#disord

Jaycee.

Jaycee had take five tests so far and went to the drugstore to to buy five more on her way to Landons house. Elle was at school so they’d have time to discuss this and figure things out. Jaycee loved Landon to pieces and he has been the best friend a girl could dream of. Picking on one another with mean come backs, with nothing but love for one another behind the remarks. Truth is, she’d take a bullet for Landon and Elle, and the fact that she was pregnant with someone she cared for and knew was a great dad. It comforted her, even though her nerves were a mess as she knocked on his door. Why didn’t she think it was weird she hasn’t had her period in four months, and her boobs have plumped up more than than usual. With her water bottle she walked in and grabbed Landons hand, her cheeks flushed from the cold air outside. “Landon, I’m sorry to rush over here. I just. I really really need to talk to you..” she turned around and the see through grocery bag showed the test, and a urine specimen cup to use the tests in. It was visible she was nervous and scared, as she furrowed her brow trying to read him. “I um.. Can we go to your bathroom?” She needed to sit down and talk but she’d drank so much water to retest for him, she was about to burst. Besides, they’ve both seen one another naked multiple times from the show they were on to recently a few months back. 

LANDON

One of the benefits of being a journalist was the opportunity to work from home. It made things easier back when Elle wasn’t going to school yet and the habit stuck around, even once his daughter got older. He was much more likely to get some work done in the comfort of his own home with no one around to distract him than he was at the office. A knock at the door brought him out of his working zone and he got up with a sigh. When he saw Jaycee on the other side of the door, his confusion only grew. His friend knew that he usually spent the time Elle was at school working and didn’t interrupt him so the fact that she was here right now, looking frazzled...it worried him. “What’s going o-“ His words cut off when he noticed what was in her grocery bag. Those were pregnancy tests. Landon felt his stomach drop to his feet and he stared at Jaycee with wide eyes. She didn’t even need to say anything for him to come to his own conclusions because why else would she come to his place with pregnancy tests? In a daze, he followed Jaycee to his he bathroom, feeling completely caught off guard. When he saw her take one of the tests out of the bag, Landon finally managed to get his mouth working again. “You’re pregnant?”

Jaycee.

Jaycee couldn’t hold it, and nodded for him to follow her to the bathroom. Deciding the leave the door open so he could talk and watch her do the tests correctly. “I have taken fivw tests already that say I am pregnant, and I have five more to double check. Landon I don’t get it..” after collecting a sample to dip the tests in, she cleaned herself up then washed her hands. It wasn’t that she’d think Landon wouldn’t believe her, she herself didn’t believe it. It has to be fluke or something. “And I’m pretty sure when we got snowed in is when we got pregnant.” She licked her lips, it was obvious she was scared and nervous of just telling him. Walking towards his bathroom, sitting down as soon as she pulled her pants down. Grabbing the cup to capture what she needed for the other tests as well and finished cleaning up. Standing with her hands on the counter as she took in a deep slow breath through her nostrils, taking the tests she divided them up to be opened by them both. Jay laid the dipped tests on its box. “I want to keep this baby, are you okay with that.?” She asked him with panicked eyes, trying to stay strong.

LANDON

Landon knew that the next tests Jaycee was planning on taking would only confirm what the others said. With five tests saying that his friend was pregnant, how could it be a false positive? It was pretty much impossible but he also knew that wasn't the right thing to say right now, not when Jaycee looked so nervous already. This was pretty similar to what he'd gone through with his sister six years ago. The disbelief that this could actually happen and the fear over what it would mean. Only this time he was the father and not just a concerned brother. Jaycee also wasn't the only one in disbelief. How could he have let this happen? Whenever someone asked him if he was planning on having more children his answer was always the same. Maybe in the future. Landon still remembered the conversation he had with Alison when she was thinking of giving Des a little sibling. He understood the reasoning behind it but he wasn't ready. For six years, he raised Elle on his own. He had help from his family and friends but it was different than having a partner to share the experience with. Landon always said that the next time he did it, it would be with someone he was in love with and wanted to spend his life with. And most importantly planned. And now here they are. He shook himself out of his thoughts at Jaycee's question and nodded. Having adopted his sister's baby, there was no way that he was going to be against keeping his own. "Of course I'm okay with that, and I'm going to be involved and present. I promise."

