#drrrfics

Shizuo had grown to hate going to bed alone these days. It was a determinate “going to be alone” because he pointedly did not have to be alone. His bed mate was just not here. They had made plans to see each other only two nights ago, and Shizuo had to admit they had seen a lot of each other more often these days than not. Still, growing used to something in your life often meant that you were more and more aware when it was not there. Izaya Orihara was a very big presence in his life and always had been. 

On nights when they were not scheduled to see each other, Izaya usually did call him and talk to him for a few minutes. Though he had never officially said anything, Shizuo had started to view them as his “good night” calls. Izaya always acted the same as usual, and though he did his best to make it seem like he was just trying to annoy Shizuo before bed, Shizuo had always thought of the night time calls as his supplementary affection before they saw each other again. Shizuo loved it. He could never admit that to Izaya of course. Pointedly, the other had not yet called tonight. He had texted him earlier that he was out in western Shinjuku and was turning off his phone to avoid being “tracked” whatever that meant. Shizuo was practicing, or rather was trying to learn to practice, this thing called patience. Right before Shizuo had laid down for bed, he did receive a text from the other that he would call him in a bit. That had been a little over an hour ago. At this point, Shizuo was pouting. 

He jerked upright the moment his phone vibrated. 

“Hey, you get in okay?”

“Hah! Aww Shizu-chan, was that your attempt at sounding domestic? That’s soooo sweet!”

“Oh shut up! Where are you?”

“Ah! Hmm! Well funny you should mention that,” Izaya’s voice trilled with an ominous note, “I’m actually in your neighborhood.”

“Wha-? Why you-!” Shizuo was already sitting up, throwing back the blankets.

“No no, no need to get up! I’ll be right there in a moment,” Izaya said to him in a rush. A moment later, Shizuo heard a crash in his own apartment bathroom. Shizuo shot up in an instant.

“What the hell?” he could hear shuffling in two different places. Then, the phone call with Izaya ended as his bathroom door opened. Shizuo’s feet had just hit the floor as Izaya’s visage swung fully into view. “You-!” 

“Shizu-chan!” Izaya lazily flopped over to the bed. He threw his entire body into Shizuo before the other even had the chance to lift himself to his feet. 

“Izaya, what the hell did you do to my window?”

“Oh. I broke into it. I’ll close it, don’t worry.”

He sprang from the bed right then and scurried back over to the window. He swung back out of the bathroom door in a flourish just before Shizuo could get to his feet and leapt into his arms once more. Shizuo swore, rolling back and landing on his back with Izaya hovering over him. The grin he wore was rather familiar though it was tinged with a flush of pink on Izaya’s cheeks and ears. Shizuo reached up and caressed over Izaya’s face and felt the slight heat. The rest of him was freezing.

“Are you drunk?!” Shizuo asked incredulously, and without missing a beat Izaya leaned in for a firm kiss on the lips. Shizuo muffled an incredulous sound before relaxing into it. He still had lingering irritation and multiple questions, but the sudden elation at having the person he’d wanted to see the most in his presence was overwhelming. He pulled Izaya into another more passionate kiss which the other hummed appreciatively into. They stayed in their position of Izaya on top of Shizuo, but they turned their heads at a few various angles to get a taste of each other. They were a bit like parched dogs after a few days without water. 

Shizuo let out a soft gasp when Izaya finally released him. Izaya was smiling a bit too giddily for it to just be the other’s usual antics. He pulled away enough so he could look down at Shizuo and get his hands on the other’s face. Shizuo mirrored him, cupping a hand to the back of his hair.

“You should have told me you were coming,” Shizuo said finally, trying to muster his stern voice. Izaya kissed him again, and his disposition softened even more. Izaya’s breath tasted like sake and maybe a bit of mint julep. “Oy. Are you okay?” he couldn’t keep himself from having an alarmed tone in his voice. Izaya didn’t laugh though as he pulled away. His smile grew wider.

