You’re led down the hall by a staff member early in your day at Sphere Entertainment, to Baek Jiyoung’s office. When you step into the room, she’s seated behind her desk, and she greets you with a smile that’s both gentle and professional. The staff member motions for you to take a seat across from you, then leaves. One quick glance around the room, and you can spot the same lawyer that was present when you first signed your contract.
“Hi, Myungsoo,” she begins, her lips still quirked up into a tiny smile before she becomes more serious. She shuffled through the paperwork on her desk for a moment, then glances back up at you. “It’s already been two years. You’ve been through a lot here. Thank you for your hard work.” Another pause, and she glances down at the papers again– shuffles them more until one manila folder is on top of the stack. “I know it can be difficult to train for so long with little to show for it, but I hope you see the same progress, growth, and promise in yourself that I see in you. If you can stick with me in Sphere a little longer, and put in more of the hard work I’ve seen from you so far, I think we’ll be able to come up with something great together.”
She opens up the manila folder in front of her, and presents a pen and contract, specifically marked where each new signature is required, to you with a bright smile. “Everyone at Sphere would love to continue working with you. Now it’s your turn to decide if you’d like to continue working with us. Feel free to take your time thinking about it, if you need it.”
It takes Myungsoo exactly three days to return the contract.
Day one, he goes home with the crisp folder neatly tucked inside his backpack. He lays it out on the coffee table, reads through each clause of the contract and allows them to sink in, even if he more than dislikes the familiarity from the last two years of being tied under the exact same bond. There’s no change at all. Not an increase nor a decrease in wage, not a deviation from the chokehold that ordinary people call rules. Nothing.
Myungsoo keeps the folder in the same spot before forcing himself to forget it for the rest of the day.
The next two days are an internal struggle. He always wakes up with the relief that he’s technically not a trainee anymore, but at the same time he feels strange from getting out of the routine he’s been accustomed to for the last two years. Funny how the day his trainee status was made public also happened to conclude his two-year contract with the company. It would be an interesting topic to bring up if he leaves the pending contract renewal offer to rot in neglect without his signature. Oh, he can already imagine what people could be writing about him.
Look at this guy. He turned Sphere down two years ago at the MGAs, but he’s actually been playing tricks on people and signed under the company all along! You think this couldn’t be more interesting, huh? Wait for it – his contract actually ended the day he was made public, and broke Baek Jiyoung’s heart for the second time by turning down a contract renewal! Talk about plot twist!
Fucking netizens, the singer thinks to himself while dialing up Jihyuk’s number.
* * * * *
“What do you think?”
“You mean, what do you think? Look–”
Myungsoo cuts Jihyuk off with a groan from the other line. Unfazed, the elder continues after a brief pause. “Look, I’m not trying to play with you, but what do you really want?”
Silence. “This is why I’m talking to you right now. I don’t know,” Myungsoo admits defensively. There is also a brief second where Jihyuk doesn’t respond, but the younger can hear a chuckle through the phone afterwards. “What?”
“Some things have really changed, huh…” Jihyuk trails off, and for a moment Myungsoo feels as if the band leader meant something deeper. He lets out a sigh audible through the phone, but Jihyuk continues when he receives no definite reply from the other. Myungsoo already knows where Jihyuk is leading to.
“You could easily turn them down like you did before if you really don’t want anything to do with them anymore, no? I know you don’t like it when I impose my own ideas on you… But it’s obvious that you’re talking to me because you want me to validate your… outra~geously uncharacteristic thoughts of staying in that company. Right, right?”
Another bout of silence from his end. He hates that Jihyuk is right, but he’s not going to verbally acknowledge it. Can anyone really blame him, though? The past two years have been a great sacrifice. He was forced to do things he initially found repulsive through the course of his stay in Sphere, and more often than not, he lost more than what he gained. However, being out of Sphere at the moment felt like arriving at a dead end more than being at a crossroads – seven days of making a decision do not give him enough time to figure out what to do now that his trainee days are over. Myungsoo blames himself for not having a back-up plan to fall back to.
Now all he can think of is how much of a waste the past two years would be if he didn’t continue, or if Sphere did not trust him enough to continue – because as stupid as it is of a cynic like him to hope that his efforts would soon pay off, he still believes in it, somewhere in a hidden facility of his mind. And he needs someone like Jihyuk to validate whatever thoughts he has been denying to himself all along.
Myungsoo dislikes his hyung for a lot of reasons, and one of them has always been how the elder seems to be correct about him most of the time. It’s like Jihyuk knows him better than he knows himself.
