#doolray

“Then why doesn’t he run his errands without a big bad vampire holding his leash?” Ray let his mouth pull into a smirk, fangs poking over his lower lip. “Afraid the puppy’s gonna run away?”

Ryan’s eyes flashed red in warning, holding himself still like a predator about to pounce.

“No,” he ground out, visibly fighting his temper down. Ray dropped the smirk and lounged against the table, watching as Ryan took a deep breath. Interesting. He wasn’t sure if Ryan mellowed out in the last century or if his control was getting better.

Good to know that he could still provoke a response, though.

“Jeremy’s… pack.” Ryan spat out the word as if it was filth. Ray blinked slowly, filing the information away. “They’re- well, they’re a bunch of assholes but they still have claim to him, technically. They won’t start shit with witnesses there, though.” Ryan clenched and unclenched his jaw, looking away. “Normally Michael and Gavin would go with him during the day, but with exams coming up…”

Ryan trailed off, flipping the off switch on the nearest machine. The whirring noise came to a slow stop, leaving absolute silence between them. They’d both given up the pretense of breathing long ago, at least when it was just them. It startled Ray, how easily they fell back into the habit.

“So why don’t you go?” Ray asked finally, breaking the silence. Ryan shook his head, waving at his equipment.

“I’m busy,” he said vaguely, not looking at Ray. “I have deadlines to meet.”

Ray cocked his head, eyes sweeping over the lab equipment. This, then, was familiar. The evasive way Ryan busied himself, paging through his book randomly. It screamed louder than pacing ever did: Ryan didn’t know what to say, his mind far away. It stung, but with years of distance between then and now, he could see something else: Ryan didn’t want to talk because he was hiding something. And he hid it behind a farce of busyness.

Ray tipped his head the other way and eyed him intently.

“Do they know?” Ray asked neutrally, so painfully neutral. Ryan froze, confirming his suspicions.

“I have enough money,” Ryan returned tightly, glancing quickly at Ray. “They have enough on their plates already. They shouldn’t have to worry about working through college.”

“So you’re paying their tuition.” Ryan nodded slowly, warily. Ray frowned. “And it costs enough to make a dent in your savings?”

“Putting kids through college has gotten ludicrously expensive.” Ryan shrugged, joining Ray at his table. He stood close enough for his aura to seep into Ray’s, a lack of warmth and tantalizing power. “And Gavin’s parents aren’t paying. Michael’s try to help, but they got several other kids to take care of. And Jeremy-”

Ryan broke off, shrugging. Their shoulders brushed together, and Ray felt himself lean into the touch almost against his will. Habit, he told himself, mind honing in on the last fact Ryan accidentally revealed.

“The puppy’s in college?” he asked, trying to tone down his incredulity. Going by Ryan’s sharp look, he didn’t quite manage. Ray shrugged unapologetically. “What’s a werewolf doing chasing a degree? Don’t the packs usually keep to themselves, teach their own and all that?”

“He was in college when he was bitten,” Ryan explained, voice cold. For once, his ire didn’t seem directed at Ray. Still, as far as explanations go, that was unhelpfully vague. Ray squinted at him.

“What does that have to do with anything?” Why would he want to go back of all things? It made even less sense if the puppy already had a degree. Unless he dropped out when he was bitten? Was the mutt sad he never finished his degree what, twenty, thirty years ago or something? Why else would he want to go ba-

Ray froze as the penny dropped. He stared at Ryan, searching his face. No. No way.

“When?” He grabbed Ryan’s shirt, pulled him close. His eyes bored into icy blue. “When did he-”

“Six months ago,” Ryan stated quietly. It felt like ice sliding down Ray’s back. “He just started college when…”

Ray pushed him away and turned to pace the length of the lab, aware of Ryan’s eyes on him. Fuck. Fuck.

“So the puppy is literally that. A damn puppy?”

“Ray,” Ryan said warily, eyes narrowed in warning.

“Don’t Ray me, asshole.” Ray snapped his mouth shut, grinding his teeth. His jaw worked furiously as he glared at Ryan. What was he thinking!? “He should be with his pack, learning whatever passes for manners amongst wolves, not screwing around with a couple vamp tramps in your fucking house!”

“Ray.”

“Really, Ryan?” Ray threw up his hands and stalked away from the other vampire. Of all the infuriating, harebrained- “You think you know how to housetrain a wolf pup? You’re a vampire, for God’s sake!”

“Then who!?” Ryan made a frustrated noise, crossing his arms. “I’m not fucking sending him back.”

“Pack laws exist for a reason, you realize.” Ray pushed up his glasses, pinching the bridge of his nose. “A wolf without a pack… You know how loners turn out. If you actually care for him-”

“They’ll kill him!” Ryan shouted, and Ray stopped in his track. Silence rang between them, unnaturally still. Ryan grit his teeth. “He can’t go back, Ray. It’s not an option.”

Ray blinked, slowly, intentionally. Ryan took a deep breath, air hissing through his teeth as he exhaled sharply.

“Michael found him in the woods, a bleeding mess. His packmates were harassing him, biting and clawing and he just… laid there and took it.” Ryan closed his eyes and shook his head, turning his back to Ray. “Do I think I’m qualified to teach him? Hell no. I have no clue what I’m doing. But what else can we do?”

Ray watched him silently as Ryan clenched and unclenched his fists.

“He’s not going back,” Ryan stated firmly.

“So, what. You’re just gonna wait until something happens? Until he attacks one of your humans?” Ray asked, tilting his head. Ryan swallowed, his adam’s apple bobbing.

“We’re looking for a suitable pack for him,” he answered quietly, pressing his palms flat onto the surface of the cabinet. “Michael has some contacts. We put the word out, so now we just need to… wait.”

“And hope for the best in the meantime,” Ray snarked, his shoulders slumping. Way to take the wind out of his sail, huh. “Jesus Christ. Alright.”

“Alright?” Ryan asked, looking up at him from under his long lashes suspiciously. Ray sighed, shaking his head.

“Alright, yeah, fine, you win, whatever. I’ll take your puppy on his walk.”

Ryan hesitated, giving him a sideways look. Ray rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.

“What?”

“I was… hoping you’d spend some time with him,” Ryan offered sheepishly, scratching his head. Ray shot him a look. “Get to know him better.”

“Oh God,” Ray groaned, hanging his head in realisation. Jesus, Ryan. Really? Really? It wasn’t like he cared if Ryan hooked up with others, but… He didn’t expect him to be serious about two humans and a wolf.

“I think you’d get along well,” Ryan defended himself, pursing his lips and giving him a look with wide, soft eyes. Ray’s eyebrows shot up, staring back in disbelief. Puppy dog eyes. Puppy dog eyes over a puppy, how perfect. Christ.

“Yes, yes, I’ll give your werewolf boyfriend a chance.” Ray rubbed at his forehead and then dropped his arms. “You know, like any good ex does. Fucking hell, Ryan.”

“He needs more allies,” Ryan insisted stubbornly, because of course he did.

“Uh huh.” Ray arched his brow and bumped Ryan’s shoulder as he stepped past. Because that clearly was the only motivation here. “Sure.”

“It’s gonna be fun?” Ryan called after him, not even having the decency to sound certain.

“Sure is,” Ray muttered to himself, knowing the vampire’s ears would pick up the words over the short distance. “Gonna be a party. Next thing you know we'll be braiding each other’s hair and painting each other’s nails.”

Ray pretended not to hear Ryan’s short burst of laughter and ignored the thrill it sent down his spine.

***

“Sorry for this,” Jeremy told him on the bus they were taking into the city. Running would’ve probably been quicker, but Ray wasn’t sure how fast and long the pup could go in human form. Was it something wolves learned with age or practice? He didn’t quite dare to ask, so the bus it was.

“I could’ve gone on my own,” Jeremy pressed on when Ray remained silent, staring at the passing trees through the window. “Ryan’s just been…”

“Overbearing?” Ray suggested bemusedly, glancing at the pup from the corner of his eyes. Jeremy grimaced.

“Worried,” he settled on diplomatically, looking down at his lap. Ray snorted.

“Yeah, he gets like that.” He turned his head slightly to watch the pup, who was tugging on the strings of his hoodie. “Here’s the secret of dealing with Ryan: tell him no.”

“What?” Jeremy’s head snapped up, frowning at Ray. Ray shrugged one shoulder.

“Establish boundaries. Draw the line and then enforce it.” Ray glanced away. Ryan meant well, but he could also get stuck in the mindset that he knew best. He was so fucking clever, it was easy to just… let him. Until it escalated and turned him into a controlling bastard. “You give him an inch, he’s gonna take a mile,” Ray warned the pup.

Jeremy frowned, gaze dropping to his hands. He fiddled with the strings, looking troubled. Ray left him to his thoughts, having said his piece.

“Is that what happened?” Jeremy asked two stops later, not looking at him. “Between the two of you?”

Perceptive, Ray thought and ground his teeth. It was more than just that, of course. A hundred small things accumulating over the centuries, until he needed a break from his infuriating lover.

“Something like that,” he replied vaguely. Complicated, he wanted to say, but in the end it was much more simple. “Living that long, you grow tired of people,” he offered, staring at the fields turning into houses as they entered the city. “Annoying little habits start to rub you wrong.”

