When bad news is the best news
Today I had what was the final test to try and figure out whatâs wrong with my back. After 8 years of suffering and tests, after leaving behind so many of my favorite activities, including art, after losing friends due to the spiraling depression and anger at this chronic pain...we think weâve found it.
I had a discogram today, which is where they inject your spinal discs with fluid and dye to increase pressure on them. Â The dye shows the inner structures of the disc so they can see if there are cracks, fissures, and other degenerated forms. Â The increased pressure is supposed to activate the pain so that they can clearly point at the disc itself as a pain generator. Â Itâs like poking a bear to make it roar at you.
With discograms, there is a bit of controversy surrounding how you do them. Â Youâre supposed to do a healthy disc as a control, but then thereâs also a school of thought that thatâs dangerous or inaccurate. Â Itâs one of those things that is hotly debated in the spinal health community apparently. Â
Today, we were only supposed to do two discs, the two that my doctor thought were the likely targets. Â Suddenly, he decided, just to be safe and have a test that no one could deny, weâd go ahead and do a third disc as a control. Â Turns out that the decision to do that, by a stroke of luck, actually found what may be my main pain generator, whereas the one we suspected may not be a generator at all. Â Total luck and intuition on my doctorâs part. Â He showed me the X-ray pics, and sure enough, the disc that was supposed to be a control is a wreck. It also reproduced the pain that Iâm very used to feeling when itâs at itâs worst.
Oddly enough, I didnât give a number higher than 5 or 6 on the pain scale because Iâm so used to pain. Â They were like man, weâve seen grown men howl out, but you are really stoic with all this. Â I have dealt with chronic pain since I was a kid thanks to the Fibro, so it takes a hell of a lot to make me howl. Â Usually it has to be mouth related, I canât handle that stuff. Â But with everything else, I have a very high pain tolerance. Â Pain and I are the original abusive OTP, hahahakaha.
So, here I am, after all these years of absolute flippin misery, my mental health cascading into darkness from my physical state, I might have an answer.  I will get the actual, clear CT read next week, but even the X-ray was like âYo your shitâs a hot mess right hereâ, so thatâs amazing.  This is the BEST bad news I could ever ask for.  Fortunately for me, there are a couple of very good treatment options for disc degeneration.  Theyâre even located here in my state, so I donât have to go far.  Thereâs tech that can use stem cells to rebuild the discs, as well as injectable sealants that will mend cracks.  The stem cells are wildly positive though.  Thereâs a man my doc knows who works with heavy cable and machines, and he had it done and is basically normal now.  HOT DAMN.  TAKE MY MONEY. Â
Sometimes, bad news is good. Â Especially if youâve been hanging by a thread for years. Â Something comes along and discovers the root of the thread, and then they can begin to help you up out of that hole. Â I am so happy I donât know what to do. Â Iâll probably break down in tears when I get the actual results. Â Iâve looked for SO long for the cause of this treachery. Â Now I finally may have it. Â The zebra might run again.