we all know pittsie pie is an academic star (even if his grades are slipping) but i would like to imagine his partner is also an academic star. so what if. and this could be a bit lot. he's there supporting them through the end of their phd. i can send u references if you'd like. all the "oh god am i going to pass?" thoughts and he's just walking them thru it. and on the day they turn in their final defense, he wants to celebrate with them, they just wanna chill. so they ;) chill ;)
AND THEN they pass their defense and they can celebrate for real and pitts won't stop calling them doctor and is just a cute support system for them
I'M NOT PROJECTING YOU'RE PROJECTING OKAY BYE
Love Doctor
Pairing: Gerard Pitts x FemReader
Warnings: 18+, MDNI, oral - fem receiving, language, minor dirty talk, anxiety, self doubt, extablished relationship, no use of y/n, fluff
Summary: Facing the stress of your PHD, it's up to your loving boyfriend to make sure you don't spiral under the amount of stress, Gerard proves to be very good at it.
word count: 2.1K
Masterlist
It had been a long time since you had relaxed. Ever since you had started your dissertation you had been on edge, constantly researching and studying in anticipation of your defense. It had been exhausting and strained you to no end on top of all the other things you had been doing. It left little free time, including private moments you yearned to share with Gerard. The very boy who had been nothing but supportive during this entire process.Â
He had helped with your paper almost every night, proposing ideas and asking just the right questions in order to critique it as you went. When he wasnât doing that, he was silencing your worries about not passing, reminding you of your brilliance and making you laugh when he praised having an academic star girlfriend just like him. Without him it wouldnât have been as easy as it just was to submit your paper. Now, as you walked to your shared apartment, you tried not to spiral over the set day at the end of the week to present your defense.Â
You knew even if they thought the paper was good, they would find a way to pull it apart bit by bit in order to throw you off your game. You had studied your whole life for this, believed in your dissertation whole heartedly, but the tiny feelings of dread were slowly starting to creep in. Self doubt consuming you now that it was out of your hands.Â
âHey baby, howâd it go?â Ger calls out the second he hears the door to the apartment shut behind you. It smells like pasta and when you round the corner, the lanky boy is bent over the stove stirring fresh sauce for dinner.Â
âGood, I hope," you force a smile, trying to mask the feeling of uncertainty your entire body was starting to hold. Gerard catches on immediately, the shifty way your eyes avoid him and your smile not fully stretching across your lips. Your whole body is stiff with a stress he hadnât been able to relieve you of for a very long time.Â
âYou have nothing to worry about, Iâve read your dissertation a hundred times and I just know it's better than any others that were submitted,â he tells you, abandoning the pots on the stove to approach you. Looking into his eyes you pout, allowing him to pull you into a hug and comfort you. His large form wraps around you, cocooning you in and for the first time since that paper had left your hands, your shoulders drooped.Â
âI just want to pass already,â you whine into his chest and he chuckles as he presses a soft kiss to the top of your head.Â
âI know, but right now there is nothing you can do other than wait and relax,â he tells you, arms rubbing up and down as he comforts you. You sigh against his chest, knowing all that he says is true, but it does little to lessen your nerves.Â
âI canât relax, no matter how hard I try to think of something else my mind just goes back to it every time,â you tell him as you pull back, voicing the pain that has plagued you all day. What you donât expect is the soft smirk that crosses his face.Â
âI think I know a few ways to get your mind off it,â he says and your eyes widen as you realize what he means. Against your better judgement, heat drops between your legs in an instant, and it doesnât go unnoticed by him the way your thighs tighten together.Â
âYeah Iâm sure you do,â you say, trying to laugh off the tingly feeling that settles in your stomach. Youâre no stranger to intimacy but even in moments like this Gerard could make you feel exactly the way it felt when you were first falling in love with him.Â
âIâm being serious, the pasta can wait. Thereâs a whole other thing on the menu Iâm currently more interested in,â he grins and you blush under his stare, feeling your desperation for him grow.Â
âThen what are we waiting for?â you ask and Gerard doesnât waste a second as he flicks off the burners of the stove, the bubbles in the pasta sauce slowing down. His large hand engulfs your own and heâs dragging you to the shared bedroom like he might die if you donât get there any sooner.Â
You laugh loudly when he drops your body weight onto the mattress, grinning like little kids as he uses one hand to pull his T-shirt over his head. You do the same, leaving you in just your bra and jeans as he moves to undo the button of them. You relax into the sheets that smell like him and try to relish in the feeling of his large fingers as they pull down your zipper and slip into your waistband, tugging the fabric down your legs. Now free of your jeans, you feel his lips press soft kisses on the inside of your thighs, a slight scruff of his chin scraping across your legs in a delicious way. You would never get tired of him.Â
âJust relax baby, let me take care of you,â he says and you donât even try to fight it as he presses a kiss to your clit over the fabric of your underwear. You squirm at the sensation and he hasnât even done anything yet. You loosen your grip on the sheets as he drags your panties off tantalizingly slow, determined to either torture or distract you. Possibly both.
âYouâre being a tease,â you huff, body trembling at the way his hands slowly brush over your skin and kiss everywhere but where you need him. He smirks like heâs already achieved his goal, hands so big they engulf your thighs almost entirely as he squeezes them.Â
âThe key to everything is patience baby,â he says and you roll your eyes at him. Only Gerard could get away with such a loose term as heâs literally teasing about going down on you. Before you can fire back or complain though, his tongue drags through your folds, easing the need that had built up there. The soft gasp you let out is acknowledged by a grin that you can feel against your heat as he nuzzles in deeper, tongue teasing your clit.Â
Your hands re-grip the sheets, fighting your legs from closing around his head as he laps and sucks everywhere you need him. You're dripping and it should be embarrassing but you're too blissed out to care. He devours you like a man starved and your mind no longer on your dissertation or anything remotely related to it.Â
âYes Ger, just like that,â you whine, too far gone to even care how desperate you sound. The mix of his tongue and the scrape of the slight stubble that was just starting to come in was the perfect reward for turning in your dissertation.Â
Your praise encourages him to quicken his movements, tongue lapping harder over your clit as he gets lost in the taste. Without warning one of his long fingers slides into you. Stretching you in a way that proves the reward of having him inside you later would be even better. The coil in your stomach tightens at the thought and your need for release begins to meet its end.Â
âI-Iâm close,â you tell him, needing him to continue what he was doing. Gerard sucks hard in response to your words and your body trembles in an instant, your orgasm hitting you hard and fast. Your legs move to crush his skull but large palms press on the inside of your thighs and pry you open as he soothes his tongue over your aching clit.Â
Slowly your orgasm subsides and you feel dizzy with relief. Heâs gentle as he kisses you softly everywhere he can. Wet lips trailing up your stomach and to your chest. Until finally he was face to face with you, holding you close as your breath calmed. Eyes gentle as he stares down at you so lovingly it makes you blush. He was the only man in the world for you and it would be silly to ever consider letting him go.Â
âDo you feel better now?â he asks and you know heâs checking to see if you've calmed down. If you stopped letting the same self destructive thoughts linger in the forefront of your mind. Smiling you realize that just his presence alone has lessened your fears of failure. You had worked hard for this, had a support system that made it possible, and no matter the outcome if you got to spend every night like this then it would all be worth it.Â
âMuch better, I think a warm pasta dinner might be the last step in curing me,â you inform him and he smiles before ducking close and kissing you deeply. You melt into his embrace and just as a new wave of desire sets in for him he pulls away.Â
âDinner will be ready in ten,â and he's out the door just as fast as you giggle at how cute he is. Knowing you would never tire of his personality and kind heart. Degree or not, your future sure as hell looked bright.
A week laterâŠ
Gerard's leg bounces quickly as he waits in a chair that's a touch too small for him. Thankfully no one else is around in the deafeningly quiet waiting area as he anticipates your arrival from the other side of the door. Thirty minutes ago you had been called in for your defense and you were ready. At least you seemed more calm than even he was about it.Â
It had been a long week of you letting your doubts and worries seep in during your hours apart, and then spending every evening quieting your mind and cooking you a good meal. He didnât entirely mind, you and food were two of his favorite things, but your anxiety had him on edge. Your souls intertwined and until you knew the outcome of this, whether it be good or bad, you both needed it to be over.Â
Nerves plague him for the next hour and half, wishing more than anything he could hear what was going on behind that door. When heâs certain he might die from anticipation, the door pushes open and you exit with one of the professors, smiling as you talk, and his heart instantly calms.Â
You look happy but he knows better than anyone that you could be saving face until the professor leaves. So he just stands from his chair, waiting patiently to be alone with you. Bidding the woman goodbye you both wait and watch as she disappears behind the door, more than likely to prepare for another student's defense. Itâs when you turn to face him with a grin even wider than before he knows exactly how the last two hours just went.
âSo?â he asks, needing to hear the words aloud before he gets too excited. You jump, a small squeal leaving your lips before you rush towards him.Â
âI passed!â you exclaim just before jumping into his arms, legs wrapping around his torso and arms squeezing his neck tightly. He wraps his arms around you just as quickly, spinning in excitement for you as you both celebrate this good news.Â
âI am so fucking proud of you baby!â he says before setting you on the ground, arms never leaving your waist as he smiles down at you. You pop up on your tip toes to kiss him, happier than you've ever been in this very moment.Â
âShe said it's one of the most thorough dissertations she's ever seen and if I ever need a recommendation to come to her directly!â you tell him, hands clasping on either side of his suit coat and he reaches to brush some of your hair out of your face. A look of adoration paints his features and you want nothing more than to go home and celebrate with him.Â
âWell what do you say Doctor, we go to that fancy Italian place down the road and then I take you home for dessert?â he asks and if it was somehow possible, your smile gets even bigger as you hear the words Doctor in reference to you for the very first time.Â
âI would love that,â you tell him and he matches your smile before turning and wrapping an arm around your shoulder, guiding you out of the building, and you know life couldn't get any better than this.Â
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neil perry is trans. and his dad never wanted anyone to know for fear they would judge and ridicule him, not his son. neil felt lucky his dad had even let him transition but of course, that meant every other aspect of his life belonged to his father. neil wanted to pursue theatre because it's what he's loved since he was a boy, and the little freedom he felt while at welton with the dead poets finally gave him that same strength he had when coming out to his father years and years ago. so, of course, he auditions for the play and of course, he gets the part! but he cannot tell his father, he'd let neil transition and it would be plain betrayal if neil had done anything his father didn't approve of. so, he does it in secret until he's found out. and his father is beyond furious! neil was putting himself in this naturally feminine career path, why couldn't neil see that?! his father expected him to become a man since he wanted to be one so damn bad! how hard was it to just keep his head down and blend in?? how hard was it to act like a man!!?? but no matter what, neil is his son, his child. if he's going to pursue this he better be the best damn actor his father has ever seen! and to his father, neil is not. all of the dead poets, keaton, and neil, himself know he is! but that's not enough. so, neil gets dragged into his father's car. that's the last performance he'll have an audience for. his life is over. no more welton, no more dead poets, no more todd anderson. what's life without passion? nothing, neil knows that. he let's his father yell at him. he tries once, once to defend himself. there's no winning with his father, there never was. it's late now, neil walks, the chest he's so proud of out on display for it to be discovered tomorrow. it's his last pride. only pants keep him warm and only his headpiece from the play exhibits his position. the cold gun of his father held in the warmth of his hand. this is his last performance, no audience, no applause, no awards, no praise, no way to know if anyone will like it. he almost wishes he didn't have to do this. what's life without passion? nothing, neil knows this. and he lifts his hand to his head, the gun just brushing against his head, and he's gone.