Jeremy was silent as the bus stopped and more people boarded. Ray eyed them idly.

“How long were you together?” Jeremy finally asked, once they moved back into traffic.

“Oh, couple years here and there.” Ray waved him off. “Once we made it to a full century. That was a fun anniversary.”

And also ended with their biggest fight, but the pup didn’t need to know that. Ray stood up, gesturing for Jeremy to do the same.

“We’re here.”

The seven-eleven was a square little building with red neon letters spelling the name out front. Ray followed Jeremy around idly, watching curiously as he stuffed bags of chips and salted peanuts into a purple and orange tote bag. He teetered in front of cheap cans of beer before veering off towards the Monster energy drinks. Ray snorted a laugh in surprise, earning himself an uncertain look from the pup. How ironic.

And kinda cute, in a weird way. Ray shook his head, pushing the thought away.

It happened as they headed to the cashier. Three young men walked into the shop, slouched and with their hands stuffed into their pockets. Ray glanced them over quickly before dismissing them, they looked like nothing more than college students in desperate need of basic hygiene. Their greasy hair framed their faces in lanky strands, clothes unkempt and rumpled and clearly slept in. Ray wouldn’t have given them a second thought if it weren’t for the way Jeremy tensed at his side.

“Dooley!” one of the newcomers called. The others’ heads snapped up and turned towards them, like hounds catching a trail. They smirked, bumping into each other as they sauntered over. Jeremy froze, like a deer caught in the headlights.

Ray came to a stop next to him, casually brushing their shoulders together.

“You know these people?” he asked quietly. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Jeremy nod sharply.

“Know us?” The leader barked out a laugh, a rough and abrasive sound in the mostly empty shop. “Why, we’re practically family!”

“Are you now,” Ray returned dryly, giving them a pointed once-over. “I don’t see the resemblance.”

The three howled with laughter, as if Ray had just told them the greatest joke. His eyebrow rose a tick and he gave Jeremy a deadpan look. Jeremy sighed and rolled his shoulders, clearly uncomfortable.

“What do you want, Duncan?”

The leader spread his arms with an affected Who, me? expression.

“I couldn’t help but notice you were out and about without, ahh, supervision, if you catch my drift.” Duncan smirked, dropping his arms. “Finally old enough to leave the nest alone? Or-” Here his eyes narrowed in dark pleasure. “-could it be? Have you been replaced?”

“I’m not alone,” Jeremy snapped back, crossing his arms. Duncan glanced at Ray before clearly dismissing him. Ray’s other eyebrow rose to join the first.

“Him? Pfft.” Duncan waved him off. “I’ve never seen him around before. Have you, boys?”

“Not once,” one of the others chimed in, flexing his arms with a grin.

“Can’t be anyone important, I don’t think,” the third added with a flash of teeth.

“Wow. Rude,” Ray drawled. Duncan didn’t even look his way, stepping up into Jeremy’s space.

“Tell me, Dooley, does your new friend know? How you kneel and beg for scraps at your master’s feet?”

Jeremy growled, pushing Duncan back, taking a step to insert himself casually between the three wolves and Ray. Curious. Did he consider Ray one of his, or was it his connection to Ryan that brought out the protective instincts? Ray cocked his head, willing to let the puppy take the lead on this one. To watch and see where it went.

“You must confuse me with you, Duncan. Tell me, does Preston allow you to lap up his leftovers from his plate if you suck up to him enough?” Jeremy bared his teeth in a mocking grin. “You jockeying for beta, is that what it is? Aww, look at you. All grown up and ready to settle for second best.”

Ah. The puppy got teeth, after all.

Duncan flinched back, eyes wide. Then he snarled, glaring at Jeremy.

“You got guts, Dooley. You think you’re so tough after playing lapdog for your bloodsucker?” Duncan sneered, shoving Jeremy. “But he’s not here this time, isn’t he? Just the three of us - and you.”

“I don’t need help to take you down,” Jeremy growled, his hackles rising.

“But you can’t be everywhere at once, can you?” Duncan took a step back and looked at his companions. “What do you think, boys? Time to teach the bitch a lesson, isn’t it?”

“Needs to be taken down a peg for sure!” the first yipped, stepping up next to Duncan. “Needs to relearn his place in the pecking order.”

“He’s been salivating after those humans. Like a bitch in heat,” the other commented with a lecherous grin. “Not that I can blame him. The blond one looks delicious, I just want to take a bite outta him, y’know?”

They laughed as Jeremy tensed and Ray straightened, narrowing his eyes. They were talking about biting humans against their will. That was against pack laws, especially in a neutral zone like this city. The Council would not take such threats lightly.

“We told you, didn’t we, Dooley? What happens to your friends if you don’t play nice and obey the alpha?” Duncan leered at Ray. “Shame your little friends aren’t here right now. But your new one should be as good a start as any, shouldn’t he, boys?”

The wolves laughed in agreement, jostling each other. Ray narrowed his eyes and stepped up next to Jeremy, brushing a hand over his back. To calm him down or support him, Ray wasn’t quite sure. Jeremy shot him quick look, worry and something deeper, darker reflected in his amber eyes.

“Careful,” Ray spoke up, letting his fangs poke over his lower lip. “You don’t want to say the wrong thing now.”

The wolves fell into startled silence as Ray let a sliver of his aura slip. Power bled into his eyes, his senses sharpening. Ray let his gaze wander over the three lazily before catching Jeremy’s eyes. The glowed golden in this heightened state, as much of a giveaway as a vampire’s red eyes. Dangerous, his instincts told him. Jeremy snarled, crouching lower. For a split second, Ray tensed, expecting a blow- but Jeremy’s attention returned to what by all rights should be his pack.

“Leave,” he growled, hunching in preparation of a fight.

“Unless you still want a bite,” Ray drawled, letting his power swell. The wolves cowered, flinching back. Young, he mused. Not unlike Jeremy. “I haven’t had werewolf blood in over a century. It’s quite heady.”

The leader scowled at that, inching back.

“This isn’t over, Dooley,” he warned, eyes darting towards Ray before he scurried off, tail tucked between his legs. The other two followed suit, stumbling over their own feet in their haste.

Ray pulled his aura back in and watched as Jeremy slowly relaxed.

“Sorry about that,” the pup offered with a grimace, carding a hand through his hair. Ray shrugged, bumping their shoulders together.

“No problem, dude.” He gently nudged Jeremy forward, grabbing the six pack of energy drinks from the floor where the pup had dropped it. “Not your fault they decided to be douchebags. Though I’m honestly questioning your choice in packs. First Ryan, now this.”

Jeremy chuckled dryly. “Not really my choice.”

Ray remained quiet as they checked out and payed, turning everything he knew about the situation over in his head. The picture it painted wasn’t pretty. There was a pact loosely upheld by both vampires and werewolves, in an attempt to keep further bloodshed between the two factions in check. Human cities were neutral zones, the denser the population the worse the retaliation if either faction tried to claim territory there.

And no human could be turned against their will.

An old relic of a law, from the times of the vampire-werewolf wars. Both sides had turned too many humans for cannon fodder, forcing the other supernatural races to intervene. Consent was the compromise they agreed to, if somewhat reluctant. If the pack here was violating that law, the Council had to be informed.

Ray glanced at Jeremy. The pup was checking their surroundings alertly, but his shoulders had relaxed.

“When they turned you…” Ray trailed off, trying to phrase the question inoffensively. “Did they… ask if you wanted to be turned?”

Jeremy shook his head, looking grim, and Ray’s heart sunk.

“I kinda had no idea what was going on. Only figured it out later, after a week of transformations.”

So. That confirmed it. The question was, what to do next? The Council had to be informed, for one. The pact had been broken, and now the werewolf in question lived with one of their own. Speaking of which-

“Does Ryan know?” Ray asked, keeping a careful eye on the pup. Jeremy shrugged, clearly uncomfortable with the topic.

“Yeah, I guess.” He sighed. “Didn’t really make an effort to hide it. I was just happy to get out of that situation, and Ryan… well, he wasn’t all that happy with me at first. Tolerated me for Michael and Gavin’s sake, you know?”

Ray blinked slowly, tilting his head. That was new. Somehow he’d imagined Ryan welcoming the pup with open arms, the way he acted now. All protective and adoring and stupidly in love. He couldn’t really see it, but he supposed… it’s how he would’ve expected Ryan to react, if he hadn’t seen him be all lovey-dovey and concerned.

“I don’t really know when that changed, but… I talked about some of it. He’s… a good listener.”

“Sometimes, yeah,” Ray agreed, shaking his head. He was pretty damn sure Ryan hadn’t informed the Council, or Ray would’ve heard of it and came back to shake some sense into him much sooner. But why? “You’ve lived with them some months now, right?”

“Yeah.” Jeremy shot him a furtive look from under his lashes before ducking his head. “Do you… do you mind? About Ryan and me?”

“Nah,” Ray returned easily as he led the way back to the bus stop. “Ryan and I have a very… casual agreement. As long as we live, it really doesn’t make sense to hold us back like that. It’s a very human sentiment anyway.”

“So… you’re not jealous?” Jeremy asked cautiously. If he had ears, Ray mused, they’d be perking up. It was a bemusing image. The question on the other hand… that was complicated and not something he really cared to get into with what was barely a stranger. Though the pup did step between him and danger, unnecessary as that was.

