#divakitty

Gag up your life!! Last weeks episode, amiright?! Please check out my new illustration and the GIF version that I made!  

Eloise is a cat like no other, with the brightest yellow eyes, and fur as black as night. She is a black panther reincarnate, and acts as such at home, perched on the couch or the bookshelves, with her paws dangling. Eloise demands two bowls of food at all times, and lets her parents know with loud meows when the bottom of the bowl is visible in even one of them. What a diva.

Eloise recently moved into a new home with her parents [read: owners] and her canine brother, Jake. It was a harrowing experience for her, being transported in her carrier, which up until recently, only meant that she was going to “summer camp.” Once she got to her new home, she was reluctant to leave the carrier, because there were weird smells throughout the whole house. There was something else that wasn’t quite right about this house, but she couldn’t put her paw on it.

Mom and Dad were happy as can be, bringing box after box into the house, making giant towers for Jake and Eloise to have to navigate through just to find a safe place to lie down. SCRATCH. Several towers later, Mom and Dad finally take a break, sitting down in the chairs in the living room. SCRATCH. They take some long sighs, relaxing after a long day of building an obstacle course for the furbabies. SCRATCH. That’s when Eloise noticed something that she, Jake, and Dad had in common…SCRATCH SCRATCH.

This house has fleas! What an awful feeling. Dad asked Mom if she had been itchy for the last few days, and she said no, puzzled. Then it she realized why he was asking and rushed to check Jake. Mom burst into tears, seeing the little monsters crawling around Jake’s stomach. Dad consoled her, then brought Jake to the bathroom to give him a bath. Eloise felt terrible, as her brother was helpless to the critters all over him.

Mom and Dad decided to get some medicine for their pets and applied it right away. Eloise, in her infinite wisdom, thought it would be a good idea to lick the medication, even though it was applied in a place that was allegedly too hard to reach…clever girl. Not long after, the poor cat started foaming at the mouth, and making strange noises because of the reaction to ingesting the medication…not so clever. Thankfully, after only 20 minutes of panic, the reaction subsided and Eloise returned to normal.

After several days of itchiness, Mom and Dad finally had a day off to do “The Great Bug Bombing of 2019.” Mom took the furbabies up to summer camp – Mom’s parents’ house – after setting off the bug bomb, and Dad came home a few hours later to ventilate the house. Eloise and Jake spent the night at summer camp, and Mom and Dad tended to the bug bomb aftermath, vacuuming the house and wiping off all the surfaces that Eloise loves to jump on.

My brother Jake is such a pushover, but I sure love to play with him once in awhile, whether he wants to or not.

But sometimes we really get into it...I mean WWE Monday Night Raw levels of brawls. It’s a good time.

I just love putting Jake in a headlock and pouncing on him when he least suspects it.

Sometimes, he wants no part of it, but he eventually gives in.

The best part about wrestling with Jake though?

NEVER LET THE PARENTS SEE IT

Let me be clear, my mom and dad love me. They spoil my brother and me with treats and toys all the time. All we gotta do is give em the puppy eyes and princess kitty face, and they lose it. Works every time.

But darn it, I DEMAND that both of my food bowls are full every day before they leave for work. How hard is that?

I’m soooooo sorry that I eat all my food, but I should not be able to see the bottom of my bowl. That is an outrage!

To make matters worse, when they got home, they RUBBED IT IN MY FACE by calling me a “starvin marvin!”

Last summer, there was one day Mom and Dad opened the sliding glass door to the back porch, and let me roam around. I sniffed every nook and cranny of that balcony, let me tell ya.

Well, the jerks didn’t even warn me that if I jumped to the neighbor’s balcony, I wouldn’t be able to get back! I was trapped there for at least 5 minutes!

It was awful!

Mother woke me up again today, by kicking me while I lay at the end of the bed. I was there, minding my own business, when bam! I get hit by her foot.

Whatever.

Now that I’m awake, I suppose I can sit in her lap and get some head scratches while she puts her makeup on.