#downtimes

They’d cracked the headboard at some point. Scott couldn’t remember when. Nor did he really much care. Ares was there, tangled beneath him on the hotel’s bed, eyes wide with equal parts awe and need. Scott could only imagine his own expression was similar. His blood was singing – no, crying out – for Ares. He could feel it roiling deep within his veins. It screamed at him for more. His heart was full to bursting with Ares’ vitae but it wasn’t enough. Scott could feel his jaw trembling. His gaze settled on Ares’ neck. There was still an open bite wound there. They’d been in such a rush to have each other that he’d forgotten to lick it closed. It was so tempting to lash out again, to sink his fangs into that deliciously cold skin and drink until he couldn’t drink anymore… Scott forced those thoughts to the back of his mind. He had to remind himself he wasn’t there for blood. Well he was, but that wasn’t the whole of it. Not by far. He wanted Ares’ arms and words and laughter just as much. He wanted Ares’ smile. That was more important. Scott rolled off of his boyfriend and sat upright, resting against the crooked headboard. The deep scratches Ares had clawed into his back stung at the pressure. “I missed you." Ares pushed closer and rested his head in Scott’s lap. He sounded a little bit raspy. Neither he nor Scott had said much since they got to the hotel, but there had been a lot of screaming.

“I missed you too.” Scott ran his fingers through Ares’ hair, then leaned down and kissed his boyfriend on the forehead. He hoped the gentleness would help soothe their desperation. They couldn’t afford to keep tearing at each other like they had earlier. What their beasts wanted had to stay secondary.

“No I mean I really, really missed you. Like in here.” Ares clutched one of his hands tight to his bare chest, over his heart. “I felt empty. Like every day away from you drained me a little, and no matter how much I fed I’d never make up for it. It was hell.” His voice trembled, and Scott’s heart broke just a little. What was he thinking, putting them through this? It wasn’t like being separated from Ares changed anything. The city still hated him. Bethany still ignored him. And no matter what he did from this point on, Caroline was still gone. “I know it hurts, I know. I feel it too.” Scott leaned down and wrapped his arms around Ares’ shoulders. “I’m sorry. I just wanted to protect us, but I guess I can’t even do that right.”

“It’s not your fault, Scott.” Ares pulled himself away and sat up as well. “I know it’s better to keep this – us – quiet, at least for now. But only seeing each other once a month? I can’t do it. I need you with me.”

“Do you have a better idea?” Scott ran a hand back through his hair. “All of DC has its eyes on me. I can’t afford to be seen stepping out of line again, at least not this soon after Caroline’s trial. And as much as it hurts being away from you, I’d rather go through that than lose you for good.” “I… I don’t.” Ares crossed his arms and frowned. It was adorable, if a bit childish. “Politics suck.”

“You and I both know that’s a filthy lie. Sucking feels good.” Ares actually laughed at that, and Scott damn near melted at the sight of his boyfriend’s lopsided smile. He’d give anything to be able to see that every day. The past month had been complete separation for them. Aside from a couple of cards to determine the date and time of their meeting, there hadn’t been any correspondence. Scott didn’t want anyone being able to bug, hack, or listen in on them. But maybe that stipulation was just a little too harsh. “We could get different phones. Prepaid ones, just to be safe, and just for each other. We could call each other, at least. Maybe video chat if we have time.” “Anything’s better than nothing at all.” Ares kissed Scott on the forehead. “I’ll see what I can find.” “Thanks.” Ares nodded and got up from the bed, stretching as he did so. You wouldn’t think it from the loose clothing he normally wore, but Ares had some deliciously toned muscles for someone whose ideal date was sitting on the couch playing Mario Kart. Scott let himself get lost in the appreciation of that lovely physique. There were a few bruises here and there (you don’t fuck hard enough to break a headboard without coming away unscathed), but they’d heal up easily enough.  Ares grinned when he saw Scott staring and struck a pose, arms folded behind his head, hips tilted to the side. Scott snorted and shook his head. “You’re ridiculous.”