And… he was kinda cute. In that bulldog puppy way.

“Sometimes,” he admitted lightly, “but no, I don’t mind you nearly as much as I should.”

Jeremy blinked rapidly. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Vampires and werewolves don’t get along, kiddo.” Ray rolled his eyes. “I honestly have no idea what’s going on in Ryan’s head, but it’s just not done.”

“Oh.” Jeremy frowned, looking down. “I… didn’t realize that.”

Ray hummed noncommittally.

“Don’t worry about it, pup,” he sighed, jostling Jeremy playfully. “Let’s go home.”

There’s a little bit of blue paper left on the counter when he finally ends up wandering towards the kitchen and at first, he doesn’t even spare it a glace. Instead, he heads straight for the fridge, intent on rifling through the shelves for something to get the sour taste out of his mouth. He’s learned from his past experiences, too, and there's a pretty fucking good chance that the note is just Ryan whining at him.

He grabs for the first thing he sees, which happens to be a handful of grapes, and then hip checks the door shut. He’s got Ryan’s Xbox to keep him occupied until he finishes work, but he only makes it three steps towards the lounge room before he sighs, throwing up his hands. He spins on his heel, grabbing for the note but not before letting out an exasperated, “Fine. Fine! You win, you bastard,” for added measure.

He’s met with Ryan’s rushed, scratchy handwriting and Ray hates that he has to take the extra time to decipher it, only to be bitched at.

“Ray.

If you ever break into my home again when it’s well past midnight, I’m going to pretend you are a home invader. That means I will not hesitate to use the golf club Geoff got me for my birthday last year against you. This is your only warning.

P.S. Can you please water the plants on the balcony for me. Thank you.”

A scoff builds up in the back of his throat as he tosses the note into the trash. There’s something both hilarious and ridiculous about the way Ryan - a grown ass fucking adult - treats his potted plants like children. See, with pets, Ray can understand - they’re cute, and soft, and so much better than kids. But plants? They’re just disappointing.

Still, he doesn’t dare doubt Ryan’s ability to swing the golf club Geoff got him, so he shuffles over to the balcony and pulls open the sliding door.

It’s a twenty-minute drive from his shitty one-bedroom apartment to Ryan’s, which means the view he’s greeted with when he pulls back the curtains is much better than anything his apartment could offer. As he steps out, he briefly considers spitting over the edge just to see how far it’d go, but he doesn’t. Instead, he plucks a leaf off of the closest plant and stares at it, letting out a dejected sigh.

“I really gotta get Ryan some cooler fucking plants,” he mumbles, flicking it away from himself before bending to grab for the watering can. “There’s no weed in sight. It’s like he’s purposely ignoring all of my suggestions.” The can is barely half full when he shakes it slightly, but Ray makes the best of it. He messily waters each potted plant, letting out hushed giggles under his breath when the water catches in the wind and blows back right into his face.

Once he’s done, he fully drops the watering can at his feet, kicking it into the corner and not bothering to fill it up. There was nothing in the note about filling it up, so he just spins on his heel, and grabs for the door handle.

From the corner of his eye, there’s a flash of pink. When he turns his head to investigate, he’s met with the sight of someone standing on the neighbour’s balcony. And normally he wouldn’t give a fuck about what Ryan’s neighbours get up to, but when there’s a guy standing to his right with a tinfoil hat on, he can’t help but get a teensy bit distracted.

Okay, a lot distracted.

For a moment, Ray just stares at him. The guy does little else but stare right back, like a deer caught in the headlights. Ray realises he mustn’t have been expecting anyone to catch him looking like an absolute idiot. What with his tinfoil hat, the pink feather boa wrapped around his shoulders and a ridiculously tall pair of high heels that make Ray realise that neighbour guy is actually pretty short. Cute.

“Uh, s-shit,” he mumbles, taking a step back and almost tripping in the process. Ray smothers the laugh bubbling his throat; first time in heels, he guesses as he watches the guy stick out an arm to steady himself against the sliding door. “This isn’t what it- this isn’t what it looks like,” he offers, and Ray can’t help but let out a snort.

“It looks like at least someone had more fun than I did last night,” he replies, falling into that cocky second skin so easily. Slowly, he lets his gaze rake over Mr. Tinfoil and when he meets his gaze once again, there’s an obvious blush on the guy’s cheeks.

“No! I mean, it’s not like that-” he denies, before suddenly whipping his head to the side. Even from Ryan’s balcony, Ray catches the sound of glass shattering from across the way. Before he can even think to comment, Mr. Tinfoil throws him a panicked glance and disappears inside.

He’s not expecting the disappointment that rushes through him the second he disappears from view, and Ray can’t help but lose himself for a moment. He stands there for a moment, waiting for the cute neighbour to come back, and when he doesn’t, Ray ends up having to slink back inside feeling like an idiot.

&&&

He’s still there when Ryan gets home around four; curled up on the couch, feet tucked up underneath him as he scans through Netflix. He doesn’t look up when Ryan shuffles in, not even when he tosses his jacket at Ray before weaving towards the kitchen.

“You know, I was kinda hoping you’d be gone by now,” he mentions, tugging open the fridge and grabbing for a can of Diet Coke. He still looks every bit like Mr. Professional, what with his button-down shirt and pressed slacks, but Ray knows otherwise. Especially when Ryan goes to take a sip of his diet coke and ends up missing his mouth, dribbling the liquid down his chin.

From his spot on the couch, Ray lets out a loud snort, tipping his head back to stare at him.

“That’s so mean, Rye! You know I’d never leave you,” he says sweetly, fluttering his eyelashes overdramatically. It earns a groan from Ryan in response, and Ray takes it as a win. He lets his head roll back normally, eyes flicking back to the TV. After a few minutes, Ryan shuffles over to him with jeans and a casual top, bare feet curling into the carpet as he drops down onto the couch.

“Something on your mind?” he asks once he fully catches sight of Ray, and he just huffs in response.

“Yeah, actually…” he pauses, glancing at Ryan through the corner of his eye. He pulls out the moment for dramatic tension, and then lets it snap back to normal when he mumbles, “Saw your cute neighbour today.”

The corners of Ryan’s mouth turn down. “I know.”

“What the fuck do you mean ‘you know’,” he blurts, pushing himself upright. He kicks the glass coffee table in front of him accidentally as he moves, and Ryan just raises an eyebrow.

“He called me-”

“What?”

“Ray,” he growls, and Ray sighs, reluctantly sinking back into the couch as he shuts his mouth. “He saw someone he didn’t recognise on my balcony… did you really think he wouldn’t call me to check if I was being robbed?”

“Oh,” he mutters. He didn’t really think of that. Ryan’s apartment is more like a second home to him, so his presence on the balcony never really seem like a problem. He tosses the sliding door a quick glance before looking back at Ryan. “Do you tell him it was just your most amazing, handsomest friend Ray?” he asks, and Ryan shoves at his shoulder.

“I just told him not to worry, and that he’d probably see you around a lot,” he replies, taking a sip of his Coke. Ray nods; he knows for sure that he’d be glad to see Mr. Tinfoil around a lot more. Especially if it means getting to know him a bit more, and as to why he was wearing that damn hat.

He kicks his legs up onto the coffee table, trying to play it cool. Ryan glances at him out of the corner of his eye. “So…” he mumbles, tapping his fingers against his leg, “what’s he all about, anyway?” he asks and Ryan turns fully to stare at him, blue eyes watching him consideringly. Ray does his best not to fidget under his gaze, and after a moment, he pulls a face and takes another sip of his Coke.

“Answer a question for me, and I’ll tell you everything I know,” he ends up replying, and Ray hums. He knows how Ryan plays these games, knows he’s not to be trusted, but he wants the info on Mr. Tinfoil so he smothers his pride and nods. Ryan leans forward and sets his can down, and Ray prays for the cute neighbour to be worth it.

“Are you alright?” he asks, and the moment Ray attempts to scoff and say yes, he levels him with a hard stare. “I’m serious, Ray. I know you haven’t been sleeping. You burst into my home at one in the morning… If something’s going on-” he mutters and Ray throws up a hand to stop him.

“Look, I’m fine Ryan,” he replies and even he can hear the defensiveness slipping into his tone. He forces himself to pause, taking a breath and when he continues again, he’s a lot more sincere. “I’m fine, alright? Insomnia and fucking dysphoria have been kicking my ass, but I’m tough. I’ve been dealing with it.” He offers Ryan a much more genuine smile, and gets one back in return.

“Okay, okay. Just know I’m here if you need me,” he concedes, and when Ray leans forward to grab for his can, Ryan sighs. Ray turns it in his hands a few times, staring at it for a moment before taking a sip. When he’s done, Ryan slips it out of his grip and rests it on his knee. Just when he thinks Ryan’s not going to honour his end of the deal, he lets out a breath.

“His name is Jeremy, and he’s a primary school teacher,” he mumbles, slightly exasperated as Ray grins, sitting up straight.

“A primary school teacher?” he repeats, trying to imagine Mr. Tinfoil, Jeremy, controlling a classroom. He wouldn’t have pegged him as the teacher type, but then again, Ray’s encounter with him lasted less than five minutes, so it’s understandable. To his right, Ryan nods.