“Oh Shizu-chan, you really are too good. It’s wonderful,” he murmured as he bent down to capture Shizuo’s lips again, but Shizuo sat up, lifting Izaya as he did. He did because alarm bells started blaring off in his head.

“Hey. The hell does that mean? What happened to you, and why are you drunk off your ass?”

“Hm? Off my ass? Please,” Izaya snorted, trying to put on the tones of nonchalance but Shizuo had been catching the slur in his voice since he’d arrived. Not to mention that Shizuo had seen Izaya drunk quite a few times before. He held the other closer, eyes wide and wary all of a sudden as he began examining the other for any signs of disgruntledness. Izaya was cold from the outside weather, and he squealed a bit where Shizuo fondled him because he was ticklish at his thighs and sides, but otherwise the other seemed to be in one piece. The only place Shizuo could truly sense any signs of distress were in those eyes. Shizuo met them with a concentrated scrutiny. 

“How much did you have to drink?” Shizuo asked, realizing the protective squeeze he had enveloped Izaya’s body with. Izaya’s fingers were dancing lazily on Shizuo’s exposed collarbone. 

“Me? Why barely anything at all,” Izaya said, softening his voice to a near whisper. Shizuo grunted a bit. “Ah. I had three drinks with Shinra. Happy?”

Shizuo paused, but he wasn’t alarmed by the information so much as he was startled. “Shinra?”

“Mmhmm… Shinra invited me out for a drink suddenly,” Izaya’s smile disappeared as he let his eyes wander around the apartment for the first time since he’d arrived. He hadn’t even removed his jacket and shoes properly which now had him daintily kicking objects to the floor. Shizuo reached over to help Izaya remove his shoe and Izaya took it as an opportunity to get close. He was such a snuggly drunk person. 

“What did you two talk about for so long? I’m surprised he wanted to be out from Celty this late.”

“Oh, it was just an hour. I was coming to see you, and he was coming back from a job, so we just happened to run into each other.”

Shizuo’s heart did a flip at ‘coming to see you’. Stupid Shinra had gotten in his way. Still though, he was surprised at how normal the story was starting to become.

“Okay so… did you two… enjoy yourselves or whatever?” Shizuo asked as he got Izaya’s coat off of him. Izaya took it before Shizuo could launch it across the room but tossed it aside anyway. 

“‘Or whatever’?” Izaya chortled. “What’s with the doubtful tone? Is it really so hard to believe that Shinra and I would hang out?” 

“I guess I just can’t imagine it. I know you two are also friends, but you know I never got to see much of that side of either of you.” Shizuo thought about it then, letting his arms around Izaya’s waist begin wandering. The shirt Izaya was wearing was one of his favorites. The fabric’s texture was slightly gruff and the collar of the V-neck had a few faux buttons on it. He let Izaya lean his chest against his own face. 

“Whose fault is that? You know we were inseparable for a while there, right? That’s what my sisters said anyway. A few other people said that too.”

“Oh yeah? I’d hate for someone to describe me like that with either one of you even back then.”

“Ha-ha,” Izaya said, but Shizuo could feel the other relaxing. He leaned down as Shizuo was looking up to meet his eyes and met their foreheads together. Shizuo took in a deep breath of him. The longer Izaya was there, the more he could feel the other unwinding and that unsettled him for some reason.

“You didn’t answer me,” Shizuo said, realizing.

“Answer what?” Izaya looked at him, blinking. Then he seemed to realize. “Oh! Did Shinra and I enjoy our visit, you mean?”

“Yeah. You didn’t like… fight or anything, right?” Shizuo wasn’t sure how to put it. Izaya’s unfocused eyes wavered a bit. 

“Fight? Us? HA. He’d have to care enough about me for that,” Izaya gave a devilish grin and laughed hard like it was the funniest joke he’d ever told. “Ah, but to answer your question, sure. It was the same as ever.”

