#duality drabble

It wasn't the first time you'd fought with Tenebris. He had a bit of a habit of misunderstanding things and there were still many human rules and habits he did not fully grasp. That, paired with his short temper, tended to sometimes lead to the two of you arguing. It was never anything so bad you couldn't recover from it. Short tempered as he may be, he always apologized when he realised he made a mistake or caused you trouble. And he'd been making efforts to stop himself before he got angry over something trivial or jumped to conclusions. 

But today, it was different somehow. Today, it felt more intense than your usual arguments. The accusations fell harder upon you, his tone felt harsher, your voices raised higher. It hadn't even started from something all that serious. But then it somehow felt like it was tearing you both apart. 

Eventually, as the two of you run out of things to yell at each other, Tenebris declares that he's going out. He leaves with loud, heavy footsteps. You sit on the couch alone and upset. Perhaps under different circumstances, this would've served as the opportunity to calm down and reflect on everything said. But for some reason, today it only plunges you deeper into anger and frustration. 

Does he even care about you? Is it really that much better to be away from you? 

About an hour later, Tenebris returns. He doesn't look angry anymore. Instead, he looks rather tired. Maybe he's tired of you. The thought both saddens and angers you. It makes you blurt out words you don't fully think through. 

“Maybe it's better if we just break up,” you mutter. It's quiet enough that you expect him not to even hear them. 

But he does hear them. His eyes grow wide with horror the moment you finish your sentence. 

“W- what?” he manages in a trembling voice. 

“It's just… we fight all the time. Maybe it's better if we go our separate ways. Maybe we're just not compatible.” 

Tenebris shakes his head, his face still stuck in a mask of shock. He takes a few steps towards you, one hand reaching out timidly as if afraid it might startle you. 

“Wait, no… I- I'm sorry. I'm really really sorry! I lost my temper again, I…” 

He collapses on his knees in front of you, his hands resting on your legs, gripping them gently. There's desperation in his eyes. A desperation to do or say something to make you change your mind. To fix the mess he got himself into yet again. A type of mess that Keith can't get him out of this time. 

“Please don't say that. I don't want you to go!” he pleads. 

The sight of him like this startles you a little. You expected more anger and shouting, not this. He almost looks fragile like this, kneeling before you, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. Like his world is about to shatter at the mere idea of you no longer being a part of it. You, the one and only person who accepted him and found him worthy of love. The one person he always hoped he wouldn't manage to scare away. 

“I’ll be better! I'll watch my mouth, I'll- I'll…” He searches your face for any sign of approval. Any indication that you might change your mind or that you didn't mean what you said. 

You're no longer sure how to respond. Are you willing to give him another chance? It is true that he's been improving, but today was particularly bad. 

“Please… I know I'm difficult. I know it's a miracle that you put up with me until now. But please tell me you'll stay. Please don't tell me I fucked up the one good thing in my life.” 

The tears are fully falling down his cheeks now. You don't think you've ever seen Tenebris cry before. It makes your heart clench. 

“I will need some time to think… I'm sorry.” 

- - -

You awaken to an unfamiliar hardwood floor, head pounding and limbs stiff. So stiff, in fact, that you aren’t able to move them. Your eyes shoot open as you tug on the ropes tying your limbs to the chair you're sitting in. 

The room you’re in is unfamiliar, a lavish living room with wooden walls and a large fireplace. A sweet, mind-numbing fragrance catches your attention. Possibly, the herbs burning in a bowl on the coffee table before you. All the curtains are drawn, so you fail to see anything outside. You can’t remember how or when you got here. 

The sound of footsteps approaching brings your attention to the closed door. Keith appears from behind it, looking much more frazzled and unkept than usual. His hair is a bit messy, he’s not wearing the usual concealer under his eyes and his collar is askew. 

“My love! You're awake!” He rushes over to you. 

“Keith! What the hell did you do to me? Where am I?!” 

He shushes you as he caresses your cheek. You want to scream at him, fight against your restraints, yank yourself away from his touch. But for some reason, as soon as those thoughts enter your mind, they fade away. 

