#dymocksreadingchallenge

I'm on an aspec binge apparently. Two of my three of most recent books feature asexuality prominently, as does my next one. Anywho this one has been on my tbr for far too long, that is the prompt it's filling on my Dymocks Reading Challenge List. Quick review because I am so backlogged on reviews right now. To start with it is worth reading, especially for ace people.

I enjoyed Let's Talk About Love is uses friendship well, in that way that friendship is so, so messy. There is perfect ignorance of asexuality and the truth of it. Or at least the truth of Alice's experience. Alice biromantic (as with Upside Down that dual label is unusual) and maybe most importantly Alice is African American. Alice is fun and funny. Her personality is perfect for this kind of story. She will make you laugh and you will feel her pain. Love interest Takumi is a lot for the reader to deal with, because we see him through Alice's eyes. We never see him objectively. That said he's my type anyway nerdy, cute and charming as hell. His reaction to Alice and her truth is while not natural almost understandable given the lack of education on asexuality in the broader community (even among young people), that lack of education is part of the point. One of the things that Claire Kann wants to improve.

If I have any complaints about Let's Talk About Love it's that the ending feels a little bit rushed. It feels kinda like a few more pages would have made for a more comfortable resolution to Alice's relationships with Feenie and Takumi. There is something about Alice's narrative style. It feels like she is talking, not to the reader, to a friend. It's written with lots of brackets adding comments. The story does ultimately leave a lot of questions about Takumi's background and especially his family though in some ways this does fit due to his reluctance to talk about them. The twins, Megumi and Mayumi, are fecking adorable though. I'm not entirely sure who the intended audience is but it does feel like it suits the aces of all ages that came to terms with their sexuality on tumblr. There are quite a few of us, many of us older, many of us learning about our sexuality through the internet because there is little to no local support or queer education in high schools.

I do still have some quotes to add. Beware most of these are from the second half of the book.

"Calm down. What happened?" "I just wanted to wear a cute costume, you know? And everything was great, but Feenie and Ryan left me and boys are awful when they're drunk and I can't even get drunk to drown my disappointed sorrows because Jesus knows it's not safe in there. And I'm just so "I just wanted to wear a cute costume, you know? And everything was great, but Feenie and Ryan left me and boys are awful when they're drunk and I can't even get drunk to drown my disappointed sorrows because Jesus knows it's not safe in there. And I'm just so mad I could spit." — This quote and the scene it comes from are so much to read. They are confronting in a way that is relatable for all women. I quite like it though. (Takumi and Alice, p.119-20)

"Can you sing? Because that sounds like something a siren would say. Warn me before you sing me to my death so your conscience can be clear." — I think that line may almost be on par with a fallen angel line for pick up lines. Though at least this is somewhat cerebral. (Takumi, p.223)

"Before, you said 'bisexual minus the sexual' but didn't add in a substitute. If you don't care about sex, what do care about?" — I like Alice's description of her sexuality. It is so simple but so accessible for those who aren't fluent in the ace world but at least know the queer basics. (Takumi, p.236)

Most of this review is just my fave quotes from the book. 🥰 It is a joy when one of your favourite writers writes about your people, and these really are my people. Importantly for that, I guess, this is set in Australia, using our language though not to the extent that it would be illegible to others. It is worth noting that Hennessey and Jordan both have darkness in their pasts pertaining to previous romantic relationships, family and their dual asexual and gay identities. So warnings for homophobia, acephobia, debatably sexual assault. Look he claims it was consensual, but it was far from enthusiastic consent and it upset me, as was the point.

One of the two protagonists, Jordan, feels like me or eerily similar to me in training. Jordan O'Neill is a librarian who works in the stunning Surry Hills Library in Sydney's inner suburbs, he comes across as slightly clumsy, swears A LOT and most importantly he's a baby ace. He's at first trying to figure out if he is asexual and if he can be comfortable wearing that label along with his others (including gay) then he starts trying to reconcile his attraction to Hennessy with his ace-ness. You cannot read this if you cannot take harsh language. Jordan loves to swear. His favourite word is motherfucker. There is the rather memorable passage "Motherfucker, motherfucker, mother-fucking-fucker. I’m so stupid. I felt awful. My stomach was in knots, my heart was aching, my mind was a motherfucking mess." (Jordan). He swears when he's excited, swears when he's stressed, swears when he's sad. I like it, it suits him, it suits a young Australian. I mean he even swears at work, much to the chagrin of his manager. Jordan is gorgeous, he makes me smile. I love his constant swearing and anxiety. Hennessy is just sweet and knows how to handle Jordan and his anxiety well. Their relationship is just sweet, that soft flirting on a bus and their funny audience. Hennessy Lang is just sweet, known at first as Headphones Guy, then Hennessy the Headphone Guy. Hennessey runs an aspec support group and catches the same bus as Jordan every day. He works as a network security expert, honestly, it sounds kinda fascinating. Hennessey is so self-assured and feels not worldly per se but confident in guiding and helping others on their aspec journey. He's a comfortable character, he feels so different to Jordan while definitely on the same wavelength. But Hennessey doesn't feel as I don't know unique maybe as Jordan, I certainly don't relate to him on the same level. Overall Theirs is a sweet story of coming to terms with yourself, your identity, your limitations and how to be yourself with someone else.

The support cast. The Soup Crew are quite possibly the funniest wider supporting cast I've read in a long time. If they don't make you laugh I'm not sure anything will. Honestly, I think I've almost been those people. Jordan summed them up in one line "So God help me. The Soup Crew really were a bunch of weird and wonderful motherfuckers.". The idea of Hennessy and Jordan's relationship creating friendships among their supporters is a good one. Anyone who catches the same public transport at the same time on a regular basis knows the sensation of hey it's you. And has possibly seen people change over time. I know people watched me grow up when I was catching the bus daily for school. I know this because people commented on it when I was in my final days of year 12 and later 'haven't seen you in a while, how is life post high school', also regular horn honks from bus drivers while I'm walking. Other than them and more important than them in many ways are Merry Jordan's best friend and work colleague, Angus his housemate and Michael Hennessey's friend and colleague. These three all want what is best for their respective person. Even if they have doubts about the other party there is both trust and a want to defend their soft souls. Merry in particular threatens Hennessey with violence more than once if he dares hurt Jordan. Micheal is the poly rep with his wife whom we do meet albeit a little briefly. Angus, Angus is something like a brother to Jordan. But he is very, very odd. He needs to be read to be experienced.