“What does that mean?” Shizuo asked, but at that moment Izaya decided to come upon him with a hard, sensual kiss that left him feeling weightless. He fell back onto the bed. Izaya broke away only enough to have a bit of space to murmur.

“I don’t want to talk about him. I came to be here with you,” he said with a bit more force than he probably meant to. He ran a rough hand through Shizuo’s hair and started kissing the other’s neck enough to drive Shizuo animalistic in the moment. He loosed a groan disguised as an exhale and forgot completely about what they were saying. Izaya was way more physically affectionate when he was drunk; way more sexual too. Shizuo mirrored his movements by running his own fingers through Izaya’s surprisingly thick and smooth hair. He pulled Izaya’s face to his for another messy kiss. He rolled, grabbing Izaya by the waist, and was on top of the other. Izaya wrapped one leg around Shizuo’s thigh as their eyes met. 

“I missed you,” Shizuo said softly. “I’m glad you decided to come.”

Izaya’s expression grew thoughtful, silly smile fading. He held Shizuo’s face and Shizuo just enjoyed the moment for what it was: he and Izaya nuzzling each other like two reunited street cats. Shizuo pecked little kisses on the other’s nose and forehead, which only grew more intense and harsh on the other’s neck where Izaya started giggling. Unconsciously, Shizuo suspected, Izaya started whispering little sweet nothings into Shizuo’s ear as Shizuo started planting a fat hickey on the dip of Izaya’s collarbone just above the V-neck line.

“So good… too good… you really are…” Izaya hiccuped loudly all of a sudden. Shizuo kissed him on the cheek to soothe him. He giggled a bit when Shizuo grabbed the side of his neck for leverage when he started planting another kiss on Izaya a bit higher. 

“God, you’re so ticklish,” Shizuo whispered, “It’s so unexpected.”

“It’s not,” Izaya murmured, and if Shizuo didn’t already know he was drunk, he would have definitely been convinced by the fact Izaya didn’t even deny being ticklish. “Being ticklish is entirely to be expected by someone as sensitive and anxious as me.”

Shizuo cupped one side of Izaya’s face, meeting his eye steadily. “Is that so?”

Izaya swallowed. He probably hadn’t meant to say that, but now he was self-consciously trying not to meet Shizuo’s eye. “Uh-huh… entirely to be expected. There are lots of psychological and environmental factors to be considered, but… generally people who hold a lot of tension in their body will be susceptible to being tickled there.”

Shizuo resisted the urge to smile as Izaya looked dead on at him. He loved for Izaya to unconsciously infodump on him every once in a while. He used to think it was annoying and a sign of a devious nature, but he also realized how much he really enjoyed smart people. He now thought of Izaya as one of the smartest people he knew, if not the smartest. 

“Are you tense, Izaya?” Shizuo asked him slowly, hands wandering up Izaya’s waist and Izaya squirmed. The flush in his cheeks was more than just the alcohol now. 

“M-Maybe a little,” Izaya murmured. He sat up all of a sudden, “Do you mind if I get some water?” 

Shizuo blinked. “I can get it for you.”

“No, please stay right here. I… I want to come back to you in this bed.” Izaya’s voice grew distant for a millisecond but Shizuo still caught it. The other was out of the room in seconds, leaving Shizuo only a short window to consider some of the context. 

It wasn’t like it was the first time Izaya had come to him in the middle of the night with the vague air that something was bothering him. It also wasn’t the first time Shizuo had tried to pry. He had the strong urge to pry. There was even a part of him that felt entitled to pry into whatever was bothering him, whether it be something Shinra said or otherwise. Izaya’s problems felt like his own, even if Izaya was often the cause of aforementioned problems. Another issue was that Izaya was so secretive and cagey too. 

Shizuo had sat up and leaned back against the headboard to light a cigarette when Izaya returned, sipping a glass of water and cradling an unopened bag of potato chips. He didn’t even flinch getting back into bed with the other, leaning in close against the other’s shoulder. Shizuo held him close. 

“You’re eating junk food?” he asked with an air of surprise. 

