Men base most romantic relationships off sex. To think about it, every relationship I’ve had with men, started with sex, and had a very emphasised outlook on the sexual part of the relationship. Sex was ruined for me, when the very man who caressed my body and told me he loved me, while indulging in my physique, was the same man who physically abused me. The same hands that held my cheek while kissing me were the same hands used to push me to the ground. My body quickly started to reject sex. When we broke up. I tried so hard to “get back into the game”. I indulged in casual hook up culture. My body rejected it time after time. I have no interest in sex. Sex is a football field. A man's game, each party is trying to score their own goal. Pleasure and satisfaction. Except, I was never really trying to gain pleasure from sex, rather looking for validation in fulfilling a man's needs. I wasn't born like that, I wasn't born with the innate nature to appease men. I was brainwashed, from a very young age, through culture and media. “We live in a man's world, so you have to cooperate and flatter the male gaze”. The duality of men; from violence to love, from anger to lust. I don't think I'll ever entirely understand. Now that I can no longer participate in the twisted game men like to call sex, purely because it is futile, I no longer see myself as a valued participant of male connection. After all, I can no longer offer them what they all seek. It's quite sad because women are such beautifully complicated humans underneath the sex appeal. However, I don't think they have the capacity to comprehend that.