Summary: With Christmas spirit now in full swing, Verena finds herself swept up in the office Secret Santa, and forced to get close to the one guy in the office she absolutely despises.
word count: 4k
Masterlist
Thursday December 9th 1965, 2:03pm
âHey Verena, wait up!â the familiar voice of Melanie Calloway calls down the office hallway. Every part of Verena screams not to stop, but the thing about Melanie was she was the kind of girl that would chase you all the way back to your desk, loudly and obnoxiously until she caught your attention. The kind of person far too happy to be working in any kind of office, especially this one. Leaving Verena no choice but to fake a smile and turn and face her.
âHi Mel, did I forget something?â she asks sweetly, masking her distaste for the girl in every possible way. She was way too bubbly and happy to be an intern here, considering Verena worked the same job and it made her positively miserable.
âYes actually, you left without pulling a name for Secret Santa,â she grinned, holding up the jar that still had a label half ripped off the side. It had been Melâs idea to do an office wide Secret Santa to get in the Holiday spirit. Of course no one but Melanie was enthused.
âOh I didn't forget Mel, I just donât really have the budget for any extra gifts this year,â Verena tried to explain and Melâs permanent smile faltered for only a second.
âOh but Verena you have to, Iâve already put your name in the jar which means someone has more than likely pulled it. If you donât take a name that means someone will end up giving a gift but not receiving one. That would be tragic,â Mel instantly bargains, layering on the guilt in a way only someone this fake nice could.
Trying not to lose her temper or say something to set the girl off, all Verena does in response is dip her hand into the jar and pull a slip of paper before walking away and back to her desk. Mel just grins, shaking the jar with only a few remaining slips before scurrying away in search of her next victim.
âMel get you too?â
Looking up, Verena found her cubicle neighbor's floppy brown hair pop over the makeshift wall before revealing his signature grin. Charlie Dalton thrived on pushing her buttons and this one was fresh and new. At least it was better than the usual flying pen over the wall of her cubicle in the middle of the day.
âDidnât you hear, it would be absolutely tragic if I didn't participate,â Verena mocked the girl's words and Charlie chuckled slightly as he folded his arms over the felt wall.
âDevastating actually, she caught me by the water fountain. I was told it wasnât in the Christmas spirit if I didn't participate,â Charlie says, flashing his own slip of paper between his two fingers. Held so casually like a boy who smoked one too many cigarettes in school to look cool.
âJokes on her, your lack of effort in anything around here guarantees zero enthusiasm when it comes to Christmas spirit,â Verena teases, having finished Charlieâs workload one too many times herself. His boyish charm and vendetta to breeze by had everyone else here under some spell. Leaving her with the extra work while everyone else mooned over him in the break room.
âIâm excited to prove you wrong, Ver.â He grins before disappearing behind the wall once again. Both of them knew it would only be another hour or so until he got bored and would bother her again.
After a few minutes pass and she knows he isnât going to continue the conversation any longer, she finally focuses on the slip of paper Mel had given her. Peeling apart the fold just to find the one name in the entire office she didn't want it to be.
Charlie Dalton
Friday December 10th 1965, 5:11 pm
Snow whips by the window in a heavy gust of a wind, the kind of weather that has Verena wrapping her scarf an extra loop around her neck before pulling her jacket on. It was her favorite time, the end of the work week, and no amount of crazy weather would stop her from leaving this place as fast as she could.
The elevator dropped quickly and she was in the home stretch as her heels clicked across tiled floors to the front doors. She didn't question the people that lingered in the lobby or the lack of cars on the busy city streets until she stepped outside just to be nearly knocked over by the wind.
âSorry Doll, but unless you have wings you're not making it home for another few hours or so,â Charlie sultry drawl called to her from one of the building's canopy posts. Pushing her hair out of her eyes, she turned to face him just to find him bundled tightly in a long coat, a bare hand shaking as it held an unlit cigarette, the end burnt like Charlie had been fighting the wind for one good drag.
âHow come whenever you're nearby there seems to be some sort of issue?â she accuses, tired and feeling her previous excitement deflating by the second.
âNormally Iâd agree but even Iâm not powerful enough to control the weather, taxis are shut down until the roads are cleared. You're better off waiting inside with the rest of those folks,â he says as he removes his other bare hand from his coat pocket, flicking a lighter that refuses to stay lit in this cold.
âIâll just walk to the subway,â you tell him, starting in that direction and eager to be in the warmth of your apartment with your favorite pajamas on and a cup of hot cocoa.
âNot in those shoes you wonât, it's eight blocks and a half foot of snow on every sidewalk,â he says as he gives up on the cigarette, shoving both items in his pocket as he stalks towards you. You realize that he probably would forcefully hold you back if it came to it. You knew you should've packed boots.
âI canât spend another minute in that office Dalton,â you finally say, trying your best to be transparent with him, and holding back a shiver as another gust of wind hits you both.
âThereâs a bar around the corner, let me buy you a drink while we wait for the taxis,â he says and you stare at him hard. Every part of you screams not to, another hour with the boy seemed like torture, and you were desperate for some alone time. Yet for some reason the paper with his name on it burns in your pocket and you're reminded you have not a clue what to buy him.
âHopefully it's quick.â
Tuesday December 14th 1965, 10:40am
âOuch,â Verena winces as her head bumps underneath the desk. A chuckle sounds from above her and with a hand pressed to the back of her head she looks up to see Charlie Dalton laughing over his cup of coffee.
âYouâre supposed to work above your desk, not under it,â he informs her, sipping from the steaming cup as Verena adjusted her skirt to cover the top of her thighs again.
âNo shit Dalton, someone forgot to lock Lord Byron's cage and Iâve been looking for him all morning,â she was quite certain it was Charlie who forgot to lock the cage since he was the last name on the feeding schedule. Now she was hours behind on paperwork and still no hamster in sight.
âWhy didnât you say something?â he asks and Verena scowls, having actually gone to his cubicle this morning just to find he hadn't been at his desk and was socializing in the break room. She had gotten a little too comfortable with him at the bar last Friday, letting him buy her not one but three drinks. Investigating gift ideas was a bust and all she recalled now was his face being too close to hers as he helped her into a cab.
âI tried, but someone was busy avoiding work all day, and if you remembered to feed him last night as scheduled, this whole thing is your fault,â she accused, scooting from under the desk and begrudgingly accepting his hands as he hauled her up to her feet.
âI could've sworn I closed it,â he says, more than likely assuming the worst of the office pet just like Verena had all morning. She could see poor little Lord Byron now, trapped in some vent or wedged between the fax machine. How could one find a three inch long hamster in a whole New York City office level?
âIt doesn't matter now. Listen, Iâll finish searching this side of the office, you take the other. Hopefully the little guy will show up,â Verena says, gesturing to the area untouched and he nods, rushing off in hopes a hamster death wouldnât be on his hands.
Verena doesn't understand the small rush of guilt she feels as she watches him leave.
Friday December 17th 1965, 9:25am
âSomething's off,â Melanie whispers over to Verena, not expecting the voice to appear beside her as she stirred some sugar into her coffee. Verena gazed over at her, curious why Melanie was suddenly acting like they were casual friends.
âWhat do you mean?â She couldn't help but ask, curious about the girl's motives and hoping she wasn't about to receive a second Secret Santa or some other odd Christmas duty.
âCharlie, heâs actually working and he hasn't left his desk to socialize for the past two days. Is he sick or something?â Melanie asks, it dawning on Verena that being desk neighbors with the boy implied sheâd have intel other office members don't. Shockingly Verena did know the answer to Charlie's odd behaviour. It had everything to do with a brown and white hamster who had yet to appear.
âHis health seems fine to me, maybe something's going on in his home life,â Verena offered, that guilty feeling returning. She had never expected Charlie to be so upset over losing the hamster, considering he always tried to pass his feeding shifts onto her. She felt bad that she was the reason he was so burdened by this.
âWell whatever it is, let me know when you figure it out. We all know you're his favorite,â Mel says and shock paints Verena features, eliciting a laugh from the bubbly girl. âDonât tell me you didn't know?â
âI am not his favorite, heâs constantly bugging me,â Verena defends and Melanie rolls her eyes, starting for the break room door.
âHoney, that's why he bugs you,â she reassures and slips back out into the maze of cubicles before Verena could defend her judgment further.
Turning back to her coffee, Verena tries to shake away her thoughts about the brown haired boy. Is it possible she had everything wrong this whole time? It didn't make sense, Charlie had made some of her weeks here miserable, leaving behind projects, stealing her pens and usually returning them by being thrown at her head. If that was deemed favoritism then you'd have to argue that Charlie hadn't outgrown playground crush behavior. He was immature but Verena had seen him flirt with other interns and salesgirls, this was not the same.
Verenaâs thoughts were interrupted by the breakroom door pushing open once again, the boy on her mind stepping through like she had somehow summoned him. Verena offered a pressed smile, stepping away from the coffee pot Charlie was more than likely approaching. Curious to see if heâd say anything to her, she slipped into a chair at one of the tables. Yet the more time that passed, the more she realized something really was off with him.
âHey, I just wanted to thank youâ.â
âDo you hear that?â
Both of them speak at the same time, Charlie not registering Verenaâs words at all. Instead he stares hard at the fridge and Verena stands, watching as he studies it. They're both frozen and suddenly the faintest scratching sound appears to be coming from behind it. They both jump to action, hands grabbing either side of the fridge as they try to pull it from the wall. It's heavy and awkward, and once it's about a foot away it becomes wedged between the counter tops, no amount of force from either of them getting it to move.
âSpot me,â Verena suddenly says, kicking off her wedges and swinging a leg atop the counter. Charlie's eyes widen as she squeezes her slim shoulders between the wall and the back of the fridge, dipping behind it with determination. Charlie scrambles towards her, hands clasping her waist as she bends further and further down. Verena for once is thankful for her long limbs as her hand grasps around the familiar coat of none other than Lord Byron.
âYou got him!â Charlie cheers as she reappears from behind the fridge, his hands still on her waist as he helps her sit atop of the counter. Verena goes to present the small rodent in victory, but to both her and Charlie's surprise, he has her wrapped tightly in a hug. Lord Bryon wiggling in her palm.
âLook, he's perfectly fine,â Verena says awkwardly as he loosens his grip, backing away from her. Not noticing her awkwardness due to the contact. She passes the small pet to him, watching as he looks at it apologetically. Heâs so gentle and the image reminds her of his large hands that were just wrapped around her waist moments ago.
âIâm so happy you're back little guy,â he whispers before looking back up at the girl, smiling wider than he had since the hamster had been lost. Verena can't help but match the smile, tucking some of her hair behind her ears. âThanks for grabbing him, Iâm going to take him back to his cage and make sure heâs fed.â
âAnytime,â she nods, watching as Charlie rushes out the breakroom, leaving her on the counter with tight clad feet dangling as she wonders why her whole body has been buzzing since he touched her. It was just Charlie and yet for some reason when she recalls the way he hugged her, a blush covers her cheeks.
Wednesday December 22nd 1965, 2:17pm
âDonât forget everyone, Secret Santa gifts will be exchanged Friday at 11am! Only two days left to make sure you have the perfect gift!â Melanie calls out to the whole office and Verena winces at the reminder. In the last two weeks Charlie had evolved from the annoying guy at work into the semi annoying, charmingly irresistible, makes Verenaâs skin feel like fire guy.
