#dissocial

"Be with others and you'll feel better" absolutely not. That will make it worse. That would be exhausting.

The act of forming or maintaining a relationship for any external reason (recreation, cooperative work environment, sexual or sensual stimulation, to bounce around ideas, receive help with a logical or practical issue) are all things that can be done without desiring the intimacy of closeness beyond this.

I do not feel anything from friendships, but I engage in friendships.

Infact, this is just how you be functional in society like what else are we supposed to do. Not talk to people? Just sit and be a potato? If your boss asks how's your day, you make the small talk and build up that rapport. Doesn't mean we're having the time of our lives doin' it or want this or that person in our personal business.

Often times the partaking of surface interaction, letting other people be them without needing to reveal the self is enough. It can be nice for what it is. An ice cream cone is still an ice cream cone, and if someone invites me out for one I would go if I wanted ice cream. That means performing socially.

Someone that can't separate to this degree is undeniably someone who lives with a brain that cannot comprehend it because they have never lived without the two-- relationships and intimacy, being intertwined.

After all, I did all the right things as I was told. I was polite, wore a smile and helped people with their problems. But whenever anyone would talk at me I could only tolerate them. This was severely discouraging. I found it more annoying than cathartic. Is this what everyone's always on about? Is this the magic I was promised?

It was frustrating that I never seemed to "click" with anyone and earnestly enjoy their company over my own. Objectively, there is nothing wrong with them. Not technically. So why. This left me very confused as I'd grown up in a largely empathy based society believing I was empathic myself. But everyone I'd met only made me feel the same.

"Meh."

Never had I actively wished for anyone to be in my life, only if they were interesting, entertaining or had something to offer. But watching others is very different from engaging with them on a personal basis. Here, I remain lost.

I can be social and charismatic through a manufactured persona but tend to keep private. I compartmentalize so well, many people only *think* they know me as I strategically reveal pieces of information to give the impression of openness-- but it's shallow.

How do you describe the phenomena of having charmed a number of loyal acquaintances that would do most anything you requested without personally having any deeper, closer connections or confidants?

I don't feel compelled to seek friendship for its sake. I never get the impulse to share my thoughts or interests in hopes of becoming friends, but simply because I wish to hear how my own genius, my own thoughts are received.

It really does begin to feel dull and empty. Like an itch you can't scratch. Every human needs enrichment. To be engaged. Bonds are supposed to inspire, empower, excite and impassion us. They make life more bearable, more vibrant. There is safety in understanding.

But for someone like myself, it's unfortunate we may only experience this unique solace, this joy once or twice if we are lucky, our whole lives. This possibly explains why sociopaths may do some reckless and thrill seeking things in attempt to satiate it.

So how do I quench my thirst for life?

Well, in my view, that encompasses individuals with flat-effect, shallow-affect, schizoid traits, or primary psychopathy; sometimes low-empathy autism.

That is, cases where affective empathy is nescient, but fails to produce debilitating antisocial behaviours or misconduct. Few traits could still be present, but in mundane doses that do not take main concern. Meaning a dissocial could also have ASPD, but not intrinsically.

The main issues in DSSD portend to interpersonal deficits that inhibit social behaviour, yet does not cause outgoing hostility or sadism, but an indifference to others that can present with callous-unemotional traits or a flatly "serious" countenance, though not always. Some dissocials can be engaging, charming, socially polite by utilizing cognitive empathy to read others and filter behaviours accordingly to compensate in social contexts thus, appear quite "normal" (also refered to as 'masking') if only a bit difficult to really know.

This distance can cause dejection, suspicion. Indifference may be read sometimes as hostile, as it can advertently or inadvertently cause negligence to an emotional need one may not realize someone has.

Dissocials are self-interested, not necessarily in a way that is narcissistic or intends to use others to gain, but in that we are goal-oriented, resilient, and self-reliant which can create a tunnel vision. Stereotypically, we can be "workaholics." We don't really think about others as a rule; not in a cruel way, in an absent-minded way that we don't pay attention unless they are in the way or have made themselves prominent. Hurt is the byproduct of a lack of attention in many cases, not the focus or intent.

Though quite possible, dissocials are not necessarily people shy; in my experience, due to a lessened amount of psychological fear or anxiety I can be a rather graceful communicator if need be but will always prefer "introverted" activities that can be done alone, as our need for people is greatly diminished due to impaired limbic activity (often due to early prolonged traumas) that make it so we do not experience the same fulfilling resonation and connection other people might around eachother. It often produces little to no serotonin at all. That means any activity involving others is mostly extraneous and for social etiquette reasons.

Scientific study shows people begin to lose it without human contact for a stretch of time and will naturally seek the presence of others. Someone with a DSSD won't experience this same compulsion so strongly, if not at all.