#eccc 2014

Released May 9th, 2014

Hosts: Alison Poppy, Kelly Okler, and Eric Manix

Recorded and produced by Jamie Coe

outofthefridge

vladbride

perfectlyflawed3

So last year I was a bit of a dumbfuck And in my haste to get out the door I: -Left my pass on the kitchen table -FORGOT MY FUCKING IBUPROFEN

So naturally we turned around within 5 minutes to grab the pass, no harm no foul. STILL forgot the fucking ibuprofen.

Here's the thing about last March. About two weeks before comicon, I had a wisdom tooth pulled. It was the second time I'd had this done, so I was expecting a repeat of the first. Painful as shit, cracked lip, unable to eat solids for about two days, MOST CAREFUL FUCKING PERSON IN THE WORLD UNTIL THE STITCHES COME OUT! By day three, I still couldn't talk correctly and got treated like I was incapable of taking orders by a customer at ye ol' coffee shop. By day 4 I was in such bad pain I thought my jaw was dislocated. Ibuprofen regimen was supposed to be over by the end of day 2, but I was still basically popping pills.

So let me 'splain how my NIGHTS were. Because daytime, I could carefully and painfully gauge when to take another round of ibuprofen. But nighttime? I dutifully took a whopping dose of THREE (yep, I'm horrible) before bed each night, and like clockwork, woke up after 4 hours by launching myself into a sitting position, eyes bulging, jaw throbbing, literally gasping for air, hand shooting out for the ibuprofen bottle. There is no exaggeration there. I woke up like that every night for a WEEK. Exact same... I'd just launch myself outright actually making noise from pain levels. Usually at 3 am. My sleep was going great. So one week after the extraction, of course, I went in to get my stitches pulled and got diagnosed with dry socket (which for the uninitiated means you done fucked up and now the nerve in your empty tooth hole is exposed and all the food, drink, and air that touch your mouth ARE GONNA GRAZE THAT MOTHER FUCKING NERVE and you don't know pain 'til you've experienced... nerve pain.) But here's the thing, yo. I do not smoke. I was so terrified of fucking up and getting dry socket I avoided straws like the plague. I literally did everything they tell you to do to avoid dry socket. And I didn't get it the first time. So it was like... freak of nature, "here ya go, have some horrible pain and wake up in a cold sweat every night feeling like your jaw is broken!" type scenario. Dentist put some medicine soaked gel packet in the socket, I was golden until... the medicine wore off fifteen minutes before he was leaving for an extended weekend vacation, three days before comicon. I suffered through it, and it was definitely getting better, but not enough to make it 7 fucking hours on ONE dose. But guess who done fucked up?

That's right, a mother fucking BLACK WIDOW COSPLAYER got to suddenly turn into a writhing ball of I CAN'T DEAL WITH A LITTLE JAW PAIN. (Something feels very wrong with this picture) And WHEN did it wear off? Wouldn't you know it, while I was in line to meet one of my heroes. The first actress whose character I ever cosplayed. An actual FAVORITE human of mine. The badass Scottish lady I'd just paid 70 fucking bucks to get a picture with. And my ibuprofen wore off in line to meet Karen Gillan. And here's the OTHER thing about meeting Karen Gillan.

Karen Gillan was in Doctor Who. With Matt Smith. We all know this. Three years before she showed up to our lovely local comicon, and I will attest to my 95% certainty of this event until the day I die, Matt Smith walked past me on a street in London, and I did the world's most awkward double take and watched as THE DOCTOR walked down a street. So at this point, not only is Karen Gillan one of my heroes, it was an actual point of fucking pride for me to meet someone from that era of Doctor Who. I fucked up when it was Matt Smith, but damned if I was gonna miss the chance to meet AMY FUCKING POND.

So here I am, waiting in line, having just paid $70 to meet one of my heroes, after waiting three years to have the moment to mend my wounded pride from my sheer inability to cope with celebrities in public places, and a certain nagging, gnawing pain enters my jaw. I smile, I force it down. There's still three hours of comicon left to go, and I don't have ibuprofen, and lo and behold my friend didn't bring any either. So I wait in that damn line, talk to another mega excited fan, finally get to my picture, make it through a couple more hours of even MORE pain, and then go wait in line to get my picture, at which point I'm in so much pain I just wanna go home but I need to pick up a photo of ME WITH KAREN GILLAN first.

And lemme tell you, everyone thinks the reason I look like the biggest dork incapable of making a cool, normal face in that picture is because I was too excited to smile like an actual person, but that's only half true. Guys, the squinting eyes and clenched teeth awkward smile were because I HAD DRY SOCKET AND NO PAINKILLERS WHEN I MET KAREN GILLAN!

She was a sweetheart, by the way. I managed to get out a few words. I managed to still smile despite the pain. I still framed the fucking photo and put it with all my other Marvel crap (because Guardians of the Galaxy, yo! Black Widow and Nebula in a picture together? Why the fuck not!) despite how absolutely shit I looked.

Stan Lee guys.