❛ STONE COLD BITCH ROYD / READER ──────── snakes in tow and a harsh glare, you’re known for being quite the meanest bitch of sdn. but maybe, just maybe— that isn’t all you are.. ❛𓂂 ͜ᩘ ̵̼͓̥͒̾͘𑣿 ◞
۫ NOTES. [ characters will be ooc, this is my first time writing for dispatch / in a while so please bare with me . | reader’s abilities is based off medusa from greek mythology and glasses are inspired by evergreen’s from fairy tail. | reader is a bitch, but not to roy | mentions of reader trying to get rid of the z-team | slight fluff?? i guess, just a short little blurb i was thinking about | reader is black-coded and is a woman ]
۫ MANI’S THOUGHTS. [ very small contribution to the dispatch fandom, slowly trying to find the time and energy to get back into writing cause i really do wish to write for this game, i love it. so please excuse ooc characters, and typos a girl is rusty. ]
Stone Cold Bitch. SCB for short. A beautiful little nickname the Z-Team had developed for you, SDN’s very own HR rep. Maybe it had something to do with the black snakes that coiled from your skull, hissing and glaring at just about anything that passed by you, maybe it was those sharp piercing eyes that laid behind black glasses — specially made so your petrification wouldn’t go off on some innocent bystander — or maybe it was your sharp tongue, and no nonsense attitude. Especially to the ragtag group of asshats that called themselves heroes. You couldn’t count on a single hand how many times you have had to scold them about their language after a shift; which only seemed to increase tenfold the moment a certain dispatcher by the name of Robert Robertson joined.
It was a mess— no they were a mess, an unorganized, chaotic mess that had you betting if you had a normal head of hair, it would be all gray by now. With that, it was no surprise the team didn’t particularly get on with you.
You saw them as useless and believed Blazer was far too soft on them. They saw you as an uptight narc that could possibly use a good lay — the second point always emphasized by Invisigal —.
But that was the job, and you couldn’t change a thing. No matter how much you wished it.
An exasperated sigh escaped as you placed a black mug onto the counter. Routinely, you reached for a tea bag, tearing at the packaging to release the small porous bag from its confinements. Another sigh, though not as harsh as before fled from you as the comforting smell of peppermint invaded your senses. After a long session of going through dispatch recordings and trying to urge Blazer in cutting the annoying ex-villains, a nice cup of tea always soothed your midday nerves.
You were alone in the break room, a small victory you intended to savor. The thought of the typical uneasy gazes to the hisses of your bed head of snakes just seemed like far too much right now. A perfect, quiet moment is all you needed.
A moment to yourself. A moment to take off those god forsaken glasses without risk of altering the interior design of the entire building.
Nimble fingers hooked onto the bridge your spectacles, snakes moving as you slowly pulled them off your face. You placed them on the counter for now, close enough in reach on the off chance someone did walk in. Though you were turned towards the cabinets, it should be fine, right?
Back to your routine. You held the teabag delicately, lowering it into your mug and allowing the string to rest outside of it. You lifted the cup towards the hot water dispenser, pressing a button and watching as steaming drips slowly poured out. As you waited there patiently, your mind went elsewhere, a multitude of thoughts swarming behind your eyes.
You debated your next approach to Blazer. Questioned on how you could convince Robert to report one of them for some actual consequences. You even went as far as imagining what to eat tonight for dessert. Cheesecake? No. Ice cream? Possibly.. will probably have to hit the st—
“Fuck!” A harsh yelp escaped you, eyes widening as a hot pain trickled down the back of your hand. Without thinking you were snatching it back, effectively knocking it right against your glasses once neatly folded beside you right onto the floor.
Which wouldn’t have been an issue if someone hadn’t walked in at this crucial moment, stepping right onto them with a loud crack.
The room fell silent besides your snakes hissing, whether disapproval for you or the random murderer of your glasses— you hadn’t a clue, definitely something you could ponder later.
“Uh… shit, were those y—“
“My glasses? Yes. Yes they were.” Your eyes slowly closed as Invisigirl’s all too familiar voice entered your ears, a long sigh escaping you shortly after. “You have… the worst timing ever.”