“You’re the one staring.” Ares rolled his hips forward. “Maybe the first thing I should do with that new phone is send nudes?” Scott blushed. “They wouldn’t be… unwelcome…” “I’ll make sure to get some good angles, then.” Ares leaned down so he could give Scott another kiss, which Scott happily returned, then walked over to a cooler he’d brought to the hotel with him. When he opened it Scott could see it was filled with clear bottles of blood. Ares grabbed one for himself, then tossed one Scott’s way. They’d fed heartily on each other earlier, yes, but draining each other point for point really only meant they broke even at the end. There was still the blood they’d burned getting up that evening (and then getting it up later) to make up for, and what they’d need to use to heal their bruises and scratches. Scott caught the bottle one-handed and unscrewed the cap.

“You’re prepared for everything, aren’t you?” “You think I want either of us to leave this room while we’re here? Not a chance.” Ares finished about a third of his bottle in several gulps. His bruises started fading almost immediately. Scott followed suit. He felt the scratches on his back close up. It was a weird sensation, kind of itchy, but only lasted a few seconds. What’s more, he tasted something vaguely different about the blood. It wasn’t just the fact that it was cold, or human, but as he sipped Scott felt a comforting, familiar flavor.

“Is this… caffeinated?” Scott stared down at the bottle, then looked at Ares. “Yep. One of the ghouls back home downs Mountain Dew like there’s no tomorrow. I think it makes the blood taste a little funky myself, but I know you like the buzz, so…” “It’s perfect.” Scott’s lips broke out into a wide smile. Ares was too good to him.

“Good.” Ares plopped back down on the bed and started finishing his drink. Scott continued savoring his, and the two sat in silence for a few minutes.

Scott took the time to think about Ares’ admission from before. It really was true; separation felt like hell. Scott knew loneliness, and he knew dependence. Those feelings defined his existence for a good while after he’d left Julian. This was different. He had a beast in need alongside his own emotions. That was a terrifying combination. And judging by the state they’d left the hotel room in, his beast wasn’t going to get any easier to deal with.

Maybe it wouldn’t be terrible to see each other a couple more times in the next month? It’d be risky, but there were ways Scott could offset that. If Ares was okay with the idea, of course.

“So um, so I just had an idea.” Scott tightened his grip on the blood bottle. He didn’t expect Ares to like the suggestion, but it was worth putting out there. “It’s not the best, but maybe if I made it look like I was going out on dates again, people would be less suspicious if I disappeared to see you more often.” “What are you talking about?” Ares posture stiffened. He set his drink down on the nightstand. “A few first dates – nothing more than that – with guys I’ll never speak to again, to convince the rest of the city I’ve really left you. But if you’re not okay with it I won’t.” Ares stood up. He hand one hand on his hip, and one tangle in his hair while he considered Scott’s words. He (unsurprisingly) did not look happy with the suggestion. He stared at the floor for a few minutes in silence. Scott wasn’t exactly sure what he was thinking. Scott hoped he was considering the merits of the idea. Even if Ares didn’t like something Scott said or did, he always took the time to see where Scott was coming from. But then Ares was spending an awfully long time staring at the carpet…

“You want to… see other guys.” Ares spoke in confusion, but has the seconds passed his jaw began to clench, fangs extended, and he squeezed his hands into painfully tight fists. “Just for-”

“Other guys?!” Ares screamed this time. His entire body was shaking. It looked like he hadn’t even registered that Scott was talking. Scott scrambled backward on the bed. Ares was dangerously close to losing control; the rage emanating off of him was enough to send Scott’s own beast recoiling in fear. Ares’ eyes were unfocused, almost wild, as he glared down at Scott. “Why would you even… No! We’re supposed to belong to each other, Scott! It’s hard enough sneaking around like this, not being able to see you when I want, not being able to touch you… And you think I’m going to let anyone else get to?!” Ares whipped around to face the wall and punched a hole clear through it, letting out an angry growl as drywall crumbled around his fist. “I’ll tear anyone who tries to shreds!”

Scott watched the entire display in silence. His eyes were wide, his limbs frozen. He couldn’t believe the person in front of him was Ares – his Ares. A frenzy was one thing. Those happened to all kindred at one point or another, but this wasn’t a beast’s undirected destruction. It was just pure, unfiltered anger, and it was unlike anything Scott had ever seen from his boyfriend. Normally Ares could barely stomach harming a corpse, let alone threatening the living. For the first time since they’d met, Scott didn’t want to be around him. Worse still, that aversion was coupled with guilt for putting Ares in that state in the first place. A few moments went by as the two kindred stared at each other. Scott tried to say something, to apologize, but his jaw wouldn’t move. Every nerve in his body was screaming for him to run. Then, just as quickly as it had taken him to get angry, Ares’ rage subsided. His eyes went wide with realization. He looked over to the hole he’d left in the wall, then back to Scott. All the tension he’d been holding in disappeared and he reached timidly toward Scott, his fingers trembling slightly. Bloody tears welled up in the corners of his eyes.