“Hey. You’re doing that thing again where you’re collecting saliva in your mouth and not speaking at all, so let me just tell you one more thing,” the leader interrupts Myungsoo’s train of thought. “Ask yourself what you want the most. I’m not trying to be an asshole by leaving you to decide whether it’s a yes or no. I just feel like it would be better if you make the decision by yourself… Just think about yourself, yeah?”
Myungsoo only lets out a dismissive hum, a little distracted with the whirlpool of thoughts inside his head. Once again, it doesn’t seem to bother Jihyuk.
“Your decision should not depend on someone else. That way, you are responsible for everything that happens next. You will have less regrets if you don’t let other people affect you. If things turn out well, then congratulations. If you fuck up, then at least you did not fuck up because you trusted someone else to make the decisions for you. You get what I mean?”
There is a reason why Myungsoo still trusts Jihyuk more than anybody else.
* * * * *
Day three. He goes back to Sphere, making his way straight to Baek Jiyoung’s office as soon as he’s able to get permission. His steps are decisively slow. As if he’s biding his time, second-guessing himself for a little bit – until he arrives in front of the sleek door. Taking in a deep breath, the singer enters the room and holds out the folder, which when opened by the CEO is already signed with his name on each necessary page.
It’s going to be another two hard years, but this time, he cannot just follow which way the wind goes. This time, he wants to make every single thing count. He needs to.
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Participating in the public talent show is not one of Myungsoo's agenda tonight, but he had to carry his guitar case around to prepare for the evaluations that were about to come later on. Of course, bringing around a guitar and not playing it would be strange if someone were being too observant, but there are a lot of people in the area for him to even be noticed, which helps quell his internal worry, even if just a little.
However, as the timing would have it, it seems like his guitar would have a purpose even before he has to use it for his own performance. Comfortably perched on a chair by the far end of the audience seats, he quietly watches a random girl singing and dancing on stage and wonders inside his mind whether this person has ever made a thorough plan before actually mustering the courage to stand on stage, because she has quite a lot of confidence for the lack of organization she's showing on her performance. Myungsoo keeps to himself the whole time dissing the poor girl (who will never know that someone thinks her high notes were awful) until he feels someone nudge his back, making him turn his head to see who it might be.
"Hey, so..." The stranger starts, taking Myungsoo by surprise from the mere approach though the singer makes no signs of it on his face. "I meant to perform a song on stage, but I would need an accompaniment for it.
It's the last day of summer camp, and Myungsoo wakes up that morning wondering if the two-weekend break away from Sphere has done more good than bad things to him.
He's not sure why he keeps on forcing himself to attend events such as this and complicate the ways in which he can suffer in the first place. He definitely could have opted out of the entire event (except for the only one day he's required to attend) and remain in the four walls of Sphere doing what he's been doing every single day, with the added advantage that everyone would be in the camp and he's going to be alone. He could have, but even he wonders why he did not. Surely he doesn't think of himself as the masochistic type, and he knew in some way that the summer camp will not involve only fun and games, seeing that their bosses are the ones who have come up with the idea.
But after some time, he stops bothering to think, realizing that what he's been doing all this time is simply day-to-day survival, trying to contain bouts of anger and dissatisfaction to fare through each hour without making a scene or attracting unnecessary attention to himself in a sea of people wanting to stand out. It's very typical of Kim Myungsoo to do such thing. But he also thinks of how directionless his life is at the moment, with the future a complete blur, no thanks to the uncertainty that's inherently laced with the concept of debut. He's practically stuck in one place with unclear opportunities.
He walks to the hall where the rest of the camp participants are gathered, trying his best not to be near anyone who's from Sphere. The closing ceremony has already started several minutes ago, but he can't bring himself to care about anything else but the realization that has plagued his mind.
When Myungsoo signed up for singing workshops at the camp, he knew that it would be more of a training for patience than refine any singing skills.
When harmonizing, one obviously needs to have someone else to execute it with, and that is already a hazard in itself -- finding someone to work with. Now, he's not the most mindblowing singer that you can ever have the privilege of harmonizing with, but if his knowledge in music theory from years of being trained before being a trainee accounts for something, he certainly has the right to be critical of those who don't understand a lick of his musical language. "Harmonizing" is a word easily thrown around by most people, especially in the idol industry where any sort of above average singing is considered a feat, but anyone who has learned the same way he did would know better.