Jaycee.

Her hip rested against the sink countertop, with her arms crossed under her newly swollen chest. Should have been her first sign because she’s never been big up top. “I know you will, and knew you would. You’re a great father and I know this baby wasn’t planned. But he or she never could be a mistake. I was told it’s probably be impossible to be a mom, and you know it’s something that bothered me..” picking at her full bottom lip as her eyes showing how she zoned out, knowing and feeling he’ll be someone co parenting could be so easy with. “I’m just thankful it’s yours, and someone I trust. And you know I’m going to always love Elle as mine as well. And she can still come stay over to visit with her brother or sister while it’s my time. I would encourage it.. I’m rambling cause I’m so nervous, holy shit Lan..” she cupped her hands over her nose and mouth as she softly cried. “What if I’m horrible like my mom with my own child.. Don’t let me be my mom, please..” she shrugged softly and opened her arms needing to be held and he could probably use some comfort as well. “I have an appointment later today if you want to go. I’m okay with Elle go if you’re okay with it. They’ll be doing an ultrasound.. And hearing the heartbeat.” Her voice chokes up a bit at the thought of hearing something she prayed to one day hear.

LANDON

Even though this was very unexpected and not exactly what Landon had planned for the moment, he would never even think about referring to his child as a mistake. He was just grateful that at least it was with Jaycee. They might not be together like that, especially after he came out as gay, but they did love each other. She was always there for him, whether that was a shoulder to cry on or someone to help him with Elle. And he knew for a fact that she would be a great mother who would love their child unconditionally. Landon was quick to pull Jaycee in for a hug when she started crying, murmuring comforting words in her ear. “You could never be a horrible mum Jay, no way. You treat Elle like your own and you know she loves her cool aunt to pieces. This is something you’ve always wanted but thought you couldn’t have...this baby is going to be so loved and you’re going to be a great mum.” What he was saying was also a way of comforting himself. He went from planning on going back to college for his masters to finding out he was going to be a dad again. It wasn’t something easy to wrap his head around. “I’ll be there”, he reassured. “But I’ll try and find someone to look after Elle while we’re there. I need to wrap my head around it myself before I tell her about it. And you know that once Elle finds out she’s going to be a big sister she won’t keep the secret for very long.”

Jaycee.

Jaycee wanted to comfort him as well, knowing he had to be feeling some form of panic. Using her hands to rub his back, while she looked down at the tests that were all boldly positive. “Thank you, that means a lot. And you know if you still want to get your masters then go for it. I got Elle when you need me to.” Jaycee would have offered that regardless, because she loves that little girl to pieces. Laughing softly at agreeing needing to wrap their heads around the news. “I still can’t believe I’m pregnant.” Her eyes shined a bit from when she was crying, but she was beaming with a bright smile. “Well I guess after the appointment we can discuss different announcement looks. If you want to stay ahead of Miss Elle.” Smirking until her stomach growled causing her to laugh. “I can’t wait to eat after my appointment. I have to fast for blood work.” Scrunching her freckled nose as she playfully pouted.

LANDON

Landon knew that he could count on Jaycee to have his back, just like he would always have her back. She was being serious when she offered him to look after both Elle and the baby so he could get his masters done like he planned before all this happened. He just wasn’t sure he could do it now. When Elle was a baby and during the first years of her life before starting school, Landon was always around. He was present for all the big accomplishments like her first word and her first step. There was nothing he feared more than the baby not getting the same attention from him that Elle got. What if he was at a lecture that he couldn’t get out of while his child was learning how to walk? No, he would hate himself forever if that were to happen but he also didn’t want to make Jaycee feel guilty so he just smiled. “You’re the best, thank you.” Landon wasn’t expecting his day to turn into such a rollercoaster of emotions and it was finally setting in...he was going to be a dad again. Talk of announcements brought Landon out of his reverie. Shit. He was going to have to tell Roman and Aaron about this. They didn’t deserve to find out from some announcement on social media. After the appointment I promise to take you to McDonald’s or something”, he chuckled, hearing the way her stomach was growling.

