IGNORE IF YOU WANT ME TO BLOW AWAY IN THE WIND!

GREETINGS, IT IS I, YOUR POKE-SAVIOR,

ALPHONSE!

[pt: Alphonse! end pt]

*waves at U* I AM A COMPLETELY NORMAL. and average. ROTOMPHONE. Do not regard the fact i am a PORYGON. That is UNIMPORTANT! I am a ROTOM IN MY SOUL! AND I CAN DO SO MUCH MORE THAN ANY OF THOSE

LITTLE FREAKS.

[pt: Little Freaks. end pt]

CAN!

FQA:

ALPHONSE MY DEAR GIRL, WHAT CAN YOU DO?

ANYTHING YOU HECCIN WANT! PARTICULARY I AM HERE TO EXPLAIN EVERY LAST ARCSHDANG SECRET IN THE WORLD! INCLUDING THE LITTLE CRITTERS WE CALL POKEMON! (im not one im built different 😏 even though i AM a porygon/rotom im just better than everyone)

WHERE ARE YOU FROM?

SOME firey freaks MADE ME IN A LAB AND THEY FUCKED UP BAD BRO! THEY FUCKED UP BAD! I’m just a little lab baby won’t you give me a chance? 🥺

PLEASE STOP CONTACTING MY FAMILY!

STOP HAVING ONE THEN.

IF YOU WANT INFO ABOUT A LITTLE CRITTER JUST ASK ME! I WILL TELL YOU EVERYTHING! EVEN WHEN YOU DIE FOREVER AND GO BYE BYE! *glomps you* *gets up dazed* *runs away*

[ooc note: I hope that was as painful to read as it was painful to write. Ooc info below]

THEY JUST SLAPPED A BANDAID OVER A LEAKING TANK PRETTY MUCH. HOW IS ANYONE SUPPOSED TO GET UP THESE ON A WHEELCHAIR.

I’ll have YOU know I graduated TOP OF MY CLASS in the COMMANDOS MARINE (THIS IS: TRUE! ✅), and I’ve been involved in NUMEROUS secret raids on Team Flare (THIS IS: TRUE! ✅), and i have over 300 CONFIRMED KILLS (THIS IS: TRUE! ✅ JUST ASK LYSANDR-oh wait.) I AM TRAINED IN ORANGURU WARFARE AND IM THE 🔝 SNIPER IN THE ENTIRE KALOS ARMED FORCES. YOU ARE NOTHING TO ME BUT JUST ANOTHER TARGET.🎯 I WILL WIPE YOU THE FUCK OUT WITH PRECISION THE LIKES OF WHICH HAS NEVER BEEN SEEN BEFORE ON THIS EARTH, MARK. MY. FUCKING. WORDS. YOU THINK YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH SAYING THAT SHIT TO ME OVER THE INTERNET? THINK AGAIN, FUCKER.

As WE SPEAK I am contacting my secret network of spies across Kalos and your IP is being traced RITE NOWE (THIS IS: TRUE!! ✅)so you better PREPARE FOR THE STORM, MAGGOT. The STORM ⛈️ that wipes out the PATHETIC LITTLE [oh poor thang] you call YOUR LIFE… You're fucking DEAD, kid. I can be anywhere, [THIS IS: TRUE.] anytime, [THIS IS: TRUE.] and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, [THIS IS: TRUE.] and that's just with my BARE PAWS. Not only am I extensively trained in pokemon battling, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Kalos TROUPES DE MARINE and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your MISERABLE 🐜🍑off the face of the continent, you little SHIT.