“I have a case of the munchies,” Izaya said with enthusiasm, “I thought I might want to try them later.” 

Shizuo blew smoke away from the other’s face, “That’s fine.” he said indifferently with a shrug. Izaya put both his water glass and bag of chips on the nightstand beside them. He snuggled against Shizuo’s chest for the next several minutes while Shizuo worked on his cigarette, seeming perfectly content. 

“You’ve lowered your standards for me,” Izaya said all of a sudden. Just like that, Shizuo took out his cigarette and put it out in the ash tray.

“Excuse me?”

“It’s fine,” Izaya said airily as he swung around a leg to straddle Shizuo as he spoke, tracing a hand along Shizuo’s white t-shirt. “I appreciate it. I’ve just been thinking if there’s something else I should be doing to show my gratitude.”

“Hey.” Shizuo put a hand firmly over Izaya’s hand that was touching him. He grabbed Izaya’s chin with the other hand to try and meet Izaya’s far away eyes. “Where the hell did that come from?”

Izaya’s weird smile returned. Shizuo had seen the smile while he was yelling at Izaya in the past, and he’d grown to suspect that it was the other receding into himself. Sometimes Izaya would even go completely silent for hours at a time; it had been more commonly occurring at the beginning of their relationship when Shizuo didn’t know how to regulate his anger better. 

“Do you really deny it?” Izaya asked quietly, “Look at you. You’re so…” he mirrored Shizuo’s hand on his face with his other hand. 

“I’m so what?”

“Perfect,” Izaya said easily, “Don’t you see that?”

“No I don’t see that,” Shizuo said, feeling a steady anger washing into him that could easily become rage but he pushed it down fiercely in favor of the fear and worry washing over him, “You know better than anyone that I’m not perfect. That shouldn’t be something you get fucked up even if you were wasted, Izaya.”

“Even so.”

“‘Even so’, bullshit!” Shizuo snapped, “Where the hell is that coming from? Shinra? Did Shinra say something like that to you?” 

Izaya’s eyes flashed dangerously for a moment and then he seemed to remember himself. He looked at Shizuo warily and shook his head. “Shinra didn’t say anything.”

“Okay, then what? The alcohol?”

“The alcohol…” Izaya repeated, thinking. “No, not really.”

“Izaya…”

“Even if you aren’t perfect,” Izaya charged then, leaning against him, “Don’t you think you deserve better? Even if you think you don’t want better for yourself, surely you can see…”

“Shut the hell up,” Shizuo said harshly then, holding fast to Izaya’s waist instinctually as if his body sensed Izaya might try to run, “No I don’t fucking think that. What kind of lunatic thinks like that?”

“Me.”

“Well then you’re not as smart as I thought you were,” Shizuo said, but his voice lowered its bite in an instant. He heard the tone in Izaya’s voice. “It’s funny because I was just thinking you were the smartest, but my dumb ass still has a lot to learn.”

Izaya blushed harder. Shizuo realized he had never even grown aggressive and mentally patted himself on the back because Izaya still seemed perfectly relaxed as when he first arrived. 

“Don’t say that stuff,” Shizuo murmured to Izaya then, letting the air grow quiet and gentler between them. Izaya let his hands wander back up Shizuo’s chest. He still wore a grim expression on his face. “Tell me what’s wrong.” 

Izaya looked thoughtful, “You might judge me.”

“I’m already judging you,” Shizuo lied, “Tell me anyway. You think I’m lowering my standards for you. Why?”

“Because… because I think Celty’s lowering hers for Shinra.” Izaya bit his lip as it came out, then slapped a hand over it like he couldn’t believe he’d said it. 

Shizuo stared. There was a solid fifteen seconds of silence between them, and then Shizuo snorted. He wasn’t really the type of person to laugh at awkward declarations, but he laughed at this. He grabbed the back of chips off of the nightstand and opened them, putting them between himself and Izaya. After a few seconds to compose himself, he took out a chip and held it up conversationally. 