“Well it’s break time and this is the break room, so..” She spoke in return, voice dragging for a moment before going quiet. Invisigal’s boot slowly lifted, visibly wincing the moment she noticed the damage of the glasses. They weren’t just bent in half, but the glass seemed to be crushed as well, little pieces spread in a messy array. Her eyes slowly lifted up to your back, lips twisting in uncertainty.
“So uh.. you plan on going blind for the rest of the day?”
“And how exactly would I get my work done like that?”
Invisigal gave a dry laugh, “Ah, good point. You got like an extra pair or somethin’ at your desk?”
Your lips pursed a bit, slowly shaking your head. “They aren’t at my desk..” You dragged for a moment, shoulders lifting and rising as a heavy breath escaped. “Since you stepped on them, I need you to do something for me. Lead me towards the lab in the basement please.”
Invisigal gave an unsure look, eyebrow even raising as her arm crossed. “You trying to see Royd? What’s he gonna do?”
“Just.. do what is asked of you, for once.”
You blindly reached behind you, hearing the other woman release a sharp exhale before her elbow lazily entered your palm. You then turned around fully, eyes shut tightly as you gave her a firm grip.
“Don’t let me run into anything.”
“Uh huh..”
As usual, her dismissive nature peaked, the entire treck from the break room to the elevator, and down towards the lab resulted in several swears, a sore nose, and annoyed snakes. By the third time you swore she was doing it on purpose, and had half a mind to open your eyes for a devious game of peek-a-boo.
Alas you reached the lab, Invisigal entering first and leading you in right behind her. She squinted a bit, gaze settling upon the hulking mass of Royd currently turned towards a table of what seemed to be littered with blueprints.
“Hey, Royd! You got a minute?”
The man’s head snapped at her words, a disgruntled expression crossing his features. “Ai….” His tone was slightly agitated, rising from his leaning over position to turn fully towards the woman. “..been tellin’ you, you can’t keep coming in here anytime you want.”
Invisigal rolled her eyes a bit, taking a step to the side. “Except I’m not here to look at your lame suit dude, SC— [Name] needs your help or whatever.”
At the mention of your name Royd’s entire demeanor changed, crossing the lab in record time to stand infront of you. To Invisigal’s surprise he took your hand from her elbow gently, reaching for the other that rested by your side.
“What happened?”
You shook your head a bit, “Just an accident, Roy, nothing else. She didn’t mean to step on my glasses.” It was an even bigger surprise the moment Invisigal noticed how sweet and soft your speech got. Devoid of its usual coldness, and replaced with a warmth that nearly made her ill.
Roy nodded slowly, leading you towards a seat in the lab. Carefully he helped you sit, assuring you were fine, before turning to rummage through a few cabinets. Moments passed before a small ah hah escaped the large man, maneuvering back towards you with a new set of glasses in tow.
“Glad I made extra pairs.” Roy kneeled, unfolding them and gently placing them onto your face, sliding them perfectly into place. “There ya go. You can open those pretty little eyes now.”
A soft chuckle escaped you, slowly opening them, smile deepening as Royd came into view. Your hands rose, finding his warm cheeks to hold carefully. “Thank you..”
“No need to thank me, ko’u aloha—“
“Okay what the fuck am I looking at right now?” Invisigal interrupted loudly, stepping over to the scene unfolding before her with a puzzled expression. “Are yo.. Are you two—?”
“Married? Yes. Have been for about two years now.” You spoke, head turning to face the other, the feeling of your snakes maneuvering to plant little “kisses” to Royd’s face causing the corner of your mouth to quirk up.
Invisigal’s mouth remained slightly agape, glancing between the two of you repeatedly. You, then Royd, Royd, then you,— the cold hr rep, and the surprisingly smart himbo? No way, the two of you had to be pranking her right?
But she watched carefully.. watched as the moment your gaze returned to your dear husband how it immediately softened. Lips curled, fingers drawing messing little patterns upon his skin, the whole nine yards. And don’t even get her started on the whole puppy eyes routine Royd was giving you.
The two of you were completely smitten for one another, and whilst several questions hung in the air, the love the two of you held for each other was definitely not one of them.
Your eyes switched back to Invisigal, an eyebrow raising slightly. “You can go back now.. wouldn’t want you to miss your break.” The smile you held seemed just a little too forced for the ex-villian to catch as genuine concern— a soft huff escaping her in response as she spun on her heel.
She walked towards the door, reaching for the handle before your voice cut through her movements.