Thankfully, the lecturers were able to precisely point out differences between a layman's definition of "harmonization" from its stricter counterpart in music theory. There's a lot more to be discussed to be able to understand and execute a proper example of harmony at the same time, but Myungsoo finds it a relief that more people understand now how singing a line in a different octave isn't what a good harmony is all about at all.
Unfortunately, this basic concept is still lost on the partner assigned to Myungsoo.
If there's one thing he likes about lectures in a classroom-type setting, it's the convenience of easily remaining unnoticed.
Being the type to observe than engage, Myungsoo reckons that the workshop is tolerable enough. The good thing is that there is quite a huge crowd participating, which is intriguing to see, although he hopes that this workshop being a hit to participants doesn't mean that a huge population of the camp doesn't really know anything about proper real-life and online etiquette.
As for him, he signed up because it's an opportunity to catch up on sleep he's been missing due to training. It's a huge crowd around him; he doesn't have to worry about being called out if ever he dozes off halfway through.
Myungsoo sets no expectations. And boy is he pleasantly surprised -- the unexpected outing of new public trainees is enough to keep him awake in the workshop for a while. It's the first time he has seen a trainee made public by, well, some sort of public humiliation, and the singer can never be more amused. It's not the first time he's witnessed something like this -- companies presenting their supposed assets as a human bait for criticism. But if he has learned something during his years of exposure to such an industry, the story doesn't end there. Whether it is simply a way to build hype over new faces or to attract pity or something else entirely, it's up for the company brains to know and for everyone else to find.
One thing is for sure, though: they will always know how to create a buzz.
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// ( ● ) sphere ent. performance evaluations ; july 2016 !
track : [ ► ] IU - good day ( acoustic ver. )
Ears congested with Sphere’s pop music over the past few months, Myungsoo finally decides that he has had more than enough opportunities to prove that he’s exposing himself more to the company’s style. Until now he still doesn’t know what in the world Mr. Chu means, but after performing four She’z songs and two ChAOS songs for monthly evaluations during the first half of the year, he knows he’s had too much Sphere in his system. For someone like Myungsoo who frowns upon excessive lalala’s and other syllabic repetitions, it’s accomplishment enough to sit through hours of listening to his senior’s songs and surviving the challenge.
But this doesn’t mean that his journey deeper into the mainstream side of Korean music industry has ended. His song pick for that month’s evaluation is surely an unexpected one, as it is one of IU’s biggest hits. Who expects Kim Myungsoo, the nation’s biggest hater, to cover a song of the nation’s little sister?
No one, of course.
The stage is relatively bigger than the practice rooms he used to stand on in Sphere, and it makes him feel strange especially with trainees from other companies watching ( or probably forcing themselves to watch ) from the audience. Surely it would have been less uncomfortable if he didn’t stand there with Sphere or even the mere trainee label attached to him. Despite the whole foreignness of the scenario ( why did the companies agree to expose all their supposedly hidden weapons to each other, anyway ), Myungsoo has no choice but to perform, and lay out his plans for Make Korea Great Again campaign with the help of his trusty guitar.
The moment of silence after his greeting is followed by a strumming of guitar chords. It produces a lively beat that blends well with summer, an emphasis to the bright energy associated with the season. The singer plays the same succession one more time, before he begins to sing the first few lines.
Why is the sky so much more blue?
Why is the breeze so perfect today?
Pretending like I don’t know
Like I didn’t hear a thing, like I erased it
Should we start talking about something else?
Should we kiss so we can’t say anything?
While the lyrics draw the image of someone’s softer side, Myungsoo injects a more aggressive appeal to the song, accented with hard strikes of fingertips to the guitar strings. The tone builds up as it leads to the chorus, Myungsoo picking up the pace when he sings.
My eyes fill with tears, so I lift my head up I smile a little so they won’t fall
Why are you like this to me, what are you saying?
All the things we talked about go to the sky
The words I have never said
The words I didn’t know I’d say as I cried
I like you, what do I do?
Myungsoo feels hairs rising at the nape of his neck from singing the last line. Obviously he has to replace the word oppa from the lyrics with “you” for him to fit the song, but it still reminds him of just how cheesy the concept of the song is in general. After the chorus is a few more succession of chords which give his voice some rest, but the break doesn’t last long before he’s jumping into the bridge.
Myungsoo breaks into the last chorus with more challenging bits, but he manages to pull it off while sitting. He does not have any plans to surprise anyone with the original singer’s popular three-octave note ( which is not even technically three octaves ) – instead, he simply keeps one high note long and stable before following it with the closing line. The song officially ends with a soft strum, signaling the end of a purposefully different but clean performance.
