#dumbask

Amazing news. Daeun also confirmed she's dating me. And JM is too. We're in a polycule. They've asked for anons to stop serving up these ridiculous asks.

And my orange cat has confirmed that he's the president of the United States. He's asked for mackerel for breakfast.

Congratulations anon, you qualify for today's boofhead prize. Please collect your winnings at the door.

(The door is that big rectangle with the handle. It opens onto a whole world of reality you might not know about. You're welcome)

Do you really think so, Anon?

I can't imagine you would say this if you had any idea of what life is like on a military base. I'm going to explain it to you because you weren't rude, just wrong

See, I'm not an asshole all the time

Let's start with logistics:

There are 360 THOUSAND soldiers in the ROK army. Just the army.

Have you ever seen a large scale kitchen that serves thousands of meals a day? It's a pretty industrial place, Anon, and everything - from the steamers to the spatulas - is scaled up in size to make sure enough food for comes out at set meal times.

The people who work in those kitchens work bloody hard. There's no time for fucking around when there are hungry soldiers needing food. I know this because my ex-partner was an army cook.

There's no table sevice in the barracks dining room.

Huge trays of basic food are set out and its a help-yourself system for the staples like rice and kimchi. But the soldiers line up with trays for the rationed parts of the meals, and the cooks serve those on a production line so they can stay within a set budget for meals.

Yes they have a buget to work to, and menues are set with a fixed number of meal varieties available.

Seaweed soup isn't on the menu every day. And they don't make individual batches for individual soldiers.

The cooks don't go searching for anyone having a birthday and present them with a bowl of soup. You know that, right?

For soldiers, a birthday is like any other day.

(Unless you're Park Jimin)

It's either on the menu, or its not.

Today it was on the menu. Today is Jimin's birthday. Could it be a coincidence?

Yes it could.

Is it likely?

I think not.

The 5th division has at least 10000, maybe 20000 soldiers. Included in that number are two of the most famous Korean men IN THE WORLD and one of them works in the kitchens. There's ZERO chance that the pair of them have gone unnoticed, you know?

I'm not saying Jungkook is in charge of setting out the menus, but he is charming, hard working, highly skilled and motivated.

He is the man who climbs mountains to fetch snow.

He's the king of grand gestures.

However it came to be, the menu for today - Jimin's birthday - includes the traditional birthday meal that a parent would usually make. (Seaweed soup is associated with postpartum health which is why it's served on birthdays).

So no, everyone does not get seaweed soup on their birthday. That would be like another country's military providing birthday cake for soldiers on their birthday. They get whats on the menu, they don't get a party.

It's the army, not kindergarten.

Have you heard something like personal contacts and importan phone numbers? Messages, things have to memorized and schedules for very next performances he have to do ? Its not always sex tape on his phone he's so panicked about

What a party-pooper you are!

You need to live a little, honey. Sex tapes are much more fun - and worth panicking over - than phone numbers and schedules 😂😂😂

What would life be without memories like these?

I sure hope they have some NSFW footage on their phones... what's the point of life if you don't make a few risky videos you can panic over when you kayak capsizes?