“Thing is, Ray, I have no idea if he’s into men, so I can’t help you there. He just moved in, like, three months ago, so we’re not exactly best friends,” he mutters, sucking in a breath. “But, I do know that he’s into video games just as much as you are.”

“You say that as if you’re not just as bad as me,” he replies easily, pushing at Ryan’s shoulder and getting a deep chuckle from the man in response. Ryan shoots him a soft look, and Ray just rolls his eyes.

“He was wearing a tinfoil hat,” he whispers, once the silence between them dips down into a lull that makes him uncomfortable. Ryan snorts, and it’s not long before he dissolves into full-on giggles at what Ray assumes is the mental picture of his neighbour dressed up as an idiot.

When his giggles finally taper off, he’s slightly breathless when he replies, “Wow, that’s- I mean, I’m not really surprised. He is a primary school teacher,” and Ray can’t help but laugh. “Seems like something he’d do.”

He lets his gaze drift back to the TV, staring at the abandoned Netflix home screen. His mind drifts back to Jeremy, and he can’t help but wondering things about him, like if his flush dipped beneath his collar, or if he kept the heels on when he disappeared inside.

He wonders if someone was inside waiting for him, a one night stand or a partner, and a little flare of jealousy ignites inside of him.

Ray breaks himself out of his head to find Ryan watching him, who raises an eyebrow at him.

“Do you know if Jeremy’s dating anyone?” he mumbles, and for a second, Ryan eyes briefly widen before he manages to school his features.

“You’re serious about him, huh?” he asks, and Ray shrugs. He doesn’t blame Ryan for being surprised, not when his last relationship was about seven months ago and he hasn’t made any attempt to put himself back out there.

“I just think he’s cute, is all,” he ends up mumbling back, not quite able to hold Ryan’s gaze, “Plus, he had a fucking fluffy, pink feather boa and a pair of high heels on. Like, come on, Rye, I gotta know what that was about,” he replies and Ryan laughs.

“Ask him then?” he suggests, jerking his head towards the door. There’s a slight crinkle to his eyes that Ray loves; it’s his best way of finding out whether or not Ryan’s smile is true. “He’ll definitely be home, especially if you saw him earlier today. There’s nothing stopping you.”

Ray swallows. He could; Ryan’s right that there’s nothing actually stopping him from going over there and introducing himself properly, but it’s hard to believe someone like Jeremy doesn’t already have a partner. He doesn’t want to make a fool out of himself, not when this crush isn’t just temporary.

He ends up shaking his head at Ryan, who rolls his eyes. “Can’t, Rye. What kind of friend would I be if I abandoned you for sex? I’m sure I’ll bump into him again, but now, how was work?” he redirects, swinging his legs up and onto Ryan’s lap, who groans.

Yeah, he muses, as Ryan babbles on about shitty clients and his asshole boss, he’d rather save the embarrassment for later, maybe when he’s actually slept through the whole damn night.

&&&

He doesn’t bump into the cute neighbour until it’s about two weeks later, and it’s only thanks to Ryan’s boring non-weed plants and their insistent need for water.

He doesn’t know how he gets the job, but maybe it’s because he hangs around Ryan’s apartment way too fucking much. It becomes his role to water them every morning. After Ryan’s disappeared in a rush for work, all because he’s an idiot who absolutely refuses to listen to him.

He’s told Ryan plenty of times that an hour’s drive to work is ridiculous, and for his craptacular job, not at all worth it. Waking up at six-thirty just to compress a shower, breakfast, and dressing into a half an hour before booking it to his car to make it to work for an 8 AM start - Ryan’s going to give himself an ulcer.

So Ryan’s an idiot, but Ray still waters his plants.

This time, it’s not the balcony where he meets Jeremy, but instead, it’s as he’s unlocking Ryan’s door with the spare key he claimed for himself months ago. Ever since Ryan’s third week here, the lock has taken a liking to sticking, and it’s as he’s shoulder charging the door that Jeremy steps out, this time distinctly lacking the heels and tinfoil hat combination.

He does his best not to stumble as the door swings open, eyes glued to Jeremy refusing to move. Jeremy blushes, self-consciously tugging at his button-up shirt. (Ray thinks he looks absolutely mouthwatering.)

“Uh,” he falters, before mentally shaking himself. He forces his hand to drop to his side, and Ray gets a little caught up in the way his cheeks are dusted pink. “Hi, I- uh, I’m just heading off to work right now, but ah, about the last time you saw me-?”

"Tinfoil hat, feather boa and heels,” Ray absentmindedly mumbles, and then he instantly wants to hit himself. Jeremy flushes even more, his whole face going red.

“Yeah, uh, that’s not- I don’t normally dress like that…” he mumbles. Ray raises his eyebrows. “My niece and nephews were over and I was playing spies and princesses with them…” He trails off and Ray can’t help the small “oh” that slips out.

The silence dips for a moment, and Ray can tell that Jeremy’s just about ready to bolt, which doesn’t mean good things for his crush, so he says the first thing that pops into his head. “Yeah. I mean, I could kinda tell. You didn’t look at all stable in those heels.” Jeremy glances back at him.

“I, uh, I almost broke my fucking neck in them,” he says, shrugging lightly and Ray laughs, though not cruelly.

“You just need a little bit more practice, dude,” he replies, “or maybe a pair that’s a little less daring than the ones you’ve got. I could help you pick one out, if you want.”

Jeremy eyes him for a moment before shaking his head. “Nah, it’s not really my thing. They’re a surefire way of getting me killed when I accidentally trip over. I don’t want to die looking like an idiot,” he mutters, and then instantly backtracks, which Ray finds kinda cute.

God, he’s got it bad.

“Wait, no! That’s not how I meant it. The heels are fine, I’m just afraid of heights and I meant like, with the feather boa and the tinfoil hat, y'know?” he babbles, before letting out a hiss through clenched teeth. “Fuck. I’m sorry. I, uh, I should probably go.” He gestures towards the elevator, avoiding Ray’s gaze and he has to quickly reach out to catch him before he disappears.

“Hey, hey! It’s fine, dude, no harm done,” he explains and Jeremy lets out a huff. As much as he’d like to hang around chatting with him, Ray knows Jeremy’s gotta go to work, so he pats him once on the shoulder before letting his hand drop. He forces himself to talk to quickly in order to fill the awkward silence that follows as Jeremy stares at the spot where Ray touched him.

“Uh, I’ll let you get to work dude, but the offer still stands, I guess?”

This is going great. Ugh.

Jeremy raises an eyebrow. “Offer?” he mumbles, cocking his head slightly and this time its Rays turn to blush. He ducks his head slightly, kicking at the carpet shyly - something he’s never been before in his entire life.

“You know, the shoe shopping idea,” he mumbles and Jeremy lets a small “oh” slip out. “I’m mean, it’s whatever. I’ll- I’ll catch you around?” he replies, but it comes more as a question than he’d like it too and he tries not to grimace.

In all honesty, Jeremy looks just as surprised as he feels, but he still manages a small nod and Ray grins. He backpedals into Ryan’s apartment, staring at Jeremy as he goes, and it’s an action so awkward that once he closes the door, he bangs his head against it, letting out a groan.

If Jeremy had any interest in him before, then that just fucking took care of it for him.

&&&

As much as it doesn’t seem like it, Ray does actually have other friends than just Ryan.

The thing is though, not only do they live across the city, but they’re also a lot less accepting of a Puerto Rican kid breaking into their apartment in the early hours of the morning. While Ryan plays the hard game - or at least, he pretends to - Michael actually owns a gun and he’s definitely stubborn enough to use it.

So it means he goes to Ryan when it’s one AM, and insomnia and dysphoria are tag-teaming his ass, and he goes to Michael when it’s two PM and he’s afraid that going to Ryan’s will mean bumping into Jeremy.

“What does he look like?” is the first thing Michael asks, dropping onto the couch right between him and Gavin. He’s got two beers in his hands and a can of Coke pinned under his arm, and he divys them out like he’s a mother well-versed in the art of looking after her kids. After that, he leans back into the couch and takes a swig of his own beer while Ray fidgets with his can. He absentmindedly watches Gavin waste his turn in Battlefield 1, running face first into an enemy squad as he tries to think of a way to describe Jeremy without just blurting out that he’s fucking hot.

When he dies, he throws his controller at Michael with a huff.

“Uh,” Ray begins, before just deciding to throw caution to the wind. “He’s so fucking buff, dude.” Michael snorts.

“That means nothing coming from you, the fucking toothpick. You think Ryan is buff,” he retorts, picking up the discarded controller. Gavin lets out a laugh.

“Yeah, Ray. How bloody buff are we talking about here? Like, Ryan buff or…” he questions. On screen, Michael gets a kill. He lets out a loud whoop of victory while Ray snorts, rolling his eyes. He knows that Ryan is the perfect example of a dad bod, soft around the middle and not at all chiselled, but God, Ray would kill to have a body like that. Absentmindedly, he adjusts his sweatshirt, glad that the makeshift sports bra binder seems to be doing its job while his other one is in the wash.

“Even buffer. Like, he’s got actual fucking muscled arms that could bench press me and his shoulders are so fucking wide, holy shit,” he replies, grabbing for the controller when Michael dies.

