#dmpoetry

His smile would always tempt me, and somehow his eyes were inviting. He always hated it when I was needlessly apologizing, and made a hurricane seem like an absolute paradise. He was obliviously full of surprises yet completely indecisive. He drove me absolutely insane despite the way he made me feel so inclined to stay by his side. He had this way of enticing without saying a word and colliding into my soul without laying a hand on me. Every time his lips brushed my neck, I felt alive, revived, yet somehow still uptight. He made my muscles and heart relax and tense up all at once. He pulled me in with his overused lines that made me feel like he was saying them for the first time, the Casanova moves that would soothe and diffuse. No matter how many excuses I tried to make, I could never refuse his plague of a presence. I was under his spell, yet never fought it. I knew he would break my heart, and I handed him the hammer.

I let you string me along, but you don’t attach any strings to me.

“We try and run away, but end up running back." We were two weights tied to the ends of a rubber band trying to run away from the reality or even the imagination but every step we took in the opposite direction snapped us closer together.

I have let the tears I once shed for you become water under the bridge.

He said he's scared of getting caught ... [But] I never saw fear in his eyes those nights he whispered how he wanted his head between my thighs... The fear set in when the sun came up and he realized he couldn’t keep appearing on both sides of the fence, so he settled for the middle.

I used to try to romanticize my ability to fall for someone’s eyes before they showed them to me and daydream about hobbies before we played 20 questions on a rooftop. But there’s nothing romantic about cutting your heels on broken pieces before you realize your heart has shattered. People will love you and leave you before you can blink. But mountain views and Main Street hues will be there. Backroads will take your breath away, clifftops will make your heart skip beats. The glow of the street lights at dusk will make your cheeks blush. Your heart will find a new way to rush; giving you a home that won’t walk away.

You are sand. You get stuck to my shoes as I walk to the ocean. I wash you away as I lose myself in the waves, but you cover my soles as I walk back to the concrete. I rinse you off and out of my hair as I head home. Yet, even as I unpack – miles away from the shoreline, in the comfort of my home – I find traces of you reminding me of my sojourn abroad – the moments I will never have again, yet with me forever.

I'm not the girl you fell in love with and I'm not the girl whose heart you broke. Sometimes I miss her, though. Her innocence, her will, her ability to believe you - in everything. Her willingness to compromise for the sake of love. Her freedom and grounding, confidence and ability to always see the good in people before they have a chance to do her wrong. She was airy like a spring day and ambitious as ever. She would have followed you anywhere and she did. Sometimes I miss her, maybe you do too.After all, she's the one who said changed everything. After all, you did fall in love with her. Sometimes I miss her now more than I missed you then. But I realize that she left for a reason. Like a caterpillar sheds its innocence to become a butterfly, I shed her to spread these wings you tried to clip.