#dimi writes

Ignoring the question, Sakura crossed her arms over her chest. “Tell me about the mission.” 

Kakashi raised one shoulder in a shrug. “It’s an S-ranked Anbu mission. You know I can’t give you the details.” 

“Well then, you also know I can’t clear him.” Sakura raised her chin to meet Kakashi’s dark, guarded gaze. As much as their friendship had developed over the past few months, he still managed to needle under her skin with little effort. Huffing out a frustrated breath, she continued. “How can you give me mission details when you send me the broken shinobi afterward, but not let me know what to expect? How does that make any sense?” 

The tense silence between them stretched for a moment as Kakashi formulated his response. Then, he sighed. “We have intel that a hideout belonging to Orochimaru is showing—” 

“You want to send him back to Orochimaru,” Sakura burst out, unable to contain her incredulity. “After everything he’s been through? How could you possibly think that’s a good idea?”

The lines across Kakashi’s forehead deepened, and Sakura realized that she might have revealed more about her relationship with Tenzo than she meant to. They wouldn’t have had much reason to talk about his past, especially since she had him on leave for medical reasons. But, as the Anbu medic, she had access to his file. Tenzo had admitted that much of what he’d told her was recorded inside. It wouldn’t have been unlikely that Sakura read it. 

Whatever conclusion Kakashi came to about the information, he kept his opinion to himself. “An abandoned research laboratory on the outskirts of the Land of Fire has been showing activity: disappearances, strange noises, and smoke. I need someone to secure the facility.” 

Refusing to be swayed, Sakura inclined her head. “And, you have dozens of Anbu who aren’t currently on leave. Send one of them.” 

The idea of sending Tenzo back to one of the facilities that he’d been trapped in as a child soured Sakura’s stomach. He would understandably be on edge and if something went wrong, it would set back weeks worth of hard work. Considering his slip with alcohol the night before, and the night terrors that came with it, Sakura couldn’t risk returning him to the field, not yet. He wasn’t ready. She had to find a way to protect him without damaging his trust again. 

“Sakura,” Kakashi chided, voice taking on the tone he’d used when trying to make her see reason as a genin. It hadn’t worked then either. “There are people disappearing, a couple of them were kids. If anyone knows how Orochimaru operates and how to capture him, it’s Yamato.” 

The plea tugged at Sakura’s heartstrings, but Tenzo needed just as much protection as those missing children did. If something went wrong, as it so often did on missions, she wasn’t sure how he’d react. His battered body in the hospital bed after his previous two missions flashed through Sakura’s mind. But, it gave her an idea. “I’ll grant his medical clearance on one condition.” 

The soft snort of disbelief from Kakashi didn’t match the ice in his gaze. “You do understand your input is a recommendation, right? I don’t have to follow your advice.”

“Yet, you keep asking for it,” Sakura countered, meeting Kakashi’s stare without flinching. There were only a few things that would make her stand up to her former sensei, and patient care was one of them. 

“What is your condition?” Kakashi shifted on the couch, a clear mark of discomfort. At least he was willing to entertain the idea. 

Sakura let out a measured breath to gather her courage. There was only way that she’d feel comfortable with Tenzo being back in the field. “Assign me to his team.” 

“Absolutely not.” Kakashi’s answer came almost as soon as the words left Sakura’s lips. “This mission has a high probability of failure, and you are not trained to handle these types of situations.”

Whose fault is that? Sakura managed to keep the question from leaving her lips, but only barely. Anger flooded her system at the implication that she was somehow less because she hadn’t received Anbu training. She had completed S-rank missions before, and her medical ninjutsu rivaled if not surpassed Tsunade’s. “If you’re worried about failure, I’m the best option to get your team out without casualties.” 

“This isn’t a game,” Kakashi growled, scrubbing a hand through his hair. “I know you’re a good medic, the best even, but Yamato’s team won’t cater to you if you can’t keep up.” 

“I don’t need anyone to cater to me.” Sakura gestured at her dirty clothes with one hand as if they explained everything. “This may come as a surprise to you, but I'm in the best physical shape that I’ve ever been.” 

Kakashi shook his head like the fact was of little consequence. “That may be so, but you aren’t Anbu. There won’t be an extraction team if something goes wrong.” 

“You think I don’t know that?” Sakura recalled the harsh reality that she’d witnessed at the hospital and Tenzo’s apartment since returning to the village. “I’m not a scared, untrained genin any longer, Kakashi-sensei.” 

The title melted the ice in Kakashi’s eyes, transforming it into something like pride. “I know, but that doesn’t make you ready for this type of situation.” 

Sarada spent fifteen minutes rearranging her room to include her gifts, laying the weapons on the small table beside her bed while Sakura hung her clothing up. Kakashi watched from the doorway, feeling like an intruder in a private, family moment. Sakura glanced in his direction from time to time, but she didn't speak or invite him closer. For her part, Sarada ignored Kakashi entirely as she skipped around in an attempt to put off bedtime for as long as possible.

"Come on, let's get changed for bed time," Sakura called, pulling a pair of red pajamas from a drawer. "Teeth, story, then bed."

"But mom," Sarada began, voice edging toward a high pitched whine.

Sakura playfully swatted at the girl's bottom with the pajamas. "You're already up later than you normally are. Come on."

Sarada scooted away from her mother, pausing in front of Kakashi. Her dark eyes slid over him with far more appraisal than they should have. "Are you spending the night?"

Kakashi coughed, warmth flooding into his cheeks, as Sakura growled her daughter's name. "Sarada-chan," she warned, looking exasperated. "Kakashi and Mama need to have a talk after you go to sleep, then he's going home."

"But it's already bedtime time," Sarada chirped, pointing toward her darkened window. "Why didn't you talk during the day?"

"Because someone had a birthday party," Kakashi answered, forcing his tone to false playfulness. "And, we were busy with that."

Sakura put a hand on Sarada's head and turned it toward the bathroom. She pressed the pajamas into the girl's hands. "Go, brush your teeth and get changed."

Kakashi scrubbed a hand through his hair the way he did when he was nervous as Sarada moved down the hallway. Sakura leaned one shoulder against the wall, watching the girl before turning back to Kakashi. "She didn't mean anything by it."

"Does that make you feel better about it," Kakashi asked, voice pitched to a low whisper. Sakura's lips compressed into a thin line, but he shook his head before she could speak. "She's right. I should have gone home at the same time as Naruto and Hinata."

"But you stayed," Sakura pointed out, turning to glance toward the bathroom as water splashed into the sink. "Why?"

Kakashi chuckled and shook his head. Because I'm an idiot, he thought, though he held the words close to his chest, offering a shrug instead. "Because you asked me to."

The water turned off and Sarada padded down the hallway in her pajamas. Kakashi offered a tight eye smile. "Goodnight, Sarada-chan."

The girl dipped into a quick bow without looking at Sakura to see what she was supposed to do. "Goodnight, Kakashi-san."

"Let me get her to sleep, then we can continue this conversation." Sakura met Kakashi's gaze over Sarada's head, warning him to stay put.

Humming in agreement, Kakashi dipped his chin and wandered back downstairs so that he wouldn't intrude on their privacy. The sound of Sakura's voice drifted down the hallway, regaling Sarada with some kind of fairy tale with talking mice. Kakashi shook his head and walked toward the entrance, wondering if he'd be better off to pull on his sandals and leave. He'd run away the last time, and it had been better for both of them.

Kakashi paused by the empty space where the photograph of Sakura and Sasuke had hung. He wondered why Sakura hadn't replaced it. Peeking back at the stairs to make certain the woman wasn't coming, Kakashi slid open a drawer in the small table near the door. It was the most obvious place to put the photo, and he wasn't surprised to find it there.

Running his fingers across the image, Kakashi remembered the day with a bittersweetness that left him sick to his stomach. Sakura looked beautiful with the pale pink kimono and white flowers dotting her hair. Sasuke looked much as he always did, a shadow against Sakura's brilliance. Kakashi studied the boy's face, looking for the happiness that should have been there.

"I always loved him more than he loved me." Sakura's soft whisper came from behind Kakashi. He spun to find the woman standing at the base of the stairs with a sad smile on her face.

Kakashi closed the drawer with his hip, flushing at being caught. "I'm sure that's not true."

Sakura crossed the space between them and rested her hand on Kakashi's arm for a moment, then leaned past him to turn off the light in the hallway. He frowned as she moved toward the door, locking and bolting it. When she turned back to Kakashi, the shadows did something that made her eyes look haunted. "Sasuke never," the woman paused, searching for the right word, then shrugged. "He never knew how to show emotion. Honestly, I'm not convinced he feels them in the same way other people do. They're concepts for him, ideas rather than realities."

And that's what you chose to spend your entire life chasing? Was he worth the effort once you finally caught him? Kakashi wanted to ask, but he was afraid of the answer. Sakura had loved Sasuke for as long as Kakashi had known her. It had been a simple crush when they first met, then it turned into more. Kakashi wondered if Sakura understood love any better than Sasuke did. It wasn't the obsessive desire to win someone or the insatiable urge to hold them. Sometimes, love was letting go.

