*QUEUE HYSTERICAL WEEPING AND SOBBING READING THIS ASK* ............................................................................thank u 😭😭😭

I will do both Izaya and Shizuo and Shizaya because I love and hate them separately but equally and I would inject their bottled relationship directly into my veins sometimes.

Anyway,

Izaya:

Izaya 100% spent his birthday entirely by himself at least once when he was a kid. He didn't really think of it as a big deal until he realized that his classmates would get acknowledged and gifted things on their birthdays and it was just like an 'oh okay, that's one of those things about me that aren't normal' moment.

I think Izaya would be the type to cry just because every once in a while. It's probably why he talks to himself honestly. He just needs to feel like someone else is responding so he won't be tempted to start knocking around in that head of his and once again start his long-standing debate on if he hates himself or not.

I HC that he had a conversation with Shinichi Tsukumoya about why Shizuo hates him one time and Izaya did not come out of that conversation with a whole lot of dignity, hating Shinichi Tsukumoya even deeper by the end of it, and hating Shizuo deeper via proxy.

Is probably vaguely aware of the fact that Namie pities him and compensates for and tries to combat this fact by pranking and annoying her at work. Spoiler alert Izaya: it just makes her feel even worse for you, and possibly remind her of her little brother a little bit oops.

I know this one isn't that popular but I hc him as being very weird about physical intimacy with strangers, like even hugs or pets on the head? He's good at playing it cool when it's someone he's trying to keep up the act around and being latched onto the arm by someone has become old hat by now, but he's probably the stiffest hugger you ever felt (but also at the same time if he IS comfortable with the person he's very good at giving physical affection but this isn't sad so it goes in small)

He's probably never had anyone tuck him into bed before. If he fell asleep somewhere that wasn't his bed, he'd have to pick himself up and go get into bed himself rather than being carried.

The fact that he canonically can't cook for himself very well implies that he either ate mostly junk food (which he also canonically dislikes) or he went out all the time, so imagine this little 15 year old kid frequenting restaurants by himself paying for full course dinners (which is very common in Japan but STILL what a lonely bastard).

Probably has a lot of restless nights at present day in canon as he lives most of his life in pain. He can still shower by himself though which means he probably spends time in his bathroom crying about how hard his life is and how much he hates himself (confirmed).

Okay Izaya, I'm done picking on you. Now Shizuo!

He probably rarely gets to hug anyone and even when he does it can never be more than like. A light squeeze if that. He's going to crush someone. It's not a matter of maybe. It's guaranteed. With that said, please ignore that fanfic writers let him hug as much and as hard as he wants. Or not, do what you want.

He's probably only really held hands with his brother and like a small handful of individuals. Touching Shizuo is probably really intimidating because if he moves against you or moves in any way that your body might resist, he is likely to hurt you. He made Masaomi flip into the air with a flick. People are justifiably afraid of him.

In contrast to how I feel about Izaya, I think Shizuo has not cried in a long time. He probably doesn't even know if he can cry. Wonders if the only emotion he can feel nowadays besides dull calm is rage. Of course logically he knows that he feels things like normal but the extreme feelings probably feel very vague compared to rage.

While he has traveled some in the novels, I still get the feeling that unless something drastically changes in his life, he will be stuck doing the same thing in Ikebukuro for the rest of his life. The novels do imply that Tom is considering moving on with his career and if that's the case I'm not entirely sure what that would mean for Shizuo, but. Shizuo is still in a place where he has to count on others to protect his way of life.

I hc that the real reason he couldn't take Yuigadokusonmaru (the cat) wasn't simply because he didn't have time/space, but because he was afraid any prolonged period of time spent with a small animal would result in him harming him by accident, which is probably also why Shizuo doesn't keep a pet. (However it does look like Kasuka would trust him with his pet and in all honesty I think he'd be fine but Shizuo just thinking he can't have a pet because he might hurt it hurts me.)

Has definitely broken furniture in his apartment and just had to go without for a little bit; which isn't super sad or anything but that's such a frustrating fact to just have to live with.

I doubt he's the type to sit and brood by himself, but he probably did spend his more formative years wondering what the hell was wrong with him or what the hell he did to deserve the life he was dealt. He looks back on those years of self pity with irritation and embarrassment even though sometimes he feels like he hasn't found the answer.

