#dopeniece

When I say she’s sweet, I also mean she’s pure. She can be fresh and backtalk like a normal 5 year old, but Sadie never makes me wonder why she said what she said. She doesn’t understand bias, sexism; I have to explain racism and homophobia; she is blessed with enormous privilege. I tell her how that, how lucky she is. But about that sweetness! I am so rough around the edges and too cool for school and this kid skins open my tender heart. I want to love everyone, go into everything the way she does. I hugged her goodbye earlier today; she kept giving me extra hugs since she wouldn’t see me for a few days. When we wish on my crystals, she always wishes we had a sleepover every night. She used to take naps on my chest; she still falls asleep during sleepovers clutching my shirt or nose or hair. Best friends forever, she sings. Anything for you, Sadie. See you Friday, kid. #dopeniece #love #familyfuntimesforever #soulmate #fiveyearsold (at Baltimore County, Maryland)

Four and a half today. She is a shock of joy. She loves the presidents, planets, paw patrol, and maps. She's my shadow and my little best friend. Sadie. She is home. #dopeniece (at Disney's Magic Kingdom)

My superhero and "only dresses!" wearing niece picked this as her new bathing suit today. No such thing as gender to her. #dopeniece

Just another hipster in Asbury Park. (I'm ignoring the fact that she dressed herself to "look just like Auntie.") #catpants! #dopeniece #bffs #sadiesquadgoals (at Asbury Park Boardwalk)

My niece, Sadie, is three and a half, which is a thrilling time in terms of language and development. Unfortunately, since her birth overlapped with my becoming the sickest I've ever been, I've been interested to see how she processes my illness. She's always understood that I was sick, and when she was younger she would kiss my boo boos. At 2 years old, she started mimicking testing my blood sugar with her dolls, and she's ask me to check her too. She'd even make beeping noises like the glucose meter does when it's done processing the sample. Now that she's a big kid, she understands what it means when I'm in the hospital. When I was inpatient at rehab last summer, she decorated my room with luau girls and printed heart duct tape. It was over 8 months ago but Sadie still brings up "that time you were in the hospital for a long long time and we played Doctor!" She had her own doctor kit and scrubs in my hospital room. Doctor has always been her favorite game to play. Her stories about how her dolls got hurt or why her imaginary friend, Baby, got hurt, are hilarious. "Baby's in the hospital because he hurt her head when we were apple picking and a cherry fell on him head and there was blood!" This is a gif of her pretending to give her baby sister insulin in the tummy because "that's where Auntie gives her medicine!" She is so funny and smart and while I wish she didn't have to know so much about illness, I'm confident we are talking about it in appropriate ways and I'm glad she is expressing her feelings about it through play. The human mind is quite the trip.

Jamming to @hamiltonmusical. "my shot" is her favorite song in the world right now. (beside Jingle Bells, of course.) #dopeniece #thisis3 #hamiltonmusical

before I got really sick in college, I couldn't give two shots about nature and historical landmarks and national parks and basically just paying attention to what was around me. I lived in NYC; the only compass I needed looked like the subway map. After surviving cancer and all that jazz & living in CA on and off for the last 4 years, I'm nature-obsessed. The water is holy, the fresh air and raw beauty more stimulating than any $18 cocktail I could buy. I doubt my city days are over, but what a relief to have found the rest of my heart outside, waiting to see what else we can find. #dopeniece #mylittleexplorer #natureorwhatevs