âI totally forgot,â Charlie suddenly whispers over the top of the cubicle and Verena snorts out a laugh, glancing up at him as she mulls over her gift options for him once again. A cigarette case with his initials engraved, a bottle of the same whiskey he ordered that snowy night in the bar, a new tie. None of them seemed to reflect the way she felt about him now.
âThat doesnât surprise me at all,â she says, knowing it took her reminding him twenty times to finish something at work. Had no one brought up Secret Santa until today, he probably wouldn't have bought a thing.
âMy friend Neil from school used to get so mad when I would wait till the last minute to buy my gifts. I almost always wrote him poems instead, he appreciated it much more than the cigarettes, playboys, or random snacks I would usually buy him,â Charlie told her and her eyebrows furrow, the thought of Charlie of all people writing poems beyond her imagination.
âPoems?â she inquires and he chuckles, not the least bit surprised by this reaction.
âYes poems, you know there is a reason I intern in a publishing office instead of work for Daddy,â he tells her and Verena finds herself surprised, smiling at him like her preconceived notion of him was suddenly all wrong.
âYeah but youâre always leaving your work for me,â she teases and Charlie chuckles, hand tapping against the short wall that separates them both.
âThatâs because as much as I love it, Iâm also a procrastinator,â he tells her and she's not the least bit surprised at this confession. Everyone had their faults, at least Charlie was willing to own up to his.
âIâm sure your Dad is still pissed you chose this instead,â Verena says as grabs her coffee, needing something to distract her from getting lost in his eyes or staring at him hard enough it gives away her feelings. Her attraction to him snuck up on her, the last thing she needed was Charlie knowing.
âNot quite, he gave me a year. He said I could try my hand at this âunrealisticâ dream of mine and if I hadnât been hired full time by the end of the year, I am to go and work for him,â Charlie explains, a hand reaching to rub the back of his neck. His fathers expectations for him was the only thing that still made him feel like a child.
At this confession, Verena realizes all that socializing wasn't just Charlie avoiding work but also trying to form connections. A tactic to get in the good graces of people who worked here, nurture friendships that could potentially give him the future he wanted, and not the one that was already paved out for him. A wave of respect for him washes over her quickly.
âEvery day you surprise me more and more Charlie,â Verena finally says, no longer fighting the part of herself that yearns to know more and more about him. Charlie shrugs, grinning like that had been his plan all along.
âSo it shouldn't be a surprise when I ask for your help with sales reports?â
Friday December 24th 1965, 10:53am
Verenaâs hand shook around the neatly wrapped present in her hands. Coworkers of varying degrees all loitered around the small Christmas tree Melanie had set up beside the table of different cookies she more than likely baked herself. It was a lot of effort to give for a crowd of people who were counting the minutes until noon when they could go home and celebrate with their families.
âDont be shy everyone, gather around and in a few moments weâll exchange,â Melanie's shrill voice interrupted the chatter. Verena spots Charlie across the room, eyes locking as he offers a soft smile. Her heart pounds harder in her chest.
People shuffle around, eager to get this over with and probably the smallest hint of excitement over what they may receive. In the jumble, Verenaâs eyes break from Charlie's and she has no time to search for him as Melanie pulls a chair to the center of the circle and stands up in front of everyone.
âWell, it seems like everyone is here. So take your time and exchange! Happy Holidays!â she announces before stepping down from the chair. Verena pushes past a few people, walking in the direction of where Charlie just stood.
The chatter picks back up, people squealing and laughing as they give and receive gifts. The system is a mess considering everyone was hunting a different person. Verena is certain sheâs lost Charlie in the crowd to whoever he had bought a gift for. Yet she still searches for even a flash of floppy brown hair and big doe eyes, even his wide smirk.
âVer?â a familiar voice calls her off her search, fingers tapping her shoulder. She turns to find the very person she had been looking for, a sheepish smile on his face as he holds out a small gift bag in her direction.
âCharlie?â sheâs unable to hide her surprise, eyes flickering between him and the gift.
âLook it's not much, but you deserved something good after putting up with me all the time,â he says and she shakes her head, hoping her shock didn't come across as disappointment in any way.
âNo, it's just... Well here,â Verena holds out the carefully wrapped package and it's his turn to look surprised. Of all the people in the office, by some chance they both happened to pull the others' names.
âFor me?â he asks and she nods, watching as he grabs it, his fingers tearing into the paper. Verena can't help but smile as he pries open the box, revealing the book that took her searching three vintage book stores to find. After their conversation on Wednesday the idea suddenly came to her, the perfect gift.
âItâs a collection of Byron's greatest poems. Iâm sure you know most of them but since you found our little hamster friend, I figured you'd like to revisit a few,â she tells him as he opens the cover page to find her handwriting neatly inside.
To Charlie,
A peace offering since this whole time I had you all wrong. You are smarter, kinder, and stronger than I ever knew. Iâm sorry I didn't notice it before.
Merry Christmas! Love, Verena
âIt's perfect,â Charlie says, swallowing hard as he absorbs the words she had written down. He closes the book back up, tucking it to his side as he stares her down. Realizing what he wants, she pulls the tissue paper from the top of the bag to find a notebook sheâd seen him carrying around the office before.
âWhatâs this?â she questions, prepared for him to admit he had forgotten a gift and in its place he borrowed something from his desk.
âI told you I wasn't good at buying presents but I am good with my words, sometimes,â he explains and Verena curiously opens the book to find pages upon pages filled with short poems, notes, and drawings all about her. The corner of each page dated from the first week he had started working here until just yesterday.
âCharlie, I don't know what to say,â she begins, shaking her head as happy tears well in her eyes. She had felt silly the last two weeks, developing feelings for the boy who had done nothing but driven her nuts. All those times he had picked on her and she had been so rude to him, just for him to have a soft spot for her all along.
âIt's nothing, you were bound to stumble upon it at some point. I just sped up the process,â he says just as her eyes catch over some words describing her beauty, how the sound of her laughter fluttering from the other side of the cubicle wall was the best part of some of his days. Words evading her, she feels the rush of emotions wash over her, eyes studying the boy in front of her and feeling a surge of appreciation for him hit her.
âOh Charlie,â is all she can say before pressing her lips against his. He's shocked at first, Verena's arms coiling around his neck until he realizes this was entirely real. Eyes fluttering closed, he draws her in closer by the waist, kissing her back with a hunger that had been burning inside of him since the very first day they had met.
âThis might just be the best Christmas yet,â Charlie says breathily when they break apart for air, foreheads pressed together and wide smiles covering each of their faces. Verena giggles, shocked from her own actions but oddly happier than sheâs ever been.
âFor once I just might agree with you,â Verena says and Charlie laughs, happy she had gone from despising him to whatever this was. He couldn't wait to discover more of it.
âSo what do you say? Me, Lord Byron, and a Christmas Eve date tonight?â Charlie asks, pulling back to stare down her beautiful features, seeing her bright eyes shining back at him with a fondness he had never noticed before. He hoped it never went away.
âSounds like the perfect Christmas Eve to me.â
Summary: Cameron returns to his dorm after Neil's death and Charlie's expulsion, feeling the weight of what he had done.
Word Count: 1.2k
Masterlist
The room is dark when Cameron enters it, shutting the door behind him. Weltonâs walls had always been cold but now they were somehow colder. He thinks of all the times he prayed for a single dorm, for some God damn peace and quiet. Now the empty space across from his feels as big as the hole in his heart. He thought what he did was right, it felt right, so why did he suddenly feel so guilty? He had been raised his whole life to respect elders, follow the rules, and be honest. Thatâs what he did. Thatâs what he has always known.
Wincing at the lack of warmth and the bare bed on the now empty side of the room, he rushes to his closet to remove his uniform. His head hurts as he loosens his tie and hangs up the blazer so it doesnât crease. His side of the room had always been neat, organized, and now he wanted to tear it apart. The earth felt off its axis, the room so uneven that it might tip over. There was no disaster to match his cleanliness. He wasnât tripping over strewn pants and rolling his eyes at the way the sheets would hang off the side of the empty bed.Â
Once he was in a T-shirt and some pajama pants he pulled off his covers more forcefully than he ever has before, tugging the fabric from under the mattress where it was perfectly tucked. When he had made his bed this morning he hadnât expected to go to sleep like this. His heart ached and for the first time in his life he had felt incomplete. Tears well in his eyes when the reminder of the day comes back to him.Â
âYou told Nolan everything about the club is what I'm talking about. â
âHe's a rat! He's in it up to his eyes, so he ratted to save himself.â
He hadnât expected to be seen so clearly. To be so noticed by his peers and known so well that they could predict his actions before he even did them. A part of him knew he would lose his friends for the things he did but he had hoped, wished they could see that he did what he thought was right. Now he couldn't erase the image of the way his friends' faces looked, forget the way blood spilled from his nose that felt burning hot from how hard he was hit. Their words rung in his ears over and over again, especially Todd's.Â
âThat is not true, Cameron. You know that. He didn't put us up to anything. Neil loved acting.â
He had never seen him so passionate, so loud, so confident. It occurred to him at that moment that maybe they had all been changed for the better. He thinks of Neil who had beamed brighter in the last few months than he had ever seen him. Replays the play in his head and how happy Neil looked before that curtain closed. He can still vividly remember the way they cheered and clapped, a team, a family as they all shared a sense of pride over their friend. Then he thinks of Charlie.
