I know I should be grateful that I have a very treatable variant of bipolar disorder (it's fairly responsive to Lamictal+Abilify). And I am! I have friends with depression that doesn't respond to medication and it can be an interminable hellscape, whereas I always know that a) it'll shift states to hypomania at some point and b) I can take my meds and they will help a lot.
But. I'm also autistic, and just remembering my medication and coordinating appointments and dealing with my psychiatrist and getting my blood tested and generally keeping everything straight is aghghhhhhh. And between my dissertation and some personal stresses, I lost track and I've crashed from obvious-in-retrospect scatterbrained hypomania to my current feeling that my brain has been scooped out of my head, alternating with the conviction that everyone in my life secretly hates me, or at least is deeply bored by me, that I'm a terrible writer and an academic failure, etc.
I can't really think, otherwise, and it's doubly frustrating because I'm the one who fucked up my medication, at a time when I'm lucky to have health insurance, so ... ugh. And the idea of Dealing With People to get it straightened out is particularly exhausting.