Kakashi knew that he should say something in response, or offer solace in the face of Sakura's pain, but he couldn't think of anything. Sakura moved past him without waiting for an answer, catching Kakashi's hand in hers like it was the most natural thing in the world. Her gentle pressure nearly pulled him from his feet as she walked back to the kitchen with a determined step.

Sakura released Kakashi's hand and pulled two glasses from a cabinet. She filled them both with the sugary concoction from Sarada's party, then, without asking, she pulled out a bottle of clear liquid from the freezer and added a healthy splash in each cup. Kakashi marveled at how easily Sakura moved around him; tension squeezed his chest, but the woman didn't seem to notice or care. Kakashi envied her ability to change so easily between one person and the next. He'd never had that skill.

Holding the electric blue drinks, Sakura came around the counter and set them next to Kakashi. She took a long sip from one of the glasses, then gave her head a small shake. He didn't move toward his cup, well aware that that drinking would lead to something that he couldn't take back. It already had, multiple times.

Sakura tipped her head to the side, studying Kakashi as her tongue collected the sticky moisture from her lips. Then, she leaned forward and hooked a finger in the top of his mask, dragging it lower. Kakashi captured her wrist, but he couldn't bring himself to stop her. The fabric slid down his nose, across his lips, and puddled against his chest. Kakashi expected Sakura to hold the drink up to offer him a sip. Instead, the sudden fullness of her mouth stole his breath. His hand fell away, dropping to his side as he sagged backward onto the stool behind him. Hard stone met Kakashi's back when Sakura took another step toward him without breaking the contact.

Tipping his head up and away, Kakashi murmured Sakura's name in a warning that sounded breathless even to his ears. His pulse pounded through his temple, erratic as he blew out a breath. Sakura exhaled with a slight smile. "It's good, right?"

It took Kakashi several moments to realize that Sakura meant the alcohol, not the kiss. He managed a weak laugh, shaking his head. "I'm not sure that's the most effective way to taste it."

Sakura reached for her glass, taking another long pull of the liquid. Before the woman could seal their lips together a second time, Kakashi brought the other to his lips. The sugary sweetness flooded his tongue, cut by the burn of alcohol. It left Kakashi's head spinning as he mumbled some kind of agreement. Sakura stood between his knees, her body the closest that it had been in months, trapping him on the stool.

Humming under her breath, Sakura looked up at Kakashi through her lashes. Every instinct in Kakashi's body told him to pull her closer and kiss the delicate pout on her lips. He could lift her and switch their positions, fitting their bodies close enough that not even air could interfere. Nearly a month of pent up desire clamored at the back of his mind, memories overlapping fantasies that left him dizzier than the alcohol.

Sakura rested her hands on Kakashi's thighs, leaning in a second time. Shuddering, Kakashi raised his chin just out of the woman's reach. He lost his breath in a whoosh when Sakura planted light kisses on his neck instead. His entire body responded, humming and twitching like an electrical current coursed through it. "Stop," he panted, resting his hands on her shoulders. "I don't—this isn't why I came today."

"No," Sakura asked, voice heavy with desire despite Kakashi's words. "That doesn't mean we can't enjoy being together again."

Kakashi blew out another breath, able to think more coherently now that Sakura had moved back half a step. He shook his head. "I meant what I said the last time we were together. This isn't what I want."

Sakura's eyes dipped down for a moment, a careful smile decorating her lips. "Are you sure?"

Heat flamed in Kakashi's cheek as he pushed Sakura back another step, just enough to get his feet beneath him. "Yes," he managed, though the word sounded strangled. Kakashi tugged at his pants to adjust the fabric, then gave it up as pointless.

To Kakashi's surprise, Sakura turned to take his seat instead of following him around the counter. Brilliant green eyes studied him, though. "You still want me though," she observed after a tense moment.

Kakashi chuckled and tightened his hand around his drink, tempted to down the sugary alcohol and throw caution to the wind. He ran his tongue over his lips instead, savoring the aftertaste of Sakura's mouth on his. "I want more than just that part of you."

Sakura didn't answer, taking another drink of her alcohol in the space between them. The nearly empty glass left a shimmer in Sakura's eyes and a soft flush on her cheeks as she considered the words. "Why can't you just be satisfied with what I can offer? You have to miss it."

"Because I'm selfish," Kakashi admitted, resting his palms on the cool stone of the counter as if it could keep him grounded in reality. "Because as much as I enjoy the sex, there's more to you than that."

"You're asking me to give up everything," Sakura began, shaking her head as she hopped off the stool to make herself a second drink.

Disbelieving laughter rumbled in Kakashi's chest. "This is everything? An empty house and a birthday party you have to pretend not to feel sad during? Being alone every night while you wait for someone who could be here if they wanted to be? He doesn't have to take these missions all the time, he could—"

The angry words poured out, dousing the desire Kakashi felt moments before as he struggled to hold back his bitterness. Sakura's eyes never left Kakashi's as he spoke, hardly reacting to the accusations until they slowed. Then, a cruel smile crossed her lips. "Who said I'm alone every night?"

Kakashi's heart did a painful double beat, then stopped. The idea that there could be someone else had never crossed his mind. He stared at Sakura like he'd never seen her before, but before he could formulate the question, she sighed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."

The sentiment couldn't be recalled, however. Kakashi felt sick with the realization that what he and Sakura had shared could simply be a dot in a string of dalliances while Sasuke was away. He'd never considered that he wasn't the first and only man she entertained outside of her husband. How many others were there? Who were they? Jealousy, despair, and anger rippled through Kakashi.

A soft touch drew Kakashi away from the darkness in his mind, and he realized that Sakura held his hand. "It's only ever been you," she murmured, eyes flashing up to meet his gaze. There was no guilt or deception there, but Kakashi still felt as if the woman had pulled the rug out from under him. Warm fingers caressed Kakashi's cheek. "Even if I wanted someone else, it wouldn't be the same."

Catching Sakura's hand, Kakashi lowered it. "Thanks, I guess."

"It's so easy for you," Sakura accused, shaking her head. "You have nothing to lose if we don't work out. You just go back to your life like it never happened. I have to think about Sarada, about the appearance of us together, about my job."

Sakura ticked off the reasons, one after the other, a litany of why they couldn't be together. Kakashi nodded with each of them, having told himself the same things dozens of times. When she'd finished, he shook his head. "This isn't easy for me. Do you know how hard it is to watch the person you love throw themselves away for someone who never deserved them? To cling to something because it's the safest option?"

The question hung in the air, but Kakashi didn't need Sakura's answer. It had always been Sasuke for her, and it would always be. The idea that she was in love with Sasuke had been ingrained in Sakura too long ago for Kakashi to wash it away, no matter how ridiculous it was.

"The person you love." Sakura repeated each word as if she was enjoying the taste on her tongue.

Kakashi sighed and pushed his fingers through his hair. "Yes," he answered, refusing to defend the statement further. Sakura knew how he felt, though he'd never said it outright. She had all but accused him of being in love with her the last time they were together.

"Do you think I have anything less to lose?" Kakashi scoffed, shaking his head. "Even if we work out, I'll always be seen as the man who ruined your marriage. As the creep dating a former student, a woman young enough to be his daughter. Hell, that alone is enough for the elders to question my suitability as the hokage."

Sakura hummed as if she'd thought the same things. "But?"

"But," Kakashi repeated with a humorless chuckle. "But, I'd endure all of that in a heartbeat if it changed the way things are."

Exquisite pain shattered through Kakashi's chest at the admission, sharper than the ribs he'd broken so many times before. He gestured around the house, refusing to meet Sakura's gaze. "This is the life you chose for yourself. I can accept that, I have to accept it, but don't expect me to agree. You deserve better."

Kakashi started to turn away, but unspoken words weighed his lungs like lead. He exhaled in a ragged burst. "I don't know if what we could have would be any easier, but at least you'd never doubt that I loved you."

"Don't," Sakura growled, hand slapping hard enough on the counter to crack stone. "Don't ask me to choose."

A sad smile crossed Kakashi's lips. "You already did."

-----------------------------------------------

Kakashi calculated his words to hurt, and they shot through Sakura like a kunai. She huffed out a breath, determined to defend her choice of Sasuke. Kakashi had never looked at her until she'd been married; they'd hardly been friends until the past couple of years. He'd never said anything about caring for her as more than that, and he'd never offered her anything beyond the same casual acknowledgement that he gave Naruto. There hadn't been a choice when it mattered.

That's not what he meant, and you know it, a small voice whispered in the back of Sakura's mind. Guilt swam through her stomach as she looked up at the man across from her. Pain filled Kakashi's dark eyes, even as he offered a smile to soften the blow of his rejection. Every inch of his face screamed heartache and the longing for something he couldn't have. Sakura knew it well; she'd felt about Sasuke for years.

"That isn't fair," Sakura managed after a couple of pain laced seconds. "I didn't know how you felt when I married Sasuke. Hell, you probably didn't know how you felt."