“Everything's alright, dear. You're safe now. I'm sorry about the ropes, but there was no other way. I'll take them off once they're not needed anymore.” 

There is nothing sane in his gaze. His eyes are big and alert and his smile is too wide for comfort. 

“Where are we?” you ask, much calmer than you'd like. 

“Somewhere where nobody will bother us! Don't worry, it's just the two of us.” 

You don't know what he's done to you, but your fear, anger and alarm are all much too mild. 

“Oh! I've made you lunch! Let me grab it for you before it gets cold.” 

He rushes off through the door, then returns with a plate of food and a fork. The sight and smell of it makes your stomach grumble. For how long were you out? 

“I hope you like it! Open wide!” Keith holds some of it out in front of you. 

Thoughts of turning away or refusing the food pass through your mind, then leave just as fast. You reluctantly open your mouth. 

Even when he's crazy, he manages to make infuriatingly good food. You do not complain about being fed the entire plate. If you want to try to get out of this situation, you'll need the energy anyway.

“You ate everything! Good job!” he praises you cheerfully. 

Then, he looks down at the fork in his hand. His eyes flicker between it and your mouth for a moment. Until they eventually settle on you as he brings the fork near his face and licks the part that's been in your mouth. Once his tongue reaches the tips of the tines, he sticks them entirely in his mouth. 

You stare at him, dumbfounded. Before you can say anything about it, he sets the fork back on the plate and turns to leave. 

“I'll bring you a glass of water! Can't let you get dehydrated!” 

What the hell was that? How far gone is he? 

You finally get your brain to cooperate and attempt to struggle against your bindings. Unfortunately, they're tight and secure. Looking around, you can't spot anything sharp enough to cut them. 

When Keith returns, he's brought back not only your glass of water but also a small satchel. You eye it curiously as he helps you drink. 

And once it's done, he sets down the glass and opens up the satchel. It's full of herbs, some of which he places in the bowl with the others. That mind number scent hits you again. Any thought you'd had of escaping is beginning to blur.

As if reading your thoughts, Keith answers. “Just a little something to help you relax! I know you're probably quite stressed.” 

He puts the satchel away and picks up a book instead. “How about I read you something? That way you won't be bored!” 

You want to say no, you want to reason with him, ask him to let you go, convince him none of this is necessary. But none of it leaves your lips. 

“Okay,” you say instead. 

- - -

It's been two days since Keith locked you up in this house. He's fed you and kept you hydrated. When he's not been taking care of you, he's been keeping you entertained or simply chatted with you. 

Perhaps it's your fault you've ended up this way. You ignored the signs that he wasn't doing well. You weren't a very good partner overall. 

This morning he made you heart shaped pancakes with strawberries. It was kind of cute. 

Perhaps you don't need to escape, perhaps he will snap back to reality and release you himself. The two of you aren't good for each other. 

- - -

Four days have passed since Keith brought you here. He untied you from the chair but kept your wrist handcuffed to his to make sure you don't run away. 

It's a pretty nice vacation home. Apparently you're in the mountains. The view from the balcony is stunning. Although it gave you a bit of a fright when you woke up here four days ago, it isn't so bad. 

Keith still insists that you let him prepare meals, despite you being able to help now. You can't believe you treated him so coldly before. When he discovered you had bruises on your wrists from the rope, he cried and kissed them better. 

At night, when you get ready for bed, he asks if he can cuddle you. If you say no, he keeps his distance. When you do give him permission, he holds you tight and whispers that he loves you. He smells sweet, a bit like burnt herbs. 

- - -

It's been a week since the start of your little vacation. You took a walk through the forest this morning, hand in hand with your beloved boyfriend. He told you about the plants that grow here and which ones are safe to eat. He's so smart! 

When you got back, you made lunch together. He’s been a bit down and anxious the past few days, but today he was in good spirits. Though he still won't tell you where he got the new perfume he's been wearing. It's so sweet, it makes you want to hold him close constantly. 

Now that it's evening, you're both sitting on the couch, cuddling as you watch TV. Keith holds you against his chest, his chin resting on the top of your head. You feel safe here. 

“I love you,” you murmur. 