“Okay, so we’re talking proper buff-” Gavin starts.

“And he’s a fucking teacher?” Michael finishes, and when Ray snipes a guy from across the map, Michael lets out a noise of disgust and Gavin kicks at his ankle. “What the fuck. And Ryan’s been hiding him from us for how fucking long?” he asks and Ray snorts. He doesn’t blame Michael for being interested, those pretty brown eyes and his fucking arms are hard to ignore.

Still, once his turn ends after he eats a grenade, he tosses the controller to Gavin and levels Michael with a look. “Three months, but also, ‘us’?” he repeats and Michael shrugs.

“I mean, you said it yourself, you’re pretty sure any chance you had with him is ruined even since you made an absolute mong of yourself.” Over Michael’s shoulder, Gavin grins. “So if he’s as gorgeous as you make him out to be… I wouldn’t mind getting a piece of that ass.” He wiggles his eyebrows overdramatically at Ray, which earns him an elbow to the ribs.

Behind him, Gavin lets out a frustrated huff, and Ray barely catches the sight of him getting stabbed before the screen flashes back to redeployment.

Michael takes the controller from him; Gavin takes a sip of his beer. “Ray, what else can you tell us about him, Ray?” he asks, hooking his arm over the back of the couch, leaning in slightly.

The question itself is nothing but honest curiosity, but the thing is, Ray can’t remember the last time they talked about boys like a couple of teenagers, and one thing he knows is that he’s missed this. It’s an opportunity to forget about all the stress and weight sitting on his shoulders when Gavin and Michael give him a reason to just gossip.

No worries about his fucked up sleep schedule, unemployment status, or body dysphoria.

“He’s bald-”

Michael snaps upright. “Ray, he’d better not be fucking ancient-”

“He’s not. Jeez, shut up and let me finish, mother fucker. He’s bald, he’s short, like, shorter than me. He smells amazing, he’s got some stubble and he’s got these gorgeous brown eyes,” he stresses, “but the pièce de résistance… he could fucking crush me with his thighs and I’d honestly thank him,” he finishes, with his eyes glued to Gavin and he’s rewarded with the little flutter the lad’s eyes do.

Rule one of friendship: Figure out what makes your friend’s dick hard and then use it to your advantage.

Michael chews on his bottom lip, “Okay so… now I understand why it was such a big deal for you that you ruined things.” He absentmindedly fidgets with the controller on his lap, the game all but forgotten now. Ray huffs a laugh, kicking his legs out to rest them on the coffee table, but he doesn’t miss the flash of seriousness in Michael’s eyes.

“Yeah… I-” he hesitates, torn between just making a stupid joke or telling the truth. But both Michael and Gavin toss him a look, and Ray knows they’d understand. The last person he dated only lasted three months, but it was enough time to leave a sour taste in his mouth. “I… I really like this one, guys,” he mumbles, twisting his hands in his lap.

“Hey,” Gavin mumbles, climbing off the couch and skirting around the coffee table, leaving his bottle of beer behind. He shoves at Ray, just enough so he can slip into the spot between him and the armrest. He hooks his chin over Ray’s shoulder, carefully wrapping an arm around his middle, and while Ray can smell the beer on his breath, he lets it slide this time.

“It’ll be fine, I promise. You’re probably just overreacting, boi, and he’s probably at home right now, rubbing one out to the thought of you.”

Both Ray and Michael snort. “Real sweet of you there, Gavin,” Michael mutters, but they both know he means well and in the next second, Michael is shuffling in close to Ray as well.

“Look, dude,” he begins, resting a hand on Ray’s shoulder. “You haven’t even asked him out yet. Save the pity party for after he rejects you, even though he’d be an idiot to do so.”

Ray laughs softly. Neither of them are quite experts in the art of reassurance, but then again, their words actually do help, so maybe they know exactly what they’re doing.

He sighs, grabbing for the controller in Michael’s hands. “Yeah, you’re right,” he ends up mumbling and they both grin. “There’s plenty of time for my ass to be depressed about getting rejected later. Let's not rush it, shall we?”

And when Michael and Gavin laugh, he can easily imagine Jeremy laughing along right next to them.

&&&

When he gets to Ryan’s place, he feels like a dead man walking.

His night before was a bad one, what with his insomnia and dysphoria working in tandem as they tried to suffocate him. If he had to guess, he probably only got around five hours of sleep, and when that’s partnered with the other late night’s he’s been having - it means the dark circles under his eyes have only been getting worse.

Ryan’s already at work when he slips inside the apartment, and it’s almost like he’s on autopilot as he waters the plants and watches Jeremy’s balcony, torn between wanting him to be there and not. As much as he’d love to be blinded with Jeremy’s smile, Ray’s sure his current level of sleep deprivation would ultimately mean him mumbling something embarrassing just before passing out into a heap.

So he keeps his fingers crossed that Jeremy’s at work and finishes up as quickly as he can.

He stumbles back inside when he’s done, bypassing the couch and heading straight towards Ryan’s room. He knows the other man won’t mind, so he drops his shoes and binder on the ground when he gets there.

Instead, he happily falls face first into the mattress and just sucks in a few desperate breaths. The bed smells like Ryan, and Ray lets out a tired wheeze of laughter because it’s such a predictably sweet scent. Of course, Mr. Diet Coke and Sugar would smell sweet. Ray would be more surprised if Ryan came home smelling like oil or dirt, because then he’d know for sure that he’s finally fucking someone.

He sucks in a few breaths and lets his muscles relax, and then something bangs against the front door and he snaps upright.

“Fuck off,” he slurs, rolling over onto his back. A glance at the clock tells him that his nap - something that felt like it only lasted five minutes - actually turned out to be about three hours and he groans.

Common sense dictates that he needs to have a shower and change his clothes, especially since he’s been wearing the same thing for the last few days, but he can’t. Ryan’s sweatshirt - one that he swiped three days ago - is way too comfortable and shapeless to give up, even if he did pass out with it on last night. He’ll have to last until he gets home, because there’s no way he’s changing when someone's at the door.

He sluggishly climbs off of the bed, shuffling towards the source of the noise and he’s halfway through a yawn when he opens it. It’s Jeremy on the other side, and immediately Ray wants the floor to open up and swallow him whole.

“Oh! Uh, hey, Ray,” he greets, waving at him with a hand that’s clutching a stack of mail. He tries for a smile, but it catches slightly and Ray only notices because he’s skilled in the art of faking it himself. “I have some of Ryan’s mail. I was just gonna slip it under his door, but, uh, I’ll just give it to you, yeah?” he mumbles, thrusting the envelopes at him.  

Ray grabs for it, and as soon as it’s out of Jeremy’s grasp, the other man turns to leave.  He knows he should probably just leave it be, but he’s just woken up from a nap and the world isn’t quite real yet. Plus, he knows he never told Jeremy his name, so that means he's been asking Ryan about him.

“Jeremy! Hold on a sec,” he calls, and when Jeremy spins back towards him, frozen mid-step, he takes a couple of steps to close the distance between them. “You alright, man? You look a little, uh, lost?” he asks, tapping Ryan’s mail against his thigh. Jeremy’s eyes widen, and Ray prays he hasn’t overstepped.

“Oh, nah, I’m fine. Don’t worry,” he replies, glancing down the hallway and deliberately avoiding Ray’s gaze. His evasiveness strikes Ray in the chest, and he fights the urge to fidget with the hem of Ryan’s sweatshirt. A thousand possibilities run through his head about how he could have pissed Jeremy off, but he settles on the one that’s the easiest to approach.

“Look, if it’s because of something I- something I said last time we talked, then I’m sorry,” he tries, shuffling on the spot awkwardly. Good old Ray, fucking up any chance he has with someone romantically. “Didn’t mean to offend you or-”

“No!” Jeremy answers, a little louder than what he probably intended and they both rear back, surprised. He watches Jeremy suck in a breath, flushing with embarrassment as he fumbles for a response. “It’s nothing like that,” he says, offering him a small smile - one that’s a lot more genuine this time, “It’s just, I was going to ask you something but I realised I probably… shouldn’t.”

Ray raises an eyebrow, letting out a small, “Oh…” before mentally shaking himself. “Uh, I mean, go ahead? It can’t be that bad, can it?” he replies and when Jeremy bites at his bottom lip, Ray manages to catch sight of the slight tremble to his hands.

“Uh, feel free to tell me to fuck off, but I won’t know till I ask, so-” he gnaws on his bottom lip- “Would you want to, uh, go out to dinner with me?” he spits, so fast that Ray barely catches it. The second the words are out, he’s scrambling to correct himself- “You can say no! Especially since you’re probably dating Ryan and that's, yeah… understandable. I’m sorry, I should’ve just kept my mouth shut-”

Ray laughs, and while it’s probably not the best thing to do with how panicked Jeremy is, he can’t even begin to smother the bubble of happiness in his chest. He could kiss him, right now and right here, if it weren’t for the way Jeremy tries to instantly retreat. He quickly moves to stop him, grabbing for his wrist and tugging him back in close.

Jeremy freezes.

“God, dude, you had me fucking worried there for a second. Yeah, Jeremy, ‘course I’ll go out with you,” he replies. It takes a moment for Jeremy to register the words, but when he does, Ray gets a blinding smile in response.

