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I am reviewing previous sessions (Intake | Insomnia | Nightmares | Emotions | Parents | Siblings | Nada) when I notice it is already 2:58 PM. I feel slightly concerned. He isnāt late yet, but he is usually very early. Then again, he was on time yesterday. It is just that he seemed out of sortsā¦
And then he materialises in the chair. I didnāt hear him coming in; my receptionist didnāt let him in. He simplyā¦ is there, as if he'd been sitting there all along. Maybe I was too distracted. Did I fall asleep? Never mindā¦
DT: You came. (I notice I still sound a bit startled.)
Dream: I nearlyā¦ called. (His voice seems hushed.) You gave me your number. You said if I needed to talk, Iā¦ but I thought it best to wait until today.
DT: I meant it when I said you could call. (I need to clear my throat. Shit, I forgot to fill up my water.) But you are here now. Can you tell me how you have felt since yesterday, since you contemplated contacting me? Are you feeling well?
Dream: Wellā¦ (It seems he canāt quite grasp the wordās meaning.) I haveā¦ existed. And I think I find our conversations useful. (He hesitates). Naturally, merely because the perspective of mortals can be illuminating at timesā¦
DT: (I allow the silence for a bit until I am fairly certain he is not going to break it.) Would you like to latch on where we left off yesterday? I think it was helpful to talk about Nada. (Iām not sure if he snarls, or whether he is about to cry.) Would it be helpful to discuss the other romantic entanglements you mentioned?
Dream: (I notice tension): I would not call them "entanglements." They wereā¦ connections. Or rather moments of proximity. (He falls silent again and stares at his hands.) I have beenā¦ thinking. About what you said. About patterns.
DT: What kind of patterns?
Dream: The women I haveā¦ loved. If what I felt can be called love.
DT: (Oh. Oooohhh. Did he say āconnectionsā and āloveā?) Tell me about them.
Dream: (I notice slightly uneasy shifting in his chair. He looks out the window.): There was Killalla. She wasā¦
DT (The silence lasts for three minutes. This will be like pulling teeth. But we have time. Hopefully. You never know when he decides to just up and leave.): What was your relationship like?
Dream: Brief. (I notice a drop in both volume and pitch of his voice.) Passionate. She burned bright and then justā¦ moved on. To other worlds. Stars, rather. (He waves his hand, and I notice the practised ennui that fails to hide agitationāhis foot is tapping.) I thought I understood cosmic indifference until I loved someone who embodied it. (He looks at me and all of a sudden shakes his head violently.) That is not true. She was not indifferent, and it was not entirely her fault.
DT: Whose fault do you think it was?
Dream: (I notice a face like thunder) Desireās.
DT: As in ālustā (He flinches at the word. He didnāt strike me as prudish previously), or as in āmy siblingā?
Dream: Both. They are one and the same. (He stares at me for a moment and then actually proceeds to roll his eyes at me.)
DT: (Thatās me told I guess.) Okay. How did it feel when she left?
Dream: Like watching a supernova from the inside.
DT: (Whatās up with the cosmic metaphors?) That sounds like you were in a lot of pain.
Dream: (He seems genuinely surprised.) Iā¦ yes. I think I was? (I give him time to process the realisation. This time, the silence only lasts for two minutes.) Then there was Alianora. (Moving on already, I see.) She wasā¦ kind. Yet strong. She gave up much toā¦ (I note he is searching for the right words and have an inkling he is avoiding the full truth.) ā¦be with me.
DT: That sounds different from Killalla.
Dream: It was. She asked nothing of me but my presence and love. I gave her everything I could. Until Iā¦ (He looks at me through his lashes.)ā¦could not.
DT: And why couldnāt you?
Dream: (I notice a hardening of the voice.): I have responsibilities. Duties. (He straightens in his chair.) And perhaps, nothing lasts forever. Apart from me. But in the grand scheme of things, even I do not.
DT: (We are back to the cryptic allusions to immortality. I pay them no heed. For now.): So what happened?
Dream: I gave her a place of her own where she could exist in peace. Away from me.
DT: (I am going to try something because I canāt help but think of his strained relationship to his parents. I hope it wonāt backfire.): Did you ever consider the possibility that you make yourself emotionally unavailable because you are afraid of being abandoned?
Dream: (I notice defensiveness.): It was not abandonment. It wasā¦ inevitable.
DT: Okay. If we assumed that were trueā¦
Dream: It is.
DT. Not always.
Dream: It is not? (He seems genuinely confused.)