Loud, overbearing, obnoxious Charlie. Torturous years of being his roommate and putting up with his shit. Every snarky comment and rude glance, never picking up after himself or being patient when Cameron helped him with his homework. Cameron had rued his very existence and had never considered until now how integrated Charlie was into his everyday life. All those annoyances and nitpicking just to discover he had been fond of it all along. The dorm no longer felt like home and a part of him wonders when Charlie went from an enemy to a friend. A friend he had now wronged. A friend who had every right to hit him as hard as he did.Â
âIâm sorry,â he whispers to the bed across from his, the sheets stripped away, the desk no longer cluttered with papers, the closet bare of shirts half hanging off their hangers. There was no saxophone melody interrupting his studying, or lamp light left on when Charlie fell asleep and Cameron had to get out of bed to turn it off. Charlie had always been noise and without him there was too much quiet. A quiet Cameron once enjoyed and now felt trapped in.Â
Closing his eyes he can hear the knock that sounds on the dorm door at 3am, the way he answered it half asleep just to find Dr. Hager who asks him to wake Charlie. He can feel the wood of the door against his ear as he tries to listen to their hushed conversation in the hall. The image of Charlie crying when he steps back into the dorm burned into his mind. The swoosh of panic that rushed through his entire body at the sight because he loved Charlie too. He always had even if he didn't know it.Â
âNeils gone. He shot himself.âÂ
Cameron squeezes his eyes shut, forcing the awful memory away, not wanting to recall how his own tears flooded and the way he and Charlie hugged so tightly like one of them would somehow disappear too. For just a moment it was only the two of them who knew and they had been there to comfort each other. For a single moment they were on the same side of the war. Two lost kids mourning their friend.Â
Flicking off the light of his own lamp he lets the darkness surround him, draping him in a blanket of loneliness he knows he may never escape for the next year and a half. Two of his friends were gone and the rest wouldnât even look at him. This morning he had woken up a part of something and now he was going to bed the way he always feared. It was too late to make new friends and the only ones he wanted would probably never forgive him. The worst part is that he still knew he was right for telling the truth, but now he might've done it differently.Â
Keating hadn't deserved blame, Charlie had lost the one person who always loved him along with all his other friends, and Cameron never got to tell him how much he had appreciated him. The last words shared between them were vicious and hateful, and the biggest regret he had was not saying goodbye. Hiding like a coward as he packed up his things and left the dorm and Welton for good. Letting Charlie's last memory of him be exactly as he always accused him, a fink and a bad friend. Instead of telling him how he would always regret what he did and how much he would miss him. How empty things were without him.Â
Now Cameron would live in the darkness of his actions, all alone, being misunderstood by the world around him. Nothing else to live for but the path his parents had set him up for. He would become a lawyer, or a businessman, maybe even a banker. No one ever knowing that poetry and art had once given him something he never thought he would have.Â
Summary: A story in which you walk through the timeline of each of the Poetâs deaths and how they faced their end and experienced their lives in all endeavors.Â
word count: 13.4k
Masterlist
1959
The first time any of the boys experienced a funeral that actually affected them, they were only sixteen turning seventeen. Too young to ever know the unforgiving cold heart of death and how in just seconds it could turn your entire life around. It was seared into each of their brains. How it had snowed that day, how the women cried, how heavy the casket was on each of their shoulders as snow crunched beneath their feet, how the roses already started to wilt due to the cold.Â
They had lost a friend, a companion, and worst of all someone their age. It was a wake up call, a notion that life wasnât as dependable as they thought. That at any moment anything could possibly happen to change that. Life wasnât guaranteed and the timeline was unknown. Hadnât that been what Keating had talked about this whole time? To make much of time and experience it as one should. So how come his teachings had played a part in the very death of their friend? It may have not been the reason but now that each of them were aware, it already started to feel like the time was running out.Â
Neil Perry was an irreplaceable soul in a world of people who wasted the hours away. So as each of the boys faced the question of âwhy him?â, they realized death didnât pick and choose. It was required and could not be changed or erased. Whether you were a saint or devil incarnate, your time was your time, and nothing could get in the way of that. Neil was only on this earth for a mere 17 years and that had to be enough, even if it felt like it didnât. It had to mean something or the world wasnât as each of the boys had thought. The world was cruel and unforgiving and happiness could be crushed at any moment. So as they faced the death of their friend together, mourned and lost, they realized one day it would be their turn, and there was no telling when.Â
1968
Nine years. That was all it took. Barely even a decade before the group had to face another death. Pitts often wondered what it was like for Charlie the day Neil died. The thoughts going through his head as he set his sadness to the side in order to inform all of them. Pitts figured he would never have the answers to these questions until the telegram in his hand trembled. His mind hadnât caught up with his heart yet. His body reacting as if it had just experienced deep trauma, which in a way it did.Â
Gerard Pitts,
The Secretary of War desires me to express his deep regret that Sergeant Steven Meeks was killed in action on Thirty January 1968 in South Vietnam. This confirms personal notification made by a representative of the secretary of the army Major General, USA F48 Adjutant General.Â
He wasnât sure what to think at first. He hadnât seen Meeks since they had graduated from Yale, he had briefly heard he had been drafted but what he never expected was this. This meant Meeks had listed him in his emergency contacts and now on this very day he had to face exactly what Charlie had too. So dropping the telegram from his trembling hand he reached for the rolodex in search of numbers he prayed would still reach each of the boys despite it having been years since contact.Â
That was how they had all ended up here, in a stuffy church among the pews that they once found unbearable in their formative years. The wooden seats have provided nothing but stiff backs and unwarranted lectures in discipline. Now Pitts liked the feeling of it, the pain reminding him that this moment was real as he sat beside Meeksâ parents, who were now worn with age. Mrs. Meeks red hair had now started to fade into white and Mr. Meeks face had begun to sink in. Pitts briefly wondered if that's what Meeks would have looked like if he had made it to old age. He hated that there wasnât more family here to grieve, just the three of them, yet when each of the Poets walked through the door the weight on his shoulders lifted more and more.Â
Todd had been able to take off of work a few days, leaving his third graders behind with a substitute teacher. He had really come into his own in college and found a love for teaching, but preferred kids much younger. When you're a kid the world is much less daunting and people are much more forgiving, he wasnât sure he was ready to take on the responsibility of influential teenage minds. The best he could do was teach them young and hope they did what was best as they grew.Â
Charlie, now as influential as his father in the business world, left behind the big city and stocks, driving somewhere other than Wall Street to send off a friend. You could smell success on him from the perfect cut of his suit and the expensive fabric. All with a dainty brunette tucked against his arm, the boy had made something of himself whether he wanted to or not. It was comforting to see, not knowing how the boy would end up after he had been expelled.
As for Knox, much to no one's surprise, he came with a still just as beautiful Chris by his side. He had taken over his fathers firm right after college and had been doing well for himself since. He was living the life he always dreamed of having, you could see it in his eyes with the way he looked at the one year old boy in Chrisâ arms. They had been married right after college and before he got busy with the firm, it just made sense that babies were on the way. They had eloped, mainly to avoid an over the top wedding provided by his parents, and after their anger subsided they started to live a beautiful life together.Â
What shocked everyone the most was to see Cameron walk through the door. Still just as awkward as he was as a teenager, slipping into a pew in the back as if not to be seen. He wasnât even sure himself what brought him to come today. He hadnât seen Meeks since High School graduation nor heard from him. He was shocked to hear the boy was even in the war let alone lost his life to it. Something deeper though, more important than even him or the other poets drew him here today and if he was anything, he was a man of deep respect. These were guys he grew up with and it was important to offer his condolences, at least to him.Â
In front of them the Pastor starts to speak, a casket covered by an American flag in the front of the room and Pitts can't bring himself to believe that his friend was now inside of there. His body had been shipped back for the funeral and was to be a closed casket for undisclosed reasons. Whatever Pitts imagined made him sick anyway. Steven Meeks, the army hero, who would've thought? He never imagined what their funerals wouldâve been like but if you had asked him years ago, the last response he ever would've had was a military funeral.Â
When the crowd leaves the church to go to the gravesite, the majority of the boys have found themselves in tears. Todd stands beside Charlie and Knox, their wives behind them as they watch them lower the casket in the ground. Todd flinches when the rifles go off for the Three-volley Salute. This brings Charlie to wrap an arm around his shoulders, tears in Toddâs eyes matching his own. After they all walk through to drop roses on the casket, the group finds themselves off to the side, sharing a moment alone in the memory of their friend.
âLong time no see fellasâ Charlie is the first to say, a prideful arm still wrapped around Todd and his wife. Knox brings himself to smile softly, cradling the small boy in his arms.
âBeen too longâ he agrees and Pitts finds himself reaching for the child, long fingers grazing along his hairline. It was so odd to him that there could be something so young and safe from the dangers of the real world, that this child was starting on the path of a lifetime with an unwritten ending.Â
âClearly, you have a kidâ Pitts chuckles, glancing up at Chris who held the same features as the small boy in Knoxâs arms. He liked that there was hope for the short lifetime you were given, that you could be with your one true love and live a happy life.Â
âI did, everyone meet Johnnyâ Knox offered up his arms, showing off the boy who was just starting life at a gathering over the end of a life. Pitts found tears rimming his eyes just at the thought of how much Meeks would've loved to meet him.Â
âHi Johnnyâ Todd smiled, face a mix of happiness and sadness. He had become quite fond of young life after years of teaching and to see Knox, who once was young, now holding him was unreal.Â
âLike Keating?â Charlie said with a nod, half question and half matter of fact and Knox smiled as he removed an arm from the child to wrap around Chris.
âYeah, like the Captain. The man who made me confident enough to chase after the girl of my dreams. Little Johnny wouldnât be here if it wasnât for himâ Knox confirms and Todd steps out of the grasp of Charlie who had oddly taken over the role of Neil, making sure Todd was well looked after. He got a phone call once every two weeks, a lot like a mother hen, just making sure he was still alive.Â
âCan I hold him?â Todd asks and Knox smiles, immediately offering up the young boy to his meek and quiet friend. Todd carefully accepted the child into his arms, tucking him against his chest and admiring the softness of his skin.Â
âMeeks would've been just as surprised you actually had a kidâ Pitts suddenly says and the group freezes, almost not expecting any of them to actually bring up the reason why they were all here.Â
âI didnât even know he was draftedâ Knox whispers, ignoring Pitts statement and nods came from each of the boys amongst the group. Charlie had once tried writing to him but had never received a letter back, he just assumed he may have had the wrong address. He had no idea the boy was off at war when the majority of them had been able to avoid the draft due to money or ineligibility.Â
âCouldnât avoid it, he was a radio operator in the field. Doesnât surprise me that Steven would be able to make a radio work and contact people in the middle of the jungleâ Pitts says with a teary laugh and the boys let this sink in, picturing their small red headed friend in army green and deep in the woods fighting a war none of them could truly comprehend.Â
âHe was too smart for his own goodâ Charlie says with the shake of his head, remembering all those school years where Meeks had practically carried him on his back though the classes he struggled in.Â
âHe would've been glad we were all here, even Cameron '' Todd says, eyes never leaving the bright blue ones of baby Johnny, because of this he doesn't see how his sentence makes each of them stiffen. Things with Cameron never got smoothed over and they all went their separate ways. Pitts wasn't even sure why he called him, some deeper force out there brought him to do it.Â
When no one responds, Todd finally lifts his head to see each of the boy's eyes cast on the red haired boy who was talking to Meeks parents. It was odd seeing him all these years later. He hadnât really changed, he was just a touch taller and his eyes werenât as bright as they once were. That much is true when his head turns to spot each of them, a tight lipped smile crossing his face before turning and walking off in the opposite direction.Â
âFeels like a lifetime agoâ Knox mutters, not really needing to explain his reasoning for the sentence. Cameron had always been uptight but he was once one of them. A young and innocent kid who thought the entire world was his oyster. They were all going to conquer it together until it all fell apart.Â
âItâs nice, that he cameâ Charlie says with a cough, eyes darting to his wife in order to avoid eye contact with any of the boys who are shocked by this sentence. Charlie had never had anything nice to say about Cameron, theyâd just have to chalk it up to grief over Meeks.Â
âItâs nice that you all cameâ Pitts says and the group smiles at him, a sadness in each of their eyes as it finally settled that Meeks was really and truly gone. Charlie is the first to usher them into a group hug, one that each of them welcomes as they accept the embrace of friends they hadnât seen in a longtime.Â
âWe always willâ
1980
