“Just remember, this wasn’t what I wanted. I’d of chosen us!”
Eddie’s final words would haunt Steve, linger, fester. It was never his intention to hurt Eddie, he was being honest-for once, true to himself.
“Ed, I- can-we.”
Alas, it was too late, Eddie had walked away. Refusing to stick around, get worked up over someone that-played the most cruelest of games, or so he’d assumed.
Steve and Eddie had started hanging out. Growing close quick as many friendships tend to when two individuals have an instant connection.
The boys unknowingly (that’s questionable) flirted with the other until it gave way for touchy-feely stuff. Touchy-feely stuff that Ed knew he should put an immediate halt, he knew being the openly “experimental” one he should know better, Steve was in lust filled high that once he came down from would realize what he was doing.
It would go down two ways; want more, openly date Eddie “I don’t give two fucks what anyone thinks about me, I’m bisexual and proud, your opinion is neither required or desired” Munson or .. he’d freak out, call it a subertfuge.
The second happened, only Steve didn’t call it that. He wasn’t forthright of his fears, not because Eddie was a man, rather he’d been burned with love. Hurt to the point he didn’t want to expose that side of himself to anyone ever again, so yeah. Casual hook-ups were his thing now.
He assumed he’d done right by saying he wasn’t looking for anything more than… just hooking up, which Eddie was ok with. Until, Steve wanted the other perks, like snuggling, wanting to hold hands, show.. affection. Be attentive, show care. Hang-out, couple shit.
Eddie wasn’t willing to offer any of that since they were just “casually” hanging out. He reserved that for what he assumed a relationship entailed, so he called Steve out on it.
“Sounds like you want all the benefits of a relationship with no title. Am I missing something here?”
From that question, an argument manifested. Things were said that could not be taken back, Steve meant no harm, he after all had always been upfront about his intentions, why couldn’t Eddie understand this?
“Yeah, I’m not down with that. You wanna fuck, you want me to hold you in my arms while I whisper sweet nothings, listen as you tell me about your day, offer my time yet.. we’re not dating? Sorry Harrington, I’m not doing it.”
“Why’re you being like this? I made myself clear where I stood, here you are giving me grief?”
“Grief? Is that what.. I’m doing? I-If you can’t see that I’m here after you’ve told me you don’t want a relationship with me, yet here I am! Continuing to put myself out there for you in hopes that..”
“Eddie, I- just .. don’t want that with..”
“Me.. got it. Look, I’m clearly invested more than you. And I’ll be the first to admit that’s my mistake to bear. So-for my sake, I’m stepping away. I-can’t, won’t do this to myself or you. Just, gimme time. I can go back to being friends, for now. I-just don’t see you as just.. that.”
“Maybe we should just.. avoid one another, like before then.” Steve sounded somber, that’s not what he wanted. His heart and brain were in a battle.
“Avoid?! You-think-I ..” Eddie spoke with a hint of sorrow. His heart telling him to give Steve space, maybe with time, while his head told him Steve just didn’t want to be lumped with a Munson.
“Is-that what, you want? Pretend like nothing ever happened?” Eddie’s voice dropped to a bass tone, he hoped, wished for a different reply than what was said.
“Maybe- it’s for the best.” Steve spoke, tucking his hand into his pockets. It wasn’t helping he was keeping eye contact while Eddie was having trouble keeping it together.
“Just remember, this wasn’t what I wanted. I’d of chosen us!”
Sometime had passed, as all things, time heals all wounds, shit of that nature right.
Eddie was thriving, focusing on his music, writing songs that the metal lords would thrash to. A few power ballads, he’d focused all his energy into what brought him happiness, peace of mind, his music and band.
This Tuesday was like any other, Corroded Coffin had a gig at the Hideout. Munson posted fliers all over town, even the next town over. He was psyched, pumped, amped. Plus he had a date, he met this guy at the record shop inside Starcourt. It started off like any other thing, common interest. Eddie noticed how he’d get a little giddy, try to look-presentable when he knew he was there. Silly he told himself-considering..
To his surprise his biggest cheerleader was Gareth, his Robin. Gareth who was there when Eddie showed up at his doorstep, drunk, angry, bloody and a blubbery wreck. Gareth whom slapped some sense into Eddie.
“Can’t force someone to be ready bud, shit doesn’t work that way! I’m proud of you! For knowing you deserved more, I know it must’ve hurt to walk away. Know you did what’s best for you, in a sense the both of you.”
Gareth whom psyched Eddie up to start small talk, once he noticed his lead singer was unwilling, the drummer took measures into his own hands. Needless to say, here he was, catching the guys perform.