Jaycee.

Leaning against the sink counter she just dazed out looking at the test, then down at her flat stomach. Brows furrowed as she thought how this was going to go, praying she didn’t disappoint herself or Landon in being a mother. Turning to her side she raised her sweater that was baggy over her plum colored yoga pants, looking from the mirror to her stomach and yeah she was bloating but she thought it was going to be a painful period. Tiniest little bump was evident but only if you really knew how small Jaycee was. “Hey I’ll take McDonald’s. Chocolate shake sounds really good right now.” She spoke while she dropped her sweater, blushing a bit. Probably looking like a weirdo looking at her stomach, or thinking she’ll freak out over gaining weight. And to be honest she was a little, but she’s stronger and would never ruin a chance to be a mom. “Are you okay?” She asked him in a soft tone, knowing she just fastened a seatbelt to a crazy ride for him. “I know it’s a lot.. I am still not sure if it’s true and probably won’t until the doctors appointment.” She pulled the ends of her sweater to bunch them up into her fisted hands as she laughed softly.

LANDON

Landon looked on as his friend lifted her sweater and looked down at her stomach. This might not be the first time Landon found himself about to raise a child, but it was a completely different situation then it was with Elle. With Elle it was a completely different experience because his sister was the one who was pregnant and she never showed any interest in being the one to raise her. As much as he loves his sister, Landon never quite managed to figure out how she kept herself so detached from the situation and from the baby growing inside her. Once Elle was born, his sister signed over her custody to him and took on the role of fun aunt without a second thought. It wasn’t going to be the same this time as Jaycee was obviously going to be a very big part and it left Landon wondering about what he should be doing. Was he supposed to act like a doting father to me to his partner even though he and Jaycee weren’t together? Hopefully he would get more than enough time to come to figure it out and get used to the idea. “Yeah I’m fine. It’s just...quite a situation and unexpected. This isn’t how I thought I’d have my second child but it is what it is.” He knew the chances that more than five pregnancy tests were wrong were slim but he didn’t say anything. If that thought reassured Jaycee, then he wasn’t about to ruin it.

Jaycee.

”It’s not how I’d picture having my first child. Neither of us planned this, and some how or some way we will figure it out. We’re friends before anything and Elle and this Baby  comes first.” She didn’t know what to expect, but she was definitely trying to hide she was upset. Holy hormones! Walking out of the bathroom after she cleaned up the mess she had made. Disinfecting the counter top was the least she could do, for getting upset and causing a scene. Uncrossing her arms from under her chest she held her hands up and looked up at him. “I’m sorry, that’s now the right way to speak to you. I don’t doubt you want to be in this babies life, and I know you’d want to be part of everything. So if you want to discuss living arrangements we can. I’d have my own room of course, and we can decorate both nurseries. Yours first, like I said earlier. I’m just repeating myself, yeah?” She pressed two fingers to each temple and massaged. “I just believe you and I could make this work. I don’t expect you to want to be with me just because. And I trust you’re not going to bring just anyone into our child’s life, unless you trusted them. Because I’ve seen you with Elle, so in a way maybe it was meant to happen this way. I can’t think of my baby as a mistake.. I know that much..” she laughed softly, before placing her hand to her neck to massage it. Her other hand going to her mouth as she yawned. “Sorry, I’m just so tired. I think I’m going to take a vacation as we figure things out, and my body adjusts to these hormones.”

LANDON

Landon wasn’t sure what he said to upset Jaycee. He was supportive and had every intention of helping raise this baby, but he didn’t think he could be blamed for being shocked. It’s not like they planned this and now all of a sudden he found himself about to become a dad again. He was caught off guard but Landon also knew that saying all that would just make things worse if his friend was already upset with him. So while he would usually argue at being talked to like that, he knew that keeping calm was key right now so he just tried his best to smile. “Exactly, Elle and the baby come first. I’m glad we’re in agreement.” If there was something he wouldn’t settle for was for his daughter to be made to feel like lesser to the baby but he knew that Jaycee would never do that. She loved Elle too much. “We will make this work and I’m going to be with you every step of the way. And you know that I don’t bring just anyone around Elle so I’ll do the same with our baby. I never said this baby was a mistake Jay, no child of mine could ever be a mistake. All I said was that it was unexpected and you can’t really tell me it wasn’t. That doesn’t mean I’m...upset about it, or anything like that.” Landon wished there was something he could say that would help the girl feel a little better about it all, but he wasn’t sure what that was. “We’re going to be okay...I promise.” 

