#dontneedthatshit

It's been a while since I had the time to focus my feelings into a blog.  Lately, I've been doing a lot of reflecting.. putting a lot of thought into me.. who I am.. and how I'm going to better myself.  It seems that I've spent a lot of time alone, over the past month or so.  I ask myself why.. Why have I chosen to isolate myself?  Am I punishing myself?  Have I changed? 

Yes, I have changed..  I've come to the realization that the majority of the people you come in contact with won't stick around.  I've learned that people only care when its convenient to care... I feel like "friends" are only around when you have some juicy drama or gossip; once you've lost your excitement, they move onto the next.

I've witnessed over the past few months more fake people than I can stomach.. I've heard more fake "good mornings" and seen too many fake hugs.  People... just stop

I'm all about loving people, getting over grudges and just being happy... I'm not about fake ass people.  I refuse to smile and share my life stories with someone who doesn't actually care.  I refuse to just be your distraction... I'm not going to be your crutch when you need a pick me up....especially if you're not going to be a permanent aspect in my life...

Isn't it ironic how such a small word can have such a huge meaning.   How it can either cause you a shit load of pain OR a ton of happiness; maybe even both. 

I've experienced many different types of love..  But to me, the most powerful is the love between a parent and their child.  The unconditional love that you share with a parent.. or a child.. is remarkable.. So amazing that I can't even find the words to describe it.  This is the love that I live for, the love that keeps me moving forward..

I've also experienced a different type of love.. A toxic addiction.. When you know someone is completely wrong for you but yet so right all at the same time..  This type of love is awful.  The type of love where you're literally addicted to the pain.. Where you have these rare amazing moments, and those are the moments that keep you begging for more.  Its like that person is your drug.. and you can't wait for your next fix...