Kakashi tipped his head in acknowledgement. "You're right, but we know what we feel now. Or at least, what we felt. This was never just a casual friend with benefits fling, not for me."

Sakura knew that. She'd known since the first morning that she woke up in Kakashi's arms. Half hungover and dizzy with guilt, she'd waited for the man to apologize for letting their flirting get that far. Except, Kakashi hadn't. He'd trailed his fingers over her arm, across her hip, and down her leg. He'd looked at her like he was memorizing every inch of the skin that she'd bared to him the night before.

Then, Kakashi kissed Sakura again and made her body do things she'd only read about in the trashy romance novels that Ino liked so much. Fully sober, Kakashi had chosen Sakura again and left her breathless and desperate for more. He'd been an addiction that she couldn't see herself stopping. Kakashi was the type of lover that blocked out every question, every doubt, and every insecurity. He looked at Sakura like some goddess, worshiping her body in ways that left her aching for more. At least, he had, until he put a sudden end to their relationship a month ago.

"You were never a fling for me either," Sakura whispered, though she tasted the beginnings of a lie in her words. She'd used Kakashi at least as much as she'd helped him over the course of their relationship. "Besides, you're the one who ended things between us."

Kakashi laughed in disbelief. "I was tearing myself apart for you, and you didn't notice. Or, if you did, you never cared."

"Are you happier now," Sakura shot back, surprised at the venom in her voice. "Is this what you wanted? Our relationship might not have been perfect before, but it was better than this."

Some emotion crossed Kakashi's features, but Sakura couldn't pick up what it was. He exhaled in a steady stream and reached for the drink she'd made him what seemed like an hour earlier. Holding the glass in one hand, Kakashi shook his head and downed the entire thing like a shot. He closed his eyes against the burn of alcohol, and Sakura couldn't help but think how easy it would have been to step into his space and plant kisses along his jaw. He wanted her enough that his body responded, even if he fought off that attraction. Sakura remained where she was.

"That was the mistake," Kakashi said, thumping the glass onto the counter. A soft laugh rumbled in his throat. "You're so young that you can't tell the difference between love and obsession."

Sakura wasn't conscious of moving until her palm connected with Kakashi's cheek. His head snapped to the side. "Don't you dare blame this on me," she growled. "Don't speak down to me like I'm a child who doesn't understand how life works. I've seen more life and death than most people two and three times my age."

Kakashi opened and closed his mouth as if testing that his jaw still worked before responding. "It was my fault. I knew better; I knew that this was a mistake, and I did it anyway. I'll never be satisfied with having one part of you, but that's all you have left to give."

"Why did you come today," Sakura half shouted, trying hard to moderate her tone so she wouldn't wake Sarada. The girl should have been exhausted from her party and playing all day, but kids were tricky. "Why are you here if you don't want to fix things between us?"

"I didn't come for you." Kakashi's mouth tightened, the pink outline of Sakura's handprint starting to show on his cheek. "I knew we'd probably have this conversation, but today wasn't about you."

Sakura blinked, pieces tumbling into place with a clarity that left her breathless. Nausea nearly dropped her to her knees. "That present wasn't from Sasuke. You bought it and put his name on the tag. Why?"

"Because I've fought my whole life to make Konoha a place where kids can have both their parents in their lives," Kakashi shook his head. "We bled for the idea of peace and hope for a better future, and I'll be damned if I'm going to let him ruin that for her. Not yet."

The words hung in the air like the smoke after a paper bomb. Sakura stared at Kakashi as if he was a stranger. Her voice failed when she tried to ask why, replaying the joy on Sarada's face when she opened the gift she thought was from her father. Sakura should have thought to do what Kakashi had done. She should have been the one protecting her daughter from the cruelty of the truth, but she'd been too wrapped up with the million things that needed to be done.

Sakura tried to speak a second time but only managed a weak croak of Kakashi's name. Then an uncomfortable realization settled in her gut . She studied the hardness of the man's features and shame roiled through her like a thundercloud. "You've never talked about your parents," she realized, whispering the words aloud.

"You never asked," Kakashi shot back in an uncharacteristic show of temper. He rubbed a hand over his face and sighed.

Stepping closer, Sakura rested a hand on Kakashi's forearm. "I'm asking now."

Kakashi squeezed his eyes shut as if the question was too heavy to bear, and Sakura saw the same flash of humanity in him that she'd seen so long ago. He wasn't a superhuman, above emotion and feeling, he'd just learned to bury those parts of himself. Sakura knew that, she'd seen it when they were together, but to see it brought out again made her sad in a way she couldn't explain. She realized how little she knew about Kakashi's past despite the years they'd spent together as friends, then the months as lovers.

Sakura tightened her fingers against Kakashi's arm. "Tell me about them."

"I don't want to do this," Kakashi breathed, voice tight with pain. He exhaled hard like they'd been training for an hour and shook his head. "I can't have the thing I want, and the rest of it doesn't matter."

"I want to understand." Sakura rose with Kakashi, following him as he walked toward the door. He put his shoes on in silence, and she felt an overwhelming sense of loss at the idea of things going back to the way they had been. "Please, I can't go back to how we've been treating each other."

Kakashi's shoulders sank, and he paused with one hand on the door. For a minute, Sakura didn't think he would answer. Then, a sigh rumbled in his chest as he turned. "And, I won't be your secret any longer."

Sakura opened her mouth to say that Kakashi had all of her, that she wanted to give him everything, or that it was more complicated than he realized, but the admissions clung to her throat. He offered another smile. "Goodnight, Sakura."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

The room spun, tipping and turning around Kakashi as he fumbled a bottle back onto his nightstand. If he closed his eyes, he became less aware of the spinning. His stomach heaved, unhappy at the amount of alcohol that he'd dumped into it without food or water to cushion the blow. Tired and angry as he was, Kakashi couldn't bring himself to care. Each breath was a physical pain that seared through his chest like a knife.

Kakashi had gone to Sarada's party knowing that it was a mistake. He'd waited as long as possible, hoping against hope that Sasuke would wrap up his mission in time to be home. Kakashi convinced himself that he could leave Sakura and Sarada behind if Sasuke was there to take care of them. But, he never was. It had been four weeks of empty days and long nights. Weeks of staring at his phone, wondering if he'd made the right decision when he left Sakura.

The pain hadn't dulled with the passage of time. If anything, it had grown sharper. Kakashi and Sakura had gone for weeks without talking before. He understood that her life was busy with a young child, a blossoming career, and a sometimes husband. The fact that the latter hadn't been an issue didn't make things better. Kakashi knew that he'd hurt Sakura when he left, knew that she wanted to go back to the way things were, but he couldn't. Now that he'd faced that demon, he knew the truth. He loved Sakura too much to be happy with just half of her, no matter how amazing that half was.

Is this what you wanted? Kakashi had waited for those words a month, but Sakura didn't follow them up with anything that meant they had a future. She wanted Kakashi to be a convenient friend who made her feel the things that her husband didn't. But, she wouldn't risk her image or marriage to make it permanent. Kakashi would always be the shadow behind Sasuke.

Taking another swig of whiskey, Kakashi allowed himself to wonder about Sasuke and Sakura's marriage. He knew that she felt abandoned and disappointed more often than she felt cherished. If not, she wouldn't have come alive under his touch. She'd gone from throwing herself into dangerous behavior in Kiri because she was hurt to flourishing. The haunted expression left Sakura's eyes and her smile came more often. She laughed the way she once had, without a shadow of sadness in every movement. Or, maybe that's just how she'd been around Kakashi.

The memory welled in Kakashi's throat, and he wondered if he'd left Sakura better than he'd found her. The idea that he'd made things worse for the woman left a sick taste in the back of his throat. He had ended things for the right reasons, for the same ones that should have stopped her from entering his hotel room all those months ago. But, being right didn't seem to matter as much as it once had. The ache didn't care whether it was right or wrong; Kakashi missed and wanted her despite the sacrifices that he'd have to make.

Kakashi fumbled his phone off the nightstand and opened the messages, skimming over the past two texts that Sakura had sent. Even if someone had seen them, they were innocuous, carefully crafted to show nothing. She'd apologized and asked if they could talk about things, but she could have just as easily been talking about a disagreement over patient assessment as the end of their relationship. Even the text about missing him was veiled in friendship, suggesting it had been a while since they'd seen each other and they should catch up soon.

"Then, I had to go to the party," Kakashi slurred to the darkness of his bedroom. He'd wanted to get Sarada a gift from Sasuke, not because he cared what the girl thought about her dad in specifics so much as generalities. He could have offloaded it on Shikamaru and asked the man to take the package with no questions asked. It would have made sense, having the Hokage's office looking after the children of shinobi currently out of the village, especially a former student. He supposed that they'd both gotten good at hiding things in plain sight.

Kakashi had wanted to see Sakura though, no matter what reasons he came up with for attending the party. He'd wanted to see how she was doing, and how she'd fared after the split between them. The woman had been worn down, exhausted and overspent with the party. Kakashi saw the tension of her shoulders, the breathy, sharp quality of her words, and the way her eyes pinched in exhaustion. The past few weeks hadn't been easy on her, but she'd soldiered on as she always did. Without either Kakashi or Sasuke, Sakura kept going, and she always would. The woman's resilience was one of her most attractive features.

