#dukemas

Janus glanced over at the shop, and turned a raised eyebrow back at Remus.  “What?”

“I want one.”

“Just… out of nowhere, like that?” Virgil asked, sounding a little baffled by it.

“Well, I mean, you and Logan told me you want to cover your soulmarks and Roman asked me for help brainstorming ideas, but also yes.”

Janus laughed a little.  “Alright, fair enough.  Though I’d recommend waiting a while to consider what you want before you get the first thing you lay eyes on permanently etched onto your skin.”

Remus turned and gave Janus a very firm look, then walked over to the tattoo parlor and slammed opened the door.

“I want your wildest, craziest, least popular tattoo permanently etched on my skin,” he announced to the shop, currently empty except for the very pretty person behind the counter, who was staring at Remus like he’d grown a second head.

Before Remus could say anything else, or ask why the person looked like he was reevaluating his whole life, the person asked, “Are you sure?”

Remus brushed past his soulmark like usual with a nod, and started towards the counter, pulling the book there with the example art towards him.  Janus and Virgil walked up from behind him, and Remus was about to slide the book over and ask for opinions when the tattoo artist grabbed his hand suddenly, and Remus glanced up.

“Uh…”

“Sorry,” the person said instantly, pulling his hand back.  “I uh, yours is probably a bit more generic than mine, huh?”

Remus stared at him.  “What are you talking about?”

The person turned his hand over and presented his wrist to Remus, and Remus looked down to see the words he’d just said a minute ago written there.

It took a minute for it to process, but once it did, Remus yelped in surprise and jerked backwards.

His soulmate moved backwards too, and held up his hands in a clearly placating way.

Remus looked back at Janus, who now looked nervous but almost seemed to be doing an okay job of hiding it.  Virgil, on the other hand, despite being less involved, was now looking between Janus, Remus, and Thomas in a very obvious way.

Remus opened his mouth but nothing came out.  Then he turned back to his soulmate.  “Uh… fuck.”

His soulmate’s gaze turned slightly curious, and Remus felt a spike of nerves.

“Do you want us to leave?” Janus asked.

“No,” Remus said instantly, turning to Janus and Virgil both.  “Fuck no.  You’re staying right here.  I uh—” he turned back to his soulmate.

“Okay, uh.  So.  Fun story.  I’m Remus.  You’re my soulmate…”

“Thomas,” Thomas said, still seeming confused.

“Thomas!  Cool!  This is my friend Virgil.”

Virgil waved nervously.

“And this… is my boyfriend!  Janus?” Remus said, with a tense smile and a gesture back at Janus.

He wasn’t sure what he was expecting, but it definitely wasn’t for Thomas’ eyes to widen slightly before he slumped against the counter and sighed in what sounded like relief.

“Oh thank god,” he said, and now Remus was the one confused.

But Thomas did then smile up at him in relief.  “Sorry, I just… I’ve kinda been worrying for a while about explaining that I don’t want to date you right away just because we’re soulmates.  But now I’m thinking you probably get that.”

Remus blinked.  “Oh.  Oh, yeah!” he laughed a little in relief.  “Yeah, that… that’s cool.”

“Very cool,” Janus said with a smile of his own, and Virgil gave a relieved sigh, mostly seeming glad they weren’t going to cause a scene.

“I mean, I wouldn’t mind getting to know you, if you don’t mind that,” Thomas said, rubbing the back of his neck.  “But I’d like to do that first.”

“Totally.  Yes, please, let’s do that,” Remus said, starting to grin.

Thomas grinned a little too.  “Awesome.  Here, let me…” he grabbed a piece of paper from somewhere under the counter, then slid it across the counter.  “That’s my phone number.  Whenever you’re ready.”

Remus tore off part of the paper and wrote his own phone number down, then slid it back across to Thomas.  “Back at you.”

Thomas smiled, and gave a mini salute.

They left shortly after, meaning it turned out that Remus wasn’t going to get a tattoo that day, but he did end up getting a lot to think about.

…

He and Thomas met up for coffee not long after, sans Janus and Virgil this time.  According to Janus, the coffee shop he and Roman had used to meet Patton had good coffee and good vibes, so they went with that one and got a table by the window.

“Would Janus be okay with us meeting without him?” Thomas asked when Remus told him Janus wouldn’t be coming.

“Oh yeah,” Remus said.  “There’s not much he wouldn’t be cool with as long as I let him know first.  He’d be cool with us dating if we decide to do that.  Janus and I are both very poly,” Remus said.  “Janus has two soulmates, and one of his soulmates has two boyfriends who aren’t his soulmates, so we’re all kinda…” Remus waved his hands around in a vague loose motion.

Thomas laughed a little.  “Fair enough,” he said.  “So, uh… tell me about yourself, then.”