“Oh,” Jeremy whispers, mouth forming a perfect circle and Ray lets out another laugh. He cocks his head slightly, grinning right back as Jeremy’s eyes drift down to his lips and then right back up. “I wasn’t expecting a yes,” he replies, and it’s almost funny in the way that when Ray pulls back, Jeremy almost chases.

“Dude,” he mutters, nudging Jeremy’s foot with his own. “You have no idea how much I thought I ruined any chance of you asking me out.” He pauses for a second, making a face. “Plus, Ryan? Really? Sure, he’s handsome and all, but-” he gives Jeremy an appraising look- “I much prefer men who can pull of the tinfoil look. Really gets me hot,” he adds and Jeremy tips his head back, letting out a huff.

“You’re never going to let me live that down, are you?” he asks, and Ray laughs.

“‘Course not,” he replies, and when Jeremy makes a wounded sound in the back of his throat, Ray leans in and places a chaste kiss to his cheek. When he pulls back, Jeremy shoots him a soft look and Ray’s heart clenches.

He can already feel himself falling, hard.

&&&

They date for a month and a half before Ray even considers introducing him to his friends.

He wants to show Jeremy off straight away, but it’s like trying to introduce him to his parents - if only his parents weren’t in New York and absolute cunts - so it’s not as easy as he wishes it was. He values his friends’ opinions, which means he wants them to meet Jeremy as soon as possible, but he knows they’re fucking intimidating and they can definitely be a bit too much.

Plus, he has no experience regarding the right time to bring home a date, so in all ways, he’s fucked.

He waits out the month and a half with a nervous kind of excitement, getting used to Jeremy’s company and learning the little quirks that make him him. They go out on dates, and each time it gets harder and harder to leave, so when Michael tells him Geoff’s putting on a barbeque, Ray’s texting Jeremy before the plan even finishes forming in his head.

At first, he tries for a simple text of “Wanna have lunch with me and a couple of friends?” but when he raps on Jeremy’s front door two days later, he’s practically buzzing with nervous energy.

“You look terrified,” is how Jeremy greets him, and it’s like Ray’s energy is contagious because Jeremy’s posture instantly changes. He hunches in on himself, voice dropping low like he’s about to share a secret. “Did you change your mind? ‘Cause I don’t have to come if you don’t want me to…” he trails off, and Ray jolts.

“No! It’s just-” he sucks in a breath, struggling to string together a sentence as he shakes his head. Jeremy stares at him, stuck hovering in the door frame like he’s unsure if he should let Ray in.

This is their seventh date - not that he’s counting or anything. Still, it means it’s probably not the best time to dump all of his insecurities and family troubles on his new boyfriend. He considers just shaking things off and plastering on a smile, but then again, communication is key to a healthy relationship, and he doesn’t have to go that deep.

So he mumbles, “You gonna let me in, or what?” and smiles softly when Jeremy drifts backwards.

He doesn’t hesitate to make his way to the couch. They’ve still got time before they’re due at Geoff’s, so he drops down onto the cushions. “I don’t talk to my parents anymore, Jeremy,” he whispers, and Jeremy starts, mouth parting slightly.

“Oh… why?” he asks. Ray pats the spot next to him. He watches Jeremy close the front door slowly, before hovering for a moment and then moving to drop down beside him.

“Uh, they don’t really agree with who I am, so I’d rather not deal with that shit,” he replies. A look of understanding flutters across Jeremy’s features and Ray happily lets him think the cause is homophobia. “But, that means I don’t- I’ve never had the chance to bring my partners home and introduce ‘em and stuff. Instead, I bring them home to my friends…”

Jeremy seems to understand all at once, snapping to attention in his seat and staring at him for a moment. As Ray stares back, he can’t help but desperately want to know what’s going on inside his head. He watches Jeremy’s gaze drift down to his lap, where his hands are lying clasped together. “So today’s kinda a big deal, huh?” he asks, cocking his head slightly and chewing on his bottom lip.

The action brings Ray’s attention to his lips, and whether it’s planned or not, Ray gets the overwhelming urge to kiss him.

They’ve already had their first kiss, back on their second date when he teased Jeremy about being the perfect gentleman when he’d walked him to his door. In the moment, he’d laughed at the way Jeremy had blushed, but his heart couldn’t stop fluttering in his chest the whole time. He’d asked, not really expecting anything in return, if Jeremy was going to kiss him goodnight, and when he did, Ray had to laugh at how pink and shy they were afterwards, like lovestruck idiots.

So when he gets the urge to kiss Jeremy, he doesn’t stop himself from leaning over and closing the distance between them.

With a hand curling around the back of his neck, he peppers Jeremy’s lips with soft kisses under he feels the other man relax beside him. “If it’s too soon for this sort of thing, then we can just blow it off and stay here instead?” he whispers, raising an eyebrow and Jeremy snorts.

“It’s fine-“

“I’m serious,” he cuts in, slipping his hand down to squeeze at Jeremy’s shoulder. “You don’t have to come if you don’t want to.”

Jeremy shakes his head gently, pulling back ever so slightly just to tug Ray back in so they can rest their foreheads together. “I want to come, I swear. Plus, I don’t think that would help their first impression of me, Ray,” he mumbles and Ray bites at the inside of his cheek.

“They’d understand,” he tries, but Jeremy shakes his head. He grabs for Ray’s waist, tugging at him until Ray goes with him and crawls into his lap.

“I’ll come. I just hope they like me,” he murmurs, but Ray catches the edge of vulnerability lace in his words. He grabs for Jeremy’s hand, squeezing it once before pressing another kiss to his lips.

“They will,” he replies, and when Jeremy smiles back at him, Ray huffs a laugh. “They’d be fucking fools not to.”

&&&

When they get to Geoff's place, Ray slips one hand into Jeremy’s, weaving their fingers together like he’s afraid someone is going to pull them apart, and he uses his other to knock on the door.

He feels like he should be holding his breath for some stupid reason, but deep down he knows he doesn’t have to. So he just knocks, turning to Jeremy with a small smile who meets him with a small one that is equally nervous and adorable. He squeezes Jeremy’s hand once for comfort.

When Jack opens the door, just the sight of his honest smile puts Ray’s nerves at ease. There’s no reason to even be worried.

“Jack! It’s good to see you, man. This is Jeremy, my boyfriend.“ He bumps their shoulders together gently. “Jeremy, this is Jack,” he introduces. For a moment, Jack tries to play hard ball, staring Jeremy down with an intense look. But Ray gives Jeremy credit though, because he doesn’t flinch, even if his grip on Ray’s hand does get a little bit tighter.

Ray tries to save him at the exact same time Jack goes soft, so he shuts his mouth and lets Jack lead.

“I’m just fucking with you,” he laughs, sticking out a hand in between them and Jeremy reluctantly slips his hand out of Ray’s, grabbing for Jack’s and giving it a strong shake.

“You’ll get more than enough of that shit from Geoff. But he’s harmless though,” Jack adds, stepping aside to let them in. “Don’t worry.” Jeremy smiles, and Ray lets out a huff of laughter, but his eyes never stray from Jeremy’s face.

“Come on,” he mutters, regripping Jeremy’s hand and getting a pointed look from Jack in return. He leads his boyfriend into Geoff’s house, dancing through the kitchen- past Geoff himself who gives them a nod of acknowledgement before they slip into the backyard.

The picture that greets them is reassuringly domestic: Ryan in front of the barbecue, absentmindedly sipping on a Diet Coke and reluctantly turning sausages and steaks. Gavin is in the pool, hair wet and already getting suntanned, and Michael’s sitting on the edge, jeans rolled up as he drinks his beer.

He doesn’t even need to think, slipping Jeremy his phone and wallet - just in case - before quelling his confusion with a kiss to his cheek. He drops low, careful in his creeping up towards Michael. He’s got spaghetti arms, and he knows for a fact that Michael’s been working out, so he needs the element of surprise for this to work.

When he’s close enough, he shoves at Michael’s back, who lets out an abhorrent scream as he falls forward into the water. Gavin slips backwards in the water as he lets out a squawk, almost dunking himself in the process and Ray puts as much distance between him and the pool as possible as snaps their attention towards the pool.

When Michael breaches the water, arms swinging around as he tries for Ray, he lets out something akin to a roar. “You absolute fucking cunt. You’re dead. Fucking dead, you hear me?” He growls, and Ray laughs. The full-on infectious kind that catches Ryan and Jeremy too.

“He will murder you,” Ryan mutters, when Ray sidles up behind him, doing his best to procure a human shield. Michael drags himself out of the pool, with Gavin happily watching with that glint of chaos in his eye.

“Now, Michael. Come on, we’re all friends here-“ he pleads, shouldering Ryan forward to block Michael’s path before darting left. He grabs for Jeremy, sliding up against him and he gets Jeremy’s arm around his waist almost reflexively.

“Don’t take another step closer, Michael, or my boyfriend will beat you up,” he calls, ignoring Jack as he steps out and around them, moving toward the table. It’s a standoff, Michael staring Ray down with a terrifying glare as he does his best to manoeuvre Jeremy in front of him.

In his head, he knows Michael well enough that he’s gonna try and bluff and charge, but before he gets the chance, Geoff pushes past, calling for them to knock it off.