If Kakashi had been stupid to go to the party, he'd been stupider to stay afterwards. When he closed his eyes, he could feel the sticky warmth of Sakura's lips against his. The contact alone had been almost enough for Kakashi to ignore every reason not to sleep with her. He had wanted to pull Sakura against his body, spin their positions and settle her on the counter he'd been leaning against. His body ached for the contact, even now with the memory brighter than the reality had been. Sakura would have surrendered to him without question. The sex had always been the easiest part of their relationship.

Even now, the buzz of desire left Kakashi dizzy under the alcohol's influence. He checked his silent phone once more and considered typing out how much he missed and wanted Sakura. Kakashi was too drunk to go back to her apartment tonight, and she needed to stay with Sarada anyway. Kakashi could call her, he supposed. They'd done that once when she'd been away for work and he'd stayed in the village because there was no reason to follow her. Sasuke had been out of town then, as well.

Kakashi's body gave a soft twitch at the memory of Sakura's voice over the line, full of heat and desire as she described what she'd been doing, and what she would have done to him if they'd been together. Exhaling through his nose, Kakashi stared down at his phone. It would be easy, and it wouldn't cross as many lines as actually sleeping with her. Steadying his breath, Kakashi let his hand slide lower, imagining the ways Sakura had touched him so many times before.

Closing callused fingers around himself, Kakashi used the other hand to swipe to Sakura's contact information. He shuddered, body oversensitive after so long without any contact. Kakashi's left thumb hovered over the call button, then raised to brush over her picture. The screen lit up, enlarging the small icon to the full image. Kakashi stared into those sparkling green eyes that had captivated him for months, maybe even years.

Kakashi's hand moved of its own accord, body responding without waiting for his permission or conscious thought. It would be as easy as dialing the number, his mind suggested, through its alcohol induced haze. She'll answer and you can remember what it felt like again. The way she felt on your body, her mouth around you—groaning against the pounding of his heartbeat in his ears, Kakashi dropped the phone face down on the bed beside him and jerked his shirt toward his chest with his free hand. Warmth splattered across his stomach as his hips jumped in his hand.

The high wore off almost instantly, washed away by a tide of frustration and emptiness. Kakashi opened his eyes to the loneliness of his bedroom, and the fantasy that he'd created scattered in the darkness. A sob caught in his throat as he reached for his phone and threw it across the room.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Thick clouds cloaked the village of Konoha, the deepest hours of night providing the darkness that Sasuke preferred to move in. His chakra brushed against the invisible barrier that protected the village only because he allowed it to be picked up. There was no reason to hide his return, at least not this time, but he still moved in the shadows of the silent streets. Midnight had come and gone, a distant memory that left him closer to dawn than dusk. Sasuke hardly noticed; a sleep schedule wasn't something that he cared to keep up with.

Only a handful of lights filled the windows at this hour, but it wasn't unusual in a shinobi village. Much like Sasuke, shinobi had missions and tasks at all hours of the night. But, the single light glowing from the home that Sakura had chosen for them was strange. Sasuke stared at it for a moment, wondering if something was wrong, but he didn't sense any danger.

Sasuke unlocked the door and slipped inside, removing his sandals at the threshold. There were no voices in the house, so Sakura had probably left the light on by accident. She was likely asleep in their bed—the sound of glass clinking against stone brought Sasuke up short. He padded through the entry, wondering what made the noise. He couldn't imagine any scenario where Sakura would be out of bed at this hour unless something was terribly wrong.

When Sasuke rounded the corner, Sakura sat at one of the hgh stools beside the island counter. She leaned heavily against the surface, a glass held in one hand. An open bottle of vodka waited beside her. The sight made Sasuke's eyes widen; it was an expensive brand, not the swill that she and Ino mixed into fruity cocktails. A clear, sticky patina shone on the side of the cup; she'd been drinking the alcohol straight.

Sakura pushed into a sitting position, staring at Sasuke through red, puffy eyes. He frowned, wondering how much she'd been drinking to look as disheveled as she did. "You're home," she mumbled after a couple of awkward seconds.

"Yes." Sasuke nodded, closing the distance between then in three easy strides. "What's this about, then?"

"Could you have been here," Sakura ignored the question without seeming to hear it. An undercurrent of anger heated her voice, bright and deadly. "Did you miss it intentionally?"

Sasuke opened his mouth to answer, then stopped and considered . It? What was it supposed to mean? He wasn't the best at keeping up with dates when on mission, usually because he was so far from civilization where things like that mattered. He stared at his wife with a blank expression until a bitter laugh spilled out of her. "You don't fucking remember, do you?"

Sakura dropped her feet to the polished tiles of their kitchen floor and made a move to storm past Sasuke. The alcohol left her off balance, and she stumbled. He caught his wife with one hand on her shoulder. Growling, Sakura ripped away from him. Sasuke stepped back, giving her the space she so clearly wanted.

As he did so, the man's eyes scanned the house with a critical eye. It was almost perfectly in order, but a pile of unused paper plates rested on the table next to matching napkins. A stray balloon, bright pink, clung to the ceiling in the corner of the room along with a curled spray of ribbon. The type you'd use for a birthday. Shit. Sasuke felt the air leave his lungs in a soft whoosh of disappointment.

"I missed your birthday," Sasuke reasoned aloud, starting to reach for Sakura. If he could take her in his arms, he might be able to make her forget the annoyance. Though, he wasn't good with that part of their relationship either. Sasuke usually just let Sakura work out her anger whenever she was ready rather than trying to fix it himself. "I'm sorry."

Sakura stood with her back to Sasuke, not speaking. A fine tremble of emotion worked through her body, strong enough to feel without chakra or touch. Sasuke had missed birthdays before, and she'd always been reasonable about it. Of everyone in Konoha, Sakura understood that he had to sacrifice some things for the good of others. She'd never been angry about it before, never. . . Sasuke's stomach tightened with realization. "Sarada."

For a second, the word hung in the air between them. Then, Sakura scoffed. "I'm surprised you know her name."

Sasuke had taken more wounds than most men over his lifetime, but the accusation in Sakura's voice cut deeper than any of them. He reached for his wife's arm, half to apologize and half to pull her against him, as if their bodies could smother out the pain. But, his hand never completed the journey. "That isn't fair," he whispered.

Sakura wobbled when she spun to face Sasuke, nearly falling when her feet tangled. "No," she growled, voice sharp enough to draw blood. "You do not get to say that. Don't talk to me about fucking fair. I have sacrificed everything for this family, for you. And, for what?"

The woman gestured around their meticulously groomed home, taking in the perfect photos on the wall and the shiny white cabinets in the kitchen. She scoffed at the back of her throat. "You know what isn't fair? Someone else bought your daughter a birthday present, pretending it was from you. Everyone else came to her party to celebrate. I cooked and bought and planned and decorated and cleaned and everything else it took."

"And you, you couldn't even remember the day," Sakura's fury built to a fever pitch that almost reached a shout. "It isn't fair that you tout this line about saving everyone else while you ignore the cost to our daughter."

It's not a line, it's the truth, Sasuke thought, but he pulled the words inside and held them there. Sakura wouldn't appreciate the realization or the cool indifference with which he delivered it. He exhaled. "I'm making the village safe for her too," he offered instead.

Angry tears filled Sakura's eyes, clinging to her lashes and spilling black streaks down her already darkened cheeks. "And, it's still not enough."

A sob rose in Sakura's throat as she stumbled from the kitchen, navigating the steps to their bedroom by muscle memory more than anything else in her inebriated state. Sasuke watched her go, wondering if he should go after her. He suspected that she wouldn't welcome his presence, much less his touch at the moment. He'd failed, again.

Sighing, Sasuke turned back to the counter and picked up the cap for the vodka and spun it on the top. He wasn't concerned about Sakura drinking, not really, though this had been more than a little. The woman's medical ninjutsu and seal helped her metabolize the alcohol more quickly than most people, much like Tsunade. But, he wondered at the timing. Had she been that upset about him not being here for the party, or was there something else?

Sasuke recalled Sakura's bloodshot eyes when he'd first walked into the room. She'd been crying before he got home, not because she was angry at him. At least, not from the fight that left her presumably sobbing on their bed upstairs. Something else had upset her, or she'd been already upset over the accusations that she'd lobbed at him when he got home. Sasuke wasn't sure that he wanted to know which.

Carrying the vodka across the kitchen, Sasuke put it away without taking a drink. He had no desire to lose himself in the heat, everything hurt enough already. Sakura's glass had thumped to the counter when she spun away in fury, lying on its side on the granite surface. When he reached for it, Sasuke noticed the second glass. He frowned and picked it up, inspecting the drink like it might reveal some answer.

Sasuke decided that was a question for another day. He ran both glasses beneath a stream of warm water and left them in the sink. Drying his hands on a towel on the counter, Sasuke glanced toward the stairs. He wished that he could erase the distance between himself and Sakura with a few easy words, but it had never been that simple.