Some of my fave quotes and comments on them

“We see repeatedly, we’re told repeatedly, it’s shown, it’s implied, it’s blatant that sex equals love. That we’re not complete without it. That sexual intimacy is the pinnacle of all relationship goals.” — (Hennessey) This with a tone of slight disappointment, and frustration. But an absolute mood for my aspec sibs. We've all had a moment of exasperation while trying to explain that this whole thing is bullsh*t.

“There’s a difference between normal behaviour and normalised behaviour,” Nataya said. “Normal is subjective. And by whose definition should we fit anyway? Do we take normality from people like my grandma who is horrified by just about everything we see on the internet, or do we take normality from guys who think it’s normal and completely okay to send dick pics to people they’ve never met?” — (Nataya) It is that first line that is critical to real-life and aces know that better than most. But while the first line has the most highlights in the book, I wanted to include the whole thing. The full quote explains the first line.

"I didn’t want to admit the asexual thing to myself for a long time, and I’m thinking it will take some getting used to. Like breaking in a pair of Doc Martens, ya know? Like they’re uncomfortable and tight and basically kill your feet until they’re the most comfortable shoes you’ll ever wear. They become like a second skin, and I’m pretty sure this whole asexual thing will be like that.” He made a thoughtful face. “I like that analogy.” — (Jordan and Hennessey) I too really like this analogy. I've had to come to terms with my aspec identity and all the things it means, more the cultural milestones losses, the broader implications and I have broken in Doc Martens too. Yeah, they kinda feel like the same thing.

And his eyes when I admitted it wasn’t music I was listening to… well, his grey-coloured eyes melted like silver, warm amber with hints of blue and green. And he smelt really good, and his nervous rambling was kinda cute. — (Hennessey) This about Jordan, I mean obvs. It's the description of his eyes they are gorgeous and this is a helluva way to describe them. And Hennessey is the analytical of the two, not the more creative one. Though there is creativity in what looks a lot like white hat hacking when he talks about it.

“Thanks. I like to add a little colour to an otherwise drab uniform.” “It matches, every day,” I said. “Of course it does.” He leaned in and whispered conspiratorially, “I’m gay. Of course it fucking matches.” — (Jordan and Hennessey) I unashamedly love Jordan. It's Jordan that adds colour to his uniform every day, brightly coloured scarf and shoes, coordinated perfectly with his jacket. They always match and some of the colours are outrageous. But it was the last line that made me laugh... out loud... on the train.

“Sarcasm is in the self-help section, by the way.” “Self-help?” "Yes, so you can pull your head out of your own arse.” I barked out a laugh. “Are you always so funny?” He shrugged. “I don’t know. There’s a fine line between comedy and horror. It could go either way.” — (Jordan and Hennessey) We do a love library/ Dewey Decimal joke. This is basically

“She’s the best. She knows how to deal with me.” “Which is…?” “Well, that depends. She either tells me to pull my head out of my arse and stop being such a dick, or she talks me back from the ledge. It totally depends on what I need more, which she seems to know better than me. And I work at the library.” — (Jordan and Hennessey) This about Merry. Merry is the best friend Jordan could ask for. We see her build him up, we see her talk him off the ledge and it's her that encourages him to push his limits, push through his discomfort for his betterment.

“Was that during one of my nervous ramblings, because you can probably disregard anything and all I ever say when I’m like that.” I chuckled. “I think it might be the opposite. I think the filter comes off and you say what’s really on your mind.”

I chuckled. “I think it might be the opposite. I think the filter comes off and you say what’s really on your mind.” — (Jordan and Hennessey) To this point I hadn't picked up on this point of Jordan's ramblings. Hennessey is transparent with Jordan and intuitive. Hennessey shares his insights with the audience

“It’s like a treehouse,” I whispered. Jordan grinned. “Isn’t it awesome?” “Pretty sure whoever designed this was a reader or someone who really loved books.” — (Hennessy and Jordan) Surry Hills Library is library p*rn, it's fu**ing stunning. Thank God it's not "architecturally designed" as is the joke made in my library technician TAFE course (Fiona if you do ever read this Laura and I have never forgotten those moments). Or designed by committee which is even worse. Basically, the libraries and spaces designed by architects (without consultation with library staff) are horrendous and usually borderline impractical. I'm wondering if this might be where NR Walker does her writing and research. I really want to go there now. I guess I'll add it to my library tour bucket list. I've got half a chance I only live 12hrs away, I go back to Sydney one day.

"And about the breed of bird you made up, do they look like puffins? Because they’re the cutest bird I’ve ever seen. You know, if one was curious.” “If one was curious, they’d be pleased to know the Australian Pygmy Puffin is far cuter than the Atlantic Puffin. Like all Australian animals, they look adorable but are either venomous, poisonous, or just total jerks.” “The Pygmy Puffin?” I asked, smiling. “Yes. Small fluff balls, incredibly rare. There are three rules when handling them: One, no bright light. Two, don’t get them wet. And three, never feed them after midnight, no matter how much they beg.” — (Hennessey and Jordan) Okay I lost it at this exchange. There is context but do you really need it? This is kinda where their conversations go off into wonderland.

“He quoted Lewis Carroll,” I tried to say, but it was barely a squeaky breath. “Oh, Jesus,” she whispered. Her eyes went from my phone to me, then back again. “So that’s it then. I’ll start planning the wedding.” — (Jordan and Merry) Merry is bestie goals. This kind of dry deadpan humour is key to her.