“Also.. Invisi? Tell your beloved teammates that the SCB gets laid.. and I mean, gets laid— a lot.”
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More lore on Robert and his spouse, these are all over the place!😫
They’re high-school sweethearts to lovers.
Robert used to come over to their house a lot during those years, since I get the feeling that having emotional teenager angst and a supposedly absent father (or at least emotionally absent) isn't a good mix to leave alone.
So leads me to believe that during his teenage years, Robert would either isolate or just try not to be home too much since there isn't much for him there. Probably has a small group of friends that he hangs around with regularly, which his S/O could have been a part of.
Definitely was a part of some form of engineering/robotics club. Was a beast during the science fair. It seems like he was the only one keeping up the suit before SDN came along, so the man definitely has brains.
I feel like his S/O would drag him over to their place so he wouldn't be alone consistently outside of school. At first, Robert probably felt like he was intruding, but after some time, his S/O parents would give him a house key since that was basically his second home. If his S/O had a big family, like an alarming number of siblings, or had some cousins living with them. Robert is getting adopted by them so fast, while his S/O is embarrassed by it. Robert, while it might not come off that way, is loving it, honestly.
It's awkward, yeah, but it feels nice! Since we don’t know much about his mother, I would at least say his mom either wasn’t in the picture or died.
Which raises the bigger question of was his father was always like this? While we can see or guess from how he talks about his dad and the comics. Like in the earlier eps, he mentions to Royd that he(Royd) had a longer conversation with his dad while getting arrested than he did his entire life (before his death). While this could be a bit over exaggerated, we still get a bit of a glimpse into their relationship(or lack thereof).
While a piece of me wants a genuine explanation on why his father is like that towards him, realistically, I know that people just straight up hate their kids, or at least tolerate them at best. That also means that Robert may not ever get closure, even if he gets revenge, as it seems like he cared more for his father than his father did to try to muster up the effort to do the same.
Amazing Hero to the Public, Morally Grey character in private.
His S/O probably has a regular civilian job (even tho they have powers) or might be someone in the engineering department or have a degree of some sort. They both attended separate colleges but didn’t make anything official until they graduated.
So with that in mind, they like to help Robert with the Mecha suit when needed, but mostly leave it to him since it’s practically a family heirloom, and he knows it best when it comes to fixing it.
Beef was a foster failure since the same time the couple was fostering him. Robert's Dad got killed, so he basically became the couple's emotional support dog. So, RIP to the little family in Ohio that was looking into adopting him 💔🤧
And speaking of family, a conversation they had before their marriage, if they were to have kids (adopted, biologically, etc). If their kids ever wanted to take on the family suit, would they let them? At first, Robert had neutral feelings about it, as if their kid(s) wanted to do it, then he couldn't stop them, but he's not going to let them go into it blindly. So he would absolutely teach them how to operate it. But after everything that happened to him, it's a straight no.
That suit has a body count of two and almost three, and he survived by straight chance. I think he wouldn't be able to sleep at night while knowing that he is letting his child into that thing.
Now I'm not saying that Robert hates the suit or being a hero(if he did, he would not be trying so hard to get back on the field or become financially ruined because of it). He hates the weight that things carry and the expectations that follow with it. Like the public literally told him that he should've died in that suit because his being alive seems more cowardly, LIKE THE HELL! While he willingly carries that weight, I don't think he can stomach his child carrying that same burden. Like if his child wants to be a regular hero outside of the family name, then he's down for it.
His S/O, on the other hand, never liked the idea in the first place, while nobody is forcing them to make their child step into the role. It comes off that they are going to be forced to if anyway if anything happens to Robert. Which means if Roberts dies, their child is supposedly next in line to meet death. And to those that NOT HAPPENING. So it's a high chance that the Mecha man line ends with Robert, unless he retires due to old age and their child takes his place, and that's the only way they MAY get it. But if Robert died in the field, then that suit is getting put on display somewhere.
That’s all for now but I hope to have more about them soon and maybe a design for his S/O! Thank you for reading!!! 💛
A/N: {it’s been a while since I wrote and I was explicitly high writing most of this😭 i was cooking tho. But I was having fun writing this, big Waterboy fan so I was not going to waste the opportunity} (If anyone knows the artist for the pictures, please tag them!)
