter how hard he tries, he canât stop the hollowness inside him showing through in his voice when he says quietly, âYou donât want her to leave either, do you?â Lucien doesnât answer, but he doesnât have to. Andras has known him for three centuries now. He knows how to read him. âYou can feel her already,â Andras murmurs, âThrough the bond.âÂ
Lucien nods shakily, and at last pulls away from him, buries his face in both hands, chest heaving as he tries, and fails, to compose himself. Andras sits there, numb, staring at this male, at the ruins of what they once were, what they might have been. Itâs an effort not to let out a bitter laugh. He did this. He found Elain. Saved her life. Brought her here. And now...Now this.Â
âSheâs my mate, An,â Lucien whispers softly, âMy mate.âÂ
âI know, Luc,â Andras whispers. âWeâll find a way to get through this, alright,â he promises. âWeâll find a way for, for you to be with her, for you to be safe with her. Safe and happy.âÂ
 Every word is an agony, tears at his throat as though it has teeth, rips his heart to shreds but he says them. He says this because he loves this man, loves him more than he ever believed possible. Heâs had his time in the sun, in the light, in the warmth heâs been given.Â
Itâs time to remember his place. Heâs a sentry, a common sentry who fell in love with a prince and managed to delude himself into thinking that this could ever work but...But now he has someone worthy, a mate, an equal, someone who might stand a chance of being loved back by him. Heâll help him find that, help him be happy, somehow, because he deserves it. And meanwhile he...Heâll slink quietly back into the shadows of those around him. Fit to serve, to obey, with nothing but his duty to warm his bed at night.Â
Heâs about to open his mouth, suggest some plan that they can try, to let him and Elain spend a little time alone together, away from the manor and from Tamlin and the eyes and ears around here that would report back to him. But Lucien speaks first.Â
âNo.â His voice is firm, strong, and Andras blinks at him in surprise. âNo,â Lucien repeats. Heâs still shaking but his hands have clenched themselves into fists at his sides. âNo this, this doesnât change anything,â he rasps.Â
Andras canât help himself. The bitter laugh thatâs been building in his chest all this time finally escapes him. âLucien,â he says hollowly, âSheâs your mate, this changes everything.âÂ
âIt doesnât,â he growls, as though heâs trying to convince himself as much as Andras. âIt doesnât. Mates arenât always suited to one another and she...You met her, An, have you ever met anyone less suited to me than her?â His voice is bitter.Â
Part of Andras wants to agree, wants to be selfish and greedy and coax Lucien away from this, away from her, keep him in his arms just a little longer. The rest knows that Elain ,with that quiet, gentle strength..Is everything Lucien needs. He canât bring himself to say it though. The words stick in his throat, choking him, and by the time he can breathe around them again, Lucien is going on.Â
âAnd it doesnât change the way that I feel about you.â
Andras stares, in shock, every thought and emotion wiped from him, leaving him blank and empty as he gapes at Lucien. He eases forward, taking Andrasâ face in his hands, stroking with his thumbs, âI love you, An,â he rasps hoarsely, âIâve loved you for years and I...I canât believe it took me so long, that it took something like this to make me admit that to you.âÂ
âIt took me...Finding your mate for you to know you love me?â Andras mutters, too stunned, too overwhelmed to think coherently enough to riddle out Lucienâs logic in this.Â
Lucien laughs softy and Andras wants to bottle the sound, keep it with him for when this inevitably ends and he needs something to help him keep going. But Lucien leans forwards, kisses him in a way that convinces him that he means it and breathes, âI could have lost you today, An,â he murmurs, tracing the faint, already nearly healed scratch along his thigh from his fight with the wolves. âElain is gentle, sweet, good...but you could have met another human in that forest; one who might not have been so forgiving, who might have-â he breaks off, shaking his head.Â
Taking a deep breath he goes on, âElain is my mate and sheâs here, in danger, and I despise that but....I donât even know her, An,â he whispers softly. âIâve known you for three hundred years, loved you for nearly as long, I-â He takes a deep breath, somehow manages to make himself smile as he looks into Andrasâ eyes. âIf anything good came from this itâs that I never have to watch you walk into that forest again. I never have to sit here, terrified, hating myself for letting you go, letting you die just so that we might be safe.âÂ
