“Let's talk about it this way. Have you ever seen Doyun ( @doyunfmd ) oppa on stage? How about off stage? Fuck, that man is GORGEOUS. He's breathtakingly handsome. He can do anything, wear anything and say whatever and probably still be attractive as hell. He sings well too. Tell me that ain't attractive and I'll fight you. There's also Hyeju ( @fmdhyeju ). If I were into girls, I'd date her. She's not only beautiful on the outside but also on the inside. She has a cute smile too which makes her look like a bear. Adorable, really. Taeyong ( @fmdtaeyong ) is attractive especially when he's off stage. When he's talking about music. There's just something really charming about him. Speaking of charms and all, probably Andy ( @fmdandy )? He's an asshole but he's handsome. I'm not going into details on why we broke up but let me tell you he's an attractive piece of shit. Minjun ( @fmdminjun ) is cute too. Yeah. He's just cute. Period. Suran ( @fmdsuran ) too, I guess? Sometimes I hate looking at her because she's pretty.”
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date: 04XX19
mentioned: @doyunfmd
word count: 1,012 (w/o the lyrics)
trigger warning/s: feelings, feelings, and feelings.
synopsis: Candy writes a song to explain her confused feelings for someone she’s liked for YEARS. Don’t believe Candy when she says she doesn’t feel anything for anyone.
note: creative claim verification for lyrics writing.
additional note: don’t read this if you don’t wanna see a soft candy dealing with this disgusting thing called feelings. in short, don’t read this. she has a reputation to keep.
She’s been stuck for days. Trying to put her thoughts into paper, hoping that she could write something but nothing comes to her mind at all. Whenever she tries to write something, she just gets frustrated at how stupid it sounds. It doesn’t make sense. She constantly has this certain thought in her head though.
Choi Doyun.
The guy she’s liked for ages. Ages! Probably since she was a trainee. He’s always been her favorite in Decipher but that’s a secret that’s only for her to know. Not for anyone else that could tease her about it and could further confuse her feelings.
The fact that they kissed. Was it real or was it just an illusion that her drunk mind created to satisfy her? She wasn’t sure what’s real and what’s not anymore. She’s never been really out of it. Always ready to snap at people but since that night, there have been moments when she would daydream about him. How his face would just pop out of her mind and how his voice would make her heart race. She always felt like she should run when he comes near. Is he real or just an illusion that her mind made because she misses him?
Don’t pretend you’re real
It’s too much to sort you out for me
Everything is outside of my expectations
I can’t feel relaxed
The first few words she’s written finally made sense and Candy sure knew that feelings are complicated to deal with. That’s why she hates it and yet here she was writing about her feelings for him. Maybe because she knew she’ll never have the courage to actually say it to his face.
Why does my heart beat fast?
Even though I fly in the sky
I fall endlessly again
Mm, truthfully, it’s really confusing
She happened to see Doyun not too long ago and she couldn’t focus. Candy felt like she’d make a mess and fall. Her heart continued to race as she looked at him. How he smiled at her and how his lips curl up on the edges. Damn, those lips.
I still close my eyes, again, again
It was the only way for her to escape him and these feelings that she intends to take to the grave with her. Close her eyes and hope that her heart would calm down. There was no reason for it to race at the mere thought of him and for her lips to curl up at the sound of his voice. The words finally begin to pour out easily and that’s when she realized she shouldn’t shun these feelings she has for him if she wanted to finish this song.
Candy tries to remember that night. How intoxicated they both were and how he smiled when she asked if she could have his lips for a moment. The way his hand gripped over her hip, the rise in her temperature and the feeling of being completely breathless while grabbing hold on to him like her dear life depended on it. It was all a dare but she couldn’t express how grateful she was that she was able to have him even just for that moment.
Dream I don’t want to wake up from
When I open my eyes, I’m alone in this night
Dream filled with you
As soon as I embrace, you’ll disappear
Dream I don’t want to wake up from
Ah ah woo ah ah woo
Ah ah woo ah ah
The following day, Candy woke up feverish. She just had another dream about him. Maybe she’s losing her head. This can’t be real. The thoughts in her head are of no help either. She keeps daydreaming and missing him. Did she fall for him completely now? She didn’t know how dangerous her feelings for Doyun were until today when she realized that he’s all she can think about. It’s been days now!
I can’t trust all of you
You’re a lie that I dreamt up
I can’t fall into the traps that make my heart flutter
Why does my heart beat fast?