“Ask him why we send something by car and call it shipment but send stuff by ship and call it cargo? Or why do our feet smell and our noses run? Or why the number eleven isn’t pronounced onety-one? Is Disneyland a people trap operated by a mouse?” — (Rachel) Another quote where there is context to do with philosophical questions prompted by "Why isn’t cereal considered to be or called a soup?" and “Do you think maths is something we invented or something we discovered?” from Jordan. This is Rachel's sense of humour. Also, all three questions just made me think. I couldn't help it.

I’m no expert in art, but I know books, and there is such a misconception about what genre people prefer. I don’t give a fuck what people read, as long as they read. From manga to gardening books, it doesn’t matter, and why people scoff at romance, I’ll never know. Because isn’t it a beautiful thing? Romance, that is. People wanting a happy ending. How is that ever wrong? — (Jordan) I have no words for this other than it speaks to my librarian soul.

“Celebrity you’d love to meet?” “Percy Shelley but I’ll need a priest, a Ouija board, and the blood of a chicken.” — (Hennessey and Jordan) Just what??

Oh, and your questions earlier. My tattoo is the Marvel Avengers’ A, you know, but in black, grey, white, and purple, like the ace flag. Kind of like my superhero shield. — (Hennessey) I love this tattoo so much. And I like the idea of mixing our flag colouring and a beloved fandom iconography. I would so do this with the dagger I've wanted for years.

“Like I said before, desire and attraction are not the same thing. To experience sexual desire does not make someone less asexual than someone else. Asexual people can engage in sexual pleasure. It doesn’t make them any less asexual. Sometimes our bodies betray our minds, and it’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with you. Your asexuality is still valid.” — (Hennessey) This is from an extensive passage or series of passages from Hennessey about desire vs pleasure. In some ways because Jordan is such a baby-ace and Hennessey is his first real contact with the aspec community and a guide somewhat to him this makes sense. But what he really becomes is something of an educator to the reader, particularly readers who don't know much about what asexuality really is.

“Really? Dick jokes?” “Yes. Dick jokes. I’m asexual, not dead." — (Jordan and Hennessey) No comment. Just 🍆😆

This review is not written with a lot of cohesion. It's more a dump of I needed to get this out of my mind. I've tried to synthesise to make it readable but I have likely failed. TL:DR I loved this book. It is so worth the praise it is receiving. The Iron trio are so brilliantly broken and the ideal violent antiheroes. I really recommend it if the blurb appeals. Just be sure to read the warnings.

Oh man, this book did things to me. It gave me emotions I didn't expect. There is a lot of just pure female power and rage in Iron Widow and readers are encouraged to go with Zetian. One of the cover quotes/endorsements is "a primal scream of a book" (E.K. Johnson) and that is a fantastic quote for it. Zetian is the kind of feministic badass, unforgiving, deadly and headstrong heroine I love and really do not read enough of. Probably because not enough of them are published. She is the ultimate f**k the patriarchy and anyone who supports it. Do you have any idea how both rage-filled and overjoyed and adrenaline filled I was by the time I finished this? I read it in a day and a bit (70 gages one night the rest the next day). I just could not put it down. The world both captivated and frustrated me. Wu Zetian, Li Shimin and Gao Yizhi enthralled me. The Iron Triangle is one of the most powerful things I've read in a long while.

One of the first things you will see in reviews for Iron Widow is to read and be aware of the content warnings. I'm going to add Xiran Jay Zhao's statement here "Please be aware that this book contains scenes of violence and abuse, suicide ideation, discussion and references to sexual assault (though no on-page depictions), alcohol addiction, and torture.". The violence of the book is regularly discussed in reviews, all these things are important to be aware and some will definitely be triggering to the point where the book is unreadable for some.

Iron Widow plays with the concepts of femininity, vengeance, making amends, love, power in the best possible way. Though not always in the same person. Zetian may be the main character but this is also about Li Shimin and Gao Yizhi. These three characters are so likable and almost human but they are different. Different to each other and different to your normal protagonists. One of the really appealing aspects of these characters is their unwillingness to shy from their darkness, they are aware it can be weaponised and will when it suits them. Li Shimin in defence, Wu Zetian in vengeance and even Gao Yizhi when the need calls for it. there is also something appealing in Xiran Jay Zhao writing Zetian, as not unique in her level of ability just rare, and even with that Zetian and Shimin, are ostracised rather than elevated. It fuels the readers' indignity and anger. They are our antiheroes.

Wu Zetian is an interesting protagonist. At first, I was wondering if she was unreliable, especially during the first part with Yang Guang. I no longer trust protagonists as tellers of their own stories, they are always the least objective of storytellers. But this first part makes everything that comes later that much more valuable. It shows the contrasts between those only seeking self-preservation over fame. But aside from anything else, it is so nice to see a female protagonist for ruthless in ya, so willing to go after what she wants. To kill, to seek vengeance, to take pleasure, to give and withhold her trust. I like her. I like her relationship with Li Shimin and Gao Yizhi. The way she does not care about cultural norms and will be with them regardless. That pretty much sums up her attitude... f**k society I'm here to be me... wait nope on second thoughts bow before your queen you cowards.

Some dot points to stop this from getting truly out of control.

The use of Chinese elements is brilliant, the way they have been made ancient than futuristic all while remaining understandable. The way it is written is impeccable. It allowed for a consistent, natural and easy to follow world and lore.

Wu Zetian is based on the powerful 7th century Chinese Empress of the same name. Li Shimin is based on an Emperor of the same name (interestingly Wu Zetian's father in law) as the perfect touch here his consorts name was Empress Wende. Li Shimin was a different kind of power, he was logical and scholarly. Gao Yizhi is I guess based on Zhang Yizhi one of Wu Zetian's favoured *cough*toyboys*cough* consorts. Look Zhang Yizhi and Zhang Changzong weren't stupid they knew how to get power.

Ruyi, Zetian's sister and the reason she goes after vengeance is possibly named after a period of her reign.

