#dumping it

Vitimir appreciation post because Vit is a fan fav for all the good reasons.

I am fresh out of energy. No social life and it's making me sad. I have been working too much and haven't felt comfortable around friends in a long time. I am desperate for a change in my life but feel like I don't have the energy to do anything at the moment. All I can say is that living my dream isn't always easy. It's a freakin' challenge. I love people in my life but at the moment it's hard for me to see a long term goal for my life in NZ. It was a good step to delete the FB app off my phone cause I didn't feel like the world cared about me anymore and I was just wasting my time hearing from "friends" online. \

I might be in a sad mood at the moment - but I'm allowed to. Things would be easier or worse if I had people in my life that actually wanted to get to know me and talk to me every day. Friends. Face to face.

Have I hit rock bottom? What am I supposed to do now?

I have one day off  work but actually I would probably need a month. Yes I've been struggling to focus on life in the last two months.

Losing someone.

It might sound like a sad break up story but actually it has torn me apart. I was lonely. He was there. I was sad. He made me happy. I was glad to have someone again. But getting close to someone is always a challenge and actually you're not supposed to try to "win" it. You're supposed to stay strong. I know I can be. 

Just asking myself what I have left to offer. Empty handed.

Pain - for sure. Disappointment - for sure. The healing process is taking too long and not having a social life or any prospects and strive doesn't change that right now.

I'm human. I feel. I wish I wouldn't have to put up with this right now.

This is my life. I don't describe it as a mess. But it's really close to look like this right now..

My closest friend right now is my mum. She's awesome and I love her.

But I need someone else.