#dimsdaily

"What a weakling!", i said to myself. This light pressure and the cotton-like problem is haunting me to the core.

"It's just the beginning, how can i feel down already..", fear of being disappointment lurking in my vein. Fear of being weight is wandering in my brain.

"I'VE TRIED!", i keep justifying myself, not hiding the fact that i did. But inside, i'm pretty sure that it's not enough. The effort, MY effort, is an ant. It's small.

"Well it can't be helped. I can't force universe to throw money in front of my face.", tear's falling, Lost Star's playing, light's dimming, eye's closing.

Thinking.

I’m really very happy to be friends with someone who is smart and funny like you cannot even ask for more bcs you have enough with just that person. I’m happy that he/she can give me a good significant impacts to my life. I’m happy that he/she can explain sth i need to know without them judging me bcs i’m too slow or too stupid. I’m happy that they can give me so many advices for all the problems i confessed.

But the thing is that at the same time, i always feel this fear and have this idea wandering in my head. It’s not that i’m gonna lose the friendship or I’m gonna break them or sth else. What I’m afraid of is that i, somehow, would not give them the impact good enough as they would give to me. I’m afraid that i would let them down, that I’d only become the weight on their feet like a chain ball, that they won’t get any changes, good changes, happen in their life. I’m afraid that it seems like me sucking all the good things from the friendship.

So, tomorrow will be my last day to be snuggling in my old room in my hometown, because on 3pm, tomorrow, i have to go back to Yogya as my 4th semester starts on Monday, ugh.

It’s not a great days i’ve been through in my hometown. Everyday was the same. Waking up, staring at my laptop, strolling on my social media, and sleeping early.

I don’t wanna stay here, in my hometown, for too long, but at the same time i also don’t wanna live a lonely and depressing life in Yogya, plus in the end i only received bad grades.

What’s to be happy about it? Living in frustration and instead of getting gifts for living that shitty life, i got bad grades. That’s why i love internet more than i love universe.