He stiffens at once. Thinking there must be something wrong, you pull away to look at him. A mixture of shock and joy battles on his features. 

“I love you too!” Tears are spilling from his eyes. 

You laugh and cup his face, holding it still so you can kiss away his tears. Your boyfriend is so sentimental. His hand brushes over your chin, silently asking you to lean down. His lips quiver against yours, soft and uncertain. You press in lovingly. 

"What is this one?"

"It's a chocolate milkshake. You drink it through this straw. The little tube poking out at the top," you explain to the creature eyeing the cup in your hand. "Wanna try it?"

As one arm reaches out, it morphs into a human one so it can easily grab the treat you've brought him. He hesitates as he brings it to his face and leans in to sniff it. He must not find anything suspicious because quickly after, he sips from the straw.

"Do you like it?"

The many eyes light up with delight. You've seen them do that every time you presented him with a new type of sweet treat. Each time, you find it very cute. Something so big and scary is obsessed with sweets.

"It's good. Very sweet, just like the rest. But I'm beginning to discern between them... What will we do in exchange for it?"

Some time ago, you'd made a deal with "the monster in the forest." You'd bring him the sweets he'd grown so fond of and in exchange, he'd let you get to know him. It was a deal that had perplexed him at first. He couldn't see why you'd want such a thing. Yet he'd accepted nonetheless.

"Since it's nighttime and the sky is clear, I was thinking we could stargaze."

"Very well. I appreciate that this one does not involve other humans."

He brings the straw back to his mouth. You watch the contents of the cup being drained at an impressive speed. Within mere seconds, it's empty. He hands it back to you and you store it away in your backpack.

"I mean, I was thinking we could do it from the top of one of the buildings in the city. The forest is kinda dense for it," you explain.

Half a dozen eyes narrow at you. "No. There is a large clearing deeper in. We're going there, where it is quiet and dark. Your loud vehicles and blinding lights would no longer bother us."

Under different circumstances, going deep into the forest with a monster would be a terrible idea. But if he wanted to harm you, he would've done it many times by now. So you take the risk.

"Okay, fair enough. How do we get there?"

He turns his back to you, then crouches down. "It will be too slow if I let you walk. Get on my back."

You pause, caught by surprise. He's never allowed you to touch him this much before. When you'd tried, he'd move away or snarl at you. Still, you aren't about to refuse the offer. You climb on and wrap your arms around his neck.

His skin is cold, but his hair feels soft as it brushes against your cheek. He smells like grass and honey. The lizard tail and his hunched position help keep you in place once he takes off.

You now see why he suggested you'd be slow. It wasn't an insult, it was a fact when you compared it to the speed he was running at. He wasn't only fast. He was also agile. You never once got smacked by any branches or bushes.

"Am I heavy?" you ask.

"Heavy? You come nowhere close to it. Not to me, at least."

You're not sure if even ten minutes have passed before he comes to a stop and lowers himself again to put you down.

The clearing he spoke of is indeed big. The stars are much more beautiful here, compared to the city. They look like glitter spread over dark fabric. You can't help but smile looking at it.

"You're right. This is much better."

He huffs as he plops down onto the grass with a loud thud. "Of course I am."

You suppress a chuckle and join him.

You'd noticed earlier, but now you have time to inspect him properly. He's dressed up. An intricate necklace resembling golden branches with precious stones instead of fruits hangs over his chest. A similar golden arm band matches one around his tail. And he's wearing pants. Something he didn't do the first time you'd met him in this form. He'd kept in mind you weren't a fan of complete nudity.

Three eyes shift to look at you questioningly. "I thought we came here to look at stars. Why are you staring at me?"

"Sorry, I was just thinking you look nice."

The eyes widen, then quickly look away. You get the impression he's flustered.

"Shouldn't this form frighten you? Why do you always ask me to stick to it instead of the human ones?"

"I like it. And you said the human form takes effort to maintain. I want you to be comfortable," you respond.

He only lets out a grunt and reverts his attention to the sky. You do the same.

You don't know a lot about stars. He does. So you ask a lot of questions. He answers each one without complaint. And when you both lay on your backs to get a better view and you scooch a little closer until your shoulders touch, he doesn't push you away.

