#doris teavee

Now, let me start off with this: I firmly believe that Norman and Doris Teavee love their son, and they are doing their best. Their best just isn’t very good. (They literally suck so bad as parents in ‘71, as he has 0 basic manners and they’ll let him get a gun for his 12th birthday! However, I don’t see them in the first movie as Doris & Norman anyway, and I think their names are different.)

...

I first want to cover the musical. Here, Michael is a feral child; he is violent, he is... “high-spirited,” he smokes 2 packs of cigarettes a day (it used to be more)... he has set their cat on fire and chloroformed a nurse (which makes me wonder if they needed a nurse for him?), he somehow stole a German tank, and he is on house-arrest... at only 10-years-old. Because of all this, Doris is a high-strung alcoholic who is deep in denial. Meanwhile, Norman seems... disconnected; he gives off the vibe that he has dissociated in order to cope with his own son. (I know the intention was most likely to paint him as a clueless sitcom dad, but I personally don’t see it that way.)

I don’t care much for the Broadway version of this show, especially because of the song that replaces “It’s Teavee Time!” as it has nothing to do with them as characters, but it’s important to mention here because... Mike’s father (I won’t say Norman) is gone in the Broadway version. (Or is it only the National Tour where this is mentioned?) He’s just gone, he has up and left his wife and son, he has actually checked-out of the family! And I can’t even blame him; with that wife and that child, I’d honestly want to ditch them, too. Another thing worth mentioning is the song used in the National Tour of the Broadway musical, “Little Man Of Mine”, which mentions Mike still being on house-arrest for something that “they never proved”, and his mother (here called Ethel; I consider them a different set of parents, but I digress) doping him up and putting restraints on him, while also drinking and popping pills herself. The saddest part of the song is probably Mike saying that he (or they) try to find his father online every night. 🥺

Also very important to note: In both “It’s Teavee Time!” and “That Little Man Of Mine”, Doris and Ethel mention wishing they’d had a daughter instead of Mike. WHAT. THE. FUCK??? Does Mike ever hear this? I sincerely hope not! (Also, it’s simply illogical because a girl could act the exact same way that Mike does. 🤨)

Unfortunately, there’s no official recording of “Little Man Of Mine” anywhere, but the lyrics to it are here, and I’ve seen one (1) recorded performance of decent film/audio quality.

Now, on to the movie; grab some tissues, because the sads just keep on coming...

In the 2005 film... well, Mrs. Teavee doesn’t speak, and we only see her once, but she feels dead inside. She gives off a vibe that says she regrets having this child, and she and her husband haven’t been in love for years. Norman is a defeated pushover who would probably lay down in a puddle if Mike told him to because he doesn’t want to get his shoes dirty (not that the kid would care, he *was* stomping in candy goo); he tries to tell Mike to stop ragefully stomping on candy pumpkins, he tries to tell Mike to calm down in the TV room, but it of course doesn’t work, and he barely tried at all. He doesn’t understand his son, and he feels he has grown up too fast (which is probably true). And Mike, well... Mike is a lot of things, but I honestly feel like the kid is sad. He is so angry all of the time, that is not a happy child. That is a Depressed & Angry 2000s Emo Child, I can tell because I was one. I don’t know if he can tell how dead inside his parents are, if it’s because they don’t get him, if he gets picked on in school for being a little genius... but the kid is unhappy, that much I know.

But I don’t think it was always this way. I think they were a happy family once, when Mike was little, but then it started going downhill.

This newspaper article from the film (I’ve never seen in the film) paints the picture for me:

(First off: Mike looks too pure here, so can you imagine people picking up that newspaper and then reading the article? “Awww, what an adorable child!” 😊 *reads it* “Jeez, what an obnoxious little shit!” 🤨 And I sincerely can’t help but wonder how they got him to smile for the picture; his parents probably promised to buy him a new video game if he would just smile, please. I can hear the exhaustion in Norman’s voice.)

If you click on this 👆🏽 image (in Dashboard/preview mode), open it in a new tab, click the zoom magnifying glass, and look down to the lower-middle left of the paper, you should be able to read: Young Teavee also no doubt takes after his father, a Certified Public Accountant with nearly 20 years of experience. “I would always bring work home and Mikey would look over my shoulder when he was a baby,” professed Mr. Teavee. “He’s always had a knack for numbers.”

Now, I know that makes no sense because in the actual film, Mr. Teavee said that he is a high school geography teacher, not an accountant, but... let’s just go along with it for now. How precious does that sound? Imagine Mr. Teavee sitting on their couch, looking over his work, and little baby Mike is just standing on the couch and looking over his dad’s shoulder, just really fascinated by it. 🥺

What I’m getting at is: I think they were a happy family once, but then Mike started detaching and growing up, and maybe his parents marriage isn’t doing the best anymore (I get the vibe, I get the vibe), and it just all went downhill. And honestly? I think Norman is afraid of his son. Which is understandable; if I lived with that kid, I’d be scared, too. 😳

(Side-note: That newspaper says that Mike is 13-years-old? 🤨 Yeah, I don’t fucking buy it, that kid looks 10 or 11, which doesn’t sound like much, but kids are growing all the time, so they definitely look different at 13 than they do at 10 or 11. It’s possible he could be 13, but I don’t believe that, and I headcanon him as 10/11.)

I’m sure there’s something I’m forgetting, but I think I’ve said every relevant thing there is to be said so far about this candy-coated Greek tragedy called the Teavee family. My point is...