I appreciate the choice to call piolets boys. Given they rarely ever twenty-four, never twenty-five and wouldn't typically be considered men until they reach twenty, the cultural age of majority. So culturally when they become pilots at sixteen they are boys.

I did not expect the sheer amount of care for the girls in play here. From Wu Zetian. From Li Shimin. To a degree Gao Yizhi.

Wu Zetian is an angry, hurt woman. Li Shimin is just a broken and pained boy. Yin and Yang in so many ways. And Gao Yizhi is so full of love I can't, he kinda feels like their balance.

Yizhi's tattoos continue to cause me great suspicion. But oh they are so pretty.

Their monikers are fierce, strong and perfect, Iron Demon, Iron Widow and Baofeng Shaoye (Young Master Strom). Better yet it is Wu Zetian owning the slur. By honour Zetian and Shimin's names should be Iron King and Iron Queen.

Holy... that photoshoot. Has anyone made fanart for it yet? I need to see it. Speaking of fanart Xiran Jay Zhao's tumblr is @xiranjayzhao​ they share some gorgeous fanart there. Also their username basically everywhere.

"Maybe , if things were different, I could get used to this. Being cradled in his warmth and light, Being cherished. Being loved. But I have no faith in love. Love cannot save me. I choose vengeance." — At this point, I realised that Yizhi was definitely coming back and love was much more important than Zetian though. This section is so lovely. (Wu Zetian, p.37)

"I drop Yang Guang in front of me and set a tiny lotus foot on his corpse. What do you know? I really did kill him." — Followed quickly by the iconic Welcome to your nightmare!. This is such a good visual though especially given the gauzy material and slightly mad look. (Zetian, p.81)

"I have to remind myself that those are the same vicious, red-lit eyes that glared at me with bloodlust in the mind link. He is not innocent. Not framed. Not misunderstood. I know that for certain. I have lived through the burning, screaming depths of his mind." — His mind realm was a shared perception for them, she saw what she expected to see. (Zetian, p.108)

""Let's be real." I let out a cross between a scoff and a sigh. "We were doomed from the beginning. The world will never forgive us for what we've each done, and there will always be those who will love to make us suffer. Not like we would've gained any respect by lying down and letting them do it." His mouth pops open, then he huffs. "Yeah. That's true." — I don't know why I like this so much. It could be because of the timing. (Zetian and Shimin, p.155)

"False hope. I swear the army is sustained on it." — Where is the lie? (Zetian, p.229)

"You're my polar star. I'll go wherever you guide me." — This is such a lovely sentiment. And you can tell he means it. (Yizhi, p.238)

Two posts I need to share from tumblr posted by @bookcub​ and @fixaidea​ respectively. Bookcub and Fixaidea both hit the nail on the head here. THIS is Wu Zetian (if you want your posts removed I am happy too).

This review is going to be a bit of a mess. Largely dot points, notes I made in my little notepad while reading (and have no real conclusion). I'm torn on the ending there was no cop-out like I feared for a while. The simple maybe third of a page epilogue is effective. I can see why You've Reached Sam is popular but also why it has its detractors. I like the idea but I feel like there is something missing in the execution.

Let me justify my low rating. It's not that I didn't enjoy this I did. I'm ratng🌟🌟🌟 because there was just too much I wasn't all that happy with. Julie is at times quite off-putting, as is Mika. But that could be the whole grieving at a quite young age, without parental guidance or assistance. Sam's death is written in a way that is almost needlessly brutal for something that has no impact on lore. And there was something a bit too Hollywood almost about the ending. As I said I did like it while I was reading. The plot was likeable. There were some lovely moments and wonderful characters. It was great while I was reading but I think You've Reached Sam will prove to be imminently forgettable and I have reservations about recommending it to people.

Now because I can't find an organised way to review this...

There is something appealing about the idea that the dead are not omniscient, or even can't see the living. Thao has chosen to show multiple ways in which people grieve too.

The two main song references first Fields of Gold by Sting, Eva Cassidy's cover. Oh wow it is gorgeous. I didn't expect to find such a wonderful version of a song through a book. Secondly Kiss the Rain by Yirmura. This is a beautiful piano piece I had never heard before.

The book contains three chapters set simply before. They are written on a theme. Firsts, Mika and the last is more complicated. It feels like it is things they will never do, with skinny dipping representing, spontaneity and just living life together.

Time is a very strange thing in You've Reached Sam there is a lot of blocks of missing time. Times when there are jumps in time with little notice. That said it does run on a deadline. Ending with Graduation, I can't remember what the full timeframe is but events only happen in spurts. I was struggling to remember Jules' age in the writing too, though I'm not sure why.

The relationship between Oliver and Julie is interesting moving fast from their almost adversarial beginnings to a close and very sweet t friendship. It may have moved perhaps a little too fast but it kinda works, the idea of grief as a bonding agent.

The lantern ceremony is beautiful but there is quite a lot of pain there.

Tristan and Julie also have a great dynamic. Though I'm not a massive fan of their relationship. Julie treats him almost selfishly but that is possibly partially due to her age and grieving.

