#egena

Having mentioned this budding new .. ability ..  before, I thought perhaps a bit of detail should be placed into it.  Reflective thought, if you will.  I shall preface this thought with..

I have never thought that having visions was something I would ever be able to have happen.  Not to me.

Of course to some this new particular happenstance comes at no real shock.  Again harking back to the time I had spent within a twisted dark Wonderland and having been given The House of Dust and title “All Seeing”.  People then thought I some kind of seer, even though it was not visions I had.  It was common sense and the ability to extrapolate and outcome based upon knowing though involved in any situation.  If person with short fuse enters a situation where .. to borrow a rather modern times phrase.. their “jimmies are rustled”, it is not hard to tell that an explosive outcome will happen.   Yet to many, just being able to “foresee” such an occurrence made me some sort of “All Seeing” visionary. This line of thought also carried over to a plethora of other realms I had been tossed into.  Common sense became seen as “prophetic visions”.  

Still, The Huntsman’s words remain in my head, along with the cries and screams these visions bring me. 

 "He begins to understand the nature of my homeland at last. And mayhaps even you will understand this land in time. You think it changes you here and there....but you do not truly see..." 

Will I?  Do I not see?  Is it meant to be?   Faerie is not the first realm.. land.. to change me.  Every realm I have been to has changed me in some manner or another.  Some in just a way of thinking. Some in a way of behaving.  It was Wonderland that has truly changed me on a level that it seems Faerie is now playing over.  This level of not just behaviors and thinking.. but to a very core of my being.  Changes here and there? I can not say I truly thought that. However I can understand why it is thought that I have.  My failing comes from using a language that I often find so.. limited.. that I can not easily convey what it is that I truly see, or feel.  Perhaps this is why my empathic senses had developed the way that they have.  To outwardly express what words simply can not do.  Or.. if I find myself linked to another.. allow them to know what it is I can not convey in words.  However, this is rambling and is no where near these visions.  All I can say is, The Huntsman is right, there is a nature to his homelands that changes all.  And it seems as if becoming an Oracle.. as those of my own “homeland” if you will.. call one who has such visions.. is what is to become of me here.

What is is that I see? Feel? Experience?  Terrible, traumatizing and horrific sights.  Demifae gutting another with a hook to dangle over a pit with some large vile beast within.  Others keeping a Sidhe bound and captured as they feed upon his flesh..  Goblins stealing away the horses while calling for war..  And a man who I can only presume as Roman screaming for help as lava crushes and burns his body. What’s more.. wounds suffered in these visions.. the hook to the gut of that demifae, the thousands of bite wounds to the Sidhe, and the burns and scorching from lava reflect upon my body.  No actual wounds.. but blood manifesting on me where these seen wounds are given to those I witness.  It is not bad enough that my particular empathic abilities echo out what it is I feel from these visions to the area I am within, and to those I am near.  Apparently, my empathic self will echo those wounds in my blood.  And this is not even all.  On occasion I find myself phasing from where I may be, to some place within the Faerie completely different.  Something that happens as well during visions it seems, though it looks to be random in it’s happening. What’s more.. I have to wonder just exactly how these visions and their effect upon me effect Maric through our bond.  With the one of the man and lava.. the man who I believe is Roman, he sent this comfort to me.. as if it all that wretched horror did reach him. Granted, he has other issues that hold much more importance.  Perhaps I shall be able to explain to him some time from now.  

Though that fact that who I saw within that vision.. who I felt and heard screaming for his life..  He sounded Roman. So, this leads me to think..  am I able to receive visions from other strands while within a different one as well?  Or.. am I for some reason receiving a vision of a poor soul in Hell being tormented for who know what reason?  There are thousands of souls there being tormented daily, why would this one be important for me to be .. graced.. with?  Should I see Egena or Galyanna again, I might ask them...

Another change, though seemingly insignificant..  After a particularly trying and brutal mental attack by Gwythyr’s accursed ghost, the light stripes and spots that had marked my skin took on a more blueish tint to them.  To wonder, really.. what is happening.  I could leave.. I have this capability.  Walk out of that realm and hope that whatever changes it has wrought upon me will fade.  The Huntsman has asked.. demanded in a way.. why it is I stay.  What it is that draws me. Keeps me there.  A question I can not answer.  A question that vexes Absolem quite strongly.  If he had his way, I would never return.  Which, quite frankly, it is likely good that he does not get a say.  

