#dorsia

"Patrick Bateman is gay, let's argue" by Zane Parker

I had to share this vid because...

1.) It is so well-made and incredibly funny

2.) It has a criminally low view-count

3.) the target audience is right here lmao

ifunny watermark stays

Patrick Bateman is a commentary on the billionaire that has never been more relevant.

Billionaires don't need to work, but they give themselves easy flexible jobs in companies so they can 'fit in' by saying they have a job, just like Pat Bateman

Billionaire don't have any need to follow style guides they can wear whatever they want and never get rejected from a club, but choose to dress the part with brand name everything with strong preferences for certain standards for those around them, just like Pat Bateman

Billionaires don't hold strong political convictions, but will espouse any political thought that they think will earn them public favour, just like Pat Bateman

Billionaires can disappear women and homeless people and even people in their own class strata, rape and murder whoever they like as publicly as they like with no repercussions, just like Pat Bateman

It's a stomach churning book, the scenes of violence are really fucking graphic, but it's also a funny book, the way no one is ever described as anything outside of their dress and appearance. No mannerisms (outside of socially stigmatised ones) nor facial features are ever described only clothes and hair style, because who cares who is who?

The constant confusion of different wallstreet bros for other similar looking bros is exactly how i imagine techbros confusing eachother now.

The disgusting killings and torture scenes are immediately followed by a regurgitated half remembered review from Vogue or a Rolling Stone. It really rams home how little he gives a shit about anyone around him

And the end, his only brush with any amount of retribution, really hilights how yeah, there's just never consequences for these people no matter how many people know they are doing fucked up shit.

Right now with the Epstein stuff all over the news it's like... yeah truly nothing is new in the world, is it?

Warnings: cursing, prostitution, implied violence, female reader, y/n reader, the name Evelyn is a place holder cause Patrick isn’t over her 🙄, Patrick being high key insane, pet names, eventual smut

🔪💋His pretty woman chapter two 💋🔪

Word count: 1,587

Authors note: I was gonna write more for chapter one to the point I had to stop so after this I’m gonna try to finish my other unfinished stuff but between that I’ll do one shots, so if any of you have ideas of the one shots please let me know I’d love to do them👍👍

The night was dark and cold, as it had always been on nights like these.

The pale moonlight shone on your face, making you squint just a bit, you leaned against a familiar light post you had seen nearly every night; considering you had worked on the same corner for a month now

Your best friend, Kip. Had seemed like a mentor to you during this line of business.

She told you what kind of men you should trust and who to avoid, in her words “if their too nice, like shaking your hand and smiling, get the hell away from him unless you wanna be minced meat!”

You had to admit, she was right. You had heard of many girls in your predicament who walked these streets for money who had either sustained injuries or died.

---

As a prostitute money was hard to come by. A guy could snap his fingers and you’d have to start crawling to him just to keep a roof over your head.

You sighed, running a hand through your hair “kip, how much longer do we have to be out tonight, my blisters are getting blisters!”

Kip turned to you with an almost comical expression on her face “just a few more hours doll!” Her hand grabs your chin in a joking manner.

“Ugh” you groan “fine but once that clock hits three we’re leaving” “I’m fine with that…. How much you made tonight y/n?” You check your bra for the money you had made too night “uhh about a hundred.” “Pfft I’ve made two hundred” you rolled your eye’s at her.

---

As the clock struck two thirty seven, a dark and expensive looking car slowly pulls up, the car’s brand seemed to be roll’s Royce. You and kip exchanged an expression that said holy shit!

You both make your best struts over to the car, you both lean down infront of the drivers side window, only for a whistle noise to come from the seat behind it?

The window was rolled down, a very attractive man looked back at you and Kip, with a slight smile creeping onto his lip’s; so again both you and kip make your ways over to the man.

Before either of you could make it to him, he clicked his tongue “ah ah, not you” he pointed his finger at kip before she looks at you with a grin

“Ooh it’s your time to shine girl!” Kip whispered to you before patting your back and going back to the street corner you both were on.

You leaned down to see this mysterious man, instead of being face to face with him you were boobs to face with him. It was a trick kip had taught you. Apparently it gets the man’s attention.

“Whatcha needing baby.?” You said with a tone of seduction in your voice “what are you giving?” The man had a fancy tone to his voice, a real stuck up prick kind of voice.

“Anything your wanting, I’m willing”

“Hm” the man chuckled slightly before pulling out his wallet, he subtly flashed how much money he had.

---

“What’s your name, beautiful?”

“What do you want it to be?”

“…Evelyn”

“Pretty name baby, you’ve got good taste.”

That comment certainly went towards his ego, making it bigger than it already was. Without a second to lose, he opened the door for you to come into the vehicle.

As soon as you did you noticed how wonderful it smelled inside, a drastic change from the smell of the dirty streets you had walked all night long.