Just as much as Izaya has PTSD from their fight, I hc Shizuo as having some semblance of trauma formed from the events of that night, even if it's not as extreme. I just can't make sense of Shizuo just making it out of that fight completely unmarred or bothered by anything besides just wondering if he and Izaya could have gotten along. Something had to have triggered it.

Are we ready for Shizaya angst now?? Always. Tw: break up scenarios

Neither of them have ever been in a serious relationship and you know what?? They are bad at it!! Very bad! They say things that hurt each other all the time, sometimes cutting deep old wounds they didn't even realize were there! And you know what? They're both manchildren. They don't know how to process that healthily all the time. So sometimes the only thing they're held together by is knowing that this thing between them is Good and that they're both better than the other acted like they were and that's okay.

Shizuo probably accidentally hurts Izaya more than once, just from forgetting how feeble Izaya actually is. He can literally give him a bruise with a flick on the forehead. It's not good. Shizuo has to learn restraint, which is historically not something he is good at. Would this work in a real life relationship??? Absolutely not. If your partner accidentally physically abuses you, you don't need to be together and they need to work on themselves. PSA over.

Neither one of them knows how to seek out physical or emotional comfort because they are both so accustomed to looking after themselves from the majority of their adult lives (and most of their childhood let's be real), so they might need or desire something and have no idea how to begin communicating that.

They are probably both terrible kissers at first. I don't imagine Izaya as a well practiced natural kisser even if he probably understands in theory. They're probably both way up in their own head, and definitely convinced that there's something wrong with themselves personally. You know, like teenagers might think.

They both know exactly what to say to cut each other down, because... they used to be enemies, you know? Still are in some Shizaya cases. And when they're angry at each other, it's difficult to hold anything Back. They sometimes insult to hurt, and that's something they have to learn to stop doing.

I, of course, think Shizaya are soulmates and could make each other the best possible versions of themselves, however ultimately I think if Shizuo decided that he and Izaya weren't right for each other he'd leave because he wants what's best for both of them, while Izaya would stay because he could never let go of the individual feeling of love he felt for Shizuo, and unlike Shizuo I don't think Izaya could ever fall out of love. It's not a matter of I think one loves the other more or that one is more codependent or toxic, but rather that all love looks differently from person to person and Izaya's love is like a lobster's love for its mate and Shizuo's is just too unselfish.

I also hc that Shizuo's more romantic than Izaya so if he felt like Izaya was better off/happier with someone else then he'd move on whereas Izaya would need prompting. While I think there is a slim chance that Izaya would take revenge if Shizuo got a new partner, he's more likely to just slink off into the shadows never to be seen again, especially by Shizuo. Which, Shizuo would never cheat imo. Never ever never.

I hc that Izaya asks Shizuo a lot of hypothetical, irritatingly dark questions ('Would you find love again if I died tragically in front of you?' and the like) with the front that he's just trying to annoy Shizuo but really he's just anxiously trying to confirm Shizuo's continued interest in the relationship (which Shizuo usually does by answering seriously or by being so sarcastically dry about it that Izaya knows he's joking).

Izaya: The entirety of civilization could collapse and I’d be fine as long as I was with you.

Shizuo: I feel the same way.

Shizuo:

Something Shizaya which is very important to me is that Izaya and Shizuo both respectively show moments where they share the same characteristics as one another, Izaya's lead characteristic being his cunning and Shizuo's being his anger.

Shizuo shows cunning when he does things that he deems as careful ways to lure out or look for Izaya, such as when he goes onto that tall observatory building to spot him (God he's such a moron. I think for him though this is a good tactic). That's canon btw. He's looking into those binoculars thinking about how he might spy Izaya somewhere, which is also very Izaya-like in a lot of ways since Izaya likes high places. Shizuo also does things in his rage fits that are much more thought through than one would originally realize, since for example he yeets around that abandoned car while charging at Vorona and Slon's get away truck as a way to avoid bullets (his fear of lead poisoning will never not be funny), and thinking he was going to pretend to be one of Izaya's customers when he goes to Izaya's apartment buildings. I think Shizuo's a lot smarter than people give him credit for (footnote: smarter not smart. Important distinction. That is a stupid, stupid man.), and it's important to me that it be pointed out he actually does think about these things in these blind rages he goes into, which to me also implies two things: that he is in some level of control of himself and he is in fact a selfish asshole for letting his anger dictate his actions, and also that he possesses some level of prowess and some of the things he does seemingly by accident is somewhat intentional.

