#doesanyoneunderstand

Have you ever found yourself lying awake at night in an attempt to avoid the next day? You figure, “If I don’t go to sleep, I don’t wake up, tomorrow doesn’t come, and I get to hide forever in this time-limbo, twilight zone type place.” But time keeps passing, the clocks keep ticking, and you have to face facts: despite your best efforts, your today has become yesterday and tomorrow is now. 

A lot of my friends have crushes on boys, girls, or anyone in between. Sadly, I do not. It’s not that I want someone to be my gf/bf/lover. I just want someone to hold onto. But, in a romantic way. It feels quite selfish, I know. But I kind of Want someone to hold onto me. A mutual feeling of love sounds pretty great, and I want to experience that.

When I was younger I would beat myself up over things. I would think "this is what you get". The voice in my head knew what a rotten person I was and it wasn't afraid to share. I used to think that was a choice. Like I chose to best myself up but now I don't know now. I don't know if it really was, or if I just told myself it was. Now I can't stop myself, I can't even lie to myself and say "I choose this". Now it's apart of me. I make me miserable. I'm only angry at myself.