"I wondered why someone would want to intentionally experience that. I think I figured it out. You want to feel something. Something meaningful, and intense. You want to feel that thing in your heart and stomach. You want to be moved. To care about something, or fall in love, you know? And you want it to feel real And different and exciting." [...] And I think this film does that, in its own way. It makes you cry, over bread. You've never felt that that before. It's original. It makes you feel... alive." — I never thought a film about a baguette would make me so emotional. (Tristan, p.248)

Mr Lee is my kind of book minder (librarian, bookseller). He brings all the books in his care to life, gives them personalities and loves them as if they were his own. He also loves and supports his community, the readers therein. "We have too many voices inside our heads. You have to pick out the ones that mean something to you. What story do you want to tell?" — This was Mr Lee's advice to Julie, a writer. (Mr Lee, p.84)

Sometimes, dreams mean the opposite of what they show us, That we shouldn't understand them exactly as they are. It can mean something in our life is out of balance. Or maybe we're holding in too much. Especially when we lose someone, dreams show us the opposite of what it is we need to find balance again. — Dreams are a reasonably big part of You've Reached Sam both the act of dreaming and what-if of that last goodbye and the phone calls themselves. (Yuki, p.162)

"Then why are you making me do this?" [...] "Because Sam asked for this. It isn't often we get requests from people who've passed away, you know? I think it's important to honor it, if we can." — (Julie and Mika, p.236-7)

Overall This is just a diverse collection of stories aimed squarely at young people. Most of the protagonists are in their mid to late teens or are trying to deal with issues from that point. I would argue that as usual, it is not diverse enough. No one is intersex, no one is ace or aroace, I don't think any of the main characters is trans. But what it does give us is indigenous and disability voices.

Rats by Marlee Jane Ward Lesbian Featuring narrator Michielle and interest Maita. It's so very Melbourne it uses our iconic places and the pace of our CBD to drive the story. It feels a bit like a slice of life for the chaotic Michelle. Honestly, it's quite an effective opening.

In Case of Emergency, Break Glass by Erin Gough Lesbian or Bisexual, Awakening Featuring narrator Amy and interest Reg. Amy is 16 and kissing her boyfriend is uninspiring to her. While catering at a fancy party she meets Reg. Amy and Reg have this perfect little space that is in almost direct opposition to everything else Amy is with in the story. It is all presented so well the awakening, the flight.

Bitter Draught by Michael Earp Gay Featuring narrator Simeon and interest Wyll, with a cameo by Wren an nb Witch. It's a simple-ish find the witch save the girl story. It feels like historical fantasy. It's a well-constructed story short story working well with trope and genre limits, expectations. But it is oh so bittersweet.

I Like Your Rotation by Jax Jacki Brown Lesbian, Disability Featuring narrator Jem and interest Drew. Both Jem and Drew are in wheelchairs, though different kinds of chairs. The story kinda focuses a bit on the otherness and exclusion that can appear even in queer safe spaces. That idea of protection. It ends in a perfect place of both pain and optimism.

Sweet by Claire G Coleman Non Binary Featuring narrator Roxy and their mad bunch of friends. This is set in a dystopia where gender is illegal, of note is race, Roxy and all her friends are indigenous. Sweet as a story is brilliant playing well on role reversal and fear. The characters are captivating, particularly Sweet herself and Roxy. You want to see them all thrive. Even in such a short story, there are indications of developed lore, Coleman has clearly thought it out well.

Light Bulb by Nevo Zisin Non Binary or Agender Featuring a nameless narrator. Light Bulb in one phrase... positively weird. It uses a lot of symbolism and metaphor. This is the kinda one that you just has to be read. But it is good.

Waiting by Jen Wilde Bisexuality, Lesbian, (lowkey Autism) Featuring narrator Audrey and interest Josie. Audrey is autistic and bi, a fangirl, from what I know iconic Jen Wilde. This has one of my fave quips about fandom vs sport. "Can I ask you something?" [...] "What's the difference between us being cosplay, and you going to the footy in your team's jersey?" [...] "I'm genuinely curious about this," she continues. "We're here as fans, some of us cosplay. And you're going to the football as a fan, in your own kind of cosplay" - Josie. I have removed the idiot boys' responses because they are less than useful. This one is coming of age brilliance that really makes me want to read Queens of Geek. It's relatable to an adult that community vibe that cons present like nothing else. Yes, like those who are queer we are outsiders nearly everywhere else but get us together and it is like home. A home made up of a loud, eclectic family.

Laura Nyro at the Wedding by Christos Tsiolkas Gay Featuring narrator Jack and boyfriend Paul. I'm going to be honest this is the story that stayed with me. This is the longest of the stories at 30 pages, Jack and Paul are also the oldest protagonists. Set in Victoria with at least one migrant protagonist, Serbian Paul. I'm going to put the rest under spoiler because this goes heavy fast.The focus of this is the queerness as in the otherness of having a weight over you, something not about you. It's the power of forgiveness, the impact of the other on family units. I know it is a short story but the story does just end.

Each City by Ellen van Neerven Queer Featuring an unnamed narrator and interest Talvan. Set in a slightly dystopian future both main characters are indigenous. The protagonist is running for her safety after gaining government attention as an activist. It's an odd story but I couldn't be more white if I tried, this isn't my culture.

An Arab Werewolf in Liverpool by Omar Sakr Gay Featuring narrator Wafat and interest Noah. Unsurprisingly this is supernatural fiction but also adds the cultural other of Islam. It's fun and will likely speak to people of faith. Not just Islam but other faiths as well. I do like it for its variation, it's nice to have the supernatural element covered.

Stormlines by Alison Evans Non Binary Featuring narrator Marling and interest New. These two use ve and they pronouns respectively. This is not a romance, it is a story of home. It's effective storytelling if slightly predictable. Alison pushes a neutral pronoun agenda which is always a welcome approach. It gives people permission, options, freedom, license.

Buzz is the story of Cam Riley and Noah Clark. 23-year-old Cameron Riley has recently discovered a heart condition that doctors are struggling to formerly diagnose. This heart condition it presents most commonly as him getting heart palpitations, getting dizzy and blacking out. This medical condition has meant losing his potential future as a pro hockey player. Honestly, his and the medical community's reactions to that heart condition are so relatable. I have been through the whole we have no idea what is going on, but here's our best come back for a barrage of tests when we have a space, best of luck to you until then. His reaction is a mood. He tries to prove his not a social liability, tries to keep going as he was and just all-around struggles to adjust to his new reality. There is a brilliant line to summarise this whole experience "What had he done to deserve this shit? Abso-fucking-lutely nothing." (Cameron) Also a total mood. Noah “Gay as the day is bright,” Clark is a 24-year-old art curator and all-around good egg. He is on the feminine side when it comes to presenting himself, likes being hauled around and never saw the inside of the closet. He's basically Cam's total opposite but near-ideal partner. Their chemistry is instant and electric. They feed off each other to a degree. Noah helps Cam find a job with his uncle, Bill at his apiary. Cam helps Noah and Bill when something goes wrong with the bees.