“Alright, alright, you fuckers. I don’t need you two bastards having a cockfight on my patio.” He stops, glancing at Jeremy as if he’s just noticing the new face. “Who the fuck are you?” he asks, and Jeremy snaps straight.

“Jeremy Dooley,” he replies, and Ray grabs for his arm before he can extend it to shake hands. Geoff doesn’t need a handshake, and frankly, Ray doesn’t want him to embarrass himself.

“He’s my boyfriend, Geoff.” He glances at Michael. “You know, Ryan’s super hot neighbour? The one I told you about?”

From beside him, Jeremy blushes and Geoff huffs. He pats Jeremy on the shoulder a couple of times, before leaning in to whisper something to him. Ray sighs, but he lets Geoff have it, because Geoff might not be blood, but he’s the closest thing he’s got to a dad.

When he pulls away, Jeremy gives a sharp nod and Ray reminds himself to ask him what Geoff said later. But for now, he hooks his chin over Jeremy’s shoulder and whispers, “You good?” into his neck and Jeremy leans back into him.

“Yeah,” he murmurs, and Ray grins.

Michael gives up on trying to kill him with Jeremy there to protect him, stalking back towards the pool when Gavin calls for him and Ray tosses Ryan a look, who gives him a side eye glance in return. One that practically screams for him to ‘behave’, and one that Ray pointedly ignores.

He grabs for Jeremy, leading him over to where Jack’s sitting and Geoff’s setting the outdoor table. They drop into the seats, chairs pulled up at little to close together and Geoff lets out a low laugh.

“You two have it bad, don’t ya,” he mumbles, and when Jack laughs to his right, both Ray and Jeremy blush.

“Come on Geoff,” Ray replies, making the cut-it-out gesture. “You can’t just out a guy like that,” he says, playing it up and Jeremy smiles down at his lap, something soft and fond in his gaze.

“Is it that obvious?” he cuts in, and when Ray shoots him a surprised look, he’s chewing on his bottom lip - eyes glancing up to flick between Geoff and Jack.

“Ugh, please. You two just give off this fucking aura of gay,” Michael adds, sidling up to them and leaning against the back of Ray’s chair. He’s slowly drying off, a towel wrapped around his shoulders. “It’s like walking into the perfume department.”

Jeremy scrunches up his nose, leaning back to look at Michael. “You sayin we’re sickly sweet?” He says, raising his eyebrows slightly and Michael meets him halfway.

“Yeah, I am,” he replies. “You’re gonna make me fucking vomit.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Ray catches Gavin and Ryan approaching - both of them with plates of food in their hands. He huffs a small laugh, and when Jeremy’s fingers reach for his, it’s just enough to snap his attention back to his boyfriend, who seems to be fronting off with his best friend. He can see the unspoken challenge in Michael’s eyes, one that Jeremy meets head-on when he breaks off his stare with Michael and leans over to kiss Ray.

He sinks into the kiss, all the while knowing that Michael deals in big plays and that Jeremy couldn’t have just made a better impression on him if he tried. So he lets his eyes slip closed, wrapping his hands around Jeremy’s neck to kiss him back.

He’s soft and sweet, pliant but dominating against him and Ray honestly loves it. When Jeremy finally pulls back, softly gasping for air, Ray gets the unexplainable urge to touch his own lips afterwards in disbelief.

The moment has moved on, but Ray desperately wants to let know Geoff know that yeah, he’s got it just as bad.

&&&

After the barbecue, they go back to Jeremy’s apartment.

Every time he stays over, Ray can’t help but notice something new about the place. It’s subtle, but as he follows Jeremy inside, Ray realises that while the apartment looks just like Ryan’s, his colour scheme has a lot more orange and purple.

It’s not as if he’s gone ahead and painted orange and purple stripes onto his walls, because Ray would have definitely noticed that sooner. Instead, it’s the little details that make the whole. It’s the purple and orange Switch on his coffee table, the multicoloured letter magnets on his fridge that don’t stray past the two colours. It’s the purple curtains and the obviously deliberate choice of oranges in the fruit bowl in the kitchen table.

Ray stops in front of the fridge, plucking the letter R off to twist it in his hands. Jeremy hovers around him, hesitant like he’s waiting to be told he failed a test.

The test.

Ray already knows he hasn’t. It’s clear as day that Michael, that Ryan and the others are already smitten with Jeremy, just as much as he is. So if Jeremy wants it, he’s got a permanent boyfriend and a group of friends - a family - right there waiting for him.

He plucks off a J, anxiety curling in his stomach. He’s always been bad at this part. It took him years to tell Michael and the rest of them, knowing deep down that things would be fine, but hesitant to try because of parents and the shitstorm that was.

But, he can see Jeremy staying. He can see them moving in together, waking up curled up together. He sees them getting a dog, a cat, a goddamn fish if need be. All that really matters is that he sees a future with him, and it’s terrifying. The last person he saw a future with failed to fucking accept him for who he was.

It hurt.

A body presses up against his back slowly, arms encircling his waist and a face pressed back against his shoulder blade. Warm breath fans over him, catching him off guard and making him shudder, and Ray has to bite back the sound that desperately wants to slip past his lips.

If he wants this to last, then he’s gotta go all in. It’s better to find out now, than in six months time when the L word is dancing on the tip of his tongue.

“Jeremy,” he begins, and a hand slips around the front of him to take the J from his grasp.

“Was I a bit too much?” he whispers back, “or not enough?”

“You were fine,” he replies, wanting to do everything he can to quell the self-doubt that Jeremy’s collected over the years. He doesn’t like it, doesn’t like the way Jeremy sees himself, and maybe he’s a bit hypocritical but he can’t help it.

“Can I- can I be serious for a moment?” he asks. Jeremy nods from behind him.

He gets distracted for a moment, watching Jeremy’s hands move to slip the J back onto the fridge, before moving to frame his hips. The careful touch makes Ray feel like a doll, and he hates it, so he grabs for Jeremy’s hands and encourages them to grip tighter.

“I really like you,” he mutters. Jeremy lets out a breath.

“But?” he mumbles, disappointment laced in his tone and Ray sucks in a breath.

“But I waited three months the last time I was with someone to say that I’m trans, and it hurt so much when he fucking left. So I’m going to tell you now… that I’m transgender, Jeremy,” he states. His whole body is tense as he waits for Jeremy’s response.

A hand falls away from his hip, and Ray instantly takes it as a sign to step away, but Jeremy catches him mid-step and spins him around before he can get too far.

“Wait, Ray. Hold on, please-“ he whispers and Ray chews on his bottom lip, glancing up at him, “I thought you were gonna- it doesn’t matter.” He swallows hard, shaking his head. “Look, I'm not the best with my words half of the time, but I can definitely tell you that I’m not like your fucking ex. I- I really like you too, yeah? And you being trans doesn’t change that,” he says, gently squeezing Ray’s arm.

“I like you for you,” he mumbles, pulling Ray in to kiss the shell of his ear, and Ray huffs a laugh.

“Yeah?” He whispers. There's nothing guarded in Jeremy’s gaze, just complete, open affection that hurts Ray’s heart in such a good way. Jeremy nods, and Ray has to suck in a breath to keep himself from tearing up. He dashes forward, burying his face in Jeremy’s neck and clinging to him.

“I wanna stay,” he mutters, gripping Jeremy’s shirt desperately as he relaxes into Jeremy’s arms. He does, he really does, but he needs to take off his binder and he’s not quite ready to do that in front of Jeremy just yet. “I wanna stay, but I have to go home,” he whispers, and Jeremy blinks back at him.

“Okay,” he replies, flexing his fingers from where they grip Ray’s waist. He stares down at Ray for a minute before leaning in, brushing their lips together. “I’ll be here waiting for you to come back.” Ray pushes forward, kissing him with everything he’s got.

“That’s like, super gay,” he whispers once he pulls back. Jeremy rolls his eyes, but he’s unable to hide his grin.

&&&

Funnily enough, they’re six months in when Jeremy brings it up, catching Ray completely off guard as they one-star their way through Overcooked. His character gets blindsided by a fireball, and as his respawn timer ticks down in the background, he pauses, glancing down at Ray, who’s got his head in Jeremy’s lap.

“So… uh, back when we first met… you know that offer you made me?” he ventures, dropping a hand to drag his fingers through Ray’s hair. “I think I wanna take you up on it.”

Ray blinks back at up him, face scrunching up and Jeremy sighs.

“You said you’d take me shoe shopping…” he tries, and when Ray doesn’t jump in, he lets out a huff. “You know, for heels. For me,” he adds and Ray snaps upright, almost accidentally banging their heads together in the process as he twists to face Jeremy front on.

“Holy shit, yeah? Yeah, we can definitely go shoe shopping. I thought you didn’t want to though?” he asks, sliding off the couch and practically bouncing towards Jeremy’s bedroom. He doesn’t wait for a response, and he’s halfway through trading out Jeremy’s jumper for his binder when the man himself appears in the doorway, eyebrow raised as he watches Ray.

“One pair can’t hurt, right?” he mutters absentmindedly, shaking his head. “Also, I never said we had to go today. It’s four o’clock, Ray.”

