#disasterkit

We know what you’re thinking.  Having a disaster kit isn’t minimalist!  It’s just a bunch of junk you’re keeping “just in case” and that goes against everything minimalism is about.  Normally we would agree with you.

HOWEVER.

We live in tornado country.  Spring and summer are incredibly nerve wracking. Remember those tornadoes that fucked up the South in 2011?  We were hunkered down in the basement of the factory we worked in that day, with 1200 other employees and no electricity.  It took us 30 minutes to drive home less than a mile because there were so many trees and power lines down.  We went out that weekend to help with cleanup in Hackleburg and Phil Campbell, Alabama and they were just... fucking flattened. We took the following photo in Hodges, AL in April 2011.  Check out the black helicopter.  PS, this was a residential neighborhood.  Note the disappeared houses and utility poles.

Our BFF’s house in Tuscaloosa was totally destroyed.  She survived by hiding in her tub with her boyfriend. So you bet your ass we’ve got a disaster kit and a Shelter-In-Place plan.  We don’t have a Bugout plan because we can’t fit all our pets in the car with us, and also because if we’re bugging out so is the rest of the city and we don’t want to die in our vehicle when the big one hits.  We’d rather die in our cozy house with our dogs.  Also, running from a tornado in your car is a dumb move.  In 2011 many of those killed had been caught in their vehicles when the storms hit.

ANYWAY.

The point is, you need an emergency preparedness plan and you need some supplies to keep you afloat for 3-5 days until the power comes back on or rescue arrives. Starving, freezing and wandering around in the dark are not minimalist goals.  So let’s go over some things you might need:

Light:  You could use candles, oil lanterns or flashlights if the power is out.  If there is a burn ban due to the possibility of ruptured gas lines (listen to your radio to find out)  you’ll need to rely on flashlights to keep from blowing yourself up.  In that case, LED ones will last much longer than old school ones.  Keep enough batteries to power these for a few days and make sure to replace them when they expire every few years.  To conserve these items, get what you can done during the day and plan to sleep after sundown.  (Or at least sit in the dark awake and tell ghost stories to scare the crap out of your kids.  Ahhh, childhood memories!)

Food: Stock a cabinet with non-perishables like potted meat, crackers, peanut butter and granola bars.  Make sure they can be eaten cold or heated over a fire, in their original container if possible.  Keep a can opener with these items if they don’t have pop-tops. If you want to get fancy, you could get a bucket of freeze-dried meals that you just add water to or a box of those emergency ration bars.  We hear those are gross, though, so try to stock up food that won’t be miserable to eat.  If there’s a disaster having tasty food to eat might be the bright spot in your shitty day.  Most of these items do expire eventually, so keep an eye on the dates.

Water: You’ll need one gallon per person per day of clean water for drinking and washing.  This can be in gallons bought from the store, or if you know there’s a storm coming you can fill your sinks and bathtubs beforehand.  If you want to get fancy, get a Waterbob.  Keep your pets in mind too.  Look at their size and calculate how much they need and keep it on hand.  You could also invest in filtering devices or chemical tablets to make rain or river water drinkable.

Heat: If it’s summer and the power is out, you’re just going to have to sweat.  However, if it’s winter you’ve got some options assuming there isn’t a burn ban.  The most basic one is to have a stock of firewood for power outages.  You can use a fireplace or fire pit to burn it for warmth and cooking.  There are also kerosene and propane heaters, which often have a little spot on top for heating up a pot of food or water.  Make sure you’ve got tanks of the appropriate fuel on hand and that you know how to use these devices properly.  Also keep some blankets in waterproof containers with your disaster stuff, and grab a pack of space blankets and learn how to use them.  (They aren’t like regular blankets.)

Communication: Since it’s possible that phone lines and cell towers will be down, you need some way to get info.  An emergency NOAA radio will do the trick.  You won’t be able to communicate with family, but you’ll hear weather alerts and get instructions.  Many of these things are also FM radios, so you can check your local stations for specifics on where to go for aid if you need it, as long as those stations are up and running.  Our radio happens to also be a solar flashlight and a USB charger, so check those out.

Shelter: If your house is still standing, even if it’s somewhat damaged, staying there is your best bet.  Cover broken windows with plastic shower curtains and tape and shelter in the most intact room.  If there’s no heat, light your fireplace if possible and pop a tent in front of it.  If you are caught without shelter, you’ll need a tent and good sleeping bag.  These can be had from sports and outdoors shops or the internet.  Get ones that fold up as small as possible for storage, but are still good quality so you won’t freeze.

First Aid: Hopefully you’ll come out unscathed, but keep a solid first-aid kit anyway.  You can buy good pre-assembled kids from the Red Cross, or put together your own.  You’ll need antiseptic, analgesics, bandages, gauze, ointment, and at least a week’s supply of your own prescription meds and your kid’s and pet’s.  Check the expiration dates regularly and keep all of this in a sealed, waterproof container.  Here’s some random stuff from our kit we inspected today:

Clothes: Keep three to five days worth of clothes, socks and underwear per person in a waterproof container.  If there’s flooding or your roof is damaged, all your other clothes might get wet or contaminated.  Keep some sturdy boots in there too.

Sanitation:  Keep some trash bags, disinfectant spray and hand wipes available.  No one wants to die of dysentery during the apocalypse.  Baby wipes are great for refreshing yourself when there is no shower available.  Also you may want some personal hygiene stuff in a waterproof container like toilet paper, feminine hygiene products, toothbrushes and tissues.