+ this fic is bipoc friendly, but for the most paart reader is assumed to be black (by the writing style i fear)
Warnings: lots of cussing, suggestive content closer to the end, obv substance use, possibly ooc for waterboy
Now we know that waterboy is not familiar with any typa paraphernalia (dude doesnt even drink fr)
So it’s kinda surprising that his partner would be such a garden lover! 🍃😝
But for Herm (Big Herm, not the fucking little!), even though he doesn’t smoke himself, he appreciates the vibe of being apart of the session
Always lovely conversations filled with whimsy and giggles
Maybe it’s the second-hand high, but he always feels more comfortable in his skin
His s/o always simply asks if he wants a hit (¿tú quieres?) but never pressured tho bc we appreciate everyone’s comfortability!
On this day, he was feelin’ realll confident in hitting this blunt! (Period!)
“I-i would like-I like a hit” (he wanted feel cool)
S/o gets very giddy, bc like omg this your first hit. There’s a shift in the studio!!
Obv, we need prepare, yk get your water and asthma pump, be fucking ready
S/o is like ‘just inhale slightly, dont hold it in waterboy! Let ha’ out!’
They want to make sure that he get best experience bc first hits are not to be played with
Waterboy is pretty aware what to do, since you fucking smoke every goddamn day sister girl
He’s kinda knows how to inhale by watching you intensely than a normal person should be
I fear he’s kinda obsessed you like that
You hold out your blunt for him to hit, not letting him hold it bc he definitely drop that bih and start a fucking fire
He parts his lips, lips very moist bc yk he’s waterboy
The blunt has a trace of your carmax that taste so heavenly to him, reminding him of your lips that he’s very well acquainted with
He enjoyed that taste a lot, even more then you think. He daydreams about it on the job!
He inhales a little more than he should, bc again it’s herman we’re talking about here!!
If not nothing else, he gon be clumsy. It wasn’t a ridiculous inhale, but enough to cough/choke for a good 10 mins
You laughed for about all 10 of those minutes, eventually patting Herm on his back making sure he is all good
Through a squinted eye from the coughing, Herman seeing you laughing with the beautiful smile he’s always loved seeing and with those beautiful lips with that same lip balm he craved to taste more of
Once recovering from his little cough fit, he’s looking intensely at his partner as they keep giggling at his animated outburst
“Can you kiss sm- blow smoke into my mouth w-with yours? Please?
S/o’s leg twitches a little bit over that, bc omg, so bold of this shy boy
They get closer to him, closing the distance that already was non-existent since they were side to side
S/o gets a closer look into Herman’s eyes, trying to see if the high already kicked in or if he knows what he just said
“You wanna try shot-gunning it for your second hit?”
Herman finally get a full focus on your face, feeling much more sweatier and flushed than he already does, but maybe bc of the hit he just took, he’s not actually nervous or anxious about what’s happening
“Ye-yeah if that’s ok with you?” His eyes burn into yours as trying to listen in your head for your answer
You giggle at the silliness that was your bf and his first time smoking, you want to keep entertaining this
Switching up the seating position from before, you’re now on Herm’s lap to get a better angle to shotgun
Back to Herm, he’s starting feel it now and mellow allll the way out (big chillin’)
His greyish-blue eyes are back on auto focus on you, jumping a bit from your quickness to move in his lap
His body heats up a bit from the position that yall switched to, making sure to move cautiously to avoid the friction that could possibly happen between yall
But trust, it’s not a position Herm not used to, trust (🤭), he snakes his hands onto your waist making sure to have a grip on you
The feeling of Herman’s damp hands on the side/back of your waist makes you jump a little from the moistness and your general sensitivity in that area
He takes in all of your facial features, thinking about how he loves every part of you inside n out
While your adjusting to get comfortable, Herm starts talking out loud his love and affection for you, making you flustered and giggly from the outburst of love your bf tends to shower you with
“You’re just so pretty”, “Wow, I’m the luckiest guy in the galaxy”, “I can get lost in you forever”, etc,etc
“Ok loverboy, quit it before we do something else than finishing this blunt” (which is so tempting at this point)
He quiets down, wanting to smoke more but also wanting to do more with you after
You finally bring the blunt to your lips, inhaling half a breath in, you cup Herman’s face looking at him with those big doey eyes of his
Never breaking eye contact, you pull him in closer, taking your thumb to pull his chin down to open his mouth
You blow the smoke into his mouth, watching as his eyes roll back from the intensity of this whole situation
Herm moans slightly from all the sensations leaving in his body as he inhaled (hehe…it’s sensational)
Watching him, you start feeling giddy and swirly feeling in your tummy watching your beautiful bf take that hit like a champ
Slightly reeling back from that shotgun, Herm couldn’t take it anymore, he needs you badly
His grip on youe wrist tightens as he pulls you in much closer into his chest. Blowing the rest of the smoke out his nose like he’s a natural.