The story is pleasant enough to read. Two different men trying to figure each other out while going through perhaps trying times in their lives. Cameron trying to move on with trying to figure out what next. Noah dealing with work stress, and his work being undermined. Their stories individually such as they are, focus more on Cam than Noah, kinda why I have less comment on him, we spend more time with Cam Along the way we meet many of the characters from the rest of The Riley Brothers series. Most importantly the Riley brothers themselves Jackson and Thomas. Jackson gets chapters of narration, as Noah's older brother we get to see his protective nature and his thoughts on Noah's ex his general concern. Importantly we see them all coming together in their gorgeous housing situation (of which Cam's is my fave). Others include tattooist Chase, P.I. Alex, Hockey players Matty and Kevin and James (I think).

Have some quotes. I quite like the way Davies writes.

this was a relationship he was willing to work hard to start and work harder to never end. — (Noah) This is from the prologue. it is a helluva way to get a reader interested in the story. Especially once the reader learned about the idiot that is Nathan, Cam's ex.

and oh shit, he was very dizzy, and his heart was racing and he couldn't breathe, the pounding in his ears drowning out the screeches of metal on ice, and then-- --the ice rose, jumping up at him, flying into his face. Blackness. — (Cam) I'm going to be honest and say I just like this as imagery. You can see it or feel it.

"You're twenty-three – you're on the cusp of success. You can't fuck it up now. Push too hard, at the wrong time, and you can bench yourself for life. Or, worse, lose your life. Heart problems, if that's what this is, are nothing to screw around with.” — (Coach Walker) I'm here for this line. I just this we need more lines like this in all fiction. It's an important message.

Getting his wisdom teeth out had been enough experience with hospitals for him. They were ugly and white and architecturally displeasing. — (Jackson) This is Jackson on hospitals. It's largely the last bit the last phrase that I found so appealing, architecturally displeasing. Something so amusing while totally accurate about that.

 All day and night to plan to grab Nathan by his greasy hair and chuck him out if he tried strolling back into his little brother's life yet again. — (Jackson) I didn't mention Nathan in my review because I can't even with how to talk about that awful but sadly real thing. But this is brilliant protective older brother.

Cam responded, speaking for the other two. He'd always been the spokesman, for no particular reason. Jackson was talkative enough and Thomas wasn't reticent, but they both yielded to him when he was there. — (Cameron) This is more sibling joy. I honestly think this is normal. I know my brother and I are like this.

“Yep. Good choice. It's not the gay bar. Fuck, the single gay bar here and all the straight students in it...” — (Noah) This just made me laugh.

“You were forced off the ice. I'm glad you didn't kill yourself out of some hyper-macho bullshit weakness complex.” — (Noah) Again with the important and useful messages. But honestly I just really like the last line. It's Noah's whole sticking point when he finds out Cam's secret.

First up I need to say is that Paul Kalanithi had a way with words. He knew exactly how to write efficiently but with flow and in a comfortable near conversational style. And importantly how to write to an audience, in this case, a broad lesser one. I found myself thinking that if by some miracle Paul had survived his third bout of cancer possibly the cruellest for someone with his skills and interests, he could have been a gifted motivational speaker. I'm not talking in the cancer survival stream I'm talking in the death positive movement, that discussion of the meeting between neuroscience and literature, philosophy or general medical discussion targeted at a broader audience. Some of these could be broadly appealing much like seeing a recipient of the Victoria's Cross speak not about their traumatic experience but about what drove them to that point. I saw Mark Donaldson, VC speak to a classroom of teachers it's one of the more powerful and enlightening presentations I've seen.

This is a hard book to review. It is one person's very personal experience with life and death. I saw a review refer to it as how the rich people die. I mean that isn't wrong necessarily but it is still how Paul Kalanithi experienced his life and dying, it is just one perspective and a rather unique one at that. Paul's interests were in literature, neurosurgery-neuroscience and understanding death. He was a well educated and scary intelligent man while maintaining a sense of empathy with his patients.

One of the first things I picked up on was that the most important people in Paul's life, certainly in the second part of the book, are female. His wife Lucy and his oncologist Emma. Even one of the two fellow residents he was closest to was a woman, Victoria. One of his pivotal patients was a woman, she taught him to humanise patients. I think even his first death was female. There are many men but they are seemingly not given the same honour or perhaps more incidental important placement in his life. Either way, the women shaped his life. Briefly on Lucy. Lucy is one of the more interesting wives I've ever read in an auto/biography. Lucy is in the medical field herself, in internal medicine and I suspect a high-level one. Not long after Lucy is introduced to the reader in the prologue she says to Paul she wants a break, he can go to New York alone. Not because she doesn't love him anymore but because they have drifted apart as the pressures of their residences hitting home. But when he calls from the hospital after reading his own lung scan she still comes with ease and stands by him until the end. Actually, Lucy goes far beyond what I can see many women being willing to do... after Paul's first recovery they decide to have a child. Both are fully aware that with each relapse Paul faces his life expectancy is lower which will end with Lucy raising their child alone. Alone is a bit of a stretch we also get to see Paul's close family who will undoubtedly stand with and aid Lucy in raising Cady. Them and people like Victoria who was Paul's fellow resident and cared for Cady in Paul's last days. Lucy's epilogue made me cry, as I knew it would. She honours her husband's wishes and shows us respectfully his final moments but leaving the whole book with a positive final tone.