“I’m an artist!” Remus said with a grin.  “I draw and I spraypaint.  I’m pretty good too, if I do say so myself.  Definitely better than my brother Roman.”

Thomas laughed again at that.

“Never done tattoos before though,” Remus admitted.  “I’m sure it’s relatively the same, right?”  He grinned wide to make sure Thomas knew he was joking.

Thomas snorted.  “Oh, yeah, very similar.  Definitely no chance for severe bodily harm or anything.”

“That’s what I thought!”

Thomas rolled his eyes, luckily seeming more amused than irritated.

“Okay but honestly, tell me,” Remus said, leaning forward.  “Why tattoos?  What do you like about it?”

“Oh, well at first I hated it.  It scared the shit out of me,” Thomas said with a shrug.

Remus blinked.  “Uh, what?  Why become a tattoo artist then?”

Thomas looked down at his wrist and shrugged again.  “I felt like I had to,” he said.  “My wrist was telling me that if I wanted to meet my soulmate and be happy, I had to be a tattoo artist.”

Remus stopped smiling.  “Shit.  Oh shit, I’m sorry.”

“What?  No,” Thomas said, giving him a surprised look.  “It’s not— you don’t need to apologize.  First of all, you’re not responsible for my choices.  Second, I appreciate what it taught me.  I wouldn’t have the values I do without being a tattoo artist.”

“Oh?” Remus asked curiously.

“You meet a very specific kind of person more often than in any other profession,” Thomas said.  “People come to me to get their soulmarks covered.  I had to get really comfy with it really quick.  And it wasn’t all bad stories either.  Some people do come in because their soulmates turned out to be assholes, but not always.  Some soulmates came in together because they didn’t want the permanent reminder of their meeting.  Some didn’t want soulmates, or wanted to be with someone other than their soulmates.  There’s all sorts of reasons, and it helped me think a lot about what I wanted too.”  Thomas chucked a little, mostly to himself.  “I also got good at my job and it stopped scaring me so much.”

“Huh,” Remus said, considering that.  “I guess I haven’t thought about that before.”  He looked back at Thomas.  “Could I potentially bring you some people who might want their soulmarks covered?”

“I mean, not for free, if that’s what you’re asking,” Thomas said with a slightly teasing smile.  “But of course.”

“Cool.  Might do that, then,” Remus said.  “But anyway, that’s neat.  Honestly my story’s a little less interesting.  I just got so used to hearing my soulmark over and over in regular life that I kind of stopped expecting it.  My perspective on soulmates shifted much more because of Janus.”

“Yeah, how’d you two meet?” Thomas asked, leaning forward and resting his chin on his hand like he was very interested in what Remus would say.

“Janus is my brother’s soulmate,” Remus said.  “They met first.  And I liked him too, but I just kinda figured, you know, Janus has Roman, so why would he need me?  Which was ridiculous in retrospect, because Janus and Roman already had another soulmate, so it’s not like they were against multiple partners, I just,” Remus shrugged.  “I dunno.”

Thomas nodded.  “I get that,” he said.  “Soulmates can be bullshit.”

Remus smiled a little.  “True that,” he said.  Then his smile widened, despite himself.  “I like you, though.”

“You’re not so bad yourself,” Thomas said with a returned grin.  “Enough about soulmates, though.  I want to hear about stuff you like.”

Remus brightened.  “Well, like I said, I’m an artist.  I acted a bit in high school, though Roman took to that far more than I did.  I prefer more improv stuff.”

“I acted in high school too,” Thomas said with a bright smile.  “I’ve always wanted to try voice acting.”

“What’s stopping you?” Remus said, throwing his arms wide with a beaming smile.  “Let’s make a story podcast!  And you can voice all the characters!”

Thomas gave a startled laugh.  “All of them?”

“Why the fuck not!”

Thomas laughed again.  “I’d be very down,” he said.  “I might hold you to that.”

“I’d love it if you do,” Remus said with a grin.  Thomas was fun, he’d just decided.

Remus left that day feeling that if Thomas did want to date, he’d be down for it.  But just hanging out with him was proving pretty good too.

…

Logan decided to turn his soulmarks into constellations, and Virgil covered his with storm clouds.  Remus wasn’t close enough to Logan to be there for the first, but he was there for the second, meaning he was treated to Thomas’ adorable concentration face.  At one point he stuck his tongue out just slightly between his teeth, and Remus decided about that time that he badly wanted to kiss his face.

And then the next second, a voice in the back of his head whispered: You never want to kiss Janus’ face that much.

Remus blinked, startled.  That… so what?  Relationships with different people look different.

Remus shook himself with a roll of his eyes, and turned back to watching Thomas give Virgil his tattoo.

It wasn’t long after that when Thomas finished, and gave Virgil his instructions on how to take care of it, and then told them goodbye.

“Aww, you don’t want me to stick around Thomathy?” Remus asked, leaning in and waggling his eyebrows.  “I can think of some things to do if you don’t want the fun to end yet.”