He can only hope that his performance earns him nothing but a favorable response.
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of two left feet, must be in want of anything but a dance performance.
Myungsoo knows he's going to screw up again for this month. Out of all the things they could do as a future entertainer, couldn't they pick something else other than the usual dancing? He's gotten tired of having to memorize choreography and executing them with his mediocre-at-best dancing abilities ( that is, if he actually possesses some ) long long ago, and he's sure that his body would not want to deal with any more dancing activity for the next fifty years of his life. But alas, the singer is running out of luck and needs to do the very exact thing he has always dreaded in each day of training. It's a wonder how he's survived twenty-something months in a company who only knew how to make him dance, sing, and dance again.
Myungsoo has no choice but to face two other trainees and cooperate as much as his uncooperative body would. He spends hours late into the night just to fulfill the bare minimum that is expected of him, which is merely memorizing the choreography -- if he can't dance to save his life, he might as well just make no mistakes throughout the performance. It's one of the most challenging things someone like Myungsoo could ever encounter; even in what seems to be a simple coordination of the upper and lower body, he still disappoints.
He deserves an award for not improving one bit over the past two years.
But like they say, there's nothing constant practice can't improve. While Myungsoo didn't exactly improve in terms of technique, over the last few weeks he's gotten accustomed to dancing the same routines over and over that some of his movements look a tad more natural. It's not an exemplary improvement, but for an unwilling body and an unwilling mind, something remotely close to improvement is noteworthy.
So they stand side by side on the stage when the moment comes, and the singer braces himself for his coaches' criticism once the song begins to drown the room with its melody.
The first verse is covered by Soojung who, despite being mainly a singer, takes over the group as the best dancer, considering that he and Chorong dances as superbly as a slug doused in acid. Albeit being a big critic of everyone ( even in aspects he's not personally good at, such as dancing ), Myungsoo has to admit that his ineptitude at dancing has made her shine more on the stage. Not that he minds -- his expertise lies somewhere else for him to even be envious of the trainee's advantage in this evaluation.
Instead of trying his best to stand out, he thinks that there is something more important: unity. The man knows that standing out in a good way wouldn't work with his skill level, but he could get plus points from his coaches if he at least made efforts to blend in as a part of the team instead of sticking out like a sore thumb. He tries to brighten up, smirk ( just because it's much harder to fake a smile ) and bounce when needed to fit the song's bubbly and lively concept.
"This place is really beautiful! I suddenly feel romantic tonight."
Myungsoo scoffs at his younger brother's words as he slowly stirs the deep red serving of tomato soup in front of him. "You're eight. What do you know about romance?"
"Hyung, please. I'm eighteen."
The retort earns a hearty laugh from the middle-aged woman sitting across the table, and an indignant frown from Moonsoo whose feathers are ruffled from his mother taking amusement over the conversation. The younger furthers his argument, not wanting to back down without a fight. "I'm old enough to know about stuff like that," Moonsoo defends with downturned lips. "How can you be so indifferent towards such a wonderful occasion, hyung? Love is everywhere~ Look at umma and appa right here, are you not feeling fuzzy and warm inside seeing them together like this?"
Myungsoo only shakes his head in response towards his overzealous brother. Despite sharing the same blood and having an uncanny resemblance with each other, the two are total opposites in disposition and points of view; it would surely be a mystery in the eyes of those who didn't know better as to how the siblings manage to coexist for the entirety of their lives. Romance, while a source of awe and inspiration for the younger, is a word barely touched in the elder's vocabulary. Valentine's day is something even more insignificant to him -- he might be single, but he's not lonely. Romantically, at least.
Moonsoo breaks his train of thoughts with a nudge to his arm. "Ah, hyung, I saw Hyeri noona earlier. Why didn't you tell me?"
He shows no signs but the question catches Myungsoo off-guard, even more so when their mother joins in the conversation. "Who's Hyeri?" asks the woman, dabbing the serviette over crimson lips.
It's a relief that Moonsoo answers the question, because for a second Myungsoo's not sure what to answer. "She used to be my English tutor! Hyung hates her. I don't get it, she's nice to me."
"She's crazy. And she wanted to hit on you."
"Reminds me of the old days... I hated your mom too when we first met. Look at where we are now," their father interrupts, eliciting laughter from the rest of the family. Kim Inhyun may be taciturn but he knows when to strike at the right time. A deep frown carves itself on Myungsoo's face upon realizing what the old man wants to imply.