Fire prevention: Not all disasters are caused by wind.  Make sure your smoke alarms work and that you’ve got an up-to-date fire extinguisher in every kitchen on every floor.  Baking soda will also put out a fire.  If you’re maintaining a fire pit or fireplace during a disaster (or even on a normal day) keep a big bucket of sand for putting it out safely.

Kids: Put back some baby formula and diapers if you’ve got little kids.  Any medications they need, clothes and blankets and kid-sized sleeping bags.  We’d also recommend some entertainment items like books, crayons and coloring books, toys or board games.  Trying to get a tree out of your kitchen will be a lot harder if you’re trying to deal with bored kids.

Pets:  Keep 3-5 days of extra food and water on hand in waterproof containers for each pet, plus leashes and collars, blankies, crates, ID tags and rabies certificates, and any meds they need.  Kitty litter and disposable litter boxes are a plus.

Miscellaneous: It may be handy to have some other items put away, such as a battery backup for your phone, spare glasses, a whistle or emergency flares to signal for help, firestarters or cigarette lighters or matches in a waterproof container, a compass and map, spare keys, cash, or important documents.  We have a favorite book put away, too.

~HAVE A PLAN IN PLACE~

Now that you’ve got your supplies, hopefully put away in plastic totes and waterproof containers in a secure location, it’s time to talk about plans.  You should have a plan for any disasters that are likely in your area, and you should have an annual family meeting to talk about and update these plans.  For everything except fire, be prepared to get your kids and pets corralled indoors. Here are some examples:

Fire:  Suppose your smoke alarm goes off at 2 AM.  Do you have a fire extinguisher? Where are you going to go?  Are you sure your windows aren’t painted shut?  Do your kids know how to open them and pop the screens out?  Where is your cat?  Where are you all going to meet once you escape?  Whose door can you knock on in the middle of the night to call 911 and whose job is that going to be?  Answer these questions and talk to your family about all of them.

Flood: Check your local maps to find out if your house is in a likely flood zone. You’ll probably have warnings before this happens, but do have plans in place.  Are you going to get in the car and leave ahead of time? Are you going to stay and live on your roof? Can everyone swim?  We’re not too familiar with flood danger because we live at a high-ish elevation, so anyone who is, feel free to chime in with advice.  Do not leave your pet behind to die like some assholes did in Florida last year.  Those people are shitbags who deserve to drown.

Stormy weather: Tornadoes and hurricanes and even just regular old straight-line wind can fuck your shit up.  Do you have time to get to a nearby community storm shelter, or are you going to have to stay at home?   What room in your house is safest?  Do you have a basement?  Do your kids know to stay away from doors and windows?  How are you going to restrain your pet from roaming into the less-safe parts of the house?  

Earthquake:  All we really know about these is standing in a doorway.  FEMA says you should know the safest spots in your house and practice going there and holding on until the shaking stops.  Assess your situation afterwards and be careful of damaged buildings or other structures.  Our history professor insists that this continent is overdue for an earthquake at the New Madrid fault and it’s going to screw much of North America, so even if you think you live in a place where earthquakes don’t happen it’s worth going over a plan for this once a year.

Blizzards, ice storms: These ones are all about staying in and staying warm and fed until the power comes back on.  Keep tons of blankets ready, have your heat source planned in advance (fire, propane, etc.) and hunker down until its over. Your kids and pets may want to play in the snow, but don’t let them be out there for more than 20-30 minutes at a time. Falling trees are a major danger during ice storms, as is skidding off the road in your car.  DO NOT DRIVE during an ice storm unless it’s to the ER.  Forget about your job; no minimum wage bullshit is worth your life.

Other natural disasters: If you live in an area where you are at risk from volcanoes, wildfires, mudslides or tsunamis look up procedures for those and make a plan with your family.  These are probably situations where you’ll need to GTFO instead of staying at home, so be prepared for that and know where you’re going to go.  And please, if your local government tells you to get out, then get out.  We know it’s hard, but stuff is just stuff.

Epidemic: If there’s a major outbreak of flu, ebola, or whatever, stay at home and avoid people at all costs.  You’ll need a much more extensive supply of food and water for this one.  Check out the CDC’s website.

Nuclear war:  Our plan is to die at the beginning, but if you’re looking to survive there are lots of websites out there that can give you good advice.  Some general stuff we’ve heard is to evacuate as early as possible, never look in the direction of the blast (to avoid going blind, yeah?) and stay underground if you can’t get away in time.  Basements, wine cellars or real fallout shelters are your best bet.  If you’re outdoors during the blast or fallout, rinse off with lots and lots and lots of water and don’t eat or drink anything that may be contaminated with radioactive dust.  Good luck friends, cause we won’t be out there with you.

Zombies: We also plan to die at the beginning of this one, so we can hopefully eat the brains of that Mrs. Kravitz-esque bitch down the street.  If you want to live, board up your windows and shelter in place, we guess.  You’ll need lots of extra food and water for this one too, and maybe a good stockpile of ammo.  Watch The Walking Dead or something for ideas.

It’s early in the year still, so you’ve got time before shitty weather season to get ready.  If you’re reading this you’re probably broke like us, so try to set aside a few dollars from each paycheck for some canned goods, first aid, and batteries.  Collect stuff weekly and by spring you’ll be better off.  Good luck and stay alive, peeps!