He kisses him again, long and slow and deep, tucking Andrasâ long, thick dark brown hair behind his ears. âI never have to lose you,â he breathes quietly. âI couldnât bare that, An, I couldnât. It would break me.â Heâs never seen him this candid, this open and raw before. He wonders if perhaps everything thatâs happened today has cracked him open. If Elainâs arrival somehow helped them cross some invisible boundary with another into this. âI love you, An.âÂ
They kiss again and Andras almost believes him, almost lets himself sink into this fantasy and live in it, until a small knock at the door interrupts them. Lucien composes himself, the mask of the emissary slipping smoothly back into place as he calls for them to enter.Â
Elainâs pretty face peers around the door and promptly flushes a deeper shade of red than Lucienâs hair as she takes in the scene. âIâm sorry!â She squeaks, covering her mouth with her hands, babbling, âI, I got lost, I didnât know how to get back to my rooms, and I heard your voices, I thought you might be able to help me, I, Iâm so sorry, please, excuse me.âÂ
She makes to withdraw but Lucien calls her back, âElain!â The way he says her name, the way he looks at her when she nervously peers around the door again...Andras knows that he meant what he said to him. Knows that having to choose between the two of them will tear him into shreds but....The way he looks at this girl...Heâs never going to be able to let her go. Heâs never going to be able to sit back and watch her fall in love with Tamlin. Heâs never going to be content for her to be in danger  here....
 Thereâs nothing he can do about that, nothing he can do about Lucienâs soft, genuine laugh as he drags a shirt on over his bare chest and walks to the door, buttoning it up, talking all the while to her as he opens the door and offers to show her back to her rooms, telling her again not to worry about interrupting them.Â
All he can do is step back, let Lucien have this without a fuss. He wonât watch him shatter, trying to tear himself in half to please everyone around him. He wonât be the cause of any more pain for this man who deserves the world and has only ever been given agony for his troubles.Â
Turning, Andras slowly, quietly, starts gathering his clothes together, slowly pulling on shirt and trousers. His back is to the door, and he doesnât realise Lucien and Elain are still there until Lucien calls to him, âArenât you coming?â He demands, one eyebrow arched.Â
Andras stares at him, torn between confusion and irritation. Doesnât he understand how hard this is for him, how difficult it is to let go, that he doesnât need him playing games before he chooses her?Â
But Lucien seems entirely genuine in his wish that he join them. Andras rises slowly, pads towards them, leans down a little and hisses, âWhat the hell are you doing, Lucien?âÂ
âMy lady is hungry,â Lucien confides, loud enough that Elain can definitely hear him. âThe cooks are asleep and she insists we donât wake them, so unless you want me fixing her something to eat....âÂ
He trails off and Andras pales, âFor the love of the Cauldron, Lucien, no,â he groans, stepping out of the room and joining them in the corridor.Â
Elain peers up at him, still looking a little flushed and embarrassed after interrupting them, âThank you,â she says, smiling shyly at him.Â
âNot at all,â Andras says politely, âI wouldnât allow my worst enemy to suffer Lucienâs cooking.âÂ
Elain giggles softly, padding after Lucien who leads the way down the corridor, though she falls into step with Andras, clearly feeling more comfortable with him than with Lucien at the moment. They enter the kitchen and Andras has Lucien start a fire in the great wood-burning stove then puts him in charge of boiling water for tea, about the only thing he trusts him with in here. Elain perches nervously at one of the chairs by the scrubbed wooden table and watches them, laughing at Lucienâs jokes and jumping up every few minutes to offer to help Andras. Â
Later, the three of them sitting quietly together at the table, munching on hot bread with jam and tea Lucien managed not to ruin, Andras wonders if, perhaps this might not be so bad, if instead of losing something this day, he might have instead found something.Â