Thomas gave him a look.  “I have other customers who’ve made appointments, Remus.  I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

Remus blew a raspberry, but left with Virgil.

“Your tattoo looks sick by the way,” Remus said to Virgil as they walked out of the shop.

“I know, right?” Virgil said with a grin.  “Thanks for finding your soulmate, dude, it really helped me and my life.”

Remus snorted.  “Hey, anytime.”

“This was such a great idea,” Virgil said, beaming down at his wrist even though it was technically bandaged for now.  “Logan’s looked good, but mine, fuck.”

“I imagine that’s why Logan didn’t get yours,” Remus said.  “Considering you both have different tastes.”

“Shut up, this moment is too amazing.”

Remus laughed.  “I’m really happy for you.”

“I’m really happy for me too,” Virgil said with a grin.  “Thanks for coming, by the way.  It was nice having someone else there.”

“Yeah, sorry Logan and Patton couldn’t make it,” Remus said.

Virgil shook his head.  “I’m okay with that.  We’ve never really made our soulmates a huge part of our relationship, unless you count the meetings back in high school.  I didn’t need them to be there, I just didn’t want to go alone.”

“Well, I’m happy to be a standin then,” Remus said.

“Oh shut it,” Virgil said, shoving Remus’ shoulder.  “You’re not a standin for someone else, you’re my friend.”

“I am.  Wow, you’re so lucky,” Remus said, and Virgil laughed.

“You’re pretty lucky too, you know,” he said after a second.  “Thomas isn’t bad, as soulmates go.”

“I’d say he’s pretty good, actually,” Remus said thoughtfully.  “I think I wanna kiss him.”

“Oh hell yeah, go for it.”

“I mean, I also think I might ask first,” Remus said, ignoring Virgil sticking his tongue out.  “But yeah, I will ask.  I mean it’s pretty low stakes.  Janus said he’s cool with us dating, Thomas seems fun and I like him, and even if he doesn’t want to, we get to be friends.  I’m gonna go for it.”

“You do that,” Virgil said.  “Also, give me half of your confidence, please.”

“Ha, no.  But I might loan it occasionally.”

“I’ll be taking you up on that.”

…

Janus said he was cool with it, meaning when Remus met Thomas after work the next day, he was holding flowers arranged to look like a skull (because Thomas had to know what he was getting into if he said yes).

Thomas smiled at Remus when he noticed him, and then the smile turned confused and fond at the same time when he noticed the flowers.

“Uh, are those for me?” Thomas asked, pulling his jacket off the hook it was hanging on as he walked over.

“They are!” Remus said, shoving them out in front of him.  “Thomas Sanders, if you would be so inclined, I would like to take you on a date.  Zero pressure, please know I appreciate your companionship no matter the context, and I will give you a flower back guarantee that I will not make things awkward if you say no.”

Thomas laughed.  “That sounds really fun,” he said, and to Remus’ delight, he accepted the flowers.  “Where are we going?”

“Have you ever been to a rage room?” Remus asked with a grin.  “They’re super helpful when you’re angry, but also it’s just fun to break shit!”

Thomas blinked, and seemed to consider that for a second.  “I have not done that before,” he admitted.  “It sounds fun, though.”

“It is!” Remus said.  “I have emergency outfits in the back of my car that I don’t care about getting dirty or messed up, so I can loan you one!”

“You have emergency outfits in the back of your car?” Thomas asked in surprise.

“Yep!  Emergency mess outfits, emergency drag outfits, and one emergency formal outfit that Roman put there without my permission and insists I keep there.”

“That’s an interesting thing to insist on,” Thomas said as Remus opened his trunk.

“Well, I got to put an emergency drag outfit in the back of his car in exchange.  I actually think he kind of wanted one though, so it was really an unfair trade, so I also add a strange object every couple months without ever telling him I’m doing it.  I’m pretty sure he thinks his trunk is haunted.”

“…You said you guys are brothers?” Thomas asked with a small smile.

“Hope it’s obvious enough,” Remus said, handing Thomas the emergency mess outfit and then heading around to the front of the car.

They made it to the rage room just in time for Remus’ reservation, and luckily the people at the front desk knew him well enough that they just waved them both back to Remus’ favorite.  They knew him first from his attempts to get out all his anger and sadness at not being able to be with Janus, and then, after his life improved significantly, they grew to know him as “that weird guy who still likes to break shit.”

Remus’ favorite is a room with a ton of fake skulls, which is an additional reason for the skull themed flowers that thankfully he can tell Thomas is noticing as they walk in.

Remus offers Thomas a bat and a second bat with spikes.  Thomas considers them both for a minute and then picks the one with spikes, with a comment about how if they’re here to literally rage this feels like it fits the theme better.  Remus decides right there that he’s absolutely going to ask to kiss Thomas’ face off when they leave here.