“There’s plenty of time,” he retorts. “The shops don’t close until late, and we can always go back tomorrow.” He grabs for his shirt that’s sitting on the chest of drawers, slipping it over his head before turning to face Jeremy. His boyfriend stares back at him, chewing at his bottom lip and Ray offers him a small smile, sensing his unease.

“Hey, it’ll be fine, yeah? We’ll start off slow, get a pair with only a small heel and I’ll help you practice,” he murmurs, grabbing for Jeremy’s hands. He strokes his thumb in little circles, and when Jeremy leans in, he happily meets him halfway for a kiss. “And if you don’t like them, then we’ll take ‘em back, no big deal,” he adds, words slightly muffled by Jeremy’s lips. “At least you’ll be able to say you tried, huh?”

Jeremy hums softly, pressing a kiss to the corner of Ray’s mouth. “Okay,” he concedes, and Ray flashes him a grin. “Let’s go shoe shopping.”

The closest shoe store is about fifteen minutes away and while Jeremy drives, Ray sings along to the radio the whole time. There’s a permanent smile etched onto his face, and while he could play it off as just his excitement to see Jeremy in heels again, it’s a lot more than that.

He knows Jeremy and how he grew up, and he knows how hard it much be to let himself enjoy something that’s not typically masculine and not just for a joke. So while Jeremy focuses on the road, Ray belts out the lyrics to whatever song plays on the radio and mocks the ads in between, all the while practically bouncing in his seat from happiness.

After that, it’s not long before they’re pulling into the parking lot and climbing out of the car. Ray talks the lead, grabbing for Jeremy’s hand and squeezing it gently. He doesn’t let go, not daring to break the contact, not even when they shoulder their way into the shoe store and he wants to bolt towards the heels section. Instead, he settles for dragging Jeremy behind him, ignoring the exasperated huff that he lets out as they come to a stop in front of the rows of boxes.

“We better get started, huh?” he mumbles, flashing a smile at Jeremy. He grabs for a box at random, checking the heel before pulling a face and sliding it back into place. In comparison, Jeremy moves a lot more purposefully around him, looking over the boxes and only grabbing for one when he approves of it.

They work in tandem, and once they’ve scanned the whole store, they end up with three boxes left sitting on the pouffe. A black and orange pair, a purple pair and a white pair, none of their heels any longer than the size of Ray’s thumb. He watches Jeremy drop down onto the seat, shoving the boxes aside as he stares at them.

“Which one do you like the most?” he asks, not taking his eyes off the shoes. “I like the purple, but the white one is good too. It’s too fucking hard to choose,” he huffs, and Ray laughs.

“Get them all, then,” he replies, shuffling over and Jeremy looks up at him like he just grew another head. He slowly sinks to his knees and rests his elbows on Jeremy’s knees, staring up at his boyfriend with a cheeky grin. “If you like them all, then get them all. Simple,” he states.

“But-”

“No buts, just get them, Jeremy. You deserve some pretty shoes,” he cuts him off, and they both stare at each other for a moment, neither of them wanting to be the first to look away. He knows that Jeremy’s just as stubborn as him, so he takes the moment to just stare at his boyfriend, utterly infatuated with him. He commits the little details of his face to memory; the way his lips have a slight curl to them, or how his fingers occasionally twitch by his sides.

He holds still and he watches, and after a moment, Jeremy’s face flickers with an emotion that Ray can’t put a name too. He opens his mouth, words on the tip of his tongue ready to make a joking comment, but then Jeremy cuts him off.

“I love you,” he murmurs, and Ray freezes.

It’s the last thing he expects, and he stares back up at Jeremy with wide eyes. “W-what…?” he tries, mouth falling open and Jeremy tilts his head slightly, watching him with a certain fierceness in his eyes that Ray gets caught up in.

“I said I love you,” he repeats, holding strong. His fingers flex against the leather of the seat, and he lets out an incredulous huff. “I’m so in love with you, and I really don’t know how I got this fucking lucky, Ray.”

“Oh, Jeremy,” Ray croaks and it’s only then that Jeremy’s gaze falters, eyes flickering away to stare at the shoe boxes sitting next to him. He nudges one with the tip of his finger, letting out a shaky exhale.

“Anyway. Yeah, that’s- uh, that, so…” he trails off and Ray grabs his knee, squeezing it desperately.

His reply is stuck in his throat, burning him from the inside out and Ray can’t help but let out a frustrated huff. His chance is slowly slipping away, and so, instead of just letting it, he pushes himself up, hands braced on Jeremy’s thighs as he leans in and kisses his boyfriend, just to give him something back.

A startled noise escapes Jeremy’s lips, and Ray takes the moment to lick his way into Jeremy’s mouth. Hands grab for his hips and when Jeremy squeezes, it’s Ray’s turn let out a noise of his own. He pulls back, desperately trying to even out his breathing as Jeremy watches him.

“Yeah,” he nods, a bit hysterically, “yeah, me too. I love you too, holy shit.”

And when Jeremy grabs for him, laughing loudly and giddily as he tugs Ray into his lap, Ray sinks into the touch, utterly content to stay there for the rest of his life.

&&&

He hears Jeremy long before he sees him.

The sound of sock-covered feet padding through the hallway and into the kitchen; the gentleness of his slow breathing and the way he bumps into the stools sitting by the breakfast bar, even though they’ve been there long enough for him to know to account for them.

He’s deliberate in his movements, and always has been, so Ray knows to expect the arms that encircle his waist before they even happen.

“Mornin’, handsome,” Jeremy mumbles, pressing a soft kiss to Ray’s shoulder, who slips his arm backwards to hook around him. He revels in the feeling of Jeremy’s soft lips as he peppers little kisses to his shoulder, bared by the looseness of Jeremy’s shirt on his body. He’d plucked it off the floor earlier this morning, catching the scent of Jeremy’s cologne as he was cleaning up and was impossible to resist putting it on.

It feels like a permanent hug from his boyfriend, and Ray couldn’t ask for anything better.

Knowing that Jeremy’s not going to give anytime soon, he pauses his attempt at cooking breakfast to reach back over his head and lock his hands behind Jeremy’s neck, glad that he thought ahead enough to hide his gift already. “Good morning, babe,” he replies, receiving a kiss to his cheek for good measure.

He needs Jeremy to go back to bed for his plan to work, but saying as much would ruin the surprise. So instead, he plays sly, twisting in Jeremy’s arms and letting out an over-dramatic sigh.

“What are you doing out of bed, huh?” he asks, and when Jeremy raises an eyebrow, he raises one right back. “I didn’t wake you for a reason, so shoo. I wanna be gay and bring you breakfast in bed.”

Jeremy laughs, tipping his head back. He tugs Ray closer by his hips and rests his forehead against Ray’s shoulder. “And what if I wanted to be gay and cook you breakfast in bed?” he whines, words mumbled into Ray’s collarbone.

Ray hums. “Next year,” he promises. “We’ll take turns.” Even he can hear the smile in his own voice. It’s still not enough to convince Jeremy to leave, though, so he nudges his foot against Jeremy, who huffs but still untangles himself in the end. “I’ll be right behind you,” he murmurs, and Jeremy pouts, but he shuffles back towards the bedroom.

Once Ray’s sure he’s gone, he spins on his heel and quickly finishes up with their breakfast. He evens out the bacon and eggs, sliding the two plates onto the tray before moving for the bedroom. He almost forgets the whole point of this in his excitement, and so he has to quickly open the bottom drawer to tuck the hidden box under his arm.

When he shoulders his way into their bedroom, Jeremy is sitting upright in their bed. He’s fidgeting with something in the top drawer and instantly stops when Ray walks in, quickly shutting it in a way that is extremely suspicious. Ray levels him with a look as he comes to a stop by the edge of the bed, holding the tray steady.

“What are you hiding?” he asks, and Jeremy blinks up at him, cocking his head slightly to perfect the innocent vibe he’s trying to give off.

“Nothing,” he promises. When Ray doesn’t move, he jerks his head at the box under Ray’s arm. “Is that for me?”

He gives one last glance towards the end table before letting out a sigh, gently placing the tray on Jeremy’s lap. The second he sets the box down, Jeremy grabs for it and he can’t help but hold his breath as Jeremy opens it.

“Happy one year anniversary, babe,” he trills, holding in a laugh as Jeremy uncovers the scrappy tinfoil hat from its place inside the box. He twists in in his hands a few times with a sigh, before shooting Ray a look.

“Really?” He asks, and Ray gives in, unable to stop his laughter.

“I told you I wasn’t ever gonna let you live that down.” He plucks it from Jeremy’s grip and sets it on his head, and then goes willingly when Jeremy reaches out an arm for him. He slides into the space under his arm, and rests his head against Jeremy’s side as his boyfriend huffs. “I love you,” he whispers.

“Yeah, I love you too,” Jeremy replies, and then he leans over, reaching towards the drawer. Ray watches him, and when Jeremy slips his hand inside and pulls out a pink feather boa, Ray absolutely loses it.

“Happy one year anniversary,” he whispers, and Ray grabs for his face, tugging him toward him so he can kiss him.

It’s a happy, frantic kiss that Ray never thought he’d get in his lifetime, and as Jeremy laughs into it, something catches in his chest. If he ever needed proof that they were fucking made for each other, then this is it.