OH!!! Sad things?? I need to think about sad things when I'm in a particular mood. And you're in luck! I felt sad today:

Izaya going to Ikebukuro post-Ketsu is something that would take a LONG time to get to. But, I could see him very casually (in his head) starting to keep tabs on Shizuo's movements when he leaves Ikebukuro (which becomes surprisingly more often post-Ketsu! Weird.), and happens to be within a day's distance when he finds out Shizuo's going to be at a baseball game or something (I have this elaborate explanation in my head I don't wanna get into tbh), but he ends up watching him from afar. AFAR AFAR. Like probably in disguise. And at least 100+ yards away. And even then he's probably trembling.

Izaya keeps tabs of what little he learns about Shizuo in a private folder on one of his treasured phones that he keeps out of reach of anyone else. No One Can Know. To be honest, I doubt Shizuo makes the news very often, or tries to do anything to garner public attention really but he IS the strongest man in Ikebukuro and Yuuhei Hanejima's brother so there is the occasional headline. Sometimes at night, Izaya just scrolls through those little slivers of Shizuo's existence with a sad, wistful little smile on his face.

Obviously Izaya still stalks Ikebukuro forums and keeps up with the gossip like a hawk. Personally I think hearing anything about Shizuo's violence makes Izaya freeze up like a wounded animal. Yet at the same time, occasionally hearing that it has become quiet there for a while, or suddenly finding out that Shizuo's been on the scene lately fills him with this chilled sense of ambivalence. Anyone who truly knew Izaya would notice when he falls into these bits of melancholy.

Izaya dreams about their reunion more than once. He has all sorts of ideas in his head about how it will happen and how Shizuo would react. Part of him wants to delight in the idea of Shizuo feeling regret from putting Izaya in a wheelchair (or so he'd assume), but he also wonders if Shizuo would be cold about it. Both of these scenarios would be okay with him. He only somewhat believes he wants to find out what would happen.

I think Izaya suffers from fits of being terrified at the prospect of seeing Shizuo again. Or even encountering something that reminds him of Shizuo. It's weird because sometimes he's perfectly okay with never seeing him again because holy fuck what a disaster and Izaya's ego will probably never fully recover. Yet, at the same time I've always felt there was a part of Izaya that wondered if he and Shizuo could have been friends- especially now that Izaya has conceded that he was ignoring the more human parts of Shizuo.

I think Shizuo plays a big part of any emotional/mental breakdown Izaya has, period. I don't think it's as simple as "what we had could have been great" or "if only". It's more like "you didn't even know me and yet you Knew I was bad". I think Izaya's hatred of Shizuo spurs more from the rejection and the inherent belief that he is Bad. And maybe Izaya trusts Shizuo's instincts more than he realizes, and those instincts saw into Izaya's personality from first sight. It probably effected him more than he realized.

Even if Izaya knew he was 100% guaranteed safety upon making any sort of contact with Shizuo (which let's be real, like THAT would happen), Izaya would not meet with him. Other than being embarrassed, prideful, and resentful of his last fight with Shizuo, Izaya has literally never made any headway with him. The very idea of being friends with him is too foreign to consider. That doesn't keep Izaya from thinking about it though. He already feels as though he's mostly friendless at this point, so that lack of connections from his past probably leaves him feeling kind of empty, you know?

I do. 🥺 Thank you so much.

Izaya: the love languages that he expresses most is acts of service followed by gift giving and physical touch- hold the phone though! Because they are not all healthy expressions of acts of service and gift giving.

He will set up doctor’s appointments for Shizuo and go with him to make sure it goes smoothly. He teases him and pretends to gripe about it but Shizuo knows that Izaya feels really useful for being able to deal with social situations Shizuo’s not good in.

He’ll get Shizuo’s laundry dry cleaned, and tidy up his spaces for him around their apartment. If they don’t live together, one of the first gestures he initiates to show he cares is offer a place for Shizuo to keep his stuff when he stays overnight.

Will buy an entire skincare routine for Shizuo to use and teaches him how to use it. At first, Shizuo assumes it’s a scheme to piss him off and condescend to him and Izaya even pretends like it was indeed that because he realizes Shizuo is insulted, but Shizuo realizes that it was a genuine gesture that Izaya meant as a way to show he cared.