Remus takes off first and starts whacking at the skulls, and though Thomas seems a little startled by the intensity at first, eventually he gets into it, and eventually they’re both whacking the fake skulls on the pedestals against the wall.

Thomas seems a little out of breath by the time they’re both done whacking things around, but that’s relatively understandable for a first time, and they’re both bright-eyed and grinning at each and Remus wants to kiss him so badly it’s kind of making his chest hurt.

Remus looks at him for a moment, and then Thomas turns to him with a bright grin, and Remus is about to open his mouth and ask if he can kiss him, but then an employee sticks his head in the room and says they’re going to need to clean up for the next person soon.

Thomas smiles and nods at the employee, then reaches out and grabs Remus’ hand, grinning at him as they both walked towards the exit.

“That was amazing,” he said as they walked out the doors.

“It was,” Remus said, grinning right back.  “It really looked like you were having fun.”

“I was,” Thomas said.  “Man, there are so many times I could have used that when I was younger.”

“You and me both,” Remus said, beaming at him.  “And now we can come just for fun if you want.”

“I do want that,” Thomas said, turning to face him with a wide bright smile.  “When do you want to come again?”

“I don’t know, when do you want to come again?”

“As soon as physically possible!”

“I think I can hook you up!”

“Awesome,” Thomas said with a wide grin.

“It is, isn’t it,” Remus said, bouncing back and forth on his feet a little.

“Can I kiss you?”

“Yes, I want that please!”

Thomas reached out and pulled Remus in, and they kissed right there in the parking lot, ignoring everyone who was walking past them.  And Remus felt sparks flying, and he pulled Thomas in closer, and even though they weren’t really doing anything more than putting their lips together, Remus felt lit up.

Thomas pulled away a second later with a still-bright smile, and Remus grinned back at him, already excited about the prospect of doing this again.

You never do that with Janus, hissed a voice in the back of his head.

Remus’ heart dropped to his stomach.

Wait.  Wait.  Shit.

…

Okay, so the thing is, relationships do look different with different people.  Remus knows that.  Obviously you don’t have to kiss someone to be in a romantic relationship.  He and Janus are less physical, and that’s fine.  They’re both comfortable with it.

But the thing is… Remus has never felt quite that sparky romantic ‘oh my god he’s amazing’ vibe with Janus.  Janus is amazing.  But the vibe with him has always been closer to ‘I want you in my life and I want to be close to you.’  Is that different?  It feels different.  Why does it feel different?  Why can’t he explain why it feels different to himself?

So now Remus has a big humongous ginormous problem.  Because what he’d said to Virgil about asking Thomas if he could kiss him being low-stakes?  Totally true.  In fact, so low-stakes that Thomas asked him first and Remus rolled with it immediately.

Talking with Janus about how his relationship with Thomas felt different and he maybe didn’t want to date anymore but also did but in a different way?  Super high stakes.  The highest of high stakes.  Potentially life-altering in a super negative way high stakes.

How did he even explain “I want to date you but not really?”  “I don’t want to date you anymore but I don’t want to go back to being friends?”  “I want to be close to you and important to you like we are dating but also I don’t want to date?”  That didn’t even make any fucking sense.

The other problem was, however, that Remus was really, really bad at hiding things from Janus.  That’s probably been made pretty clear at this point.  So as soon as realized something had shifted in his relationship with Janus, Janus noticed.  And with the whole thing they were trying to do now with communication, it definitely wasn’t going to be long before he brought it up.

So, Remus went to his best potential option for weird relationship stuff.

“So, to be clear, you want to tell Janus that you want to date him but also don’t,” Virgil said, sounding just as confused as Remus felt.

“I know it doesn’t make any sense,” Remus groaned, leaning back on his bed.  “I just— it feels different.  I don’t even know how to explain the difference, it’s just— a vibe.”

“Feelings are stupid,” Virgil said with a sagely nod.

“I just— what do I say?  How the fuck do I explain that this doesn’t mean I care about him any less?  I don’t even really want things to change, I feel like I just want to label shit differently!  How do I say that?”

“Uh,” Virgil said.  “Like that?”

“But I don’t want him to think he’s done something wrong!” Remus exclaimed.  “Or that I don’t want him around anymore!  I don’t— I don’t want to lose him, Virgil.”

“Hey,” Virgil said, moving to sit down on the bed next to Remus.  “You love him, right?”

Remus nodded.

“And you two have been communicating better, right?”

Remus nodded again.

“Then ask him to hear you out and reassure him your feelings haven’t changed,” Virgil said.  “I think it’ll go better than you’re thinking it will.”

“Really?” Remus asked nervously.

“Really,” Virgil said with a smile.  “It’ll work itself out.”