Egena had her twins, and for some reason I was asked to aid in their birth.  Perhaps it is to remind me that I am not above that concept of hell?  Not that I need such a reminder..  Not that such a concept truly maters to me either.  However, there I was.. being handed the female child. Being asked to ..clean.. it.  I did what I could while the male child was being brought into it’s new world. Horns upon it’s head which lead to more pain than I could wick from the child that was giving birth to him.  Such pain that she now harbors this anger towards the other child that seeded her womb.  It will work out as it is meant to, however that is to be.  But apparently when Marc went to see his children Egena was none to happy with him.  

All the more reasons in this mess that crop up.. all of them giving me solace that I can not go through with it myself.  Out of all the egregious acts that have been done to my body.. having a deranged Malkavian who knows flesh grafting taught to him by an even more deranged Tzimisce take apart and remove my uterus and ovaries seems to be something I am actually quite thankful for.  I am definitely not the motherly type.  Perhaps something my clan has been spared by my actions before it became to late.  But who knows.. perhaps if I had gone back to them.. I would have been a good mother.  I do know that I do not wish to know.  Consider this little old satyr quite content not being a mother or having any children.

I did bring Lilicor over from the strand that Esterwell resides in.  Made a whole trip of it since Alec had wanted to also show me the new world tree they have. The one that was once Ardan’s branch.  That was a conversation in and of itself.  He seemed quite proud and happy he has this tree...  happy to introduce a world tree from a whole different strand into that realm.  Who knows what will happen.  Perhaps it will acclimate and that realm will acclimate to it.  Perhaps both will reject each other and well.. that could be quite catastrophic.  I can not say for sure which or where the realm’s actual world tree is.  I have not found it, nor will I go looking.  What was also said, after I had asked..  is that all Alec knows is that those of Faerie took something precious from him.  Of course I could not tell him.. not that I did not know, but I swore I would not reveal.  Granted I let him believe the former over the latter.  Perhaps this is something I should tell Maric of, if given the chance.  Or even Gwyn..

But, as I said.. I brought Lilicor over to the Faerie.  Part so that he can see his son and grandchildren.. and part because he wanted to be where he could truly show his dragon self and not be hidden.  Squashed in a human shape.  Perhaps I should teach him the transmutative spell I use to appear human.  Though he does wish to be a realm walker like I.  Sadly, I can not teach him my ways...  as it involved a curse.  While I can sense his jealousy over the fact that I can easily slip into the Inbetween and to other realms..  He just does not fully understand the repercussions.  Telling a dragon such things though, is often the same as telling a brick wall to take two steps to the left.  But, he seems to be adjusting well, having already claimed the Druid.. now mage.. tower in the druid’s grove.  Of course such an action also let a “danger” out into the Faerie. Since the Faerie can not go a week without a danger within it. 

I am still trying to work out how to oust GwythyrGwynn’s Unseelie King Ghost out of the vaults.  Of course with a dragon on my side..  this might now be easier.  Again, another thing to sit and discuss with Maric.  Maric.. Huntsman.. sigh..  I keep hearing the same question over and over from The Huntsman as he takes me in the most intimate of ways.  Why am I there? Why do I continually return to the Faerie?  There is a part of me that rages inside when he holds me.. when it is the Huntsman in control of Maric’s body.  It wants to scream out that perhaps it is him that I keep returning.  Absolem will have none of that though.  If that one had his way, I would never return to the Faerie.  Sometimes I wonder if his protectiveness is because he has to live in this body with me, or he is tired of seeing the ..as they say.. fall out.. every time my heart breaks.  And we both know that being close to either The Huntsman or Maric will only lead to such.  It is not my place to be close to either, and as soon as Aoibheann returns, he will rightfully be by her side.. forever.. as it should be.  And I shall be but a memory.. as it should be.  

I did finally get to speak with Gwyn, though not as long as I would have liked.  she had many questions, some I only had half answers to.. some I had none.  But I spoke of what I could while she let the fish in the stream we were visiting each other at.  I do not think she was quite pleased to hear that Janus had tried to harm .. well to be honest in all things here, he did harm.. Maric and Aoibheann.  Though I am not sure as to why anyone would find this surprising.  While I know I have never met the Unseelie King, Janus.. so it is unfair of me to make any say towards who he is as a person.  However, he is the Unseelie King, and Unseelie are generally... at least in my travels through the strands of universes..  not nice beings.  So the very notion about what he did to Maric and Aoibheann did not surprise me in the slightest.

Gwyn, though.. ahh Gwyn.  One of the very few I have been able to know in multiple strands.  She is quick witted, blunt yet with a sharp tongue.  I do enjoy her company as she seldom mn, as they say, sugar coat her words.  Also she is one of the very few who do not insist I pick a side in matters.  Perhaps she understands my position and path.  Of that I see as a relief as I care not for sides, or for right or wrong, good or evil.  When you have seen the Inbetween as I have, you know that such concepts have no baring.  There is balance.. there is just being with all the shades of colors we use while making our way along our paths.  But Gwyn, I could sit and speak with her for hours.  