Same thing with his hair. Don’t use bad shampoo or 3 in 1 bullshit Shizuo.

Izaya jumps at the opportunity to show Shizuo a new experience or do something he thinks would improve Shizuo’s quality of life because he still gets in the mindset that he has to prove how useful he is all the time. Shizuo can get kind of frustrated by it because while it does mean that Izaya has genuinely well meaning intentions for doing things for Shizuo, Izaya is still kind of viewing love and relationships as a transactional thing that he has to earn.

Because of the point above, Shizuo limits Izaya in the amount of gifts he’s allowed to give, and if Izaya does something for him he’s still suspicious at times, or just a little exasperated. Izaya is still learning.

Physical touch, however,,,, LMAO is one of Shizuo’s big love languages as well. Izaya is very good with little tender and romantic gestures like brushing his bangs out of his face, cupping his cheek, holding his hands and kissing his palms, etc. Izaya loves to have his hands somewhere on Shizuo. I’d say that my hc for which love language Izaya likes to receive from Shizuo the most is physical touch, and he loves to have Shizuo hold him. Tucks himself into Shizuo’s chest and relaxes.

He’s also a little more timid with his words of affirmation because it’s really hard for him to be honest, but he is really good at encouraging Shizuo and complimenting him. Because of how he is, he always knows what to say.

He likes for Shizuo to do things for him though like 1000%. If Shizuo brings him a coffee or puts his socks on for him he’ll get kind of tongue-tied for a second because Shizuo is just so unassuming.

He’s also a sucker for Shizuo getting gifts for him. Somehow Shizuo is freakishly so good at getting him presents. Izaya didn’t even know how sentimental he was until he got a hopeless romantic boyfriend.

Now for Shizuo: main love language is physical touch but also quality time. He likes to receive words of affirmation, but he can be a little reserved at giving them out.

Shizuo is no fool. He knows who he’s with and that Izaya needs protecting from no one, and most people probably need protecting from him, but he still protecc. He always has a hand on Izaya somehow, and thankfully even when he doesn’t Izaya usually has a hand on him. They literally can’t keep their hands off of each other. Something something they chased each other and were just out of arm’s reach for the longest time? And now they’re just a little eternally intertwined okay nbd.

A little nsfw-ish maybe, but Shizuo falling asleep on Izaya near the start of their relationship and Shizuo somehow always having his mouth on Izaya in some way. He always drools and Izaya futilely attempts to knock him off but fails. Izaya endears himself to it.

Shizuo doesn’t need a fancy date ever, or exotic trips overseas, or even a lengthy vacation. All he needs is to know several times per day that Izaya’s attention is 100% undivided and on him which- is no problem at all since they love each other your honor.

If he feels neglected he gets kinda sulky. Not jealous per se, at least not at first, but he at least doesn’t want Izaya’s time being all spent up from work if he’s home. PAY ATTENTION TO HIM IZAYA SMH.

As stated in my Izaya hc, Shizuo tries not to enable Izaya’s habit of attaching his self worth and value in his usefulness to others, but he does love for Izaya to do something for him with him such as make dinner. He likes doing chores together and snuggling together on the couch all domestic-like afterward.

Shizuo loves for Izaya to kiss his hands. Something particular about his hands just seems like such a conscientious thing on Izaya’s part, and they’ve never spoken about it yet somehow that seems to make it better. So I have a hc that Shizuo is very insecure over his hands. He hasn’t taken good care of his hands, he has rough looking hands, and Izaya has literally been hurt by those hands. It feels like a silent gesture of encouragement for Izaya to kiss his knuckles. Sometimes he even looks Shizuo in the eye knowingly as he does it. Shizuo barely keeps it together.

He’s better with words of affirmation than Izaya but he’s still not great. He struggles with saying how deeply he feels. He can say the words “I love you.” pretty quickly on the tongue so that’s one thing. Izaya has to practice really hardcore for a while.

Izaya always loves Shizuo’s gifts which are always incredible and also mundane. Honestly Shizuo thought Izaya was making fun of him the first time Shizuo got him anything, but Izaya actually seemed like he was tearing up himself. He’s good at nostalgic presents which is great because Izaya can buy himself literally anything he wants for himself any time.

Shizuo is a hopeless romantic and will have them spend a whole day together if he has to. One that Shizuo plans himself and ends somewhere really nice. This falls under acts of service and quality time I feel.