#doubt ooc

Because it seems a number of the blogs I follow are having a rough time and seem to be getting harassed by anons or otherwise running into other problems. I want y’all to remember we’re all people. That we’re all here for fun, to share our passions and our joys. To share our stories and characters and jokes, to build on these in a format that’s kinda uniquely common to here, in this interactive manner.

For the love of the earth, be kind and understanding of one another. Treat people like you would want to be treated (and if you want to treat people like trash, please see your way to the garbage bin). Give them an opportunity to grow if they’ve made a mistake. Be the community, that welcoming fun place, that we would like to be seen as.

If you have a quarrel with someone, step away for a bit. Give yourself time to think it over, to return to clarity. Then try to talk to them. I can’t say we’re all adults, but many of us are and those that are not, well, you’re not far away from it. If you don’t like someone, if you can’t come to a consensus with them, you don’t have to follow them, you don’t have to interact with them. Just step away and move on with the rest of the community.

Well, you’re already one step of the way there: You’ve identified what is true.

But knowing whats true and having a belief are two different things. Humans are interesting creatures. We can take input, such as being burned by a hot pan, and use that knowledge to not do so. In fact, there’s even a bit of an instinct to it to help us protect ourselves from that. This can also backfire on some of us: The same mechanism that protects us from harm can also ‘protect’ us from social situations that can hurt us.

Have something be ‘true’ often enough and we can believe it to be true, especially when our well-trained minds are looking out for it. So sometimes these things can build beliefs about ourselves, for better or worse. But just because we believe it to be true doesn’t mean it is.

And it isn’t for you, is it? You’ve already found that out for yourself.

I don’t have a perfect answer. We still have differences.

But what worked for me was (1) Affirming what is true rather then what is not and (2) With the truth in mind, choose a new habit or action to take and carry it out.

stop

Slowly and surely your senses Will cease to resist

Doubt: “If you were anyone else...”

We’ll start from the top then. If it is validation you came seeking, you likely won’t find it here, just take that as my disclaimer. I’ll also say many people in the communities I take part in do their blogs for fun and aren’t really too concerned with having a perfect art, story, or building the largest following. They might not be seeking critique on these factors. They’re just here for fun and relaxation

Something you may want to consider in the future, as well, is to ask if the artist or content creator is accepting criticism right now before providing it. Not everyone is advertising this. But it helps avoid problems and it’s a simple question to ask.

That said, let’s move to something in the field of interacting with others and why your interactions with these creators may have soured. Something I’ve found from my own experiences, both myself and others, is that if we are the only one that doesn’t think we’re being a dick, we’re probably being a dick. Even if it is just one person, stop and listen, take a moment to consider why someone just said that, what you had just said, and even how you said it. Evaluate yourself. Is that how you would have wanted someone to tell you something? Especially if they are telling you that you are doing something ‘wrong’ or ‘you shouldn’t be doing that.’ Also, try and keep in mind your own biases and beliefs, they might not apply to all situations and some people just have different audiences they appeal to.

If you want an example of how not to go about giving ‘advice,’ an anon recently sent a returning community member an ask that told them that the ask community had been forgetting this member while they were gone dealing with real life and that they should post stuff to get attention again. This could seem well-intentioned to the sender, but that’s not how it reads off. It reads off as callous. Even if not the intent of the sender, it’s still cold and feels more like ‘The only reason people remember you is because you do the thing.’ At best, it was just poorly worded. The well-intentioned, without mindfulness, can come across and crass and heartless. At worst, it was a cold statement to guilt someone into focusing more on their blog then their real life because some anon wanted more updates. 

But ultimately, this is just general advice and thoughts. I can’t provide you with advice specific to your situation or problem, Anon, because I don’t know the details of your communications with others. Hopefully, this helps despite that. If you want anything more specific, you’ll have to come off anon.

Remember everyone, your words resonate with others. They hold weight and impact with them. Try to have empathy and understanding in yours. Try to find the warm ones that build a person up. I’m not saying ‘don’t say something is wrong or off,’ I’m saying ‘don’t be mean about it’ and ask before providing unless they communicate on their blogs they are seeking that advice.