Walking to the front of the house, Sasuke slipped his feet back into his sandals. Naruto had an open couch policy as long as Sasuke was willing to talk about what led him to the man's door. The blonde had an unshakable belief that Sasuke and Sakura would make their relationship work out in the end. Sometimes, Sasuke thought the blond's faith was the only thing that kept him believing in his marriage.

"This is the last one," Sakura warned, dropping the halved pill into Tenzo's outstretched palm. The man nodded, looking considerably better than she'd anticipated after a week-long detox. It had been miserable, even with the combination of blockers and medical ninjutsu to soften the blow. Tenzo had experienced fever, chills, nausea, headaches, anxiety, and hallucinations of varying degrees over the past few days. The symptoms had become more manageable as his body started to regulate itself again, but they still showed up from time to time.

Throwing his head back, Tenzo swallowed the medicine with a gulp of water from the bottle on the table between them. He exhaled, nervousness flitting across his face. "How bad am I going to feel in eight hours?"

"Probably not much worse than you do right now." Sakura shrugged. While she'd read studies on withdrawal, she had never watched someone live through it, until now. It was fascinating, though she doubted that Tenzo would appreciate her viewing it that way. "As far as I understand it, your body should be starting to adjust to not having alcohol now. The worst of the physical stuff should be over."

Tenzo took another long drink of water, then leveled Sakura with a stare. "But," he prompted.

Sighing, Sakura gentled her voice and dipped her head. "But, we need to talk about the next steps. You have to get into therapy at T&I to deal with whatever caused the issues in the first place."

Even though they'd had this conversation multiple times, Tenzo frowned like it was a new idea. Sakura had been encouraging him to think about what life would look like after detox. It was easy to get wrapped up in the victory of the moment, but Tenzo's job required him to be at his peak, both mentally and physically. Sakura had made it abundantly clear that she had no intention of bending the rules; Tenzo would need to pass the mental evaluation before she would sign his reinstatement paperwork.

"If you want to get it over with, I could pull some strings and get you in today," Sakura suggested. She had no idea if that was true, but she couldn't imagine Ino turning the man away if Sakura asked her to take him in.

Tenzo ran shaky fingers through his dark hair and sighed. "Or, I could just talk to you about things and call it close enough."

As much as Sakura wished that things could be that simple, they weren't. She couldn't help but wonder what demons haunted Tenzo. A dozen theories had presented themselves over the past few days: it had to do with someone he'd killed or watched die. Maybe a close friend had perished because of Tenzo's decision, or he had chosen mercy when he should have executed someone and it led to greater suffering. Even if Sakura knew which of those things bothered Tenzo, she wasn't qualified to decide if he was mentally fit for duty.

"You can talk to me about anything, but I can't clear your psych eval." Sakura resisted the urge to reach across the table and touch Tenzo's hand. Though they'd grown closer over the past couple of weeks, it was still an awkward balancing act between being friends and being too familiar.

Tenzo offered a half grin that only lifted the left side of his mouth. "Or, you could leave that part out of my file, and nobody has to know."

The hopefulness in the man's voice tugged at Sakura's heartstrings, but she shook her head. "The fact that you don't want to go only convinces me that you need to go. Ino is the best at this sort of thing; she can help get it all sorted out."

If the words hurt Tenzo, he gave no indication. After a moment, he nodded toward the fridge. "Are you hungry?"

Over the course of his detox, Tenzo had swung between ravenous and sickened by the smell of food. Even so, he'd been surprised and grateful that Sakura made enough meals for them to have leftovers whenever the mood struck. Her basic grocery shopping had only lasted them for a couple of days, but she'd made a second trip during the middle of the week. Most of the dishes that Sakura had cooked were simple things that could easily be reheated, but it had done the trick of getting them through the worst of it.

Shaking her head to indicate that she wasn't hungry, Sakura rose from the table. She moved toward the living room, leaving Tenzo to scrounge around in the cabinets and fridge. Yawning, Sakura flopped onto the couch. The past couple of weeks had been interesting, exhausting and eye-opening all at once. She glanced at Tenzo from the corner of her eye as he warmed some leftovers in the microwave. Thinking of him as Tenzo instead of Yamato was easier now, but it still came as a shock whenever she stopped long enough to dwell on it.

Sakura had known Tenzo for the better part of five years, but the persona that he showed the rest of the world had fallen away over the past week. She'd gotten used to seeing him in sweatpants and t-shirts with his brown hair sticking up in every direction from not having his head protector to hold it back. Tenzo spoke softer, as well. The commanding tone of his voice had disappeared, morphing into something gentler that made Sakura wonder what he'd been like before Anbu.

Despite the changes that she'd seen, Sakura couldn't help but feel that Tenzo still wore a mask with her. Sometimes, she wondered if he remembered how to take it off, but they had gotten to know each other better. Whenever Tenzo felt well enough, he and Sakura spent hours talking about everything under the sun, though she had a feeling that most of the conversations only brushed the surface of his true thoughts. They also watched television, read, played cards, and did anything they could to keep his mind off of the discomfort in his body.

Most of the time, Sakura had watched and helped out where she could. She had half a dozen new theories on how chakra could aid detox and recovery, but she needed time to finish developing them. There had been space to make a few notes here and there, but the days had mostly passed in a blur.

Tenzo came to the living room with a bowl in hand and settled on the couch next to Sakura. "You should probably head home if you're going. It's getting late," he observed, voice carefully neutral.

Raising a hand to cover the yawn that she couldn't stop, Sakura managed a nervous laugh. "Are you sure you're going to be okay?"

"Yup." Tenzo flashed a self conscious smile. "We both know I'm going to fall asleep soon anyway."

The medication always made Tenzo drowsy, usually dragging him under within an hour or so of taking it. They had timed the final dose for after dinner so that Tenzo would be able to go to bed not long after, and hopefully get a full night's sleep. Then, in the morning, he could start navigating his new normal without the pills. Though the timing should work out perfectly, Sakura couldn't help but feel like it all sounded too easy.

Sakura fought down another yawn as she nodded. "I know, but I could stay one more night if you think it would help."

"You're exhausted, and rightfully so," Tenzo argued, bumping Sakura's shoulder with his before taking another bite of the rice and vegetable. "I'm just going to sleep anyway, so you should go home and get some rest."

The idea of spending the night in her own bed was so tempting that Sakura could hardly think straight. She'd been crashing on Tenzo's couch so that she could keep an eye on him, which meant sleeping lightly enough to check on the man throughout the night, especially in the first couple of days. A full eight hours or more of sleep sounded like heaven. Sakura dipped her head. "Fine, but you know where to find me if you need anything."

Tenzo chewed and nodded in silence, so Sakura continued to the more difficult part of her plan. "And, you'll come see me first thing in the morning so we can go over to Intelligence?"

Rubbing a free hand over his face, Tenzo sighed without meeting Sakura's gaze. "I guess." She poked his side until he conceded and squirmed away. "Yeah, first thing in the morning, if that's what it takes to get me reinstated."

Nodding, Sakura stood and stretched, her tired muscles and joints popping and creaking with the movement. Pulling her already packed bag over one shoulder, she walked toward the door. Tenzo rose and walked to the kitchen to put his bowl in the sink, then joined Sakura as she pulled on her sandals. It felt strange to be leaving, even though she'd known it was coming. Pausing, Sakura toyed with the strap of her bag. "You're sure, sure?"

Tenzo's lips quirked into an almost smile. "Sure sure."

"Fine," Sakura answered, surprised at her reluctance to walk away now that the time had come. "Hang in there, it'll get better."

"I know." Tenzo's words were soft, and his expression was a mix of sheepish stubbornness that Sakura had come to recognize lately. "Thanks."

Sakura stepped forward to wrap Tenzo in a hug, startling them both. For a second, the man stood there dumbfounded. Then, his arms closed around her, probably more out of instinct than anything else. She stayed there long enough to feel him relax before pulling back. "Take care of yourself, okay?"

A soft pink colored Tenzo's cheeks as he laughed. "I will. I'll see you tomorrow."

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Exhaustion dragged at Sakura as she dropped her bag onto the kitchen table. She wanted to sit down and outline her theories on detox and recovery, but her brain felt too fuzzy to focus. Sakura hadn't slept decently since the first night that Tenzo had shown up at her apartment over a week ago. As a doctor, she could function with next to no sleep for a little while, but now that the crisis was over, her body demanded proper rest.

Leaving her notebook in her bag, Sakura went to the bathroom and turned on the shower. She tossed her clothes into the hamper and stepped under the spray as soon as it had time to warm up. The heat eased the tension that Sakura hadn't recognized in her shoulders and neck. She dropped her head forward, letting the water course down her back. Sakura could have lingered in the shower until it turned cold, but her body needed sleep.

As tempting as a long shower was, Sakura was too tired to enjoy it. She washed quickly, turned the water off, then wrapped a towel around body and twisted a second one around her hair. Sakura knew that she should take the time to moisturize, lotion her body, and dry her hair, but she couldn't be bothered. A quick scrub would have to be enough for tonight. After combing through the damp tresses with her fingers, Sakura pulled them into a loose, messy bun at the base of her neck.