The urgency in his voice forces away your drowsiness. You've never heard him like this before, his voice cracking and quivering. His grip on your arm is firm, like he's worried you'll run off.

"Are you scared?" you ask.

He doesn't answer.

The thunder is even louder now. You feel Tenebris jump before he quickly presses himself against you. His heart is going a hundred miles per hour. You can feel it beating as his chest presses against your arm.

You take a moment to adjust your position and then pull him closer. "It's okay. I'm here." Your fingers find the side of his face. They carress it for a moment before diving into his locks. "Do you wanna go to the kitchen and make some hot chocolate? Or maybe play a game?"

He shakes his head. "Don't let go."

"I won't. I'll stay with you until it's over."

The air he lets out as he sighs tickles your neck. Lightning strikes and soon after, the thunder follows, louder. He jumps again, his grip tightens.

"I hate this," he mumbles.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner? I would've stayed up with you if I knew you were scared."

"Usually, if I switch with Keith, I don't have to deal with it. And... I didn't want you to see me like this either."

You begin to rub circles against his back. His shoulders relax a little. When thunder strikes this time, he tenses up again, but doesn't jump.

"It's okay to not act tough all the time. I won't think less of you if you do."

"Even when it's over something dumb like a storm?"

"Yes."

He nuzzles into you. "You'd better not be lying."

The two of you continue talking. You change the topic to something light-hearted. Tenebris gets caught up in it, as you'd hoped. Gradually, you feel his heartbeat slow down against your chest. He becomes less and less tense. By the time the storm is nearing its end, he's asleep again.

There's a slight blush on your face and you seem hesitant to speak. "Could you tell Tenebris to see me after you're done with work? I want to talk to him about something."

His heart drops. Suddenly, the room is spinning. He can't feel his knees. His hands tremble as he grips the counter. It's not. Is it? You're going to confess to him. Why? Why is this happening? He's become a nearly perfect copy, he's erased from himself anything he noticed you didn't like about Tenebris. He's worked so hard. Isn't he what you wanted?

"Keith? Are you okay?"

Smile, he tells himself. Don't be pathetic in front of them. Brush it off. Stop embarrassing yourself, he continues. They'll hate you more. You'll squander any crumb of a chance that they might like you. Stop being this way, he says. Stop being you!

That's enough. A second voice interrupts.

When Keith looks at you, there's tears forming in his eyes. He looks sad, hurt, desperate. He opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. It clamps shut and he shakes his head instead, before rushing off into one of the shop’s staff rooms.

Tears trail down his cheeks. He tries to keep them at bay, wipes them off furiously. This is why he's not good enough. Tenebris wouldn't cry. He wouldn't hide. Is that it? Is that why you don't love him? He doesn't know. He doesn't know anymore. What is he doing wrong? Why is nothing working? Is the Keith you first met so repulsive that you could never love him no matter how much he changed?

"Excuse me," Keith cuts in before you can respond, probably having noticed that you're not very happy to see this person. "I don't believe we've been introduced."

"Right. This is Keith, my boyfriend. Keith, this is Andy, my ex." The word "ex" comes out as if it's painful to pronounce.

Neither of them seem to take the information well. Andy's eyes go wide, while Keith's features subtly harden.

"Oh, you got a boyfriend." There's a poor attempt at sounding casual and not at all disappointed. It fails miserably at convincing Keith.

"They did."

Keith slips an arm around your waist, pulling you towards him. "Now that you know this, perhaps you'll stop texting them."

The tension is thick enough to cut with a knife. The normally timid and sweet florist is doing a pretty good job at intimidating the other guy.

"Chill, man. I wasn't trying-"

"You weren't? Then what business do you have texting them multiple times?"

Keith regular soft and gentle features are now held in a stern gaze that could make the sea freeze over. Andy doesn't enjoy it much. He holds his hands up.

"If you're gonna be like this, I'll go. It was nice seeing you, Y/N."

Keith doesn't take his eyes off him as he walks around you two and goes on his way. You feel like you can breathe again now that he's gone.

