#dinosaurtherapy

You ever notice these new Jurassic World movies take, like, an hour just to get to the damn island? I’m sittin’ there like, “Buddy, I didn’t sign up for Eat Pray Love with raptors.” Every character’s got this tragic backstory — “I’m going because my sister’s ex-boyfriend’s lizard sanctuary burned down!” — who cares?! Nobody’s here for emotional depth. We want dinosaurs biting helicopters in half! Stop pretending character motivation matters in a movie where the main attraction is a genetically confused murder lizard. Just get to the T-Rex, roll credits. 🦖