Leaving the bathroom behind, Sakura padded into her bedroom. The opened windows provided enough moonlight for her to see her dresser on one side of the room. She dug through the middle drawer to find her favorite pair of pajama pants. The soft purple fabric kept her warm without making her sweaty under the blankets. Sakura wished that she'd bought more of them. Pairing the pants with a black cami, she climbed into bed with a happy sigh.

Almost as soon as Sakura closed her eyes, Tenzo nagged at the back of her mind. She couldn't do anything for him tonight; he'd either survive without the medicine or fall back into the same habits that he'd been struggling with. As much as she wanted to fix everything, most of it relied on him. Sakura had done what she could, and she'd make sure that Ino took care of him in the morning, that was all she could do.

As she waited for sleep to find her, Sakura tried to imagine what Ino might be like as a therapist. The woman would probably be far too nosy and pushy, but she'd get results. Ino always managed to drag out whatever secrets Sakura wanted to keep hidden. She'd gotten her to talk about Sasuke, just like Tenzo had. The two of them might become fast friends. Ino was certainly likable enough, and Tenzo was coming out of his shell. She'd seen flashes of a playful personality beneath his serious demeanor.

Grinning at the thought of Ino and Tenzo gossiping over coffee like old friends, Sakura fell asleep. Her thoughts jumbled together in a nonsensical dream where Tenzo tried to perfect some yoga stance while Ino complained that he was crushing the flowers she'd just planted on the rooftop garden. Sakura sat beneath the shadow of an umbrella covered table, watching the pair of them with amusement as she sipped hot tea from the mug between her hands.

Noise broke through the whisper of wind and bird chatter. Ino's voice reprimanded Tenzo while he chuckled and made minor adjustments to where he stood. Sakura frowned, wondering why neither of them turned toward the vague sound niggling at the edges of the room. She let her eyes sweep across the rooftop, searching for the source of the gentle knocking. Tenzo laughed at something Ino said as Sakura rose from her seat. The pair didn't seem to notice when the sound returned, louder than before.

The floral scented air scattered with the next breeze, throwing Sakura back into the shadows of her room. Her sleep numbed mind struggled to make sense of the world as her voice answered automatically. "Hello?"

"Couldn't sleep." The mumbled words pulled at Sakura's heart as she rubbed exhaustion from her eyes. Moonlight shone on the man in the doorway as he toyed with the sleeve of his shirt. The appearance and words were familiar after the last couple of weeks. The almost palpable anxiety was part of the detox process. Except, Sakura had been there for the others. This time, Tenzo was alone.

"Nightmares?" Sakura asked, eyes adjusting to the darkness. Tenzo's hands shook when he stopped fidgeting long enough to press one against the center of his chest. His shallow breath hissed into his lungs like a wheeze, a familiar sound. "Panic attack?"

Tenzo exhaled hard, fingers tightening to pull his sweatshirt away from his body like it was crowding him. "I can't breathe," he gasped.

Pushing the blankets off, Sakura climbed out of bed. "Yes you can," she coaxed. "If you couldn't breathe, you couldn't talk. Look at me."

As Sakura reached Tenzo, his brown eyes flicked to her face, then focused on her eyes. He'd had more than one anxiety attack that left him gasping for air during the course of his detox. He and Sakura had come up with dozens of grounding techniques to help take the edge off. Ironically, the simplest had been focusing on her. Tenzo's hands came to rest on Sakura's shoulders, warm against her bare skin, and she wrapped her fingers around his wrists.

"Follow my breath," Sakura encouraged, exaggerating each inhale and exhale to make them more obvious. She repeated the words twice before Tenzo's chest started to rise and fall with hers. Trailing her thumb along the underside of his right wrist to provide another anchor to reality, Sakura nodded. Tenzo's hands curled, nails pressing into Sakura's skin, but his next inhale came easier. "Good."

The glazed expression receded from Tenzo's eyes and his grip relaxed, but he didn't let go. He breathed Sakura's name, voice strangled despite the fading panic. She squeezed, stepping closer. "I'm here."

Tenzo's shoulders relaxed, and his head tipped forward with relief. For a moment, all that Sakura could see was the intensity of his gaze. She lifted her chin, refusing to break the contact that helped pull him back from the brink. Tenzo's next breath warmed her cheek as he closed his eyes. "I'm sorry," he murmured, releasing Sakura's shoulders.

"You've got nothing to apologize for." Letting her hands fall away from Tenzo's wrists, Sakura chuckled. Her lungs felt too small, like the oxygen in the room couldn't fill them as much as she needed it to. "Though, I'd like to know why you were knocking on my bedroom, as opposed to the front door, like a normal person."

Despite the poor lighting, Sakura saw a warm blush spread across Tenzo's cheeks as he shrugged. "You must not have heard it the first time, and I didn't want to cause a scene. So, I picked the lock."

Sakura raised one eyebrow toward the ceiling. "What if I had set up traps or threw a kunai at you?"

"I would have avoided it." Tenzo shrugged, running a hand through his hair.

"Of course you would have, Mr. Anbu Captain," Sakura teased, eliciting an almost grin from Tenzo. She glanced at the clock on the nightstand, surprised to find that it was shortly after three. The medicine would have worn off a couple hours ago, so it was a good sign that he'd lasted a little while without it.

Tenzo offered a half smile as an apology, but Sakura saw the exhaustion behind his gaze. She stared up at him for a long moment, then nodded behind her. "Come to bed?"

The man's visible double take prompted a deep laugh from Sakura. "There's still a couple of hours before dawn, and we could both use more sleep. Do you think you'd be able to?"

"Maybe," Tenzo shrugged, cutting his eyes toward the still tidy linens with a deeper flush coloring his cheeks. "I don't know."

Climbing back into bed, Sakura pulled the blankets across her lap and fought down a yawn. "Come on. I promise I won't bite, and I'm not sleeping on the couch again."

"I can sleep on the couch," Tenzo insisted. He shook his head while gesturing at the bed. "This would be too weird."

"It's no weirder than the past three days. Is it Tenzo?" Sakura accentuated the man's name to remind him how much things had changed between them. Reaching out, she grabbed Tenzo's arm and pulled. He stumbled forward two steps, nearly fell, then caught himself on the headboard with one hand. "If it freaks you out, you can sleep on top of the blankets. But, I promise this is more comfortable than crashing on the couch."

For two heartbeats, Tenzo didn't move. Sakura watched the emotions play across his face, wondering if she'd pushed too far. Despite having spent almost a week living together, this was something new, something foreign. Sakura had checked on Tenzo throughout the nights or slept on the couch as the medicine lulled his mind into unconsciousness, but this was actively helping him relax.

"There's a blanket at the foot of the bed, if you need it," Sakura pointed out, watching Tenzo with a mixture of gentleness and amusement.

Pushing himself away from the headboard, Tenzo reached for the dark blue throw. Sakura breathed a sigh of relief when he moved to the other side of the bed and sat down. She rolled over to face him as he leaned back, but almost immediately, Tenzo sat up. "Just relax." Sakura rested one hand in the center of his chest and guided him toward the pillows. "Lie back."

Tenzo sank onto the extra pillows and blew out a breath, body stiff. The man's jaw clenched around the awkwardness of their situation. Sakura wasn't sure if he'd welcome physical contact, but she brushed her fingers against the back of Tenzo's hand anyway. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really," Tenzo answered, not quite pulling away from the touch, but not reaching for either. "It was just a panic attack."

Sakura hummed in understanding, she'd never wanted to talk about them either. "Can I do anything specific to help you sleep?"

When Tenzo shook his head the way she'd expected, Sakura curled up beneath the blanket and yawned. "Okay, well, I'm here if you think of anything."

As much as Sakura tried to make herself available, she couldn't keep her eyes open. The silence and darkness dragged her back toward sleep. As Sakura fell into the blackness, a single thought surfaced: hopefully, Tenzo would follow.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Sunlight irritated Tenzo's eyelids until they slitted open to reveal unfamiliar grey walls around him. He blinked, taking several long seconds to remember that he'd fallen asleep in Sakura's apartment. Not just in her apartment, but in her bed, his brain supplied helpfully. The woman's warmth nestled against his left hip, three layers of blankets between them. Sakura had cocooned beneath the covers, pink hair barely visible above them.

Rather than risk waking the woman up by climbing out of bed, Tenzo looked around the small room more fully in the morning light. The subdued colors seemed at odds with the vibrancy that was Sakura. The furniture was plain and slightly battered, like she'd owned it as a child or picked it up second hand. There were a few splashes of color around the room, but it felt sterile compared to what he'd expected. A picture of Team Kakashi sat on the dresser, three far too innocent faces staring out of the frame.

A more recent photo of Team Seven sat beside the first, but Sasuke was missing from this one. Instead, Naruto grinned over a bowl of ramen while Sakura beamed at his side. Sai sat next to them with a half smile on his lips that could have meant anything. Kakashi stood behind the three, eye smiling. In the corner of the frame, Tenzo stared down at a piece of paper in his hand. He had no idea when the picture had been taken or who had snapped it, but he was certain that he'd been left holding the bill.