The book itself and the format do need to be noted. 250 pages this is on the shorter side and it is unfinished, though when you read the last lines it kinda doesn't feel like it. When Breath Becomes Air has a forward by Abraham Verghese and an epilogue by Lucy Kalanithi. Lucy is obvious, Verghese less so. He does explain their connection and how the writing choice came about. The book as written by Paul Kalanithi is in three parts, the prologue, Part I: In Perfect Health I Begin and Part II: Cease Not till Death. The prologue is an introduction of a sort Paul throws the reader into the deep end as they read his diagnosis and the state of his relationship. Part one is the biographic section, everything up until where the prologue begins including some of his family life and his medical training. Part two is him dealing with his diagnosis, treatment and subsequent decline.

Most of the rest of this review will just be a dump of fave lines and thoughts from my reading.

Be ready. Be seated. See what courage sounds like. See how brave it is to reveal yourself in this way. But above all, see what it is to still live, to profoundly influence the lives of others after you are one. — This is the start of the last paragraph in the forward. The forward is passionate and clearly written by someone who is academically minded but with a good eye for audience. (Abraham Verghese, p.xix)

I felt less like someone preparing to climb a career ladder than a buzzing electron about to achieve escape velocity, flinging out into a strange and sparkling universe. — I like the imagery this creates. (p.19-20)

He read 1984 at 10? Jesus. How do you even comprehend that level of text then? There is a whole really interesting reading list included here. Books he read by choice at a young age or under the guidance of his mother. Sujatha Kalanithi was not only a tiger mother but a force of nature. She almost single-handedly revolutionised the education system of their small Arzaonian town.

Books became my closest confidants, finely ground lenses providing new views of the world. — My librarian self truly appreciates the quote. (p.27)

What makes human life meaningful? I still felt literature provided the best amount of the life of the mind, while neuroscience laid down the most elegant rules of the brain. — (p.31)

There is a whole section visiting a home for young people who have suffered a brain injury. It leads to a moral discussion of life, death, family, duty and abandonment. I know where I stand on life vs death (which is the same place as the professor) but the whole section can be a bit confronting.

I had to look up pathos and bathos because I didn't know it. Because I'm betting I'm not the only one... "The two words Pathos and Bathos are related in meaning as well as in sound, yet they are not interchangeable. The key difference between pathos and bathos is that the word pathos is about evoking pity and sympathy whereas bathos refers to a sudden change from a serious, deeply moving, important act to a foolish or a trivial episode in a literary work." (source: Difference Between)

Cadaver dissection epitomises, for many, the transformation of the somber, respectful student into the callous, arrogant doctor. — The section on cadaver/ donor dissection is fascinating, the way it changes a person cannot be understated. I appreciate the inclusion of those moments of realisation of 'oh... that could be me or someone I love'. This section talks about the forced sterility and anonymisation of donor bodies creating issues further down the line for doctors. I want to direct people to the work of Ernest Talarico at Indiana University Northwest. For near a decade now he has been encouraging his students to use the cadaver's names, learn their histories and know their families, so these are not just pieces of meat. (p.44)

What had not changed, though, was the heroic spirit of responsibility amid blood and failure. The struck me as the true image of a doctor. — This is on the evolution of medical education between Shep Nuland's time and Paul's. (p.54)

This kind of egotism struck me as antithetical to medicine and, it should be noted, entirely reasonable. Indeed this is how 99 percent of people select their jobs: pay, work environment, hours. But that's the point. Putting lifestyle first is how you find a job—not a calling. (p.69)

Paul has a rather succinct take on the difference between doctors and neurosurgeons. Neurosurgeons are required to manipulate the very thing that makes up our identity, doctors treat the surface. Neurosurgeons require empathy.

Still, when you work in a hospital, the papers you aren't just papers: they are fragments of narrative filed with risks and triumphs. — (p.73)

At one point Paul provides a list of a few of the people he saw die. The third on the list is the one that caught my attention. "A man who'd had a minor neurosurgical procedure to treat lightning bolts of pain that were shooting through his face: a tiny drop of liquid cement had been placed on the suspect nerve to keep a vein from pressing on it. A week later, he developed massive headaches. Nearly every test was run, but no diagnosis was ever identified." (p.77-8). Not that any of them were a particularly good way to die but this one felt just felt like a particularly painful way. Worse there were never any answers for the patient's family or the medical staff. There could have been so much guilt here.

As my skills increased, so did my responsibility. Learning to judge whose lives could be saved, whose couldn't be, and whose shouldn't be requires an unattainable prognostic ability. — I know surgeons are accused of playing god and going power-mad because of it but as someone who lived around someone who at least some family members acknowledge shouldn't have lived through an accident. His quality of life was atrocious, exposure to him and his experience did influence the younger generation. (p.80)

Jeff, Paul and their whole senator barometer head-injury severity made me smile. It probably shouldn't have but it did. You have to find some light in the darkness and that is just effective.

Any major illness transforms a patient's—really, an entire family's—life. But brian diseases have the additional strangeness of the esoteric. — Just yes. Ask anyone with one and they will tell you how hard it is not only for them but for loved ones. Especially at the items of diagnosis and upheaval. My brother and I are both epileptics neither of us was diagnosed until we were 20/1, 3 years apart. It is disruptive, to say the least. (p.90)

Jesus is it possible to be born without a brain? Oh man, it is. It's called Anencephaly. It's a type of neural tube defect. Noah Wall and Jaxon Buell are probably the two best-known exceptions to the rule that babies will only live hours or at best days.

By a freak coincidence, Paul ended up in the best possible place to receive his treatment. One of the best oncologists in America, Emma works in the hospitals around his area and is assigned to his case. Emma is a wonderful woman. Emma is a smart empathic doctor, even if Paul is at first unwilling to see it. His push for the Kaplan-Meier position, her resistance. He knows too much. She is a little concerned about what he'll do when he knows. Their philosophical discussions and discussion of identity are both interesting. He got really lucky with Emma.

The tricky part of illness is that, as you go through it, your values are constantly changing. You try to figure out what matters to you, and you keep figuring it out. — This is a key to treatment. But this applies to any illness that is fatal or long term. (p.160)

I do appreciate his evolving take on religion. There is a fascinating take on science, religion and atheism. Essentially coming down to you can't have religion without science or science without religion.

