#dlg 05

“so someone who looks like an older version of me, with a good job, and who’s openly gay.” nate summarized. and no, kit wasn’t imagining that most of the laughter had died from his face. he looked… decidedly less amused. that was a real thing.

and maybe it meant something. 

still, kit nodded. “or bi. i’m not a dick, i wouldn’t discriminate that way. i hate bi-shaming.” and then, because he felt like complete shit, he added, “or you. you know, if you were gay. if you were gay we’d definitely get married.” 

nate’s smile was weak but still a smile. he nodded. “definitely, dude. i’d be the best husband to you.” 

can we have sex?

here was a fucked up thing: he’d stopped saying no to that question and kit had noticed. damn had he noticed. every time now it was like a “not really” or “yeah, right” or “maybe later” with enough snark to imply a “no" but not an actual “no.” it didn’t mean anything.

kit breathed. 

“yeah, yeah. okay.” he felt himself nodding dumbly, playing along. his smile was frozen. “guess we should just get married, then.” 

nate nodded, like he agreed. like he honestly fucking agreed. “totally! if i were gay, i’d be all over you.” 

and there it was. 

kit sighed. “you’re already all over me.” 

“see!” nate rubbed the back of his head, amused and undeterred. “exactly. now imagine that, plus me wanting to bang you. like…” heshook his head, still grinning. “you’d probably run away.” 

“dude, come on! what more could i want? you’ve got a great body, killer style, and you’re the funniest guy i know. you always make me laugh, like, always! no one makes me laugh like you do. and you’re so smart. you are — without a doubt — the smartest person i’ve ever met.” 

kit couldn’t feel his face. he had no idea what kind of expression he was wearing.

“you’re perfect, dude. like, everything about you.” 

nate said that so easily. so easily that he couldn’t possibly mean it. not the way that kit wanted him to. of course not. kit snapped out of it — a hard crash back into reality. obviously, he’d asked nate to tell him what his perfect “guy” was, because he hadn’t rephrased the question. and clearly nate was having fun with it.