And literally NO one is talking about her because?????????
The way she said "reset it" at the end not just the fact that she said it but the delivery.
I can feel that continued self-blame exuding it from it that we saw at the end of season for with her emotional "I'm sorry" to Lucas and Mike saying she told him "she's starting to think [Brenner] was right [about her not being ready]".
And this isn't just determination in her eyes. It's anger. We love to see it. But it's that refusal to let up after that I'm cluing into.
"You don't get to write the ending. Not this time."
She's pessimistic where we find her. Believing that they are not going to succeed, believe that she isn't strong enough, likely continuing that belief we saw in the epilogue - which always foreshadows future seasons - that she should have done more, been stronger, been there sooner. All this self blame that comes with grief of "what ifs" and how blaming yourself is also a way of giving yourself control in desperate times, saying "there is something I could have done", and she is channeling of that energy into
The training we see.
The training is good, the training is smart. But it's her clear mindset around it that I'm concerned about. She is not letting up. Not letting herself have a break.
The most clear note to this is there is zero celebration with her parents when they say she got her best time yet. She just gets up and tells them she's going again.
She is refusing to allow herself a break out of guilt. That any time not spent training is time wasted.
But the body needs rest! That's part of how exercise works. She isn't seeing clearly that truth that rest is part of the work, an important part, and it's the only true way to make that power you're building sustainable. Non-stop training creates exhaustion, not strength. It creates soreness, not just muscle.
All the comments are about how badass she is, and yes. But I see anger. I see self-blame. She's overexerting herself out of guilt. Telling herself doing anything else is wrong of her.
Nothing is enough. That's what I get from that reaction to the stopwatch. It's clear, it's loud. Her delivery of "reset it" is harsh in a way she doesn't normally talk to her parents, like she's not even receiving any other option. She's just telling them: this is what will happen. Period.
Oftentimes, people work to beat their times and that's their day of training when they have. It's not for her. She didn't even seem like she was listening for them to say the time when she landed, didn't care, she was already just set on doing it again. There is no goal for her, really. Not a physical one. She's trying to work off the guilt, which is something you can't do, and she will have to be pulled away from this. I think we can see that a bit in her parents' reactions to, though in the background. They seem a bit surprised at the lack of energy match to their joy for her.
This is not an accomplishment to her. Because nothing is every good enough.
There is no goal. There is no time she can get to that will make her feel like she's done it. Because she isn't working to be fast. She's working to resolve her grief, and you can't achieve that this way. It's a very temporary coping mechanism that will never truly satiate you. That's why she gets back up and says "reset it".
This isn't about determination. This is about self-blame. She couldn't sit in the celebration of her time-beating like Hopper and Joyce did and encouraged because she doesn't feel she's allowed to right now.
Not allowed joy, not allowed rest. Not allowed anything but righting what she feels is her wrong.
And now that I get the screenshot
Her parents don't seem completely happy. More like they're trying to convince her to be.
This is a pattern with her. Refusing to celebrate her successes. They're trying to coax her to be proud of it and she refuses.
I think much like Will, she needs to turn her blame to Vecna again in this season. Because right now, I can see the anger, but I don't think it's at him. I think it's at herself. This is more to me the anger that will snap one day and break down into tears, not that would snap and attack.
She is denying herself joy. She is denying herself pride. She is denying herself rest. All because she thinks anything but work is a waste of time, and anything but anger is unproductive. And unproductivity towards Max, is immoral.