Once again, I had travelled the line from doctor to patient, from actor o acted upon, from subject to direct object. — This is not the first time this thought appears (obviously) but I really like it. This idea, this transition is core to the book in general and shown on the cover. Scrubs on the front, patient gown on the back. Both were at times part of his identity. (p.180)

There are some times when you are reading biographies (and fiction) you just want to slap someone across the face. Brad is one of those people. Brad and his discomfort in waking a fellow or attending, whom would I assume be on call for such an issue. 😡 His medication, Tarceva, may or may not have been causing his issues but once Emma, his doctor of record, is mentioned and the patient proves his knowledge it is not your call. 🤬 (I may nor may not have faced his issue at some point though not for this sort of critical med).

I had a slightly alarming moment about 2 thirds of the way through When Breath Becomes Air when I realised that I'm only two years younger than Paul was when he was diagnosed with his cancer. That gave me two things an inferiority complex when I looked at his achievements and fear. I have what I consider low-level hypochondria anyway but that whole this happened and I was sick as I was reading was not a fun experience. There are actually two things listed that do have some relevance to me one is the hyponatremia, though not nearly as severe as Paul's and the temporal lobectomy which I may actually be looking at to have at some point.

I can see where the controversy for Paul Kalanithi's book is. Much of it comes from the way he talks and a lot of people don't quite understand that calm acceptance of death. I've been moving into a more death positive mind space these days and was already firmly entrenched in my right to die mindset. There were a few moments of confronting writing that I didn't expect particularly the scene with the cadavers. Paul wrote everyone with respect and dignity and left the world with some wonderful writing, his final written words are for his beloved daughter Cady. The whole journey is emotional from diagnosis, to Cady's birth, to Jeff and Lucy's description of his death. Even if there are tones of right to right and bodily autonomy involved. The world has actually lost much more than it initially appears with the death of Paul Kalanithi father, husband, brother, son and surgeon. I recommend it if the blurb appeals to you.

When you stay up well past your bedtime to finish a book you know it is good. I cannot believe it took me so long to get to read this one. It's enchanting, the world is beautiful, the characters lovely and the writing just drew me in and held me. The plot is simple enough a girl sacrifices herself for her beloved brother's happiness and village and then goes about improving the circumstances for all the girls in the village, finding the source of the need for the sacrificing of the daughters of the village and stopping them. But as is the way with these things all is not as it seems. Along the way, she makes friends, allies, and enemies and reacquaints herself with a person from her past., even with any tropes and stereotypes that are involved I couldn't see them. There are some tropey elements but it feels like there is freshness or remixing too. Or maybe I just couldn't see the predictability for the beauty of the writing and I got lost in this story. I was just loving the characters and enjoying the world. The pacing is perfect to me there is no wastage of storytelling space. It starts with a bang and a choice and ends in much the same way. It is such wonderful writing and worldbuilding.

Mina is a slightly unreliable narrator and I like her for it, I like her emotional drive. Shin and the Sea God are the sort of characters I just want to care for. And Kirin and Namgi are just perfect and in need of love. The other ladies involved notably Hyeri and Mask have agency over their afterlives and choices. In the case of Hyeri that is a critical writing choice. I found that the relationships were well written, her relationships with each of the players are slightly different reflecting the different personalities and experiences in play. The three (arguably four) couples in The Girl Who Fell Beneath the Sea have differences and individuality to them. As much, as it is a mythological tale, is a look at humanity and love. Everyone in the story experiences love of a form at some point family, pack, friend, romantic or power.

Have a thought and quote dump.

"The Sea God isn't angry, Mina. He's lost. He's waiting, in his palace far beyond this world, for someone brave enough to find him" — It is interesting the differences between the truth and the perceptions. (Grandma, p.12)

There is a lot going on in the early parts of the story that made me think that the Sea God and his people know of her future import to them. Her items are in pride of place.

From the second we see Hyeri for the first time and then heard some of her story I wanted a prequel. I want a novella of Hyeri and Shiki's story. Or a novel that starts with her story and runs longer through Mina's as well. Her perspective, what role did she play in getting Shiki to talk to Shin? Hyeri is a small character but she is really interesting.

Jesus what is Kirin? A beast of myth that we know, Rygugi refers to him as 'The Silver One'. I appreciate that it is left as a mystery. We see him but don't get a truth. Namgi is a beast of myth too, a 19-year-old water with aspirations of becoming a dragon.

"You claim the gods should love and care for humans. I disagree. I don't think love can be bought or earned or even prayed for. It must be freely given." (Shin, p.104) & And there is no hope, because love can't be bought or earned or even prayed for. It must be freely given. And I have given my heart to someone, (p.227) — I really appreciate these twin lines. I like the echoing through the book of free will.

I always felt that Mina being the only girl in a bloodline of boys was going to be important. It is certainly what gave her her strength and maybe her empathy. The empathy would be passed through the maternal line mother to daughter.

Dai floats on his back in the water with Miki balanced on his stomach, looking very much like an otter that's caught a Miki-shaped fish. — Look I love I just adore the imagery. (p.148)

"Don't chase fate, Mina. Let face chase you." — This is the quote that appears on the dust jacket. Fate is such an important to the story. (Mask, p.151)

I need to take a (long) moment as I have with others occasionally to talk about the gorgeous cover (which reminds me I want to make a fave covers or cover p*rn tag). First a question why are the covers for the hardback editions always so much more appealing and suited to the story than the later editions? I really would like to know, I mean the other covers aren't the worst they still use some elements of the story. But every element of the cover of the edition I read was relevant to the story, the cover tells the story in much the same way as On The Other Side. As with that review, I'm going to go into some light spoilers in my explanation here, so read on at your own peril. The artist for the cover is Kuri Huang/ @kurihuangillustration​ (same as the artist for Daughter of the Moon Goddess btw), the designers are Rich Deas and Kathleen Breitenfeld.