Tenzo almost chuckled at the image, but stopped himself short when he remembered where he was. His mirth died further at the reminder that in just a few short hours, he would be submitting himself to the Intelligence division. Technically, Anbu was part of T&I, or at least a close cousin who worked hand in hand with it. Anytime a mission required for someone to be taken alive, they were turned over for interrogation. None of the Anbu liked to think about what went on behind closed doors, but they all had their suspicions.

And now, I'm going to find out willingly. Tenzo shuddered and extracted himself from the single blanket that he'd used. Sakura mumbled something that he couldn't catch then curled tighter in her cocoon. Tenzo crossed to the small bathroom and examined his reflection in the mirror. His eyes were clearer than they'd been in a long time, but red spidered across the whites in places. He turned the water on and raised a handful to his mouth, swishing it around to remove the cottony sleep taste from his tongue.

Dozens of bottles lined Sakura's counter, most with names that Tenzo didn't understand even after reading them. He didn't linger long, though. For some reason, examining this part of Sakura's life felt like an invasion. He wondered if the woman had felt the same way in his apartment, or if she took it stride better than he had. She'd spent several days there and never raised a question about his belongings.

Shrugging off the thought for another time, Tenzo crept out of the bedroom and into the rest of the apartment. He headed for the kitchen out of habit. A quick rummage through the cabinets revealed that Sakura didn't have any tea that might take the edge off the morning. He filled a glass with water instead and took a drink. As Tenzo did so, he heard soft footfalls on the tile behind him. Turning, he found a bleary eyed, pink haired mess.

Sakura yawned as she stepped past Tenzo to reach for the coffee. "Did you get any sleep?"

"Some," Tenzo conceded with the dip of his chin. He had fallen into a fitful sleep some time after Sakura did, plagued by vague nightmares that he couldn't remember. That was preferable to the alternative, at least. "You?"

"Some," Sakura mimicked, stifling a yawn. She ran a hand through her unruly tresses which had pulled loose from her ponytail to stick out in every direction, then frowned. "What are you staring at?"

Tenzo realized that he'd spent too long trying to figure out why Sakura looked different. He finally settled on the strands of pink that were more fluffy and less sleek than usual. He averted his eyes with a shrug. "Nothing."

Grumbling under her breath, Sakura stretched her arms above her head until the soft pop of bone echoed in the room. The sleeveless top that she wore rode up to reveal a smooth expanse of toned muscle across her stomach. Tenzo frowned at the painful noise. "That doesn't sound healthy."

"That's an old wives tale." Sakura tugged her clothing back into position with an eye roll. "Popping your joints is perfectly safe as long as you don't overstrain them."

Tenzo shrugged and took another sip of his drink. "Sure, if you say so."

"I do say so," Sakura returned, pushing past Tenzo to rummage around the cabinets. She produced a packet of oatmeal from one of the shelves, then returned it with a grimace. The refrigerator offered even less, and the woman huffed out a sigh. "I need to go shopping."

"I could pick something up. I wanted to go home and change anyway." Tenzo indicated his sweatpants and t-shirt. He wasn't sure what a person was supposed to wear to counseling, but he knew that it wasn't this.

Sakura appraised Tenzo over the mug that she'd lifted from another shelf. "You'll come back? I won't have to chase you down this time?"

Tenzo flashed a grin as if he hadn't just been considering skipping therapy all together. "I'll come back. I promise."

After another couple of seconds of scrutiny, Sakura nodded. "Alright. I'll see you in about an hour."

--------------------------------------------

An hour and a half later, Tenzo and Sakura stood together outside the Intelligence building. He'd changed into jeans and a t-shirt, at least in part to avoid drawing attention to himself. Sakura had been adamant that Tenzo was off duty until he got cleared by psych. The uniform only served to remind him that he was no longer Anbu; he wasn't even a pretend jonin of Konoha. It had been so long since Tenzo dressed as himself that he wasn't sure what that meant any longer.

When Tenzo had arrived back at Sakura's apartment, a bag of muffins in one hand and coffee in the other, the woman had transformed back into someone that he knew. Her wild hair had been tamed into straight pink tresses that framed her face, and the comfort of her pajamas exchanged for the familiar black leggings and red dress. Neither of them spoke about the walls that they'd knocked down the previous night, or the ease with which they rebuilt them in the morning.

"It's going to be fine," Sakura decided, her voice filled with the confidence of someone who wasn't about to have their mind poked and prodded. "This is going to be fine."

Tenzo nodded without speaking, throat too tight to let the words slip out anyway. He followed Sakura into the cool dimness of the reception area and tried to still the beating of his heart. A young man sat at a desk behind a glass enclosure, idly reading a scroll and transcribing notes into a computer terminal. His gaze slid over the pair as he rolled the scroll closed with a soft snap. When Sakura approached the desk, the man's lips twisted into an expression that made Tenzo fearful for his safety.

Sakura's sickly sweet smile as she met the man's gaze made Tenzo nearly as nervous. "We're here to see Yamanaka-san," she said as a way of greeting. Tenzo frowned at the haughty tone her voice had taken.

The receptionist scanned the ledger in front of him as if looking for their names, then frowned. "Do you have an appointment?"

Sakura's chuckle sounded anything but friendly as she stalked toward the glass cubicle. The man didn't flinch as he gazed up at her, half smile on his lips. Tenzo wasn't sure if the boy had a death wish, or if honestly didn't know who Sakura was. Imagining the latter was difficult considering her notoriety after the war.

Resting her forearms on the ledge above the man's desk, Sakura leaned forward to level him with a glare. "I don't have an appointment, and we both know that it doesn't matter."

The man's eyes flicked toward Sakura's chest before returning to her face. Tenzo didn't need to fake the growl in his voice when he moved closer to Sakura's side and spoke. "Is Yamanaka-san available or not?"

A sharp peal of laughter made Tenzo's hand ball into a fist at his side. Sakura dropped her arm to brush her fingers against Tenzo's side as a warning to calm down. The chunin eyed them for a moment, then inclined his head. "I'll page her. Have a seat while you wait."

The cheap wood and plastic squeaked as Tenzo settled into a chair that couldn't have been more uncomfortable if it tried. Sakura perched on the edge of hers, as tense as he was. Tenzo wondered why. The woman's legs bounced on the balls of her feet as she alternated her attention between the man behind the counter and the doorway that led deeper into the building. Across the room, the receptionist murmured into the telephone receiver at his desk. Then, he ignored them all together.

Tenzo didn't try to break the silence as he watched Sakura in his peripheral vision. He wondered if she knew the man behind the desk, if she came here for counseling after difficult missions. The thought hadn't crossed his mind until they stepped into the building. Tenzo never felt an inclination to discuss what happened as a part of his job; it went against everything expected of shinobi. He had assumed that everyone else operated under a similar ideology.

From their earliest training, ninja and Anbu were expected to divorce themselves from the emotion of their lives. The tools wielded by Konoha didn't need human limitations; fear and love were more deadly than any weapon in the midst of battle. Tenzo had seen it time and time again: a teammate throwing themselves into harm's way when they should have held back. Naruto had done it more often than Tenzo cared to recount, living through sheer stubbornness it seemed. That, and the nine tails healing chakra. But normal shinobi didn't have that luxury; they needed cool, unswerving logic.

The careful balance between death and life was all that Tenzo had ever known. He'd been in the black ops since he was practically a child, but Sakura had been afforded different opportunities. When Tenzo had taken over leading Team Seven, Kakashi had filled him in on the background of each shinobi. He'd learned more with reconnaissance of his own. Sakura's parents were civilians, her father was a merchant, and her mother stayed home to look after the house. There had been no reason for Sakura to choose the shinobi lifestyle. Tenzo wondered what had drawn the woman to enter the ninja academy, but he hadn't asked. It seemed too personal.

Even now, Sakura spent most of her time inside the village in her role as a medic. The hospital couldn't afford to be without her for long, especially after Tsunade and Shizune left. Sakura could have opted to be taken off the mission roster entirely if she wanted. No one would call it cowardice to admit that she was better suited for life in Konoha. Except for Sakura. The woman had stood side by side with people like Naruto, Sasuke, and Kakashi. Tenzo doubted that she would let anyone take a risk that she wasn't willing to shoulder herself.

Before Tenzo could finish organizing his thoughts, the doorway beside the reception area opened and Yamanaka Ino swept into the room. Seafoam blue eyes slid past the receptionist with a look of reprimand, then settled on Sakura. Surprise sparked in her face at finding Tenzo next to her, but the woman covered it quickly. She held the door open with her body and offered a tight smile. "Sakura, Yamato-san," the girl bowed. "If you'll come with me, please."

Ino obviously hadn't known to expect them, and Tenzo wasn't sure if he felt relieved or worried that Sakura hadn't prepared her for the meeting. He rose mechanically from the chair and followed the women through the reception area. Blowing out a nervous breath, Tenzo tried not to think about how the door shutting behind him felt like a trap closing around his neck. Several rooms and hallways branched off the main passage, but Ino led them through the labyrinth without getting sidetracked or attempting to make small talk.

