i rlly want to be the child pedophiles want but i rlly worry about things like if im too old or if its a disgusting thought and i should be shot in the head
i just have to be groomed in general yknow
maybe u get it sorry if this islike crazy im unsure how to deal wit thrse thogght dnmmhmttb
i don't really know if this is a troll or someone genuinely struggling and venting in our asks for some reason, I'm going to choose the latter and decide to be a bit vulnerable with you because while i cannot comfort you due to my own severe lack of empathy and such due to my disorders, i struggle with similar intrusive thoughts
you are not alone, inherently it is a 'disgusting' thought but it is also an intrusive one, one you cannot control and one that may even come from trauma like us
we have been groomed and programmed to hurt people younger than us, we have constantly struggled with the thoughts of doing so and have factives of our groomers and abusers even who would act off of said thoughts if they got the chance
personally, even while being cis-harmful and cis-abusive, it isn't something we fully enjoy being, we are those because it's something we cannot control, we will always inherently harmful and abusive, even without realizing, it's just in our nature and how we were created
but there are a few things we can control, a few things we choose to. we choose to not interact with those younger than us, we ask those younger than us not to get close to us persay, not to provoke us into acting on our intrusive thoughts. one of our greatest fears is becoming our abusers, we do anything and everything in our power to prevent that, we prefer and want to break the cycle.
while there are a few things that we would willingly do if we wouldn't get caught, arrested, etc, this is not really one of themβwhen we're in a good state of mind at least
i hope you feel some sort of closure of not being alone if this isn't a troll, I'm not going to tell you what you should and shouldn't do, I'm sick and tired of doing that and i don't even like it myself so what should i do something that i don't even like when it happens to me? just be safe, don't be an idiot, don't ruin your life
unless you really, really want that