“I’m… I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Ares sat on the edge of the bed and buried his face in his hands. “I didn’t mean… I just… thinking of you with anyone else hurts too much. Please don’t do it, Scott. Please don’t put me through that.” Something clicked in Scott when he heard that, and suddenly it wasn’t Ares sitting there but Julian. Human Julian, from when he and Scott were still together. His hair had been short like Ares’ then. Scott could hear Julian in his head, echoes of conversations that had been all too common between them. “Why’d you look at him like that?  Don’t you love me?” “Do you know how much it hurts seeing you with other people?” “Stop making me worry. I can’t take it.” “I thought you were mine…” Scott swallowed the lump forming in his throat. Julian had been a master at manipulating Scott’s guilt. He knew exactly what heart strings needed pulling. And here Ares was, doing the exact same thing and not even realizing it. Oh, the bitter irony.

Scott slid off the bed and slowly walked around, so he was standing in front of Ares. When Julian got like this there was only one thing that would reassure him. Scott had no idea if it would work with Ares, but it was worth a shot. He gently lifted Ares’ head and wiped the tears away. Their eyes met for a second, then Scott leaned down placed a soft, careful kiss on his boyfriend’s lips. He didn’t bother saying anything. Scott pressed forward, leaning Ares back onto the bed as he crawled on top of him. It felt wrong, initiating sex as an apology rather than mutual desire, but words never fixed a situation like this. Not in Scott’s experience. And while Ares most certainly was not Julian… well he wasn’t exactly Ares right then either.

Most importantly, he wasn’t saying no. Scott took things slow. He needed to prove that Ares was loved and cherished beyond anything else in Scott’s life. Ares welcomed the attention. He returned Scott’s kisses with gentle, loving ones of his own. Exactly like Julian used to. The similarities were comforting, in a strange way. Scott knew exactly what to expect. It let him feel in control. He needed to feel in control.

Unlike Julian, however, Ares wanted to reciprocate more than just the kisses. Julian had always been content to lay back and let Scott do all the work (much like every other aspect of their relationship). Ares touching him actually felt odd. Not bad, per say, but Scott really didn’t want to be touched. He wasn’t doing this for his own pleasure. He gently brushed Ares’ hand away as Ares started reaching for his groin, and shook his head so Ares knew not to do it again.

“Is this… are you… are you okay?” The concern in Ares’ voice was almost as heartbreaking as his earlier sadness. The answer, of course, was no. Scott was not okay. But Ares didn’t need to know that. He needed to know that Scott was sorry. So Scott nodded and distracted him with a blood-filled kiss, biting his cheek so that Ares could drink indirectly from him. Ares moaned into Scott’s mouth and happily took the offered blood. They didn’t exchange anymore words, unless you counted the times Ares begged for more. Scott dragged on the foreplay until his boyfriend was all but screaming for release. Then he rode him so slowly it was damn near agonizing. Scott touched himself with practiced showmanship as he did so, so that Ares could get as much out of the visuals as the physical sensations. And just as they were reaching the end, Scott leaned down, sank his fangs into Are’s soft neck, and drank. Ares did scream then. Scott relished that sound almost as much as the sweet vitae flowing over his tongue. It meant he was doing a good job, and while that didn’t make Scott feel any better, it still felt right. Just as right as it had with Julian.

Scott finally let Ares touch him after they’d both finished. Ares showered him with soft caresses, cuddled him close, and placed tender kisses on the top of his head. Scott wanted to enjoy the attention. Under any other circumstances he would, but he couldn’t forget Are’s anguished pleas, or get Julian’s voice out of his head. “Hey Scott?” Ares paused his affections for a moment and pulled Scott up, so they were face to face. “Yeah?” Scott forced himself to look his boyfriend in the eye and smiled. If there was anything he’d learned from Julian, it was how to put up one hell of a fake smile.