#div rant

for context (bear with me), I've been physically disabled and a mobility aid user for a few years, and I've been out as transmasc for even longer than that

my senior year of high school, there was this kid a year below me called Brendon. he was transmasc, went by he/him. his parents supported him all the way through, and talked to the school to change his name on the role, even though he hadn't changed his legal name. the only person who didn't respect it was the gym teacher, and Brendon's friends would give her hell for that. he had a classic baby trans haircut and would wear a rainbow binder. he would dress so masc I didn't even know he was trans until he started coming to GSA meetings, and we got to talking. Brendon was a happy, safe, trans kid.

Last year, I went back for a school function, and found out Brendon had gone back to using her birth name and pronouns. she grew out her hair, though she still dresses like she used to. her friends still love her very much, and she still looks very much happy. I didn't talk to her that much, but she looked great, even sang with the music club. she is a happy, safe, non-trans kid.

my first semester at college, I met Jack (this one is a fake name). Jack had recently started using a cane for chronic pain, and he confided in me (as disabled people tend to gossip during elevator rides) that it had been a hard adjustment, socially and physically speaking, but that he really saw an improvement in his quality of life. a month or so into the semester, he stopped coming to class with his cane, started walking back with his roomate and not taking the elevator. I don't know if he found out a cane wasn't a good solution for him, he found a better treatment plan, or he couldn't deal with the social and physical consequences of a mobility aid. but he stopped using his cane.

you know how my life was affected by these "fakers"? in absolutely no fucking way. the people who were weird to me about being transmasc were also weird to Brendon, and were even weirder to her when she detransitioned. the guy who used to ride the elevator with me and be super invasive about my disability was also super icky to Jack, and made quite a few unkind remarks about him that he though I, "as a real disabled person", would agree with (I did not.)

being the first person on your family to complain of a chronic illness but definitely not being the first one to suffer one

me and my mom share the same struggles and she didn't think it was weird cause she's also dealt with this her whole life

on one hand, this has helped me, because I know all of the tips to manage pain from a young age and my mom almost always sides with me justifying sick days to school, etc

but it also means it took me a long ass amount of time to find out your hips aren't supposed to hurt all the time

a formative memory of mine is going to a doctor a few years back and light heartedly mentioning how me and my mom always bond about our shared pain, and her going "well yeah but your mom's body has 50 years of use already, you're only 15". I told this to my mom and she shushed me cause she's also been feeling this way since she was 15

idk I needed a rant

I wanted to scream and cry and cancel everything but my friends told me "literally just come and move less than we originally planned, it's so okay"

they have carried my things for me when I needed to use both my crutches, helped me around the beach when using crutches was unfeasible bc of sand, traded beds with me bc my mattress sucked ass, left me the fuck alone when I said I needed a moment to cry in pain by myself and hugged me afterwards when I asked for it

and I wanna let yall know that I helped them back. I watch out for my friend to take her meds, for another's food sensitivity issues, for another's RSD that tends to get really bad in group situation when they feel left out

this isn't an exchange, friends just help each other out. if I wasn't doing anything for them, they would've still helped me with my mobility. and if they weren't helping me with my mobility, I would still help them as well

but it's so easy for my beliefs to fall into compulsion territory. for me to believe that my day is going to be a disaster bc I forgot to pray. or being unable to get a specific ingredient for a spell and being convinced it's now a curse.

why do I hold myself to able bodied standards

why does the world hold me to abled bodied standards

[Text in bio reads: "here, queer, confused and in pain. (Image descriptions for PFP and banner in pinned post)"]

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Hello! My name is Div, I'm 19, and I use he/him pronouns. I'm a trans guy and though I generally call myself bisexual I am mostly just gay (achillean) lol. I'm from Argentina although I am currently in college in the US (don't come @ me if I complain about yanquis, I'm running away from my fuckass country into another, and you do not know my story).

I mostly post a lot about disability, I've found a really cool community here. I use forearm crutches in my day to day life due to an undiagnosed disorder that brings me a lot of pain. I have an informal fibromyalgia diagnosis but it isn't enough for me to access disability services, so please if you ever see me complaining about inaccessibility don't tell it can be solved through them, I know, it makes me so mad.

I am also very neurodivergent, probably autistic, formally diagnosed with OCD, depression-anxiety, and a tic disorder. I have a tentative "personality disorder" diagnosis but it's a sensitive topic for me, so if you see me posting about it just let it be.

Main fandoms I follow on here are Doctor Who and Torchwood, Stardew Valley; and I follow the Spiderverse, Good Omens, Criminal Minds, Arcane and a few more tags, though I don't engage with them as much.

I am always open to asks and questions but I'm pretty bad about checking my inbox so you'll probably have to wait a little bit heh. I reserve the right to my privacy and therefore to not answer anything I don't want to. I will not engage in discourse that goes nowhere, everyone with an open mind is welcome to a conversation, arguing for the sake of arguing will probably just be ignored. Feel free to correct me on site etiquette and misuse of functions and stuff, just generally be nice!