Egena ..  Egena has become pregnant.  Marc is indeed the father of this soon to be child. I had provided them with means for protection against such a thing, however.. neither knew how to use them, and it seems that Egena could not wait to learn.  She had already dragged Marc to Dorina’s cabin for.. flying lessons.  I am sure Egena will be a good mother, she knows what not to do..  That and she does have people to speak with when she is in need of aid.  My only hope is that she does not ask me to babysit.  I am not afraid to say no.

There is something happening as of late.  Something that actually has me by surprised.  Which is not an easy feat.  Johann, Xanus, and Eo had in some way found their way to the Wylds..  Johann said he walked here.. likely having phased through the same means many others have..  Xanus was dropped up by a dufflebag.. Who did such is up in the air, as they say.  Eo, well.. Eo being what he is, he can do much the same as I.. travel to other dimensions. Their presence have brought this piece to my mind and heart..  as I have missed them greatly.  I missed Johann’s shy and meek mannerisms, I missed Xanus’s lecherous wit and crass yet very skilled in magical ways mind, and I have missed Eo’s company and conversation.. and how close we have gotten.  Though while Johann and Xanus have been here for a bit now, Eo has only just arrived.  There is so much in the way of catching up we shall have..  thankfully I may know of a more.. private.. location..

 Now this leads to something between Johann, myself, and Maric..  and Maric seems to have taken a shine to Johann..  gave him a position as the castle’s librarian and allowed to live within the castle walls.  This pleases me, as the poor ghost was in need of someone who could care for him.  However, our plans I will save for another entry.. as it will be a very long explanation and detailed.  However I will be having a private meeting with Maric soon to go over ideas.. also, he has need for my help with something once more.  Though I can not deny, there is this pull..  but is it from him, or from me? Hmmn.. that might be something we shall find out.  

It becomes spring within the Wylds as my my dear friend Gwyn wakes up from her winter's slumber. Gwyn being the Seelie Queen of the fae courts.  So much has she missed, while so many have missed her.  Though it seems she shall finally be more and more about. Perhaps in time for what ever is next to cause upheaval.  I have my suspicions and inclinations, however I shall keep them to myself.  For now.  It is for the best, truly, as the parallels for this strand have far too many possibilities.  To tell what is exactly to be for sure is quite impossible.  So thus, I shall leave it at that and enjoy that spring and summer shall be upon this place.  Bringing with it the warmth so many have longed for.

What did take quite many by surprise is that Maric, after having gain acclimation with this Huntsman shard.  This mix of the two gave him the ability to lay claim to the Unseelie throne in Janus's absence.  I have heard from a few of the elven crows that his take over was quite impressive.  Perhaps it was a fight I would have enjoyed to watch.  Alas much of these changes are done without me chancing to witness.  Perhaps I have grown more guarded in my age.  Perhaps I am just not at the right place at the right time.. a sign I am losing my touch.  How Maric will retain both Lordship of his village and now King of the Unseelies, remains to be unseen..  or seen.  He is a very capable man, so worries of such do not exist within me. 

Egena has been keeping company with me a few nights here and there.  Mostly when many have gone to bed or off to tend what it is that is needed. She says she worries for me, that I have not been taking care over my own existence. Perhaps she worries that I help everyone who asks of it, and do nothing to help myself.  That I do nothing that is for me solely and do everything for others.  There I sit, under a tree within the village for all to find me.  For all to ask for their needed aid, or needed advice.  Perhaps I do not see the same problem with this that she does.  If she believes that none help me with my issues, well..  I do not know what issues that can be helped.  

Well, there is one.. but there may be a time and place that it can be cared over and dealt with.  Or I will adapt around this need so that it is no longer a need. This would not be the first time I have had to do such.  When one need becomes too difficult or impossible to fill, leave it by the wayside..  Change it.. move on.  I can not let it become a point of contention within my path. It was.. fun.. while it lasted, as they say.

I had done a tarot card reading for my own self.  It's.. outcome.. may back up this idea.  Much of what was given were cards that spoke of needing to let go, to move on, to leave behind.  I have done this with so many places, people, companions, ways.  It is nothing new, in fact it has become a huge part of my path that I am not surprised that these cards have so strongly picked up upon it.  Perhaps I will at one point put the whole of the reading here in these pages. Though I may not.  I know what they gave for advice.  Perhaps I shall let that rest as it is.