Remus took a deep breath.  “Okay.  Yeah, yeah you’re right.”  He pushed himself up into a sitting position.  “I can do this.  I can communicate my feelings like a healthy adult.  It’ll be fine.”

“That’s the spirit,” Virgil said, patting him half seriously on the back.

“Will you still be ready with celebratory-slash-eat-my-feelings-away cakes just in case?” Remus asked, giving Virgil a nervous look.

“I’ll make one with Roman,” Virgil said, giving him a thumbs up.

Remus took a deep breath.  “Okay,” he said.  “Then let’s do this.”

…

“Janus?” Remus said, poking his head into his room.  “Can we talk?”

Janus seemed to pick up on the subject of the talk from the tone of Remus’ voice, but he didn’t acknowledge it as he glanced over from his desk.  “Of course.”

Remus walked forward nervously, stopping before he got too close to Janus.  Janus turned, looking concerned now.

“Is everything okay?” he asked.

“Yes!” Remus said immediately.  “Everything is good and you haven’t done anything wrong and nothing has changed!”

Janus looked alarmed now.  “Remus, what’s going on?”

Remus bit his lip.  “I kissed Thomas,” he said.

Now Janus just looked confused.  “Remus, I already told you I was okay with that,” he said.

“No, I—” Remus took a deep breath.  “I’m gonna say something that’s going to sound worse than it is,” he said.  “Can you hear me out until the end without making any assumptions?”

Janus nodded.

“It felt different,” Remus said.  “My relationship with Thomas feels different than my relationship with you.  And not just because you’re different people.  I think the nature of my feelings is different.”

Janus didn’t know quite what to say, but Remus kept talking.

“Not in a bad way,” he said.  “And not in intensity.  You are just as important to me as Thomas is.  I mean heck, right now you’re probably more important.  I’m still getting to know Thomas.  But… I don’t think my feelings for you are… romantic.  Or, not all the way?  I don’t know, that doesn’t make sense.  I don’t know what they are, because they’re not platonic either.  Or— not all the way,” he said weakly.  “And I don’t, like I super don’t, want my relationship with you to change.  I fucking love what we have.  I want to be just as important to you as I am right now.  I still want to make a life with you, for as long as you’ll have me.  I just… I don’t know if I want to say we’re dating anymore.  I have a problem with the semantics.  I don’t know.  Sorry, I really don’t think I’m making any sense.”

But Janus starts shaking his head, and a light seems to go on behind his eyes.  “No,” he said quietly.  “No, I get it.  What I have with you feels… different.  From what I have with Roman and Patton.  Or even Virgil.  Not less important, just… different.”

“You… you get it?” Remus asked in amazement.  He hadn’t even considered that as a possibility with this conversation, that Janus would just understand.  He thought he’d have to explain away some hurt feelings, that he still loved Janus just as much and wanted him in his life just as much.

“Yes,” Janus said, looking back at him.  “I… it’s not as… charged, with you?  And I don’t think we flirt as much, amazingly, which is weird now that I think about it, because I see you flirt with people all the time.”

“You get it,” Remus said, feeling a little bit like he was floating.  The thing he’d been most scared of losing was how effortless his relationship with Janus had felt since it started, but if Janus just got it, were they not going to have that problem?

Janus smiled a little at Remus, and nodded.  “Yes,” he said.  “I do.”

Remus found himself beaming at him.  “We don’t have to date anymore?”

Janus shook his head.  “We can do something else,” he said, standing up and walking over to Remus, taking him by the hands.  “Though— I’ll admit I have no idea what I want it to be.”

“I don’t either!” Remus said happily.  “Let’s figure it out!”

Janus smiled wider and nodded, and Remus threw his arms around him, picking him up and spinning him with a laugh.

Janus started laughing too, and they both ended up laying back on Janus’ bed, giggling happily like a couple of kids.

“This went so much better than I thought it would,” Remus said with a grin.

“I’m so glad it did,” Janus said, smiling back.  “I cannot wait to figure out what we are together.”

“Let’s fuck up their perceptions of relationships!”

“We do that already,” Janus said with a grin.

“Then we have loads of practice!”

Janus laughed and pulled Remus in for a hug, and Remus hugged him back tightly, and both of them laid there for a minute and squeezed.

“Hey Jan?” Remus said after a second.

“Yeah?”

“Do you want to come have celebratory cakes with Virgil and Roman and I?”

“That sounds amazing,” Janus said happily.  “You should bring Thomas.”

Remus beamed at him and laughed joyfully again, then scooped Janus up and spun him around again, laughing in delight.  Janus laughed too, and Remus got the feeling neither of them were ready to leave each others side yet.

Thomas sometimes wondered why the hell he was still dating his boyfriend.  Not in the sense that he was considering breaking up with him, not really.  Just in the sense that Remus was… well…

“Have you considered making hot dogs out of actual puppies?” Remus asked, and the young child he was talking to burst into tears.