Jaycee.

Hearing him out and speaking she felt like such an ass, Landon of all people. Someone she’s known for years and knew very well would never feel how her fears were screaming at her. Sitting on the end of his bed she sighed softly, before catching herself yawn. Placing her hands to her face as she shook her head, apologizing. “Lan..” she looked up at him with pure apologetic eyes, tears threatening to fall. “I’m so sorry if I was mean, holy shit what was that?” She gasped with her hand on her chest, trying to calm herself down a bit. Taking in slow breaths, before exhaling slower to relax her anxiety of the day. “I know all of that and I know you know Elle is just as equal to me. I think I just panicked and wanted you to know everything.” Two single tears fell from each eye as she sniffled a bit, while she looked down at her hands bunched up in her oversized sweater. “You know know..” she looked up smiling softly. “Elle is going to be the best big sister there is..” she imagined her excitement in wanting to hold her sibling for the first time, was something she’d be sure to catch not only for Landon but it’s a memory she wants for herself too. Using her sweater as she cleared her face up, she walked up to her friend and just hugged him. She needed it and she trusted his promises. “Did you know morning sickness is NOT morning sickness? I’d like to slap whoever came up with that term.” She tried to joke as she looked up at her sweet friend, now father of their child. Together, their family will no doubt be filled with laughter and fun. “I am hoping peppermint yeah I got will help, but then I get such heartburn after drinking it.” She laughed softly. 

LANDON

Landon didn’t hold it personally. When his sister was pregnant with Elle, he lost count of how many times she was close to snapping his head off over an innocent comment he made which she took personally. It was all part of the experience and the joys of being around a pregnant woman. Not that he was about to tell Jaycee that, he valued his life thank you very much. So he just smiled and shrugged good naturedly, which only turned more sympathetic when he noticed that she was crying. “Hey, it’s okay”, he mumbled, squeezing her comfortingly. “I’ve got thick skin and I know better than to get insulted over something like that.” If there was one thing he was grateful for, it was that he wouldn’t have to ever experience morning sickness himself. It was no secret that the name was very misleading and it wasn’t only experienced in the morning. “My sister used to swear by ginger tea and saltines. If you’re lucky, it might even help you avoid getting heartburn. Although I wouldn’t blame you if you don’t want to try, ginger tea’s disgusting.” 

Jaycee.

Nodding her head, sniffling as he assured her it was okay. “I just, I wouldn’t ever talk to you like that. I know we’re both mentally freaking out and that’s okay..” Jay scrunched her nose at the idea of ginger tea, but she’d try anything natural and safe. It was dangerous to have morning sickness so much. Not only for her and the baby, but her past as well. Thankfully she’s strong and has a powerful group surrounding her, reminding her they’re her family. “I will give any a try, maybe pick some up after the appointment?” She asked with a soft tone,smiling. Reaching for her pink water bottle the entire dance crew had, she took a sip of water. Drinking her water as if she’d been dying of thirst, without being messy. “I swear I go through double waters bottles a day now.” She laughed softly, trying to stay hydrated with morning sickness was important and she’s always been self conscious of what she puts in her body. “You know I have nausea meds from when I.. well you know the past. And Google says they’re safe. But, this might be the only child I ever get a chance to carry and I’m just so protective already. Besides I’d want your opinion on anything like that too.” She spoke with her hands, her phone went off and she saw it was and email making her smile. She opened it and saw the head shots for the girls came in and showed him. “Those two are going to keep us all stressed. They’re so precious.” She leans in to look at them again. “Elle and Destiny’s head shots will be the models of dance for the studio. So when you walk in there’s my girls.” Her eyes lit up as she spoke about the girls and the dance academy. 