The rest of the walk isn't as pleasant as it started. Keith doesn't continue his story about flowers. His grip on your hand is a little tighter, though not enough to hurt you or feel uncomfortable. His features have softened, too, but a small frown remains as he stares at his own feet.

"Has he been bothering you for long?" he asks, just as the two of you reach the door to the apartment complex.

"Huh? Oh, he sent a few messages a few weeks ago, but I ignored him."

"Why didn't you tell him you're seeing someone?"

"I didn't really want to talk to him. I just hoped he'd give up. If he didn't, I would've just blocked him."

Keith doesn't say anything else as you two make your way to your apartment. Once inside,  you both busy yourselves with different tasks. You know by now that it's better to leave Keith alone for some time when he is angry, even if not with you.

Half an hour later, you notice he is still quieter than normal, so you join him in the kitchen, where he's started making dinner.

"Are you still upset?" you ask.

"What? I'm not upset." He looks at you with mild offense.

"Yes, you are. You still have your jealous face on."

"I- I have a jealous face?"

The fact that he can stutter and sound surprised means he's at least calmed down to a great extent.

You laugh. "Keith, you're the only one for me. Andy is just some idiot that I couldn't care less about."

He sets down a spoon as you walk up to him and place a hand on his cheek. The frown on his face relaxes and a tiny smile replaces it. Only to return a moment later. 

"I don't like how he talks to you, like he still has a chance."

"He doesn't."

You pull him in for a kiss. As soon as he notices what you're trying to do, his slips his arms around your back and attacks your mouth with his. Most of his kisses are gentle, but this one is desperate and possessive, like an angry cry towards anyone and anything that might want to take you from him.

He presses his forehead to yours when you break away from the kiss. Greed glistens in those blue eyes.

"Will you block him? And tell me if you run into him again."

"Alright, I will. But you have nothing to worry about. I'm all yours."

He kisses you again, softer this time and lingers there for a moment before speaking. "I'll never get tired of hearing that." More kisses trail down your neck.

"Hey. Weren't we going to make dinner?" you remind him.

The attack on your neck stops, followed by a small sigh. "I suppose we shouldn't skip a meal. Alright, let's do that first. But afterward..."

You plop down on the couch next to him. He has no reaction as first, but once the game round is over, he looks over. You smile lovingly.

"Since you won't join me, I thought I'd hug you before heading to bed."

"Oh. Sure."

Tenebris leans into you as you pull him into your chest. Knowing that all his hugs are long, this gives you the opportunity to start running your fingers through his hair.

"Mmm." He took the bait, judging from the sound.

Just as he relaxes into your arms, you pull away and stand up.

"Well, enjoy your game. I'm tired, so I'm going to sleep."

"What? Noo, come back!" he whines with an outstretched arm towards you. "I want more."

"If you want more, you'd better be in bed within the next five minutes."

He doesn't argue this time. You watch in amusement as he leaps off the couch and hurries into the bathroom to brush his teeth. In the meantime, you turn off the game and tidy up whatever he left behind. By the time you get to the bedroom, he's already there, waiting.

"Alright, you've earned your cuddle session."

He scoots closer as soon as you climb in next to him. It's always a joy to see how much he loves physical affection. Like a clingy kitten. He lays his head on your chest, his hair tickling your neck. You wrap your arms around him once more, repeating what you did earlier. Not long after your fingers plunge into his blonde locks, the sound of purring can be heard. You can feel the slight vibration against your torso, where his chest is pressed against you.

"You'd better sleep now. Don't get back up to play games once I'm asleep," you warn.

Tenebris sighs happily and snuggles into you. "Don't worry, I won't. This is much better." The purring resumes as soon as he's done talking.

"Alright, good. Sweet dream, then."

× × ×

"Can you please stop doing that?" you say in a firm tone, overcome by frustration.

Keith rips his gaze from the ducks on the lake to look at you, startled and confused. "Stop doing... what?"

"You're picking your words and mannerisms again to please me. I told you to stop it." Your tone softens a bit, but the exasperation can still be heard clearly.