“Remus!” Thomas exclaimed, as the father with the child gave Remus a disgusted look and pulled the child away from him.

“I’m so sorry, sir,” Thomas said to the man, who glared at Thomas as he headed out of the store, which at least left Remus and Thomas alone.

“Remus,” Thomas said, glancing over.  “Could you please try not to scare away all of the customers?”

“The customers shouldn’t be so easily scared,” Remus said, grinning at Thomas.

“Remus, any young kid is going to start crying if you give them the idea of hot dogs made of puppies.”

“Ruining children’s innocence is one of the joys of life.”

“You’re just lucky my boss left early.  You’re going to get me fired.”

“Oh, please, as if they would fire the only person who can figure out the computer system.”

“That’s just because everyone else who works here is over 60,” Thomas muttered, putting the glazed donut the father had been planning on buying for his kid back on the tray.

“Most of the managers aren’t over 60,” Remus pointed out.

“And they’re the ones who can fire me, so I return to my previous point.  You’re not even supposed to be here.”

“Oh come on, this place closes soon and it’s dead until then anyway, why the hell shouldn’t you be allowed to have your boyfriend over?”

“I don’t know, you’d have to take that one up with my boss.”

“Okay!”

“Remus, that was not an invitation to do so,” Thomas groaned.  “I swear, it’s like you want me to get fired.”

“Of course not, then I wouldn’t get any more free donuts!”

“I get free donuts, you walking nightmare.”

“Thomas,” Remus cried, putting his hands to his chest.  “You can’t just compliment me out of nowhere, you know how much it makes me blush!”

“Uh-huh, sure,” Thomas grumbled, moving over towards the fridge in order to start inventory on the milks.

Before he could get very far, however, the bell jingled again and Thomas looked over to see two college age girls walking through the door.  He shut the fridge and started over for the counter.  “Hi, what can I do for you?” he asked, pulling on some gloves in order to grab the donuts.

“I know what you can do for me!” Remus called, and both girls looked over in surprise.

Thomas sighed.  “I’m sorry, please ignore him,” he said, drawing the two girls’ attention back over.

“You can only ignore me for so long, Tommy-boy!  I’m like a foot fungus!”

Thomas smiled, though he was sure it looked more like a grimace.  “What would you like?” he asked.

One of the girls looked rather queasy.  “You know, suddenly, I’m not so hungry,” she said.

“Was it the foot fungus?” Remus called, and Thomas forced himself to smile wider.

“That’s fine,” he said.  “Anything for you?”

The girl nodded.  “I came here for a glazed donut, that’s what I’m getting,” she said firmly.  “And she’ll want one too once she gets over herself.  Two, please.”

“Sure thing,” Thomas said, grabbing two glazed donuts and putting them in two separate bags, which the girls seemed to appreciate.  He set them on the counter behind the register and took his gloves off in order to ring the girls up.

“I don’t see what the issue is,” Remus said, and Thomas took a deep breath.  “I love some foot fungus on my donuts.  Or maybe just some plain mold.”

“That’ll be 2.73,” Thomas said through a pained smile.  One of the girls handed three dollars over, Thomas gave back her change, and the two headed back out the door as quickly as possible.

Thomas instantly glared at Remus.  “Do you think you could stop?  Or if not, could you go home?”

“What, you don’t think they wanted to hear about all the things you could add to donuts?” Remus asked.  “If you want me to go get some stuff from the dumpster out back I could—”

“Remus.  My shift is almost over, do you think you could chill out a little bit?”

“Where’s the fun in that?”

Thomas sighed again and moved back to the fridge.  At least no other cars were pulling into the lot, meaning that Remus would probably calm down at least a little.

“You’re telling me you don’t appreciate it when I gross out customers you hate?” Remus called, and Thomas shot a glance over his shoulder.

“Those two weren’t shitty regulars,” he said.  “If Fred starts making comments about my pride pin again or Stacy is being a Karen, I give you free reign to talk about all kinds of fungi.”

“Free reign?” Remus said, starting to grin, and Thomas realized what he said.

“Within reason,” he amended quickly, and Remus cackled.

“Really, Thomas, you’d think you would know better by now,” he said, grinning his slightly-too-wide grin that he loved to use when he was being a little shit.

Thomas sighed once again (Remus had a talent for drawing them out of him) and started counting up the milks.  14, 15, 16.  They would last.  No need to make an emergency order before the delivery tomorrow.  Thomas scribbled that down on the notepad just in time for the bell to ring again.  He turned back towards the door to see a man and a woman come in.

“Hi,” Thomas said, giving a bright smile.  “What can I get you?”  He started towards the other counter and reached for his gloves.

The man smiled politely back at him.  “Well, we were wondering what you had in terms of—”

“Day old and burned donuts?” Remus called happily, and both of them looked over at him.