Charlie dreamed of the day he would finally receive a letter from John Keating. With how quickly both him and Keating had been booted from school he was never able to find a way to contact him. He had spent many years exhausting searches for a man that more than likely returned to his life in London, too far for a young boy in the 60âs to ever discover. So he gave up, he met his wife, worked hard at his job, and raised his two kids. So when he opened the mailbox one morning, he never expected to see a letter marked with multiple postage stamps, a return address scribbled on the side of a Keating in London. He never moved so fast, rushing inside in search of his letter opener in order to read the first words heâll ever hear from Keating after all these years.Â
Dear Charles Dalton,Â
Iâm writing to you on behalf of my husband John Keating who had once teached you for a few brief months back in 1959. I regret to inform you that my husband passed away due to a cancer called Hodgkin's Lymphoma that has been slowly eating away at his life. I want you to know that he did not die in vain and that he was very happy with the life he lived before it was taken from him. He always loved you boys and he never stopped thinking about you once. Up until the very end he would share stories of the best students he had ever taught. Please do not resent him for the distance that he has kept all these years. Despite how much I assured him, he still felt like he took some blame for the death of your friend. Unable to escape that guilt he felt it was best to keep his distance in order to avoid causing anymore harm. My husband was a smart but stubborn man which I am sure you know.Â
His funeral will be held here in London in a week's time. I know it is short notice but if youâd like to attend or have further questions Iâll leave my number here. Please do reach out, my husband was very proud of each and every one of you and Iâd love to get in touch and meet the boys that changed his perspective on a lot of things. He passed very young and had a lot more life to live but thankfully my husband knew how to seize the day and I hope each of you still are too.Â
Sincerely, Elizabeth Keating
Charlie canât bring himself to comprehend what he has just read. Tears rim his eyes as he realizes all the possibilities he imagined when opening this letter, not a single one included his death. The death of the very man that single handedly changed his life for the better. He always wished heâd have the opportunity to thank him but now that chance is gone. With his eyes trained on the number written at the bottom of the letter he finds himself picking up the phone and making a call he never thought heâd have to make.Â
After discussing things with Keatingâs wife he went through and called the rest of the poets that he was just realizing now that he hadnât heard from in almost ten years. He hated that they had all lost touch but that was sadly how life worked. You grew up, moved away, met new people, and as the days go it gets harder and harder to reach out. Charlie didnât find it hard this time to inform them all of another death yet the part that hurt was how he knew how to do it, He had once broken the news to them all before. When they all agreed to go along with him, Charlie booked the tickets and pretty soon they were off.Â
Keatingâs wife still looked just as she did in the picture that used to be in his room at Welton. Her hair was lighter but she must've still been dyeing it, other than that only a few new wrinkles covered her face. Charlie didnât expect the tug on his heart when he saw her, especially since he had never met her in person before. For him though, it was the closest he ever got to seeing Keating again which is why he is the first of the boys to pull her in a tight hug.Â
âWe really loved himâ he muttered into her shoulder and the small woman slowly rubbed a comforting hand over his back which brought tears to his eyes.Â
âHe loved all of you, the boys that continued his legacyâ she fondly says as Charlie pulls back, offering a warm and gentle smile.Â
âI thought we rather mucked it upâ Todd says and Elizabeth turns to see the young blonde boy she could easily recognize from all the descriptions Keating had given her. Yet she supposed he wasn't so young anymore, nearly forty years old now.Â
âI wouldn't say that, John was quite fond of your bookâ she tells him and Todd freezes, resembling the quiet boy he once used to be. Todd had never planned to write anything worth reading in his entire life but all these years and nowhere to put his ideas they just fell on a page, as if he had to get them out. The last thing he ever expected was Keating to read it.Â
âHe read it?â Todd asks, voice just as mousy as the seventeen year old boy within him.Â
âOf course he did. He kept track of all of you. He was quite proud in knowing his young pupils had paved the way of great lives. Todd not only a teacher but author, Charlie the legend of Wallstreet, Knox the head of his own firm, Pitts the successful engineer, and Cameron the strong politicianâ Elizabeth proudly says, having developed a sense of pride over the boys her husband never shut up about. All four boys follow the gesture of her hand to find once again Richard Cameron among the crowds and Charlie is unable to stop the anger from crossing his face.Â
âWhat the hell is he doing here?â he seethes, fists clenching at his side. Meeks funeral was one thing, that was a peer, a friend. This was different, Cameron never liked or understood Keating and was the sole reason blame was put on him when Neil died. If anybody shouldnât be allowed at the funeral, it was him.Â
âI invited himâ Elizabeth calmly says and each of the boys look to her with shock, confused as to why she would dare do that when she definitely knew it was the boys fault Keating had been fired. Elizabeth laughs lightly at their bewildered faces before deciding to explain. âA few years ago when Cameron first ran for office he found our address and reached out. He apologized to John who never blamed him for what happened. He has been a kind and good friend to us the last few years. It was only right to make sure he would be here todayâ
âHe got to talk to Keating?â Charlie whispers, entire body deflating at the idea Cameron got to speak to him one last time and he never did. It wasnât fair.Â
âKeating wouldâve liked that we were all hereâ Pitts says, eyes darting between Cameron and Charlie, just waiting for a reaction he knew theyâd have to stop if Charlie got too upset.Â
âHe would, he would've liked seeing how well you all grew tooâ Elizabeth confirms with a nod and Knox smiles at her, feeling a sense of happiness despite the heavy reason for them all being here.Â
âMy son Johnny, I named him after Keating. I always hoped theyâd get to meet one dayâ Knox tells her and tears well up in the older woman's eyes at the thought.Â
âHow old is he?â she curiously asks, noticing how Charlie still has a glare plastered in the direction of Cameron as he lets the new information sink in.Â
âThirteen and he is definitely giving me a run for my money. Especially with his two little sistersâ Knox says with a laugh, thinking of the twin girls at home, Clara and Chloe. They were only five and guaranteed neither him or Chris ever got any sleep these days.Â
âIâd love to hear more about them, in fact Iâd love to learn all about each of youâ Elizabeth says and the Poets find themselves recognizing Keating in her. That spirit that always made them feel safe.Â
So that's what they end up doing, they tell her all about their lives and milestones they've experienced over the last few years. Knox explains they waited a while after Johnny to have their girls and now that they had twins it made sense to wait before having anymore. Todd talked about how he just got tenure and still loved teaching third grade. Yet with the safety net surrounding his job he had more time to write now and that was exactly what he did. It all worked out for the best anyway considering the young publisher had caught his eye and they had now been married for four years. Charlie and his wife Emerson waited a few years before having kids, now they had Elijah who was seven and Nell who was five. The young girl named after Neil because from the moment he held her he just knew that she embodied his spirit. He wasnât sure theyâd have anymore kids but he was quite happy with where he was now. As for Pitts he was unmarried and spent the majority of his time dedicating himself to work, yet Elizabeth could see it in his eyes. He hadnât found a companion yet because he wasnât looking, he had lost too much.Â
âI better be off to greet some more guests, thank you so much for comingâ Elizabeth says once they've all caught up and the boys smile, bidding her goodbye in various ways as she moves across the room. They had learned Keating didnât want a stuffy and formal funeral, just a wake where people could mingle and discuss their favorite memories of him. It was interesting to see the differences of the people in the room that the man had touched.Â
âIâm going to say something to himâ Charlie starts, unable to distract himself from the anger held towards Cameron. Yet before he can stomp over there Todd grabs his arm and stops him from making any rash decisions.
âDonât Charlie, this isnât high school anymoreâ he says, voice steady and eyes begging him to not do anything stupid.Â
âI know but this isnât right. It isnât fair that he got to be in contact with Keating all these years and we didnât. I tried for years to find him and Keating did so much more for us than Cameron. Cameron is the one who wanted to place the blame on him, he didnât deserve to be the only one who got to talk to him.â Charlie says, the anger turning into tears, words crying out as he practically pleads with Todd to let him go and say something.Â
âKeating forgave him, Charlie one day you will have to.â Knox tells him and Charlie breaks his arm from Toddâs grasp and wipes away the tears that had streamed down his face. He knows they're right but he hates it, he hates it so much and he hadnât felt this type of anger since Neil died.Â
âLetâs pay our respects, '' Pitts says, grabbing his shoulders and guiding him to the casket in the center of the room. It's hard for them to see the face of their old mentor, beat and worn with age. His hair was entirely gray but features were still soft. Charlie always wondered if heâd be able to recognize him if they ever crossed paths and he knew now he would. That Keating hadnât really changed, not at all, and that fact alone was comforting enough.Â
âHe got oldâ Charlie snorts, more tears filling his eyes and the boys laugh as they each stand over the casket of a man that meant so much to each of them.Â
âItâs a nice thought knowing they're all together right nowâ Todd says looking at his friends with teary eyes and they nod, knowing exactly what he means as they think of their lost friends. Enjoying the very thought they were together and experiencing poetry and freedom in the after life.Â
âJust like us,â Pitts says, using his large arm span to squeeze the four of them together. The boys smile, now realizing they were depleting in numbers and maybe they don't talk or see each other anymore, but the love was still there. Charlie finds his gaze returning to Cameron one more time who was already watching the four of them say their goodbyes. Cameron slowly moved his hand up in a small wave but Charlie just turned away, not returning the same sentiment and staying in the moment with his friends.Â
âThe way it should beâ
2000
The phone that was once in Toddâs hand lays on the ground, dial tone deafening as the words that he just heard continued to ring through his ears. Heâs unable to process anything he has just heard, all he knows is that tears are falling out of his eyes and his body hasnât caught up with the devastation that has just occurred. The last thing he expected when he sat down in his home office was a phone call from anyone, especially Chris Overstreet.Â
âTodd, it's horrible. He was on his way home, he had just left work. I don't know how it happened. They say it was a drunk driver but it can't be true. He had just called to tell me he was leaving, we have Liamâs soccer game in an hour. I donât know what to doâ
That was when the phone dropped from Toddâs hand, disconnecting him and the blonde girl he hadnât heard from since the announcement of their son Liam in 1983. He had to be seventeen now. Seventeen, the age they all were when Neil died. Now his father is gone. Hit by a drunk driver at only 59 years old, still half of his life head of him. As soon as these thoughts register he scrambles to pick up the phone and redials the Overstreet number, ready to help wherever he can.Â
Which is how Todd finds himself on a journey back to Vermont, a series of taxis, trains, and ferryâs, all in order to leave the city and return to a town he hadnât been in since the day he had graduated. He always wondered how Knox had stayed all these years but as he spots the Fall leaves crumbling off the Vermont trees, heâs reminded of how serene this place really was. It only held bad memories he never wanted to return too, and now sadly he had to add one more. As he stands in the driveway of the Overstreet home he sees geese flying above his head, perfect V formation as they head south for the winter. Todd wishes that was him, flying far far away from here and the sadness he has to face. When the front door opens Chris crumbles to her feet before him and he knows he made the right choice to be here.Â
A week later after funeral planning and many tears shed, Todd finds himself standing at the front of the chapel next to Chris, Johnny, Clara, Chloe, and Liam. They had all grown so much since he had last seen them. Johnny was thirty three now, was working with his Dad at the firm, and married to a beautiful young girl named Marie. They had a four year old daughter Olivia, and she was adorable in her little dress and small white shoes. It was comforting to know Knox at least got to be a Grandpa, even if only for a short time. Clara and Chloe were twenty five and had been out of college for two years now, they started their own fashion line and had a small boutique in town. Still just as identical, and still a mirror image of Chris when she was that age. As for Liam, he was seventeen, and eerily looked just like his father when Todd had first known him.Â
âIâm so sorry for your loss,â an older woman tells Chris, Todd's arm wrapped around her as her back shudders with the tears that never seem to stop. That's when he sees Charlie and Pitts greeting young Liam, faces looking an awful lot like his when he realized Liam could be Knoxâs twin. You could see it made the young boy uncomfortable, knowing how many people here saw his father in him. Saw the Knox that Todd first got to meet. Charlie had opted to leave the family behind to be there for Pitts who still was unmarried and dedicated to his work. He had designed some of the grandest buildings in the world but still lacked any conviction in his personal life. The boys worried, had tried talking to him even, but Pitts was broken. He gave up on love a long time ago when he lost too many people in his life.Â
âChrisâ Charlie calls out as they make their way down the line of kids and as the blonde girl turns to spot more of Knoxâs friends her tears turn to full on weeping, pulling Charlie into a tighter hug then any other guest here.Â
âIâm so sorryâ he whispered to her, hand rubbing up and down her back and trying to keep his eyes off the urn in the center of the room. Chris cried into his shoulder, body shaking harder as Pitts wrapped his arm around them both.