"I wasn't-"

"I'm not stupid, Keith. I can tell when you do it. You can't just lock away whatever part of yourself I haven't praised."

He falls silent. His hand tightens around the bag of birdseeds as returns his gaze to the water a few feet away from him.

You sigh. "Look, I know you want me to be happy with you. But I can't have a relationship with someone I don't even know at this point. I need you to stop lying and putting on masks. I'm your partner, you should be comfortable to be yourself around me. Have I really been so unaccepting?"

He looks scared all of a sudden and turns to you with wide eyes. "N-no! I... I'm sorry... I'll do better!"

You've heard that before. Keith must notice that you don't seem convinced, because the frightened look on his face doesn't leave. Neither of you knows what to say anymore, so you return to feeding the ducks in silence.

The walk back home is silent as well.

You want to say something to not leave the situation as it is, but you feel like you need to think it through first. There's few things you haven't already said to him that you'd thought would help.

Since it's been a long day and since it'll also help you collect your thoughts, you decide to take a shower.

You aren't sure how much time you spend in there. 30 minutes? Maybe an hour? When you walk out, you can't find Keith anywhere in the apartment. Eventually, you grab your phone to call him, but find a message from him instead.

"I'll be gone for a few hours. I probably won't answer the phone. But I'm okay and I'm not far. You can go to bed without me. Sorry."

You start to feel a bit guilty. Were you too harsh with him? Normally, he'll cling to you like glue unless you ask to be alone. At most, he'd let Tenebris take over. Is he really okay?

There's no way you can sleep before he comes back. You're beginning to worry now. But he didn't say where he'd gone, only that he wasn't far.

Some time passes. Two hours and he hasn't returned. The sun set a good while ago too. You can't seem to settle down either, pacing around the apartment, fidgeting whenever you try to sit in one place.

Where would he go at this time? The forest? You aren't sure if you want to go searching through it in the middle of the night. But what other place is close by that he'd go to at this hour?

Ah. Of course.

The door to the roof creaks a little as you close it behind you. It doesn't allert the figure standing by the edge. As you approach, you're relieved to find it is indeed him. He doesn't notice you until you reach his side, which startles him.

There are tears streaming down his face, his eyes are red and swollen. For how long has he been crying?

"Hey. I was worried," you say gently.

He wiped away the tears in a rush. "I'm sorry. I know you said you want me to be honest, but... I didn't want you to see me like this."

"It's okay. I understand..."

He shakes his head and grips his hair with both hands. "No, no, it's not. I keep disappointing you or making you feel bad. I keep messing up. And I could fix it if I'd just do what you tell me and be honest, but... but I'm so scared. I'm just a coward."

"Keith, really, it's alright. Maybe I've been too pushy. I-"

"No! No, no, don't say that." He tugs at his hair. More tears stream down his cheeks.

You stop speaking, not knowing what to say that won't hurt him further.

"It's all my fault. You deserve someone better. I want to be that someone. But that means I need to risk losing you. What if there's a part of me you can't stand? Or maybe I've just been showing you that part all this time and soon enough you'll get fed up and leave!"

"Keith, calm down. Breathe. I'm here, I'm not going anywhere." You gently reach for his hands to pull them away from his hair.

He looks at you, shaking and sobbing. You move your hands to his arms, wanting to hug him, but he gets ahead of you, lunging into you instead. He presses against you and grips you tight, a type of embrance you'd normally expect from Tenebris.

"Please don't leave. I'm trying to be better, I swear."

"I'm not leaving, I promise."

You hold him. Minutes go by like that, with him crying and gripping you like his life depends on it. Until his sobbing stops and his grip loosens into a more gentle embrance. When he pulls away, he doesn't meet your gaze.

"Keith. Look at me," you say. And he does, so you continue. "It's okay if you can't do it yet. I understand. I won't go. I ask you to be honest because I love you and I imagine living to please me isn't easy. I just want you to be happy and to feel at ease. I want you to trust me."

"I... I am happy! But..." He sighs. "I'm sorry. I'll try..."

"Let's go back inside, okay? And... next time I overwhelm you, please tell me. I know it's hard for you, but I don't want to hurt you."