“I need you, I can’t take it any-anymore!”
“Thank god somebody said it!”
You guys have the most passionate and steamy kiss to start out the rest your night’s high…
Thank you guys for reading! Please let me know what y’all think, it’s been a write since I’ve written and thinking about getting into more so feedback is always welcomed!
❛ ROBERT “COCKBLOCK” ROBERTSON ꨄ YOUNG!CHASE / READER. ──────── despite how annoying babysitting robert is, it seemed to have its perks.. the new neighbor definitely being one of them.❛𓂂 ͜ᩘ ̵̼͓̥͒̾͘𑣿 ◞
۫ NOTES. [ young!chase is lowkey ooc, not much you can do with so little screen time but i tried my best | reader is black and depicted as having a fuller / curvy body | chase is 20 while robert is like 10 | robert being a little cockblock | chase attempting to flirt | etc]
۫ MANI’S THOUGHTS. [ silly little thing i wrote, robert being the typical younger brother and just practically ruining shit for chase. sorry, young him is too fine not to write about. ]
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This isn’t how Chase wished to spend his Saturday. He wanted nothing more than to be home in his bed binging something or maybe even out on the street helping Robbie in catching criminals, anyone, even petty thieves. But no, he was stuck here, babysitting.. as usual. Being apart of the Brave Brigade had its perks, but being the youngest member seemed to have more downsides when it came to taking care of a coworker’s kid. Nonetheless it’s a job he’s come to love, given the close bound he’s formed with said child.
Despite his bitching and whining, Robert Robertson was a good kid— one Chase didn’t mind having around.
Until now it seemed.
It was a normal day, the sun was out and instead of comics the pair decided to play a bit of catch in the front yard. They each wore a mitt, throwing the ball back and forth,— coupled with shit talk ( more so on Chase’s end ).
“Woah… where you looking kid?” Chase gave a bright, mocking smile the moment the ball just barely grazed Robert’s mitt, instead shooting right into the grass behind him. He chuckled a bit at the frustrated grumble that escaped the child, watching him turn and practically stomp to the ball.
“I thought we agreed no powers!”
Chase sucked his teeth, “Powers, where? That throw was so light a grandma could have caught it.” The little fury that shined in Robert’s eyes caused Chase’s glee to grow. He watched as the kid steadied, getting into a throwing position; the speedster matching this quickly with his own catching stance.
With all his might Robert tossed the ball, it zooming forward. Chase moved expertly, dashing to the side and extending his gloved hand to grab the ball. “Look at that, when you aren’t crying like a little bitch you’re pretty good at throwing!”
Despite the harsh words Robert smiled all the same, knowing his babysitter was gently teasing him like any young adult would.
“Yeah, well— I’ll get even better than you!”
“Pfft.. you wish…” Chase huffed quickly, gaze maneuvering from the kid instead to the neighboring house the moment the front door opened. He meant to simply glance and return his attention back to Robert, but was quickly enamored by the person walking through the threshold.
She was beautiful, perfect as dramatic as it seemed. Chase couldn’t help but notice the way her melanated skin shined as the sun hit it, how her plump body was covered in a simple flowy dress, fabric wrapping around each curve as she stepped down from her home’s porch. The woman took strides towards the end of her driveway, heading towards the mailbox.
Chase only ever noticed Robert moving until the crunch of grass entered his ears, dispelling the trance this mysterious woman had him under. The young man’s eyes switched to the boy for a second, “Whose that?”
“Huh?..” Robert had waltzed over in concern, wondering why his friend had suddenly went silent. He gave a look of confusion it only easing when he finally noticed her.. you.