As you sat down the man draped an arm across your waist. You turned your head to face him, he had his head turned straight looking at you from the side slightly.

“Sooo handsome, what’s your name?”

“Paul al-“ he caught himself before coughing to try and cover what he had said “it’s Patrick, Patrick bateman”.

“Patrick huh? I like that name y’know that’s my favorite name in the whole wide world!” You gave a cheerful, almost childlike grin

That brought a genuine laugh out of him, and as it did your smile grew intensely

---

“So Evelyn, how much for the entire night”.

You thought slightly for a second before answering him with a smug expression “it’s a hundred per hour, so that’s what eight hundred?”

Patrick perched up an eye brow.

“Really? We can’t do seven hundred?” “It’s deal or no deal baby.” You said, smugly.

Patrick lets out a “hmph” before coming to an agreement “fine, but I’ll pay you after your ‘services’ how does that sound?”.

“That’s fine with me, Mr Bateman” you calling him Mr Bateman made him hard, sure many other people in his life had called him that, but the way you said it, was completely different. You said it with love, sure he knew it was fake as play money but it still hit a nerve with him.

---

Patrick obviously hadn’t brought you back to his apartment, that didn’t go too well last time he brought some prostitutes back to his apartment.

The driver of his car had pulled you both at an expensive looking hotel. As you opened the door to get out, Patrick grabbed your hand, you turned your head towards him with a confused expression on your face.

“When we get in here, act normal none of your regular whore shit you’d do with other men, do you hear me?!”

“Of course, patrick”

He ran a hand through his slicked back hair to calm himself down.

---

As you walked inside the hotel, Patrick’s hand was practically glued onto your hip with how he didn’t loosen his grip once, and his eyes seemed to be glued onto you as well.

He was more focused on what you were wearing and what people would think.

You couldn’t blame him, what you had on wasn’t modest to say the least.

Patrick and you walked up to the front desk, as he handled getting you both a room, you noticed a few eyes on you.

So you threw your hands up in a gesture that says ‘WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!’ as much as you’d wanted to say that, you held back.

You wouldn’t want to upset the man who was paying you eight hundred dollars, just to sleep with him.

---

As you put your hand’s on your hips, biting the left corner of your bottom lip slightly, before Patrick took your hand, gently.

“I’ve got our room, Evelyn”

As you two walked further away from the desk, Patrick bent down to your ear,whispering something to you

“They wouldn’t let me have the pent house for the night” he groans “so I had to rent it for the whole damn week”

You thought to your self “the pent house, how much does that cost?!” But you hadn’t said anything

“And this affects me how?” You said in a mixture of a condescending and joking tone

“… I was thinking you could stay with me for that time, so the money wouldn’t go to waste”

“Well, if you really want me to stay; we’ll have to renegotiate our price”

Patrick chuckles at you slightly. His eyes roaming over your figure.

““Fine with me, gorgeous”

---

As you approached the elevator, you got a colorful look on your face. Stifling off a grin.

You saw an elderly couple and a seemingly young elevator operator standing next you, the both of them had their eyes locked into you.

You knew why, with your job it’s normal for people to stare.

Patrick snarls at everyone looking at you but you were about to make their staring a whole lot worse

---

You kicked you leg up onto a nearby wall, making your thigh very exposed to the very confused on lookers, and Patrick

“Aw there a rip in my pantyhose!” You laughed, snorting slightly as you did “I’m not wearing pantyhose!”

Patrick gripped your leg and pulled it down and looked at you with an expression so angry it can’t be put into words.

Soon the elevator came and you decided to cause more trouble.

After the elevator doors opened you noticed a very small but very fancy and elegant looking seat in the back, you immediately sat on it

“Well color me happy there’s a sofa in here to share!” Patrick slyly slid the elevator operator a twenty, while saying “it’s her first time in an elevator” as he pats his shoulder, getting into the elevator with you.

---

Patrick waited for the door’s to close, his back turned towards you before it inevitably closed

“What the fuck was that back there?!”

Patrick said his voice a few decimals below shouting

“I’m sorry! I had too alright.”

The rage was fuming off of him as he panted angrily, his chest rising and falling with each breath.

“Just don’t let it happen again, or else.” He said with his voice being stern and rage filled, his hands clutched into fists by his side.

---

Patrick soon walked you into the room, and it was impeccable.

The lights shined off everything perfectly, making it seem as you had walked into a millionaires wet dream of a hotel.

All that seemed to be missing was a bottle of champagne.

Patrick waited for you to take your first few steps into the room, before he looked at you with curiosity

“What’s your real name?”

His eyes squinted slightly

You turned to him, smiling slightly before giving him an answer “y/n”

“Hm…. Well y/n get comfortable”

Patrick begins unbuttoning his suit as he looks at you with a hungry grin

- - -

Y/n when Patrick wanted her and not Kip