“Okay, you know what?” Thomas said, pulling his gloves off and throwing them in the trashcan to the side.  “Please excuse me for a moment.”  He walked out from behind the counter, grabbed Remus, and started pulling him into the back.

“Oh, Thomathy, you know I love some good old kidnapping roleplay, but if you want to scold me you’re going to have to try harder than—”

Thomas slammed Remus against one of the fridges and kissed him full on the mouth, catching Remus enough by surprise that he managed to slip his tongue inside as well.  Remus, despite clearly not expecting it, kissed him back with as much fervor as he tended to do, and Thomas moved them both expertly around the various machines in the back until they were right over the bags of dough.  He pushed gently back against Remus’ chest so he landed on one of the bags, and kissed him for one more second before pulling back and leaving a thoroughly stunned and, more importantly, silent, Remus gaping up at him.

“There we go,” Thomas said, leaning forward and giving him a much more sweet kiss on the forehead.  “My shift ends in half an hour, be a good boy and stay back here until then, would you?  Thanks, Re.  I love you.”

Thomas wasn’t exactly good at communicating.  He’d gotten better since he started to date Remus, who shouted out every thought that ran through his head and so made it a little easier for Thomas to do the same sometimes.  But opening up about things that scared him… he was still working on that.  Which was probably why he felt like such a mess today.  That and the fact that the second he saw Remus he started thinking about… well.  Things he didn’t want to be thinking about.

He’d been trying not to think about it for most of the day, which was hard considering they’d planned on spending the day together, and it was kind of hard to avoid your boyfriend when he was right next to you pulling you towards the Tilt-a-Whirl.

Remus loved carnivals, so Thomas decided to take him to one since it was in town.  They’d spent most of the day eating food that was definitely terrible for them and riding rides that made them sick to their stomach.  And Thomas was… fine.  He was fine.  Every time he looked at Remus he started breathing faster and he had to look away, but he was fine.

Remus was bound to sense that something was wrong eventually, but Thomas was doing his best to ride the wave of “Carnival, we’re at a carnival, Remus, isn’t it just the best?” and not let him pick up on anything being wrong.

For the most part it seemed to be working.  Remus ate a ton of candy and drank too much soda and grinned at him like nothing was wrong.

Because nothing was.  He was fine.

At some point in the day Remus won a goldfish, so Thomas took the job of holding the bag while Remus went on the swings.  He smiled fondly at Remus when he waved every time he flew past Thomas while being low enough to see him, and—

Drop the goldfish.

Thomas tensed and ducked his head down against his chest.

Go on, drop it.  You could probably kill it.

Thomas squeezed the bag tighter and shook his head, as if he could banish the thought by doing that.

“Thomas?”

Thomas glanced up and saw Remus looking curiously at him.  How had the ride ended already?

“Are you okay?” Remus asked.

“I’m fine!” Thomas said quickly.  “Here’s your goldfish, my turn!”  He shoved the goldfish into Remus’ hands and ran off towards the swings.

He shut his eyes and tried to feel the wind blowing through his hair instead of focusing on—

Open the safety bar.

“I can’t even do that,” Thomas snapped to no one.

Then you’d fall, and you could hit your head in just the right way and die, and then everyone would be sad at your funeral and it would be your fault.

Thomas shook his head harder, though it still didn’t help.  He at least managed to pay attention enough to notice when the ride was coming to a stop, because if Remus had to walk up to him and tell him they’d stopped moving, then he’d definitely be able to tell something was wrong.

“Let’s go get cotton candy,” Thomas said as soon as he approached, so Remus didn’t have time to say anything else.

“Again?  I thought we got some earlier.”

“Remus,” Thomas said, putting a hand to his chest in shock.  “Are you turning down cotton candy?  Clearly you’ve been replaced by a shapeshifter.”

“I never said I was turning it down,” Remus said, linking his arm through Thomas’ as they both headed off towards concessions again.  “And why would we need a shapeshifter when we have Janus and his ridiculous makeup skills?”

“You think Janus’ makeup skills could make him look like an entirely different person?”

“Absolutely,” Remus said, pulling out his cash as they approached.  Thomas laughed.

The line wasn’t terribly long this time, and they got their cotton candy in a couple minutes.  Thomas got green this time, and Remus went with pink, though he leaned over to take bites of Thomas’ often enough that Thomas did the same, and they both ended up more or less sharing.

They wandered over towards a table and sat down, finishing up the rest of their cotton candy as well as sharing the rest of Remus’ water bottle, since Thomas had left his in his car.

“Okay,” Remus said, turning to look back out at the carnival.  “I think we’ve done just about everything here.  You want to ride the ferris wheel one more time?”

“I thought that was too slow for you,” Thomas said, raising an amused eyebrow.

“Thomathy,” Remus said, turning to face him and raising his goldfish.  “I have a child to think about now.  Also I want to ride one more thing with you and I can’t take Stella on the roller coaster.”