Someone else would be there as well, Steve Harrington. While Eddie was pouring himself into his music, Steve did much needed self reflection. With the support of his platonic soulmate Robin, he took that step. Obviously not with Eddie, rather a guy he met at Family Video on of all days, his day off. They hit it off, alike in so many ways that made sense to take that leap, unafraid.
So here they were, Steve unaware Corroded Coffin would be the live band. He knew they had live bands, duh. He came to see Eddie a few times when they hung out. Why he assumed it wouldn’t be them is beyond him. There he was, his date, Robin and her date Chrissy.
It would be the first time the pair would see one another since that night they parted ways. Once their eyes linked, they were royally screwed. Eddie knew no matter how much time passed, what he felt, it wasn’t a crush. This was.. real to him, pain stakingly real.
To see Steve there with another guy none the less, was soul crushing, he hadn’t felt such devastation since.. well, his dad abandoning him, his moms passing, take your pick.
Like all professional performers, Eddie put on a brave face. Walked over, the first to greet him was Chrissy. She hugged her fellow jr high talent performer.
“Ed! Can’t wait to finally see you perform again! Sorry it took me so long to be here, but I’m here now!”
“Thanks Chris! Good to see you, hope I do you proud.” Placing a hand over his chest, he smiled at the table, said hello to everyone. Once it was Steve’s turn he offered a genuine smile.
“Good to see you Harrington, it’s been.. awhile man.. If you’ll excuse me. Hope you guys enjoy the show.”
Once he finished making his rounds he was met with a beer and an awaiting hug from Gareth.
“Proud of you man! C’mon let’s have a smoke before we hit the stage.” The two hugged it out, Eddie made a smoking gesture towards his date then walked out.
“Wanna talk about it?”
“Nah, I’m.. actually good. I’ll- be good, eventually.”
Gareth motioned, someone was coming. Eddie just kept drinking and puffing away on his smoke, the same cigarette he almost swallowed when none other than Harrington came around.
“Hey guys, Gareth. How’ve you been?”
“I’ve had better days Steven, but alas I got my kick ass hands for drumming, my brother to my front and a determination that will not be extinguished.”
“Cool.. umm, can I have a moment with Ed? If, that’s ok?”
“That all depends on Eddie.” Munson gave a nod, Gareth excused himself but not before letting Harrington know.
“20 minutes before we take the stage! Don’t ruin his momentum. Or you’ll have me to deal with.”
The silence was painful, when normally they’d be able to talk effortlessly, now, the opposite.
“Ed, I-owe you an apology.”
“Nonesense Harrington, if that’s what you came out here to say, save your breath man. No apology needed.”
“No, it’s definitely owed Eddie. I-came with someone, it wasn’t intentional. I didn’t think or remember you guys played here Tuesday till Chrissy said something an.”
“So you felt the need to come out here and apologize? Look man, like Gareth said. We go on in 20, I really don’t want anything messing with my mood. So, no hard feelings, it’s a small town. It was bound to happen. If you’ll excuse me though, I’ve gotta get back to.”
“I-know.”
“Care to elaborate?”
“You came with someone too. He, knows Chrissy. Came to the table, gushed about-you. I’m-happy for you.”
“Thanks Harrington.”
Eddie did not offer anymore small talk, he let Steve speak his peace. Give his apology he likely needed to get off his chest, the damndest thing happened. As he turned to walk away each step he took got heavier, the air-thicker. Something was building within Eddie, something he hadn’t felt, an emotion. Anger, aaah yes, there it was.
“Y’know, NO! You don’t get to be happy for me! Nah! Keep your joyous sentiment! Because..” abruptly pausing, shit, it was coming up. After all this time, Ed was in danger of word vomiting his.. emotions. Too late. He shook his head dramatically, wild brownish-curls bouncing about animated as he spoke the only way he knew how, forthright.
“It should’ve been YOU! There, center stage, cheering me on! Wearing one of our shitty made band shirts! Proud as fuck to see your boyfriend.. your.. person up there. Your eyes I see as I- FUCK! Shit!”
He’d wound himself up, Eddie knew it was pointless. He began walking away, incapable of controlling these emotions. When he cared, did he ever care, it was with a degree of force for said person. When he hated something, well it was to an extreme. When he-loved, it was.. eternal. He could hear Steve speaking, opting to tune him out, he opened the dingy metal door with force, walking back inside.
As soon as he stepped through the threshold it was a different Eddie. Only focus was giving it his all on stage, having drinks with his band mates after and maybe, just maybe.. he’d allow his date his company in bed.
The night was going as planned, they’d taken a quick break while Gareth rocked out a solo, gave Eddie time to have a drink, soothing his parched throat.
They finished their set, the entire time he avoided looking over where he knew Steve was sat. After tonight, adios Harrington. No more, not again, stick a fork in it.
“Thanks you beautiful people for making it out to watch us perform, your support means the fucking world to u..” Ed seized his little speech as Steve slowly made his way up front and center holding a sign.
