#dj problems

Offered him mates rates for it, which is well below the going rate for that long, and his boss turned me down as apparently I'm too expensive and thinks he can get someone cheaper...

Enjoy your Spotify playlist for the night then chaps!

Got some friends asking when I’m putting out new music. Theres 3 parts to that answer. 

1. I’m currently broke so I cant access my recordpool to download the music I want/need for the mixes

2. I’m suffering from a lack of creativity, but more being a perfectionist

“Bela Lugosi’s Dead” - you are 19 or 59 no in between

This Corrosion, Love Crime, She’s in Parties, Lucretia My Reflection, Kiss Them For Me - You just started going out and also you don’t know how to pace yourself on the dance floor yet. You either just started drinking and don’t know what you like, thus carrying around one highball all night or you think you’re a rockstar and vomit in the bathroom. Please just tell a staff member if you think you’re sick ok.

Lucretia My Reflection, Israel, Peekaboo, literally every Joy Division song - been into goth long enough to still get excited over obvious stuff, probably has a Strong Opinion about what makes someone a goth that you discuss in public. You can’t remember the last time you left the house without a full face of makeup.

Romeo’s Distress, Hong Kong Garden - You do not listen to lyrics

Swans - You are unaware that this band is the millennial Joy Division and you think they’re really underground.

Death in June - you think controversy makes you cool and are offended by political correctness

VNVN - I can play any song that’s 4/4 130bpm in a minor key with melodic vocals and you will love it and also probably think it’s VNVN

Crystal Castles - I bet you have a poster of Robert Smith on your wall

Clock DVA, Neubauten - you miss when industrial sounded like washing machines and yelling, you hate EBM, EDM, darkwave, futurepop, and especially things with wobble bass. You aren’t going to dance to your request because dancing is for posers and also you haven’t been out of your house in 9 months and have forgotten how rhythm works

KMFDM - you’re going to complain about nothing being ‘heavy’ enough and then complain if anything actually ‘heavy’ gets played. your pants have too many dangly parts.

Korn - it’s your first goth night, you’re 19, you might be lost or from a small town. Someone is going to be mean to you; ignore them and have as much fun as you can manage.

Spoor Aeturnus - literally looks like a corpse, ‘intellectual’, probably going to do a dance to symbolize winter’s first frost/capitalism

Rudimentary Peni - won’t dance, even if I play your request. Probably going to vomit in the back alley on your way to an after-hours punk show. Likes offending suburban moms.

Christian Death (Rozz Williams era) - you spend $10000/year on hairspray and you have an animal skull collection

Christian Death (Kand edition) - you’ve been in the scene either just long enough to have run out of obvious deathrock or you also are into metal

Cinema Strange - 95% chance of stripy pants

Any other deathrock band - shows up at 11 even though that is prime oontz time, dances halfheartedly to Lucretia My Reflection, buys lots of drinks, forgets to show up before 11 at the next one, never been seen during the day or sober

London After Midnight - you might have actual cobwebs in your hair but you look really hot so nobody is going to care

All aggrotech bands - tactical everything, bald or dreadlocks, really tacky 90’s sunglasses indoors, thinks ironic fascism is funny, probably single chubby dude in his early 30’s. You are so mad the hot goth chicks won’t talk to you but not mad enough to change anything about yourself to become less unappealing

obscure early 80’s postpunk bands - you probably don’t consider yourself a goth, you’re totally convinced that digital hardware synths are superior to software for vague and contradictory reasons, you hate getting dressed up, and at some point in the night you will refer to someone else as a poseur or a fashion punk. You have a vinyl collection that takes up most of your living space and are going to pick a fight with the DJ or sound tech about bitrate. You aren’t sure what a bit is, but you know it *must* be bad.

Mitternacht - you’re either a goth who has defected into EBM territory or a cybergoth who wants more people on the dancefloor

“tear you apart” - you like AHS too much and are wearing a sulphur symbol somewhere on your body

“allegedly dance floor tragedy” - you’re playing stump the DJ and also you’re not really going to dance to this song

Weep, Mors Syphilitica - you’re wearing a ballgown the approximate diameter of my kitchen and also you own a fainting couch

Nick Cave - please don’t snort coke in the bathroom

“Marian” - you like to think you can speak German. protip: you can’t speak German, especially not when you’ve been drinking.

“Anaconda” - you think you’re funny. Protip: request the Last Dance’s cover of Brittney.

Panzermensch - this is the only And One song you know and also you like cats

March Violets - you think flirting is best done by exchanging obscure band names

Clan of Xymox - you want to dance to oontz but you’re too wound up in goth points to request it

Legendary Pink Dots - no you cannot light up inside the bar

Covenant - probably you’re in your late 30’s/early 40’s and probably you’re still wearing vinyl everything.

“Cities of the Future” - you think this is a Covenant song

Personal Jesus, Depeche Mode- you just discovered goth and also fetish attire.

Personal Jesus, Manson- you’re either under 23 or over 37 and you overdraw your lips. Stop using pencil eyeliner. I believe in you; you can do liquid.

“It’s a Sin” - you think this is a Depeche Mode song