Even though I fly in the sky
I fall endlessly again
Mm, truthfully, it’s really confusing
Your heart that still feels like a maze, no, no
In certain romantic comedy films, they show the male lingering around the female and it turns out he’s just in her head. She was thinking of him that the illusion seems so real. It’s as if he’s present in the same room as her and it’s happening with Candy. She hid in the studio to work on the song but in the corner of her eye, there stood Doyun in all his glory. He looks like a sculpted statue that the gods decided to breathe on. Gave him life to torment her. “Oppa, please leave my heart alone. I might die of a heart attack because of you.” But she knew she was only talking to herself. She didn’t want her illusion to be anything like Bella thinking of Edward and getting herself in danger out of her stupidity. It was dangerous enough that she’s aware that she has feelings for him.
Dream I don’t like
When the day finally came for her to present her song, Candy walked past the practice rooms, knowing that in one of those rooms, Decipher is probably practicing for their comeback. Clutching on her notebook to her chest as she continued to walk fast. No one’s chasing her at all. It’s just her heart begging to take a glimpse in one of the rooms to see Doyun. She already said no but she failed herself again as she peaks in the rooms till she found Decipher and when she did, she couldn’t help but smile. She was happy. Her heart was happy as well.
Stay just a bit longer
I’m curious about you, like anticipation
Wonder if you’ll shine in my eyes, nothing wrong with that
Even if I chase you all night
When I turn around you’re already not there
I’m vacant because you scattered between my fingers
Before any of the members could see her, she hurries to the studio. Cheeks flushed. The producer looks at her, confused. “Are you okay?” He asks and the staff in the studio glance over her. She nods, smiling at them. “Yeah! Totally. I just ran to get my cardio.” It wasn’t obvious that she’s lying. Seeing as she’s out of breath and sweating. She hands over the notebook and throws herself on the couch, downing a bottle of water right away. “The lyrics are good, Candy. Did you write this for someone?” Candy almost spat out the water she was drinking. Did she write it for someone? Good question. Yes. Duh. Of course. “Nah.” Glancing over the door, she could swear she saw Doyun pass by. “Or maybe I did.” She says. “Who knows? It’s only for me to know.”
Dream I don’t want to wake up from
When I open my eyes, I’m alone in this night
Dream filled with you
As soon as I embrace, you’ll disappear
Dream I don’t want to wake up from
If the day ever comes that Candy is able t confess her feelings to the real Doyun and not the one that her mind just made up, maybe she could tell him she wrote a song for him. Someday it could happen, but for now, it will be just a dream she’ll be keeping in her head. “Should we start recording now?”
⌈✉️ ➝ him ♠ ⌋
↳ i know this is silly and late, but thank you for agreeing to be the lead in my mv, oppa.
↳ sorry i couldn’t really say it to your face. i’m shy, i guess? hahaha
↳ but if you want me to say it to your face. I will.
↳ probably because i wanna see your face and i miss you.
↳ yeah, i do.
↳ AAHHHH IGNORE THESE DUMB TEXT MESSAGES I’M JUST PROBABLY TIRED.
Fate was cruel. Candy has had this long time thing with Doyun. She wasn't sure what to call it anymore. A crush? attraction? feelings? She'd deny one thing and that one thing would be being in love with Doyun. She'd rather be called a bitch than admit to having feelings for a man that's too perfect for her. He wasn't just a boy or a man, he was her ideal type and her dream guy. Is that all he'll ever be? Candy wasn't sure. She didn't want to find out. It would ruin her perfect fantasy. A dream she wants to keep to herself and bury six feet under the ground. It's been years. YEARS. And yet, she finds herself uneasy next to him. Smiling or forgetting how to breathe around him.
He's just too beautiful and too good for her. How was it possible for someone to be a star in her sky. One she could never pluck and call her own. It was easy to tell any guy she likes them and date them but with Doyun, the words refuse to leave her mouth. It was frustrating to keep telling herself she was already over him and yet when he comes around, she's back to square one.
The bottle spins and she takes another shot as it points her. Shot and dare. She and Doyun happened to attend the same small friendly gathering. Sitting so closely, Candy grins as she downs what seems to be the 4th shot of vodka since she sat down with the small group. “Come on, kid. Give it your best shot!” She taunts the host of the small gathering. Everything was just a game so everyone was open to most of the dares but what she heard made her deaf for a second. “What?” She asks as their friends dare them to kiss for 10 seconds. “It should be nothing to you guys. We're all adults here.” Yes, they were adults but her childish heart was beating harshly against her chest that she had to laugh. Hoping to mask the sound. She swears it's loud enough for him to hear. “Oppa.” Candy turns to Doyun, tipsy and cheeks flushed from being flustered by the dare. Placing her hand over his thigh, she squeezes it and gives him a soft chuckle.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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