“Uh, yeah,” Shizuo agreed, “She is. What about it?”

“I’m worse than him, and you’re better than she is. So it only makes sense…”

“I’m not better than Celty,” Shizuo said flatly, “And y-you?! Worse than- no. Gross. Shut up. Don’t think about that shit.”

“I can’t help it,” Izaya said dazedly, leaning back against Shizuo’s shoulder and taking a couple more chips, “I think about all kinds of stupid stuff all the time. Things I could do that would cause you to abandon me or make you hate me again. It could happen easily. Meanwhile there is nothing he could do to ever… she would never abandon him.”

Shizuo realized tears had welled up in Izaya’s eyes. His hands were covered in salt & pepper seasoning so he couldn’t wipe them away. He hugged him tighter though.

“I would never abandon you,” he said quietly, “I’m pretty much attached, Izaya. Trust me.”

Izaya sighed, not commenting. Shizuo knew what he wanted to say though. “You say that now, but-”

“And I’m sure there are plenty of things he could do,” Shizuo added, “That could get Celty to dump his ass.”

“You’re wrong,” Izaya shrugged. “Either you don’t know her like you think you do, or you just don’t know what he’s capable of, and I don’t know which annoys me the most.”

Shizuo clicked his teeth. “You’re a little smartass when you’re drunk.”

Izaya’s eyes welled with tears then, “I’m totally a smartass all the time. Do you even know me?!” 

Shizuo resisted the urge to snort, holding Izaya closer while the other anxiously ate more chips. The other was usually melodramatic, but the alcohol amplified it for sure. 

“He’s a total scumbag sometimes,” Izaya continued, “I used to be annoyed that you have so many more friends than I do, but I never even properly assessed my jealousy over Shinra before. And it’s damn near justified! Did you know that he almost stabbed a child one time? I bet you didn’t, and I bet you won’t even fully believe me, but it’s true. If he thought it was convenience Celty in any way, he’d cut my life support in an instant.”

Shizuo rubbed the other’s back soothingly. He was just rambling at this point. “Did he say something to piss you off?”

“Hardly,” Izaya said, sitting up and getting to his feet to pace. Shizuo let him, watching him with a vague mix of worry and intrigue at Izaya being so candid. “I would have to matter to him for him to muster something to say that would hurt me.”

Shizuo cocked his head to the side, “You.. said something like that earlier too.”

“It’s true!” Izaya said, “Even tonight! He only wanted to go out because Celty said that it had been a while since he had been out amongst people. He didn’t even care that it was me, which is fine, but I told him I was busy and he still insisted! He played it off like he was just jumping at an opportunity to spend time together and then the second Celty messaged him that she was on her way back, he was suddenly in a hurry to leave. What a complete jackass!” Izaya scowled, swerving back around to meet Shizuo’s eyes. 

Shizuo looked at him, trying to mirror patience despite his own irritation at the story. That sounded a lot like Shinra to him. “Maybe Shinra’s a lot like you,” Shizuo said, trying not to put a lot of question in his voice. He was going to elaborate, but Izaya immediately cut him off.

“Of course he is! We’re just alike in multiple ways. He doesn’t care about people but he likes them just enough to observe them. He’s fascinated with the world and operates the same way I do, but he has something- well, I guess we both have something to lose now. But if I acted the way he is willing to act sometimes-!”

“Izaya,” Shizuo cut in, “I already told you that’s not going to happen.”

Izaya looked at him with a mournful face. Tears were still coming out occasionally, which Shizuo had seen before while the other was drunk. He couldn’t deny he wasn’t still unsettled though.

“Besides, that’s not what I meant,” Shizuo said slowly, “Maybe Shinra did say that he was socializing for Celty’s sake, but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t happy to see you, you know.”

Izaya scoffed. “Are you defending him?!” he demanded, and Shizuo threw up his hands in surrender. 