âHe really loved you, you knowâ Charlie tells her as they pull back and she nods, wiping at her eyes which is useless as more tears come.Â
âHe loved you from the moment he saw youâ Pitts says with a smile, still remembering that day Knox came back completely smitten over a girl he barely talked to. Chris tries to laugh through her tears but it comes out strangled, any memory of her husband making the crack in her heart grow bigger.Â
âThank you for coming guysâ Todd tells them and Charlie is quick to wrap the boy in a hug. When Todd had called to tell him the news he wasnât sure what to think, yet his heart eased when he knew heâd be here for Chris. Once Charlie lets go Todd guides the two boys away to give Chris the space to greet more guests.Â
âIs the family coming?â Pitts asks Todd, referring to his wife Anne, and their eighteen year old son. Todd wasnât sure he wanted kids after knowing all the things him and his friends had been through. So he and Anne agreed on one. Not long after that they had a son named Walter and every time Todd looked at him he remembered the quiet boy he once used to be.Â
âNo, Anne had a deadline to meet and Walter had exams at school. My son is a college boy if you could believe itâ he tells him and the boys chuckle, Charlie himself knowing all too well how surreal it is to watch you kids grow up. Elijah was twenty seven now and engaged, and Nell was twenty five, fresh out of college and just hired as a big time journalist for the New York Times.Â
âI canât actuallyâ Pitts jokes and Charlie and Todd laugh lightly, almost forgetting the heavy reason they were all here. Todd ushers them to the side, allowing more people to shuffle down the line and offer their condolences.Â
âI saw Cameron is hereâ Charlie nods, having spotted the boy right away when they walked in the door. Charlie didnât give him a second glance but Pitts offered a wave, so many years having separated their anger with him now. Charlie still wasnât entirely over the Keating thing.Â
âYeah, I figured he should know and considering heâs been to them all, it seemed only rightâ Todd tells them, leaving out the part he had a good long chat with the boy who had become Governor of Vermont. Made sense honestly, especially with how much of a rule follower he was back in the day. Cameron had made something of himself and was married with four kids. It was surprising at first but then Todd realized it kind of made sense that Cameron became exactly what he thought heâd be. You had to respect it even if he didnât let himself enjoy life like he should.Â
âItâs nice that he comesâ Pitts agrees as he spots the once red headed boy who watches them with hope. Dying to talk to them, apologize, reconnect. Yet as Charlie and Todd turn to look in the same direction, their eyes catch another person in the crowd thatâs just as surprising.Â
âIs that Chet Danburry?â Charlie asks, voice a shocked hush and Pitts turns just to confirm that the once meat head boy was now a full grown man with a wife and kids, offering his condolences to his ex girlfriend. The very girlfriend Knox stole from him.Â
âIt is, I never wouldâve expected thatâ Todd says with the shake of his head, watching as Chet guides his family to some seats for the service.Â
âItâs kinda cool, big of him. Glad to see he isnât an angry teenager anymoreâ Pitts smiles, knowing long ago they all cringed at the thought of big ego Chet Danburry.Â
âSorry to interrupt boys but the service is about to start. Would you please sit with us?â Chris asks, eyes glimmering with hope and tears. Todd had already planned on it, knowing how much Chris was struggling with the idea that she has to continue to go on and take care of her kids for many years to come, all without the loving support of her husband.Â
âOf course Chrisâ Charlie agrees, smiling at the line of kids and legacy that Knox had left behind. Once Chris and her children were sitting in the front row, Todd and the boys shuffled behind and took their seats. Charlie fought tears as he watched Todd squeeze the girl's shoulder to remind her they were right here.Â
âSorry, do you mind?â a voice interrupts and the three look up to see Richard Cameron pointing at the open seat beside them. Charlie canât help but sneer yet Pitts has already shuffled over to allow him to sit.Â
âDad would be happy to see you guys hereâ Johnny turns with a smile, the four year old girl sitting in his lap and offering them a wide grin. When the Pastor sets Knoxâs picture on the easel at the front of the room, the little girl reaches to it, soft giggles falling from her lips.Â
âPapaâ she calls out and Chris starts weeping again, Clara wrapping an arm around her in a hug as she cries beside her mother. Tears stream down Pitts face, Charlie reaching over Todd to rub his back as he fights off his own tears.Â
âThank you all for coming today to celebrate the life of Knox Overstreet. Husband, father, grandfather, and most of all, friendâ the pastor starts, eyeing the large crowd the boy had brought in. Charlieâs own tears break through as it settles in that his old friend is now gone. His friend that once seemed so unwise about life and had become the most successful at it. As the pastor talks the group passes tissues, waiting to see each of the kids stand to give a speech. Johnny was first, smiling out to the crowd of people who also loved his Dad as much as him.Â
âMy Dad was the best, and Iâm being serious. He was always there for me. Never said no when I asked to play ball in the yard, always supported me no matter what crazy thing I told him I wanted to do next. He always let me borrow the car, and was there anytime I struggled at work. He never let life or his job slow him down. If I wanted a treehouse, heâd build it. It didnât matter that he had no idea how to use the tools and that very treehouse had fallen down a day later with him in it. He just wanted to make sure I was happy. Thing was, he never had to worry about that because I was already the happiest kid for having him as my Dadâ Johnny laughs lightly to himself, thankful he had gotten so many years from the man he admired so much. âHe will forever be the greatest loss of my life but at least I got to be loved by him, if only for a short timeâ Chris is in tears, watching her oldest son mourn the loss of her father, trying to manage her sadness and all of her kids' own. As Johnny leaves the stage he smiles at his two younger sisters who stand to take his place.Â
âOur Dad could never keep up with usâ Chloe started, a light smile on her face as the crowd laughed. âThe good thing was at least he triedâ
âHe never got mad when we would try to switch places and confuse him. One time we even switched at school so Chloe could take a test for me. He was more impressed than anythingâ Clara adds, smiling at her sister with misty eyes. The crowd laughed again, the majority of them knowing that was exactly something Knox would do.Â
âHe did his best. He came to every tea party, let us cover his face in makeup, we even got him in a pink tutu once. He was the best at playing Barbieâs and told the greatest bedtime stories. Most people in life arenât lucky enough to have even one great parent and somehow we got two. Two parents who loved each other more than anything, well maybe except for us.â Chloe is in tears now, words croaking out as she struggles to get them past the tears. Clara wraps an arm around her sister, struggling to keep her emotions at bay as well.Â
âWe could only hope that one day we get to see him again, dance on his feet like weâre little girls again and laugh when heâd tickle us both. If we had known the last time we saw him was going to be the last, weâd have hugged him just a little bit tighterâ Clara finished for them and the two young blonde girls are hugging in front of everyone, tears streaming down. Not a dry eye in the building, attending the funeral of a man who left this earth way too soon.Â
As Liam ascends the stage Todd recognizes his body language, mirroring his own when he was that age. A fear buried deep in his gut as he looks out to the intimidating crowd of people he now has to share his sadness with. When he catches Toddâs eye in the crowd, he gives him a nod to reassure him, reminding him that this was for his Dad and nobody else.
âMy Parents would never admit it but I was an accidentâ the crowd laughs despite Chrisâ mortified face, yet the giggles from her other children quickly reassure her. âIt's true, and it's okay. I know most people who have already had three kids and are in their forties donât normally have more. Despite all of that, my father never wanted me to feel any less than my siblings. I knew he was tired, he was just beginning to move a little bit slower. The thing about my Dad though was he never stopped trying. He came to every game, helped with my homework every single night, reminded me it was okay to be sadâ the boy's head dropped as a fresh wave of sadness washed over him.Â
âThe worst thing about all of this, is he would be the only person in the world able to comfort me during this, and he isnât even here. What happened to us is unfair but itâll get easier. It wonât always hurt this bad and thatâs because I had a Dad that showed me it was okay to have a big heart. I got to love him with all of mine just as he loved me, and because of that Iâll forever get to keep him in hereâ the crowd watches as Liam holds a hand to his heart, tears rimming his eyes and Todd finally breaks out in a sob he is unable to stop. He had told himself heâd be strong but to see someone who reminded him so much of himself at that age struggling with heartbreak just as he did, he couldnât help but cry.Â
The boys turn to face him, memories of the very day they watched Todd breakdown coming back. It was so long ago now that sometimes it felt like a dream, but the old man beside them now looked seventeen years old all over again in the face of grief. Charlie hugs him tightly, crying into his shoulder as he offers any comfort he can. Liam descends the stage just as Pitts grabs onto the both of them too. Cameron reaches a hand out, nearly an inch from touching them but he freezes in place, remembering that it had been a long time since they ever sought any comfort from him at all. With a heavy heart he drops his hand and allows the boys to grieve on their own.Â
âWe're going to offer up the floor to anyone else who wants to speak on Knoxâs behalfâ the pastor says softly into the microphone, trying his best to accommodate the heavy sadness filling the room.Â
âIâm going to say somethingâ Todd says suddenly, wiping his tears as the two boys release their hold on him so he can stand. They watch with worrisome looks as he navigates himself past Pitts and Camerons legs just to move to the stage in the front of the room. Todd uses the pedestal to ground himself as he faces the large crowd of people that once would have froze him with fear. If only Keating could see him now.Â
âFor those of you who donât know me, Iâm Todd Anderson. A lifetime ago I attended high school with Knox at Welton. Yes he was just as big hearted and goofy then, he just wasnât as cool about it,â laughs come from the crowd and it gives Todd the confidence to keep going.Â
âWhen we lost our dear friend Neil, Knox took me under his wing. We even roomed together our senior year. He was there for me in ways I never would've imagined when I first met him all those years ago. You could say he once took care of me just as he did his kids. I loved Knox like family and that's why Iâm here with them today.â Todd offers Chris a smile who returns it with a puffy red face covered in tears.Â
âWe once had a teacher who taught us about Carpe Diem. In latin, that means seize the day. Some of us took that seriously and others not so much, but Knox, he wouldn't have had this beautiful life if it wasn't for that very lesson. The idea of seizing the day brought him to call Chris for the very first time, I should know because I was standing right there. In every moment after that he seized every opportunity he could when it came to love and life. He married Chris, the girl of his dreams, and got to raise a beautiful family. Iâm going to miss my friend more than anything but there is something awfully beautiful about knowing there is more of him in this world and heâll get to continue on in many generations to comeâ Todds eyes are glassy from the tears but the smile he offers Chris and her beautiful children is nothing short of genuine. In this moment they feel closer to him than ever, knowing there were still people here who knew their father in the intimate way they all did. He was always telling them about the good old days and it was nice knowing there were still people here that could talk about them.
âThank you Toddâ Chris mouths as he descends the stage and Todd nods in acknowledgment, slowly returning to his seat where his friends greet him with prideful pats to the back.
âKnox would have loved thatâ Pitts tells him and Todd smiles, looking at the picture of their lost friend. Another Poet passed on to a different life and Todd hopes that whatever is out there after death includes something as beautiful as them all being together again. What a comforting thought it was to think that in the next lifetime and others after that, they would all find each other once more.Â
âAll of them would haveâ
2007
Charlie sits at his desk at work, readers resting low on his nose, as his eyes scan the computer in front of him. It was odd to think that when he first started in this business, computers werenât even a thought, and now the entirety of his job relied on it. He hated to admit that it confused him, practically deeming him an old man in mockery. It made sounds and showed things he couldnât even begin to comprehend. Just as it dings again, a new sound he hadnât heard before, he groans out in frustration, ready to just give up and call it quits.