“Oh— that’s [Name] our new neighbor, she’s pretty nice, gave me coo—“ The words could barely escape Robert’s throat before he was hacking from the dirt that kicked up the second Chase moved. His eyes squinted, blinking out remnants, gaze soon clearing to settle on Chase who was now approaching you. Robert sucked his teeth, eyes drooping to settle on the discarded baseball.
“Dick..”
Fingers clasped the cold metal latch of the mailbox, lifting it up whilst your free hand reached in, grasping the many pieces of mail tucked in neatly. Lifting the pile out, you closed the mailbox shut, humming as your eyes looked over the items. A few pieces had your name, your mom’s, and mail that seemed to belong to the previous owner of the home. You grumbled a bit to yourself, pushing them to the back of the pile whilst continuing to look through it.
“Hey.”
You jumped a bit at the sudden voice, gaze hurriedly raising from the letters to settle on the sudden intrusion. Your eyebrow rose, taking in the man — probably your age — standing just a few feet away from your mailbox. He was dressed in baggy blue jeans and an oversized button up, dark locs laid perfectly amongst his head with a fresh undercut. Safe to say.. he wasn’t ugly.
You gave your best at a little smile, not to subtly giving him an up-down. “Hey.. I just moved here, you one of my neighbors?”
The man shook his head, “Nah, I just babysit for your neighbor once in a while.” His head tilted back, gesturing to the little boy that stood several feet away from you both, holding a baseball. You gave a little nod of acknowledgment,
“Oh yeah.. You’re Chase aren’t you? Little Robert told me a little about you when I came over with cookies.“
Chase gave a little chuckle, dimples deep as dark eyes focused on your features. “Yeah, he told me how nice this [Name] was— decided to see for myself.” Noting the simper he wore, you couldn’t help but wear your own. Was he hitting on you?
“See for yourself, huh?” You teased just a bit, arms crossing as your mail completely went ignored. Your head tilted a bit, as if looking at him from a different angle. “Did I meet your expectations Mr. Babysitter?”
His smile deepened, eyes shifting to the side for a moment as a soft amused breath escaped him. Chase pushed forward, coming to lean against your mailbox as his gaze settled back to you. “Still on the fence.. nothing a little more talking won’t fix.”
Yeah, he’s definitely hitting on you.
The revelation caused you to giggle a bit, a warmth brewing in your stomach. You were far from excited about the sudden move your mother forced you into, but it seemed to come with some perks.
“So what do you li—“
“Chaseeee!” The sudden prepubescent screech caused Chase’s eyes to screw shut in annoyance, hand crumbling into a slack fist. You couldn’t help but laugh a bit, entertained with the way he seemed to mad at the interruption.
“Think someone’s calling you.”
Chase gives you unamused expression before tossing a quick, “Give me a sec kid!” over his shoulder. This was only met with a grumble on Robert’s part to which the young adult vehemently ignored, focus completely on you.
“Before I was rudely interrupted.. what do you like to do?”
“Mm… bake mostly. Also hair, ya know— boring stuff. What about you; besides babysitting for some little white boy with the weirdest name ever?”
Chase snickered, “Not too much on his name now, it’s a family tradition.” He enjoyed your laughter, swearing his cheeks would rip any moment from how much he was smiling. He rested on his arm, lips parting to speak again, in hopes of getting more laughs out of you. Only such hope was cut short the moment something struck the back of his head. The man jumped forward with a less than attractive grunt, hand flying to the spot in an attempt to soothe the pain. Chase was quick to toss a glare behind him, spotting the shit-eating grin plastered on Robert’s face.
You took a glance between the two, practically sensing what would surely transpire in the next few minutes. Deciding you wanted no parts, you turned on your heel, facing your driveway.
“Seems you have some business to attend to, it was nice meeting you Chase— bye little Robert!” You called a bit little louder so the kid could hear, smiling the moment you noticed him wave. You pressed forward, a little pep in your step as you headed towards your home.
Chase watched you for a moment, completely silent and simply waiting for you to enter your home. The moment you did, shutting the door behind you with a gentle click, the man was quickly spinning on his heel, darting towards Robert.
Robert could only scream as a sudden force scooped him up with ease, soon being maneuvered into a headlock with a knuckle being pushed into his head in the harshest noogie ever. The boy kicked and flailed, uselessly pushing at the other’s arm.
“I surrender! Uncle, uncle!”
“Hell no! You aren’t getting off that easy after being a cockblocking dickhead!”
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