Thomas smiled a little wider.  “I think that’s sweet,” he said, and leaned over to kiss Remus on the cheek.

Remus grinned at him as Thomas leaned back and shoved the rest of the cotton candy in his mouth, stick and all, causing Thomas to give a startled laugh.

Slap him.

Thomas stopped smiling and looked away quickly.  Shut up.

Go on, slap him.  Think of the shocked look on his face.

Thomas squeezed his hands into fists and turned back around.  “So!  Are we going?”

“Sure,” Remus said, pulling the stick out of his mouth since he couldn’t actually eat it and swallowing it whole would be a bad idea.  “Hold Stella for a moment?”

Thomas nodded and took the goldfish while Remus grabbed his empty cotton candy stick and went to find a trash can.  Thomas looked down at the fish again.

You could eat it.  Swallow it whole.  It’s not that big.

No.  Also, gross.

Remus would be sad.  Do you think you could make him cry?  What would it take to make Remus cry?  Could you pull it off?  You should try.

I don’t want to.

You should try.  It would be fun.

No, it wouldn’t.  Stop it.

You think he’d get mad?  It would be much easier to make him mad than to make him cry.  Oh, what if you could do both?  You should—

“Thomas?” Remus asked suddenly, and Thomas looked up quickly to see Remus peering at him in concern.

“Oh, you’re back!” Thomas called, standing.  “Here’s Stella!”  He held the fish out to Remus, who took it but didn’t look away from Thomas.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked.

“Nothing!  I’m fine!”

Remus reached forward and wiped at something on Thomas’ face.  “You’re crying.”

“I—” Thomas reached up and wiped at his cheeks to realize that Remus was right.

“Okay, come here,” Remus said.  He took Thomas gently by the arm and pulled them both away from the tables and other people, and around the other side of the porta potties.  He took Thomas’ hand with his free one.  “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Thomas said, wiping his face with the one Remus wasn’t holding.  “I’m okay.”

“Thomas,” Remus said, giving him a look.  “You’re crying behind the porta potties at a carnival.”

“You’re the one who pulled us over here, I didn’t pick the location,” Thomas muttered.

“What’s the matter?”

Thomas sniffed and wiped at his eyes again.  “I’m a bad person,” he said quietly.

Remus laughed, and Thomas looked up at him in confusion.  A second later Remus’ smile faded.

“What, you’re serious?  Who the hell told you that?  I can kill them for you.  Just say the word, they’re dead.”

“No one told me that,” Thomas said, before Remus could start thinking of countless ways to murder someone.  “It’s just… true.”

Remus stared at Thomas for a second longer, and then leaned forward and felt his forehead.  “Huh.  You don’t feel sick.”

“Remus!”

“What?  How else could you get such a ridiculous idea?  Why the hell would you be a bad person?”

“I’ve been thinking awful things all day,” Thomas snapped.  “And last night, I— I thought about—”  Thomas really didn’t want to say aloud all the things he’d thought about doing to Remus.  He’d already had a god-awful day yesterday, the realization of what an awful person he was just had to be the icing on the cake, didn’t it?

“Hey, hey, Thomas.”  Remus gently set Stella down on the grass nearby and took Thomas by both of his arms.  “Breathe, okay?  It’s alright, you’re okay, I promise.”

“But—” Thomas pulled one of his arms free and wiped at his eyes again.  “But I—”

“Hey, Thomas, look at me.”

He did.  Remus gently wiped at his eyes.

“Did you like any of those thoughts?” Remus asked.  “Did you want to act on them?”

“What?  No, of course not, I— I didn’t—”

“Then it’s okay,” Remus said, smiling.  “You’re all good, no moral crisis about whether or not you’re a good person is needed.”

“What— Remus it’s not that simple—”

“Yes, Thomas,” Remus said, gently bumping their foreheads together.  “It is.  From what you said and how you’re acting, it sounds an awful lot like you’re having intrusive thoughts.  I can talk with you more about that later, but for now, just trust me, okay?  Any thought, especially one you don’t want, is not some sign that you’re a terrible person.  I promise.”

Thomas wiped at his eyes again.  “Oh,” he whispered.  “Okay.”

“Hey, c’mere,” Remus said, and pulled Thomas in for a hug.  Thomas buried his head in his shoulder, and let Remus run his hands through his hair and calm him down.

“I think we should head out for the day,” Remus said after a minute.  “Besides, I need to stop by the pet store and get a bowl for Stella.”

Thomas smiled a little and nodded into Remus’ shoulder.  “Okay.”

Remus leaned back, still smiling at him, and took his hand as they both turned to head towards the exit.

“I still love you, okay?” Remus said, like he could read Thomas’ mind or something.  “I get it, this stuff can be scary.  But I’m not even remotely upset with you.”