#do-overs

Sometimes Jesus Grants Us a Do-Over

My dad went to be with Jesus in 1988. It’s been a LONG time since I’ve seen his face or held his hand.

Last fall, I had one of the most vivid and real-feeling dreams I’ve ever had. It was about him. I was with my parents at my childhood home. I didn’t see my mom, but knew she was there. Dad had, apparently, had another heart attack that left him unconscious and unresponsive; somehow I knew my…

Tom is at his Samaritans shift, and I am getting some thoughts down before I go to sleep.

I think the first time he left me alone here was to go to one of his shifts. At first it would make me uneasy; it was the middle of the night and the flat was unfamiliar and if I let myself think about it for just a bit too long, I’d trip over the idea of how the whole of England was--strangely--just outside, stretching in all directions. I still have those “I live in England, wtf” moments, every now and again. Maybe I always will, I don’t know. But at night it’s easy to forget; the darkness hides the differences, and the cars on the road sound just the same as cars in the States.

(However, I am very much enjoying the differences this evening, namely in the form of millionaire’s shortbread. You can’t get little tubs of millionaire’s shortbread in the States. I love millionaire’s shortbread.)

Anyway... now I revel in all my alone time, and tonight is no exception. Right now I’m getting acquainted with this new keyboard. Yesterday I finally took my new laptop out of its box! I got surprisingly used to using Tom’s Mac--and very cozy with trackpad gestures--but it never stopped feeling like I was sleeping on someone’s couch, lol.

Anyway, something occurred to me tonight that I wanted to reflect on, so: I realized that with every day that goes by, with every success at university, I get further and further from being the person who was consumed by the desire to go back and do the first failed attempt over again.

This, all of this right now, is the big do-over. It didn’t happen the way I had been wishing, and certainly not in a way I could have come close to guessing, but it’s happening. And I hope that on the other side of it I’ll be someone who doesn’t feel defined by her failures. I hope I can define myself by what I’ve done, instead of what I didn’t do.

Have You Taken Advantage of Do-Overs?

As all students know, here at SHS we have a do-over policy on tests. My policy adds a caveat. I will not retest without doing a reteach. That is, you must visit me 9th period, so I can explain any errors that were made thereby preventing you from making the same mistake on the do-over. During a subsequent 9th period, you can attend to take Form B of the exam in question.

The one thing many…

I just put in a patio… for the second time. That seems to be how I do things … twice. I try something with zero planning and no idea what the heck I’m doing. It’s pure adrenaline and inspiration, and usually, I have a lot of fun despite my first-time failures. I wrote a book that way. Zipped through it, scribbling like a lunatic, 12 hours a day, 7 days a week. In 30 days I wrote 189,000 words. I…