#downtherabithole

There's this episode of How I Met Your Mother where Ted can't get Robin out of his mind. Barney sets him up on tons of dates but he only ever sees the women as Robin. One night, he's at the bar alone and he sees the bar tender as Robin, and he starts talking to Ted as Robin. Ted explains that he misses Robin but he also resents her, and make believe Robin/actual bartender dude says "Ted don't you see? You resent me because you didn't keep me around. Even though I didn't want to be with you, I still wanted to be friends." I think about this a lot. About how a lot of the missing would go away if I could speak with the people I miss, but I'm too scared that they'll stop, or won't even start. I'm too afraid of getting rejected... Again. I'm too afraid of thinking I have someone who has clearly moved on and is happier without me. I'm too afraid of having to face that truth on a regular basis. I'm also sort of prideful. I have too much pride to say "I miss you. I feel the space where you're not. Please be my friend." Because I want to be okay without the people who are okay without me.