Eddie Munsons #1 Fanboy!
At the bottom it read
Yours If You’ll Still Have Me
Eddie was left at a quandary, he ached for Steve, desperately yearned to jump off the rinky dink stage, take him in his arms, kiss him long and hard. The other part of him had made up its mind. Another thought, where did he get a shir.. when he turned, the spectacle of Emerson in a crop top polo. She did he? No time.
“Umm.. like I said, your support means the fucking world to us! Thanks again for coming out!”
He went with plan b, walked backwards, curtsied, then made his retreat backstage where he began putting away his sweetheart.
“Can you believe the nerve of that dude? Thinking a sign would make up for all those months? Dumbass!”
Gareth blurted out, finishing his beer then tossing the bottle. He patted his lead singers back with reassurance.
“Who needs em right!”
“Right…”
“I mean, sure he came up to me after you left. Sure he begged me to give em my shirt! Literally professed himself, his grand mistake, asked for permission to do that sign antic! Said, he couldn’t be another minute without you, that he loved you, yeah ok dude. Whatever man, fuck it. There’s a dude out there that’s ready to sate and make all your wildest, dirtiest desires come true! Who needs Steve Harrington. Let’s go man, let’s ditch it all.”
Eddie pondered for a brief moment, contemplated and quickly realized what The Great had just divulged.
“He.. loves me? He said that? Used those exact words?”
Gareth chuckled, pointing at the ridiculous polo he donned.
“Dude, I’m wearing a god damn crop top.. pastel polo! A POLO Ed! For YOU! The BOTH of you! Get your head outta your ass, go get em.”
With that, Ed scurried off, pushing past the crowd, thanking them everyone for coming as he kept onward. Finally reaching the table he last saw Steve at, only to find Chrissy and Robin.
“Where’s Steve?” He asked rather harsh, sweaty palms gripping the table. Robin was of no help, though Chrissy offered a direction with her index finger towards the back. Mouthed “go get em”, Ima make her my best female friend just to spite Buckley he told himself.
Once more, traversing bodies, his main and only objective, a freckled male with an ass that won’t quit, and a smile that has Eddie on his knees instantly, aching to be loved by him, only him.
Hurling his being through the back doors, the cold air greets his sweaty flesh. Looking around for that beamer until.. excelsior! He’s standing by his van. Unsure what Harrington would have to say, he cautiously walked over. Psyching himself up for whatever came, all he knew was.. fuck it, I’m done being angry, I’m done allowing myself to wallow. I want him, I need, him.. us.
Steve could see the wheels spinning in Eddie’s head, offering him a life line.
“What took you so long?” Those words of salvation, that simple remark yet so fucking loaded, had Eddie finally allowing himself to release that breath of anguish he held.
“Did.. you mean what the sign..”
“Every single word Ed! I need you to know, I wasn’t-indifferent. I.. was scared of.. allowing anyone in like.. that, you know my history with relationships. It’s shit, then you come along all consuming and perfectly.. you! I was terrified of.. you eventually realizing.. I wasn’t worth it in the end.”
Eddie had a whole ass speech on why Steve was erroneous, how could he ever not want him?
“Stevie, I can not NOT adore you. Haven’t.. stopped, can’t, won’t! That’s why it.. gutted me, I should’ve .. I could’ve fought harder. Not just accept what you.. I should’ve known you’d be.. Jesus H Christ! All these months wasted when..” Eddie pinched the bridge of his nose, attempting yet failing to check his emotions. What a ninny, all these months he was deprived of holding Steve, touching his skin. Kissing him goodnight, all over a title? What is a title?
“Stevie, I-umm. Ok, so.. look, dammit, ok! I don’t.. need a title for us! Ok, we can just-wing it. Make our own rules, I just-know, that.. you not with me has-been like dying every day over and over. Morbid I know, I just. I don’t wanna waste another moment not having you in my life or waking up not having you next to me. I just-I love you Steve, Jesus do I.”
Both were compromising, funny how time apart can work that way. It was Steve that took those steps towards Eddie, once he was in arms reach, he pulled his metal head by the waist band of his jeans. Steve cupped Ed’s cheek tenderly, bringing his lips ghosting his.
“I love you Ed.” Harrington extended, sealing it with a kiss. His lips hungrily greeted Eddie’s, who gladly matched the sentiment, kissing his freckled boy with fervor. Neither able, willing to part. Eddie was at the ready to kick anyone’s ass that would dare ruin their moment, Steve back in his arms where he belonged. He held him firmly, spending the next 10 minutes making up for the foolish-lost time. When they finally part, it’s Steve who offers.
“My place or yours? Either way, it’s the last time we’re apart.”
“Sounds good to me sweetheart.”
