#dissppointment

It probably is.

Pretend I’m okay with it all. Act like there’s nothing wrong.

My life pretty much always ends and begins with this. I feel like this is the point when I’m just so tired of fighting. So tired of putting so much effort and energy and time into something that never ever works out. I feel like this is the point to just give up. What’s worse is the kick when you’re already on the ground. And the kick always happens. I feel like it only ever happens to me. I guess the joke’s on me.

Is it over yet? Can I open my eyes? Is this as hard as it gets?

Everyone says I’ll get another chance and everything cliche to make me feel better. Thanks but I can’t hear it right now. All I feel is that I’m reaching for something I can never ever get a hold of. Like being someone I can never ever be no matter how much I want to. It’s way too good anyway. It can’t happen to me. It’s like my life is one cruel joke. I’m so tired of being reminded that I’m not good enough. I’m already completely aware of it.

I feel the memory’s breaking my heart.

You should know that it hurts. Way more than it really should. It’s like constant disappointment that sometimes even the strongest hearts will break. It’s like a punch to the face saying you will never be good enough, so why bother trying? It’s like a push and shove saying stop trying cause there’s no point. Then why the heck do I want it so much if I was wired to be a failure? I wish the longing would stop. It hurts too much.