âMr. Dalton, is there something wrong?â his secretary Elise calls from the doorway. Charlie sighs, pulling the glasses from his face to rub a hand down it.Â
âMy computer just dinged and I have no idea what it meansâ Charlie feels stupid for saying it, remembering when he was once the cool hip guy at work. Apparently berets were long out of fashion and saggy pants were in, who knew?
âIt sounded like a Facebook notification sirâ Elise said, entering the room and preparing to assist the man because after all, it was her job. Charlie automatically rolled his chair to the side so Elise could save him from whatever mid life crisis he was experiencing. He wished Meeks was still around, he not only would have loved Facebook but he would have at least taught him how to use it.Â
âAnything important?â he inquired, leaning forward to see she had brought up the profile his wife had made for him around the time Facebook first came out. She claimed it was a good way to reconnect with old friends but so far Charlie had only received one flimsy notification from Hopkins and another from Spaz.Â
âYou have a message sir, from a Mr. Pittsâ the excitement of hearing from his old friend nearly has Charlie knocking the girl over as he rolls back in place to see. He quickly guides the mouse over the message button just to see what his old pal had been up to. It had been since Knoxâs funeral he had seen him last.Â
Charlie, I hope this message reaches you since it was the only form of contact I can find. You should know Gerard passed away two days ago from liver failure. He has been a struggling alcoholic for quite a few years now and never wanted you and your friends to worry. His funeral will be held at the end of the month. Please share with whoever else you think would want to know. Thank you for always being a good friend to my son.Â
âOh Godâ is the first words to fall from Charlieâs mouth and Elise realizes this is her cue to exit since whatever Charlie just read, was not good news.Â
In the next few moments Charlie has Todd on the line, informing him of the message he just received. As the words come out of his mouth he realizes just how real this all was. When Todd finally calms down he tells Charlie he is going to call Cameron and the boy canât bring himself to sneer in face of the bad news. Letting him off the line he calls his wife next in order to tell her the bad news and that he was expected in Vermont at the end of the month.Â
For the entirety of the funeral Charlie finds himself more angry than anything. The anger wasnât directed towards the universe for taking his friend and it wasnât directed at Cameron who he sadly had to sit next to the entire funeral. The anger was directed at Pitts himself. Charlie had known to an extent that he was struggling. You could tell since the boy never married or made new friends, devoted his entire life to his work until he ran dry. He was angry that Pitts never told any of them and had chased the bottle for comfort instead. That he had sought a drug to heal wounds that it could only worsen. Pitts killed himself, slowly but intentionally and Charlie was angry. Then he was angry with himself for being angry with Pitts when Charlie knew he could've done more to reach out even if he was busy with his wife and kids.
âI wish I had known,â Todd says, eyes cast over the large lake he hadnât seen since his Welton days. It was pitch black out, only the moon illuminated the black water beneath them. Charlie chuckles dryly, eyeing the bottle of whiskey in his hands that he canât entirely bring himself to drink under the circumstances. Â
âYou're telling meâ he sneers, tipping the liquid back and allowing it to burn down his throat. He reminded himself he never abused the substance and he was free to have a drink while facing the loss of a friend.Â
âYou could've at least shook Cameron's handâ Todd says as he sits beside him, grabbing the bottle and taking a swig himself. Charlie is impressed that the alcohol doesnât bother him but he supposed there were a lot of things he no longer knew about the boy.Â
âI was in no state to play nice, even with Cameronâ Charlie tells him, accepting the bottle back but not taking a sip quite yet. He trained his eyes on the soft ripples in the water, the way the wind blew them slowly against the shore. He once used to spend hours rowing in this water and now even just the thought hurt his shoulders and knees. He hated that he was getting old, slowing down, losing his friends.Â
âDid you notice he turned all gray?â Todd asked with a chuckle, remembering just a few hours ago he saw his once red headed friend with fully gray hair. Not even a sliver of the youthful boy that once used to be.Â
âWe all are, I just tell my wife Iâm turning blonde. It also doesn't help that heâs a politicianâ Charlie says with a smirk even though he hates the wrinkles on his face and the deep bags under his eyes that never went away. Sometimes when he looked in the mirror he could picture Nolan and that thought made him angrier than anything.Â
âI suppose that's better than getting oldâ Todd agrees and Charlie sighs, head tipping up to glance at the stars that somehow seem brighter tonight. Brighter than they ever were in all the years he lived here. Tears burn at the back of his eyes as he thinks about his friends.Â
âI hate that he did this to usâ Charlie mutters, chin trembling at the admission and Todd is surprised to see the sadness within his friend. Heâs quick to wrap an arm around his shoulders, pulling him close into his side.Â
âHe was struggling, Charlie, no more than Neil,â Todd reassures, feeling his own tears building up at the sight of his strongest friend breaking down. Charlie shakes his head, sighing heavily as he leans to rest his cheek against Toddâs shoulder.Â
âThat doesn't matter Todd, he knew how badly Neil's death hurt us and he still did it anyway. All those years, he was all alone and none of us did anythingâ Charlie cries and Todd feels his own tears seep out as he rests his head on top of Charlieâs.Â
âWe didnât know and he didn't want us to know. Losing Neil was hard for all of us and he lost Meeks right after. Loss like that can do a lot of things to a person. Pitss tried to go on and we canât judge him for how he handled it. You have to remember he hid it from us, all those times we saw himâ Todd says, his own eyes casting up to the sky to keep the rest of his tears from spilling out. Even he hated that today he had to face his friend's 90 year old Dad and offer his condolences for losing his son after already losing a wife. No parents should outlive their child, even Mr. Perry.Â
âHe deserved more, they all didâ Charlie says with a sad sigh, realizing that in this very moment it was just him and Todd. If he was to be honest with himself, Cameron too, and he found himself briefly wishing that he would go before Todd because he wasnât sure heâd be able to attend that funeral.Â
âPromise we keep in touch, I don't need you disappearing on me eitherâ Todd says, not caring if he sounds like a sap or some emotionally unstable old man. His friends were lessening in numbers and the only two left on this earth that understood everything he had been through were too distant for his liking.
âI promise, if not for us but for Pitts who deserved so much more than he gotâ Charlie says and Todd chuckles even though nothing about this is funny. In reality they were just two old men drowning their sorrows in a shared bottle of whiskey by a lake that once felt like a barricade to a life they couldn't escape.Â
âTo making the most out of the rest of itâ
2012
He had just celebrated his 70th birthday. That was all Charlie could think as he ended the call with Anne Anderson. Just last week he had called to wish the boy a happy birthday and now he was gone. Lost to a broken heart or in other words a heart attack. The strain of which his latest book had put on him and all those years of teaching. Charlie briefly wondered if the damage had begun to start when Neil had died. Either way he was brought back to the night of Pitts funeral and he realized that his wish didn't come true. Todd had gone before him and now he had to face something he wasnât prepared for. Being the last poet alive.
Then it suddenly hit him that he wasnât. The dread that fills his gut instantly makes him feel guilty because this was for Todd. The grudge he had all these years should not be stopping him from doing what was best for his friend. So much to his dismay he went into the contacts on his phone, doing exactly as his daughter Nell had taught him when he got this dreaded Iphone. He still remembered when you had to spin a dial just to make a phone call and now something as small as this could fit in your pocket and be with you on the go. If only these had been around when he had received a phone call from God.Â
âHelloâ the sadly familiar voice picked up and Charlie scowled before loosening his shoulders and responding into the phone.Â
âHey Cameron, itâs Charlieâ he muttered and the worn down man quickly perked up because he knew what this meant. There was only one thing in the world that could get Charlie Dalton to call him.Â
âWhat happened?â he instantly asked, tears already flooding his eyes. Heâs brought back to the very first time he ever saw Todd, how he called him a stiff. He suddenly cringes at the memory.Â
âHeart attack, Anne said it was a long time comingâ Charlie said, suddenly reminded of the very reason he was having this phone call. He had lost Todd, they had lost Todd, and none of it was right. Todd deserved to be here longer, he had more reason to be here longer.Â
âJesus,â Cameron said, falling back into his seat. Charlie stayed silent, letting him process the very thoughts he still hadn't come to terms with. Todd was an unexpected friend. They all may have not known him as long but he had been there ever since. In a way he was the last piece of a puzzle that made them all feel close to Neil. Thatâs when Charlie realizes the two are together again. At least that was a comforting thought during this har time.Â
âAnne said the services will be held next week, I can text the information as soon as I have itâ Charlie whispers, trying to imagine Cameron sad. It was hard considering the two barely knew each other anymore. At one point in time this was the guy he slept in the same room with for years. The last time he saw him was when Neil died and even then his vengeful actions covered up the sadness pretty well. The only time Charlie ever saw him since then was at funerals and even then Cameron was tough as stone, never breaking down like any of the boys had. Face as still as a painting in a museum.
âThank you Charlie, thanks for calling meâ Cameron brings himself to say and Charlie feels seventeen all over again, innocent and excited to be in the real world. If he had known it was this sad, he might've stayed a kid a little longer.Â
âYeah, sureâ Charlie says before muttering a goodbye and hanging up the phone. As he drops the device on his desk his eyes catch the old black and white photo. The gold frame is a stark contrast to the pale faces of the young boys who had no idea what was to come. Despite the fact none of them had ever stayed that close it was heartbreaking to know that all but two were still alive. He once used to look at this picture and only miss Neil, but now, he yearned for all of them. As much as he hated to admit it, a small part of him yearned for Cameron too.Â
When the day of the funeral comes Charlie finds himself in the back of a taxi alongside his wife Emerson. Heâs wearing the same suit he wore for Pitts funeral and he hates that this had now become his death suit. This was the suit he made Todd promise him to go first in and now here he was saying goodbye to him too. The brunette girl shuffled closer to him in the backseat, streaks of gray now filling her hair. They sadly were getting old too.Â
âAre you okay?â She curiously asks and Charlie offers a weak smile, one she knew well after all these years. She fell for a prideful man but even the happiest of them all had to fake it sometimes.Â
âI will beâ he tells her honestly and she nods, curling her hand into his own and feeling the sadness pour out of him. She had only seen Charlie beam a few times in her life. When she said yes to marriage, their wedding, the birth of their kids, and whenever he talked about the Dead Poets Society. She knew that a loss like this cut deep.Â
When they pulled up outside of the funeral home Charlie saved face and helped his wife out. He watched as many people passed and entered the building. He briefly wondered who each of them were. It was odd to him that he once knew all the same people Todd did and now every single one of these people was a stranger.