DT: No. (I let him sit with that for a minute.) But letās just entertain the thought that ending relationships were inevitable. Do you think that would make what you had less true? The love you felt less real?
Dream: It obviously would. Because it ended. (He stresses the word like Iām very slow on the uptake.)
DT: So what you are saying is that, as an example, a parentās love for a child was never real just because one of them died?
Dream: (I think he winced, and his eyes turn wet. What did I say? He looks away and silently stares out the window for five minutes.) Iā¦ I never thought of it that way.
DT: How does it feel to think about it that way?
Dream: Painful. Also, irrelevant.
DT: That makes no sense.
Dream: It does to me.
DT: Would you like to explain it to me?
Dream: No.
DT: (I take some notes. One of them reads: Further explore defensive mechanisms.) Okay. Would you like to talk about your other relationships?
Dream: (I notice a sigh that sounds like I am getting on his nerves again.) Titania. Our relationship was a diversion. Perhaps built on mutual fascination, but ultimately built on politics.
DT: What attracted you to her?
Dream: She challenged me? (He stares at me for a moment, and it feels like aā¦ challenge. But Iām not playing games, and I look away to take further notes. Or at least I pretend to.)
DT: And?
Dream: I think we mostly tried to prove to each other that we were ratherā¦ independent.
DT: Did you love her?
Dream: What a strange question.
DT: Why?
Dream: Because I just tried to explain to youā¦ (He huffs.) Never mindā¦ I liked the idea of her. But she was not available since she was married to another.
DT: That doesnāt answer my question, though. Did you love her: Yes or no? Whether she was āavailableā or not doesnāt change feelings.
Dream: (He leans back in his chair, spreads his legs, rests his chin on his thumb while running his index finger over his lips and looks me straight in the eye.) No. I did not love her.
DT: (I have done this job for a long time, and I recognise faux alpha male behaviour when I see it. I also recognise if someone tries to rattle me.) And Calliope? You mentioned in a previous session that she was your wife. Is it okay to go over what happened?
Dream: (His voice is so quiet that I need to strain to hear.) I guess we wereā¦ happy. For a while. When she laughed, new stories were born. When she sang, everyone listened.
DT: Would you say you loved her? (Dāuh!)
Dream: Yes. (I notice a sudden hoarseness in his voice). We had a son together. Orpheus.
DT: Had?
Dream: (The silence lasts for a good two minutes): He died. (Oh. That explains so much. Another three minutes of silence follow that I finally choose to interrupt.)
DT: Do you want to talk about the loss of your son?
Dream: No.
DT: Okay. (I scribble down some notes, and he rolls his eyes.) What happened between you and Calliope after the death of your son?
Dream: She blamed me. Perhaps she was right to do so. We wentā¦ our separate ways ever since.
DT: Do you still love her?
Dream: (I notice a hard swallow). Perhaps.
DT: Yes or no?
(No answer is forthcoming. His eyes stay fixed on my paperweight instead.)
DT: Was there anyone else since you two split up?
Dream: (I notice discomfort.) Thessaly.
DT: Are you still together?
Dream: No. She... She never pretended and was honest aboutā¦ using me.
DT: How did that make you feel?
Dream: Even honesty can become a kind of cruelty. She told me exactly what I meant to her. Which was apparently very little.
DT: That must have hurt?
Dream: Iā¦ yes. Even when you know something is temporary, when it ends, itā¦
DT: It still ends. (He nods almost imperceptibly). Can I ask you a question?
Dream: In case you had not noticed: You do that all the time.
DT: You have a point. (He really does.) Do you think you prepare for abandonment or push your partners away because you expect them to leave anyway? (The silence, during which he stares at the paperweight again, lasts for four minutes this time. I choose to interrupt it.) Do you think itās safer to end relationships, or to provoke their ending, than to try and risk being hurt again?
Dream: Perhaps. But I do not feel I am really ending them. It is just thatā¦ (He stops himself and leaves me hanging. Or himself. Hard to tell sometimes.)
DT: What would it look like if you truly believed you were deserving of love? Not the perfect, transcendent kind. Justā¦ imperfect love?
Dream: (The silence lasts for roundabout 30 seconds, and I prepare myself to wait for ages again when he suddenly clears his throat. It sounds really weird.) Terrifying.
DT: Most good things are also that. At least to a degree.
Dream: I trust our time is up?
DT: (Ah, not today, my friend). No. And no ātaking your leave,ā just yet. Iām not going to let you off the hook this time.
Dream: (I notice the usual knitting of the brows that gives me a headache) I was not aware you ever did.