LANDON

“It’s okay, really...I know it’s a stressful time for both of us.” Landon wasn’t about to take it personally. This was a shock for both of them but he couldn’t even begin to imagine what it was like for Jaycee, finding yourself pregnant after being sure that wouldn’t ever happen for you...that wasn’t something Landon could ever relate to. So he was going to do anything he could to help out and make the experience a little more bearable, even if it meant buying shitty ginger tea that was never ever going to drink himself and keeping it in his cupboard. He could understand her feeling of protectiveness towards the baby. Having just found out about the baby’s existence, he already felt like he loved them so he couldn’t even imagine what it felt like for Jaycee. But he wasn’t about to force his friend to feel like shit over an opinion that he wasn’t really entitled to anyways. After all, he wasn’t the one suffering from constant nausea. “Maybe check with the doctor while we’re at the appointment to make sure? If you get their go ahead then I don’t see why you shouldn’t take them, especially if they help you out”, he reasoned. Landon looked at the photos on Jaycee’s phone, a fond smile on his face. He loved those two girls with all his heart and it was heartwarming to see Jaycee love them just as much. This is what he meant when he said his friends in Kingsboro were like his family. “They’re going to get really big heads if you keep spoiling them like that.” The smile on his face made it obvious he was only teasing though. 

Jaycee.

Leaning her head against his shoulder, instant calm at how assuring he was. He always calmed her nerves in the craziest of situations. She was so nervous joining the show with him and Aaron but Landon was just so easy to get along with, with her at least. Anyone was to say otherwise she’d ask them what they did, no Landon. “Yeah I’ll ask the doctor, cause I’m scared I’d the ginger tea tastes as bad as you say it does. It won’t help me.” She giggled softly as she saw his face light up looking at the girls, those two ruled their world and they knew it. “They already know they control our lives, and we just added to it.” She bumped his shoulder playfully, before putting her phone in her back pocket. “I just want them to always be confident in themselves, not just their beauty. So I was adamant on them shooting while doing their leaps and warm ups. Of course they had to be little divas. But those head shots are basically for you and Landon. I’m just proud.” She smirked, shrugging her shoulders. Placing the flat of her hand her upper stomach as she felt a cold flush run over her, then got really hot. Holding her other hand to her mouth she walked fast to the bathroom and rushed before she threw up on his floor. Her long hair to the side, hoping none got in the toilet, (thankfully none did cause ew) she flushed it and rested her cheek on the cold porcelain and closed her eyes. “I’m surprised I lasted as long as I did before that happened..” she tried to joke, but wasn’t completely sure if she wasn’t going to sick again. 

————Time Skip ————

Jaycee.

After being woken up at 3 am with her water breaking. She was so scared but Landon had been the best coach she could have ever asked for. From feeding her ice chips, to using a cool washcloth on her forehead to keep her cool. When they got there she was dilated to a five and they gave her an epidural as soon as she was in their room. It was going so fast she never let go of his hand until they were able to sleep for a few hours before it was time to push. And it was as if it all was a blur once they placed their son on her chest, Jaycee looked up at Landon crying in a sweaty tired mess. “He’s here.. he’s so beautiful.. Hey so you’re the little dude that kicked all the time” she leaned her head against Landons smiling, but tired from all the pushing. They took him to weigh him and make sure he was all good before handing him to Landon, bundled up. It was a moment she’ll never forget, watch him take in his son. “He looks so much like you.” She was still a crying mess, but she laughed. The baby wrapping his tiny hand around Landons finger, as he pouted a bit.