“God no! I don’t know! I was just thinking. If Shinra’s anything like you, he probably doesn’t know how to convey his feelings when it comes to his relationships with other people. He- no, even I… I mean, I can’t always convey when I appreciate someone. Take Tom or Celty; I have a hard time conveying my gratitude for them. You… well, maybe not right now while you’re drunk, but usually you don’t act all this into me…”

“I’m obsessed with you,” Izaya cut in, “I want to tear the world apart for you, but I would lose you if I did…”

“Oy,” Shizuo snapped. He held out his arm and Izaya was there in an instant, cradling himself against Shizuo’s shoulder. “All I’m saying is that Shinra might have just said that so you would be thrown off.”

Izaya leaned into his arm for a time. Shizuo took the opportunity to nuzzle him affectionately, and kiss tears away. Izaya was quiet and despondent but Shizuo could tell he was really thinking about what Shizuo had said. Shizuo had even wrapped that up in a way he could almost be proud of, though he wasn’t sure how much of it he really believed. It was true that Shinra was a confusing person to understand just as much as Izaya had always been. He hadn’t realized until he and Izaya’s relationship had started just how much that was the case, but nights like these where Izaya became speculative and introspective and genuinely emotional had led to him developing these sort of observational skills.

“You’re saying you actually think Shinra could trick me?” Izaya then demanded quietly, and Shizuo rolled his eyes. “Are you saying instead of me being the smartest person you know that it’s actually Shinra?”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“You’re not denying it!” Izaya whined. Shizuo took the opportunity to grab Izaya by the head and kiss him with his mouth open. He pushed him down against the bed. 

“Oy-” Izaya started, but Shizuo kissed him again harder.

“Guess what?” Shizuo murmured, finding Izaya’s hand that had been nestled between them and laced the other’s fingers with his own only to pin it back against his head. “I don’t want to talk about that asshole anymore. I want you here for me.” He tasted Izaya’s chuckle on his tongue and used the opportunity to bite that tongue and suck on it. He heard a ravenous noise grumble in the back of Izaya’s throat, and Shizuo threw his whole body against him. There was a trail of saliva between them when he finally let the other go.

“Guess what I was doing before you got here?” Shizuo whispered, “Thinking about how badly I wanted you to call. Then you came crashing threw my window like a raccoon. How great is that?” 

“How romantic to be compared to a raccoon,” Izaya said distastefully. Shizuo kissed him again, and Izaya moaned, “Ah- so you missed me a whole bunch? You enjoy my company?”

“For what that’s worth to you,” Shizuo said smiling dryly, “You’re acting all insecure over a guy like me wanting you, but all I have to offer you in my dirty apartment is a bag of chips.”

“Hmm,” Izaya was pulling him by the collar of his shirt, “They’re not a bad spiral snack.”

“You’re a spiral snack,” Shizuo whispered, and he didn’t miss Izaya’s deepening blush when he leaned in to kiss him even harder. It was a good thing his shitty flirting worked so well on the other. They were tangled together at a weird angle on Shizuo’s bed now. He felt like things might escalate between them soon, and then Izaya’s fingers trailed gently in his hair to get his attention.

“Hey, let’s make love in the shower,” Izaya whispered. “Your shower’s so cozy and intimate.”

Shizuo knew Izaya was still thinking all kinds of crazy thoughts in that head of his, but Shizuo was forever blown back by the way the other was so obviously trying to focus all of his energy into Shizuo these days. He cradled him up from the bed and they made their way inside. He thought, not for the first time, that there was no way that between them that Izaya was the more lucky one. Izaya had the most romantic way of caressing Shizuo’s cheek and making Shizuo feel so dainty and endeared to. 

There’s nothing I’d give this up for, Shizuo thought. Even if Izaya did end up destroying the world for him, he realized he wouldn’t mind even a bit. There was no point in having that conversation though. Unless Izaya actually did it, Shizuo probably wouldn’t have to tell him. Wasn’t it romantic that the other was trying so hard to keep himself in check anyway?