DT: You have no idea.
Dream: What if I did and just pretended I did not? (I notice a raised eyebrow.)
DT: Then I would wonder what you were trying to achieve and come to the conclusion it wouldnāt change my approach anyway. At least not on that particular matter.
Dream: It wouldnāt?
DT: No. (He opens his mouth to retort something that he undoubtedly hopes will throw me off, so I get in my piece quickly.) I want to ask: How are you feeling right now? In this moment? And please answer truthfully and donāt avoid the question in any way. (I am bracing myself.)
Dream: Likeā¦ (He frowns and seems to think really hard.) Like I have been carrying something heavy for so long, I forgot it was possible to set it down.
DT: (Oh. I expected the strangest of replies, but I didnāt expect that one.) That's a start. (Meh, I could have come up with something better here, but I am genuinely slightly baffled.). Do you still wish to leave?
Dream: Yes. However, will you let me?
DT: I am generally not in the habit of keeping prisoners, you should know that by now.
Dream: (He closes his eyes briefly and inhales deeply.) And for that, I am grateful. (He gets up and prepares to leave.)
DT: (Why do I have the feeling something is going on here that he hasnāt disclosed yet?) Same time next week then?
Dream: (I notice mild confusion.) You deem weekly sessions sufficient?
DT: Yes. For now anyway. You donāt?
Dream: I trust your expertise.
DT: The real one, or the delusional one?
Dream: Whichever one works for you. (He actually smiles for the first time today.)
DT: Ah, but I donāt think it has to work for me.
Dream: (He is still smiling, but he rolls his eyes at me before he begins to walk towards the door. When he is just about to open it, he pauses for a moment, but he doesnāt turn around.). Thank you. Forā¦ seeing me. (And then he opens the door and leaves.)
I wonder for a minute if he stressed the second or third word of that last sentence and then write down the following notes:
Crisis intervention protocols may be stepped down, but continue monitoring. Patient exhibited increased emotional accessibility compared to previous sessions. Demonstrated capacity for self-reflection regarding relationship patterns. Notable themes:
Fear of abandonment manifesting as preemptive withdrawal
Conflation of duty with emotional unavailability
Grief regarding loss of child. Significant unprocessed trauma
Pattern of choosing partners who reinforce his belief in his unworthiness
Patient begins to recognise defensive mechanisms. Showed a degree of vulnerability in discussing ex-wife and son.
Next session: Continue exploring grief regarding son. Address possibility of forgiveness (self and others).
another stolen idea from tiktok, this time from a fake movie trailer <3
Hob and Eleanor, happily married and disgustingly in love, go on a couples trip with their close friends, Dream and Calliope, also married. Unhappily so.
They've been fighting constantly (even during the trip, they've been making snide remarks to each other) and one evening Eleanor tells Calliope that she and Hob have recently opened their marriage and have never been happier. And then she suggests they swap husbands for the rest of the trip.
Shockingly, Calliope and Dream agree to it.
The rest of the trip is spent fucking the others spouse (Dream and Eleanor had been the first, which stings a bit--Calliope and Dream had barely slept together the past few months. Though, she gets over it the next night when Hob puts his tongue to use), rekindling their relationship, and also more fucking <3
Aaaand that's how they all end up in a relationship together <3 Can't risk letting Dream and Calliope's relationship deteriorate again, right? Besides, with how Eleanor talked about Dream's cock and Calliope talked about Hob's tongue, well. It's only natural that Dream and Hob would want to see for themselves <3
YES we love these poly dumbasses <3333 also obsessed with Calliope and Eleanor being low key fujoshi wives when it comes to Hob and Dream fucking each other, they looove pulling up a chair or two to watch! (And yes they are 100% fucking each other too, Eleanor is not shy about the fact that she think that Calliope is the most beautiful woman in the world and probably was sent by the literal gods themselves).
Their foursome just works really well, their personalities are perfect together! Dream and Calliope have a big ole mansion where Hob and Eleanor can come to live, and slowly the old house starts to feel like home. Hob and Calliope love to romance each other (and their other partners) with sweet gestures, poems and flowers and home cooked meals. While Dream and Eleanor are more quiet, a little whimsical and daydreamy, sometimes they'll just hang out together in a room without talking for hours... everyone is just very happy and satisfied and in love. And everyone is getting fucked A LOT.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
ā Live Streamingā Interactive Chatā Private Showsā HD Quality
Anya is LIVE right now
FREE
Free to watch ā¢ No registration required ā¢ HD streaming