LANDON

It was almost like time stopped having any meaning from the moment he got the text from Jaycee at 3am, who he thought was sleeping in the other room, to tell him her waters broke. From getting dressed, to texting everyone that the baby was coming so Elle wouldn’t be left sleeping on her own, it wasn’t hard to believe that he completely lost track of time. The benefit of having to drive to the hospital so early in the morning was that the usual Kingsboro traffic was pretty much non-existent and pretty soon they were being admitted to their private room. With Jaycee being dilated to five, Landon encouraged her to get some sleep after the epidural was administered. It was going to be a very tiring process and his friend needed all the sleep she could get. The plan wasn’t for him to fall asleep as well, sitting in the chair next to the bed and holding Jaycee’s hand but having not gotten any sleep at all before getting the girl’s text, and rushing around to get everything for the unexpected labour, maybe it wasn’t that surprising that he ended up drifting off for a few hours as well. Landon tried his best to be supportive to Jaycee throughout the labour. He fed her ice chips to make sure she didn’t get dehydrated and cooled her face down with a washcloth every time it seemed like it was getting to be too much. The situation was completely different than when his sister gave birth to Elle but one thing that was exactly the same was the helplessness he felt at seeing someone he cared about going through so much pain in order to bring to life his child. All he could do was to be a supportive and encouraging presence for Jaycee. The emotions that went through him as soon as his son was born and placed on Jaycee’s chest was indescribable. That was his boy. His son. It was both surreal and one of the most beautiful moments of his life. “Look at him”, he whispered, in awe at the sight in front of him.

One of his biggest worries after finding out about Jaycee’s pregnancy was that he would never be able to love his son as much as he loved Elle. How was it possible, when Elle was his whole world and had been for six years? It seemed impossible to think that he could hold so much love in his heart. It wasn’t something he ever told Jaycee because he didn’t want to worry her and was glad he didn’t. Because the moment the nurse handed him his son to hold, all bundled up and a small finger wrapped around his, Landon was hooked. It’s true what people say, the moment another child is born your heart grows a little more to make space for another. His baby was barely a few minutes long and Landon already felt like he would do anything for him. “Hey Baby S”, he cooed, tears streaming down his face and yet still able to make reference to the joke him and Jaycee had going on. He walked closer to the bed and sat down so that Jaycee would be able to get a closer look at their son. “Look angel, that’s mummy.” 

Jaycee.

Look at him, and the way he just kept looking at his dad was enough to bring more tears. Jay was exhausted and honestly wouldn’t have made it through without how he comforted her. After they got her fixed up and comfortably resting on an ice pack, thankful that she was still numb. The doctor congratulated Landon and handed him a pack of cigars, as they let them know the lactation nurse would be in soon. Scooting over so he could sit better the best she could. “Hey my sweet little miracle, look at you.” She cooed, sniffling. The moment he was on her chest, Jaycee was so helplessly in love with their son. Looking into Landons eyes, both of them a teary mess, her chin trembled. “Thank you for giving me the best gift there is.” Her voice broke, her eyes filled with so much love and joy. Watching her best friend hold their son was something else. Jaycees eyes were heavy as the days of not sleeping weighed on her, but she was trying so hard to fight it. “I can’t stop staring at him, he’s.. Perfect. Our little Easter Bunny.” She ran the tip of her pointer finger over his nose. “He is definitely playing by his own rules, already.” She joked sleepily as the lactation nurse came in, and helped Jaycee learn how to hold him right and he latched right away. The nurse gushing how amazing he was doing and that she wasn’t even needed. Of course Jaycees heart swelled when she said that, but she just watched him in awe. Bonding even more over feeding him, gently caressing his head. “I love you so much, every breath I take is for you. I will love you beyond my last breath.” Tears still flowing, as she laughed a bit. Still in awe and shock he was in her arms, nursing. Once he was done and she was able to burp him, handing him back to his daddy. “You ready to go see daddy again, I know he can’t get enough of you either.” She felt so happy and drowsy. “If I fall asleep I’m sorry in advance.” She joked knowing better.

LANDON

This was one of the most emotional moments of Landon’s life so he couldn’t even begin to imagine what it felt like for Jaycee. His friend thought she’d never get to have something like this and now here they were, looking down at their son. Jaycee was right in calling him their little miracle. “Thank you”, he said, voice breaking as he got emotional again. If someone had told him a year ago that he would be here, looking at his son with Jaycee right there with him, he would have laughed. Now he couldn’t imagine his life any other way. Landon watched with a fond smile as Jaycee fed their son and then took him back in his arms once he was done. “I can’t believe you’re even apologising. You literally just gave birth Jay, I’d be worried if you weren’t sleeping”, he said, although his eyes barely left their baby’s face. “Get some sleep love, we’ll be right here when you wake up.” 

Jaycee.