Anne has him pulled into a hug the minute he finds her inside. Crying softly against him and muttering condolences as if Charlie had lost something more than her. Charlie once used to be an important person in Toddâs life but now none of it compared to her. The only girl Todd ever loved. The only person Todd ever loved since Neil. âIâm sorry Annieâ
âHey, donât be. Itâs life and the doc had been telling us for a while his heart wasnât goodâ she assures Charlie as she steps back from the hug but Charlie can see the heavy sadness in her eyes, the desperation for her husband. Now he was wishing he would go after Emerson because he never wanted her to wear this look. Â
âWhereâs Walt, is he doing okay?â Charlie curiously asks as Emerson pulls Annie into a brief hug, offering her own condolences. The blue eyed girl smiles and nods her head to the side. Charlie turns to find the spitting image of Todd standing beside a young red headed girl, accepting condolences from other guests.Â
âHeâs so grownâ Charlie tells her and Anne nods, smiling at her only child who hopefully pretty soon would make her a Grandma. Yet the excitement wasnât entirely there now knowing there wouldnât be a Grandpa by her side.Â
âWalter, come say hi to your Uncle Charlieâ and the manâs chest constricts as Anne calls him this, suddenly feeling like the worst person alive for never actually getting close with the kid. The kid who was now thirty years old, much expired from the lessons he once learned at seventeen.Â
âHey, thank you so much for coming.'' The boy approached, a smile on his face and Charlie realized just how tall he was, most definitely taking after the bigger side of the Anderson family. He had to have been taller than Todd even.Â
âOf course, I loved your father like a brotherâ Charlie nods, feeling the tears coming to his eyes again and Walter chuckles at this sentence because if there was one thing he knew about his father, it was how much he loved all of them.Â
âYeah I know, he never shut up about you guysâ Walter says and Charlie smiles, head tipping back to avoid the fall of any stray tears. Of course Todd would be the one to continue their legacy, even if the rest of them grew old and got distracted. Todd would always be back in that Welton classroom.Â
âThatâs good to know, especially since there was once a time I couldnât get Todd to talkâ and everyone laughs despite the sadness surrounding them. Two families who had all faced loss and somehow still had each other, even if only briefly.Â
âHere, I actually wanted to give you this, '' Walter says, letting go of his fiance's hand to rush over to a small table. The group watched as he dug into a bag there, pulling out a stack of white papers and moving back towards them. âItâs a printed copy of Dadâs book. He had just finished it the day before. Iâm pretty sure he wrote it for all of youâ
âWalter this is so kind, thank youâ Charlie says, ready to cry all over again for something entirely different. Walter smiles and nods, knowing that Charlie and his Dad once shared the same sadness and that things like this could be so healing.
âWe better find our seats, weâll catch you afterâ Anne says, grabbing her sons arms and offering the pair a smile. Charlie and Emerson bid their goodbyes, watching as they moved into the mass of people. Once they're out of sight Charlie looks at the first draft of the book in his hands. It was heavy and for a moment Charlie pretended it was Toddâs hand in his own, bidding him one last goodbye. Slowly he flips the pages until his eyes finally catch something worth stopping for.Â
For my friends, the Dead Poets Society. My life wouldnât be what it is without any of you. I once thought no one would understand me and in the end I found six people who did. The powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse. Thank you for being a part of mine.Â
A tear drops on the page, soaking through the paper and Charlie finds himself unable to stop, staring at the black ink. The last thing Todd would ever say directly to him. It was as if he had known. Charlie hates he wasnât there to say goodbye to him.Â
âIâm really going to miss him,â Charlie says, tears streaking down his face. Emerson gives a pressed smile, wrapping an arm around his waist as she watches her husband grieve. She didnât need to see what Todd had written to know it struck deep with him.Â
âI know baby, I knowâ she comforts and Charlie is quick to wipe his eyes, tucking the book close to his chest. When his vision clears he spots Cameron across the room, already looking at him with a sad stare. For a moment Charlie allows his eyes to lock with his own, looking on with no anger or resentment. This time he looked at Cameron with understanding and peace. Cameron stays frozen, waiting for any possible reaction from his old friend, desperate to grieve alongside him. Acknowledge they shared the same sadness. Slowly Charlie offers him the smallest of smiles in which the boy quickly returns. Comforted by the fact that after all these years Charlie had finally accepted him as he was.Â
âLetâs go find our seatsâ Charlie urges his wife and Emerson nods, glancing at the man her husband just stared down. If she was correct, that was Richard Cameron, and her husband had just communicated with him in a way she would never understand. They shared a moment meant to be healing for them both.Â
Charlie and Cameron may always be opposite sides of the same coin but they shared one thing in common that would always tie them together. They once were just boys together.Â
2033
Cameron hates the way his hands shake as he tries to read the morning paper at the kitchen table in the morning. The very hands in front of him looked nothing like they once did. He wouldn't even recognize them anymore. He was an old man, a lifetime beneath his belt and not many more years ahead. All he had was this old rickety house that he once raised his kids in. Now they were off raising his grandkids and for some reason he was still here, waiting to join his wife in heaven.Â
As he flips the age of the newspaper he finds he's reached the obituary section. Faces old and young littering the page, people who lived lives just as interesting as his own. Itâs when his stare falls on a familiar set of eyes does he freeze completely. The picture is of an old man, that much was abundantly clear, but they were the eyes of a child. Very eyes he had looked into a hundred times in his life that always held a freedom Cameron never understood. A childlike wonder he yearned for even as he got older.Â
Charles Dalton, 1941-2033. Loving husband, father, grandfather, and friend. Charles Dalton is a proud alum of Welton Academy and Columbia University. He went on to become a very successful businessman, a proud member of Wall Street. He passed on Thursday December 15th surrounded by friends and family. Services will be open to the public on December 23rd. He is survived by his two kids and their families.Â
Cameron sucks in a sharp breath as he rereads the date one more time. Seventy four years ago to the day Neil Perry had passed. Cameron's eyes darted around the page, much faster than his body was these days. He wonders if it means something, if the universe had connected to the two still after all of these years. He once used to be jealous of the friendship the boys shared and the fact they had spent over seventy years without each other and still had a bond stole his breath away.Â
Cameron finds his heart stuttering in his chest, trying to comprehend the tears that are coming to his eyes at the realization that washes over him completely. For the first time since 1959 he realizes what a fool he had been. He knew he was somewhat wrong, had accepted the blame, but suddenly all these years later it just clicked. Life wasnât all about following the rules and leading a path of success. It was about love and friendship, feeling free and tied to the world in unexplainable ways. All these years doing what was thought of him and never enjoying it the way he should.Â
âGod dammit Charlie, you were rightâ he mutters through his tears as he drops the trembling newspaper down. He no longer wanted to be reminded he was old now, a shell of the boy he once used to be. A stubborn boy who just now at 92 years old realized there was so much more life to live.Â
When the revelation began to wear off Cameron finally decided to attend the funeral. It didn't matter he now had a cane and every step he took hurt. It didn't even matter that he looked nothing as he once did as a boy. Charlie was the one poet that would have sacrificed everything for them, in a way he did. It was Cameronâs turn to be there for him, especially as the last remaining member of the Dead Poets Society.Â
âDad, let me help youâ Violet, his youngest daughter of four kids, scolds him as he attempts to get out of the car himself. She was in her 50âs now and the only child of his still willing to help him get around, even if her own kids were now in college.Â
âIâm fine Vi, I once was nimbleâ he tells her, trying to muster as much arm strength as he could to pull him out. He doesn't miss the roll of her eyes or the ânot anymoreâ she mumbles under her breath. He lets her hook under his arm just as he gets close to up right and smiles at the big church in front of him. Only Charlie could manage one of the grandest buildings in the city and have it opened to his adoring public. Cameron was just thankful he was never famous.Â
âThis friend of yours was a popular guyâ Violet mutters as they approach the church steps, taking them slowly up to a line of the recently deceased family. Cameronâs heart races for something entirely different then old age.Â
âThank you for comingâ an older boy says when they get to the top and Cameron reaches his trembling hand to shake his own. For a moment it feels like Charlie and he pulls away quicker than intended.Â
âOf course, Charlie was my roommate many moons agoâ Cameron says and suddenly their eyes light up. Cameron hopes it isnât from terrible stories Charlie had shared of him over the years.Â
âCameron right? Back in his days at Weltonâ one of the older girls says and Cameron nods, shaking her hand as well.
âThat would be me, and you are?â he inquires, desperate for a glimpse into the life of a boy he once knew like the back of his hand. A hand he no longer recognized as his own, many years between it and the days it once knew Charlie.Â
âIâm Nell, and this is my husband Robbieâ she says, arm reaching to hook around another gentleman beside them. âThis is my older brother Elijah and his wife Diane. Our kids are around here somewhere. It hasnât been easy for them, they really loved their Grandpaâ
Cameron realizes the boy that had greeted him was a direct extension of Charlie. It was no wonder his hand had reminded him so much of days as teenage boys. He takes a moment to soak them in, noting the features that had to have been Charlieâs and the features that were definitely his wives. âThis is my youngest daughter Violetâ
âNice to meet youâ Elijah smiles, shaking her hand and Camerons heart clenches in his chest, wishing Charlie was here to see their kids together. Versions of themselves they once used to be.Â
âI was so sorry to hear of his passingâ Cameron brings himself to say and they smile at him, comforted by the fact there was someone still here who knew him as intimately as they did. Someone his age still carrying life lessons that he did.Â
âHe was too. You know our Dad. Always claimed heâd go out with some big bang, a great ending like James Dean. He was so disappointed to know it was as an old man in a bed surrounded by his familyâ Nell says with a chuckle, still able to see her father so full of life and so loud. It used to embarrass the hell out of her how outgoing he was and now it was all she yearned for in the face of his loss.Â
âIf I knew anything about Charlie he didnât mind that at all. He was happy to know he had great kids and people who truly loved him as he went outâ Cameron says, smiling softly at each of them even though the majority of his face had sunken in with age. âCharlie was good at talking straight out of his assâ
âNow isn't that the truthâ Elijah laughs along with him and Cameron laughs hard enough for it to lead into a cough. Violet rubs his back as the group calms.Â
âYou guys got a good man for a father, I always wanted to be himâ Cameron says and they smile, knowing this is most likely a statement their father did not get the privilege of hearing. Cameron smiles anyway, happy the Dalton line would continue to live on when he once wished he could remove it from the world.Â
âThank you, he really would have appreciated you being hereâ Nell tells him, knowing he needs to hear it, a deep sadness surrounded by regret clear as day on his face.Â
As Cameron steps into the church he vows to not waste another day, even if there isn't many left. Heâs going to make the most of life and not when he comes to die discover he had not lived. For the first time in seventy years he understands the true meaning of Carpe Diem, seizing the day. For the first time in his life he was actually going to do it. The only thing was he wished the Dead Poets were by his side to finally see it.
Charlie most of all.Â
2035
Two years. That was all he got out of a lifetime finally living his life the way he wanted. Cameron passed away as an old man with a big beautiful family and an honorable career. He made his life exactly the way he wanted and in the end died with only one regret. That he did not seize every opportunity at its fullest.Â
A funeral was held for not many people to attend. For he was one of the last people his age to die. So the service was not surrounded by loving friends or thankful peers. It was a memoriam for his kids and the people he passed his legacy onto. None of them would know him for the Dead Poets Society or have no idea what it had entailed.Â
They had become lessons lost to a lifetime, ones lived in various different ways. Cameron had decided during those two years that if he was not capable of seizing the day, his blood line would. He shared these lessons with his kids and their kids and hoped there was still some chance for them yet. To not lose the people closest to them. No one should watch all their friends die and in the end find themselves with regret. Cameron would always have that, a deep sadness that out of everyone he was the only one to waste it and live the longest.Â
On his last day all he could think of was Neil. The one out of all of them who deserved the long and successful life. Cameron had lived triple the amount of lifetimes the boy did and yet he was still the biggest part of him that came to him in his final moments. Neil may not be remembered anymore, a flicker of a lifetime that once existed long ago. A boy who faced tragedy in just a few short months. He had deserved to live but life was not that fair. Neil was survived by each of them and that was all there was to offer.Â
Poets who found successful careers, made families, legacies, and shared the knowledge of living life the way it should be. Living life as your own and not as who people want you to be. Boys who once spent their adolescent years in a small cave bursting with big and hopeful dreams. Freedom becoming the very reason for their being. Saved from a life full of resentment and hate. Now survived by lives full of respect and love. They may all be gone now, lost to nothing but memories told through stories they had shared. In the end there was only one thing.
They were now all officially members of the Dead Poets Society.Â
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