The blond showed Sakura and Tenzo to an office that was less intimidating than he'd expected. Warm sunlight slanted through the shade that were partially drawn to give the impression of privacy while making the space inviting. The walls were paneled with pale wood that reflected the light in a warm manner, driving shadows away. On the desk, lilac and cream flowers had been arranged in a tasteful vase, adding a floral scent to the air. The atmosphere was meant to be calming, but it left Tenzo on edge.

Indicating a low couch on one side of the room, Ino took the high backed chair across from it. A table separated the two like a too small ocean. As Tenzo stared down at the pale blue fabric, he fought the urge to laugh this meeting off as a big mistake. He didn't think either of the women would try to stop him from leaving if he went for the door. Even if they did, he was stronger than both of them. Sakura settled on one side of the couch and gazed up with an expectant look. Tenzo swallowed the lump in his throat and lowered himself beside her.

Ino crossed her legs at the knee, tapping one foot in the air to some beat that only she heard. She picked up a notebook and pen that were waiting on the side table, then nodded. "So, what can I do for you?"

Tenzo's heart rate increased, drawing his attention to the soft pulse of blood in his temples and roar in his ears. He couldn't have spoken, even if he wanted to. After the silence stretched for an uncomfortable minute, Sakura broke it. "You remember when I told you I needed psych evaluations on Anbu?"

Ino's eyebrows rose before she reined in her surprise at finding out that Tenzo was in Anbu. Smoothing the emotion from her face, she inclined her head. "Yeah, but you left out the part where you drag them to my office personally."

Sakura chuckled, a light shade of pink coloring her cheeks. The sound eased some of the tension in Tenzo's shoulder, as did the way her green eyes cut toward him with an encouraging smile. "Only the difficult ones," Sakura teased. As the soft laughter died down, she continued. "Yamato has been struggling with—"

"Let me stop you there," Ino interrupted, holding up a hand. Her gentle smile focused on Sakura. "It's obvious that you want to fix whatever this is, but you can't."

Tenzo felt Sakura tense beside him as she opened her mouth to argue. Ino spoke before she could get the words out. "If I brought you a patient and told you all of their symptoms, would you still examine them?" The woman waited for Sakura's lips to compress into a thin line as she nodded, then continued. "This is no different."

Turquoise eyes met Tenzo's, and his stomach dropped. Despite the fear that made his body tense in preparation for an attack, he knew that Ino was right; Sakura could only carry him so far. The idea of reliving all the things that he'd been trying to hide for so long made him nauseated. He couldn't imagine going through it without having something to take the edge off, even after the progress that he'd made.

The room blurred at the edges, shrinking to the brilliance of Ino's eyes and the sharpness in her gaze. Tenzo felt like he was drowning; he couldn't draw a full breath. Something fluttered against his hand, light and insistent enough to draw his attention. Gazing down, he stared at Sakura's fingers brushing against his then pulling back like frightened fish. Tenzo exhaled.

Ino frowned at the movement, but didn't draw any attention to it. Instead, she stayed focused on Tenzo. "If you want to complete your evaluation, I can make some time now. Then, I'll clear you for active duty, or we can discuss any additional requirements. Is that something you're interested in?"

Huffing out a breath, Sakura pushed a strand of hair behind her ear for the fifth time. She frowned at the banner on the wall in front of her, then growled when she realized that it was crooked, again. Tearing the tape loose, Sakura tugged the flimsy material a couple of inches higher and checked again. “Fourth time’s the charm,” she grumbled under her breath. The bright pink letters stood out in stark contrast with the white background: H-A-P-P-Y B-I-R-T-H-D-A-Y S-A-R-D-A-!-!

Sakura stared at the letters for several seconds, then hissed in annoyance. She should have checked the banner more closely before putting it up, but she’d been in a hurry when she stopped by the printer. Glancing at her watch, Sakura’s complaint deepened into a resigned sigh. She needed to finish decorating, pick up the cake from the bakery, retrieve the balloons, and cook before the guests started to arrive.  

Before having a child, Sakura hadn’t realized how much work went into planning a birthday party. That’s why there’s usually two people for it, a traitorous voice whispered in the back of her mind. Out of habit, Sakura’s gaze turned toward the place on the wall where the picture of her and Sasuke usually hung. She’d meant to pick up a new frame for the one that she and Kakashi had broken, but she hadn’t gotten around to it. It was somewhere on her list of impossible things to accomplish each day after work. 

“Mama?” The small voice drew Sakura from her multitude of worries, and she turned to find Sarada walking down the hall with a beaming face. Streaks of blue, red, and yellow marred the girl’s cheeks and arms, smeared into her clothes, and clung to her hair in sticky, colorful strands. 

“Sarada!” Sakura’s tone brought the girl up short. Her lower lip puckered out, and tears filled her dark eyes. Sakura tried counting to ten under her breath the way she’d read about, but she only made it to four. “What did you do?” 

Liquid trickled from the corner of one eye, threatening to become a deluge. “I painted a picture, mama.” 

In her horror at the paint marring her daughter’s face, Sakura hadn’t noticed the paper that Sarada held. There were two vaguely humanoid shapes on the page, comical smiles painted on their faces as they stood in front of a rudimentary house. A thick streak of blue dripped along the edge of the page, threatening to fall to the floor. Moving on instinct, Sakura scooped the paper and Sarada up in one effortless movement. It was only when she felt the dampness soaking through her shirt that she thought about the mess it would make. Ignoring that, she carried them both to the bathroom. 

“You like it?” Guiltless black eyes stared up at Sakara as she settled Sarada on the counter, tears still threatening to reappear at any moment. 

Sakura forced herself to take another breath as she took the picture away from her daughter and laid it beside them. She smiled through the stress that had built up at the back of her neck and nodded. “I do, but are you supposed to use the finger paints without mama?” 

Sarada considered for a moment, then shook her head. “No.” 

“Then, why did you?” Sakura continued, wondering if trying to teach a child logic grew easier or more difficult as they aged. Five years into it, and she was starting to think that she’d be repeating herself forever. 

The impish grin that split Sarada’s face would have normally melted Sakura’s annoyance. “ I wanted to surprise you.” 

Sakura managed to count all the way to ten before nodding. Being angry wouldn’t solve anything, and she knew that her annoyance was largely from the stress of the party rather than the painting. She should have gone to check on why Sarada was being so quiet, but she’d thought the girl was playing with her dolls, blocks, or one of the other toys that littered the floor most of the time. She peeked her head back into the hallway where she could see the shelf that held the art supplies and noted the chair that Sarada had used to reach them. Sakura would need to move them higher still, right after she cleaned up the mess. 

“Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.” Sakura stripped the paint-smeared clothing off of Sarada and tossed it into the hamper. Warm water would remove the rest of the mess, but it wouldn’t leave them much time to get ready for the party. Sighing, Sakura pulled her cell phone from the pocket of her pants. For the briefest moment, she considered texting Kakashi. He’d been there for her in the past when she needed help in a pinch, but they hadn’t spoken since their fight. 

Pushing the thought away, Sakura selected Naruto’s number instead. The phone rang twice before the man’s familiar voice filled her ear. “Hey, Sakura. Are we late already,” he asked as soon as the line connected. 

Sakura managed a chuckle as she turned on the bathtub. “No, the party isn’t til four, but I was hoping you or Hinata could do me a huge favor.” 

“Sure, what’s up?” Naruto rarely asked what Sakura needed before offering to help; he simply jumped in where he could. Though the years had morphed them into adults with a myriad of new responsibilities and worries, some things would never change. 

A wash of nostalgia stole Sakura’s breath. She gave herself a few heartbeats to wonder what life might have been like if things were different, but she couldn’t follow that path. Shaking her head, Sakura returned her attention to the girl in the bathtub while simultaneously focusing on the man on the phone. That was her life now. 

“I was hoping you guys might be able to come over early and help me decorate. Or, maybe play with Sarada so I can finish cooking? I have so much to get done, but it’s impossible to do it all by myself.” Turning off the water, Sakura pulled a fluffy, pink towel from the closet, balancing the phone between her shoulder and ear. 

For a moment, silence answered the request. Then, Naruto’s voice returned, gentler than before. “Isn’t Sasuke home?” 

“He has a mission,” Sakura responded, refusing to question why she protected her husband from their former teammate’s scrutiny. It wasn’t like Naruto didn’t know how long the man was away. It wasn’t like he wouldn’t see that Sasuke wasn’t home. Still, Sakura put on the best face over the absence. “Sasuke wasn’t able to complete it before the party, but he’ll be home as soon as he can.” 

Naruto started to say something, then cut himself off with a sigh. “Let me make sure that Hinata can have Boruto ready, then we’ll be there. Give me just a sec.” 

Sakura listened as Naruto called out for Hinata. They talked in muffled tones on the other end of the phone as she turned her attention back to Sarada. The girl stared up at her with a far too calculating expression. Sarada had Sasuke’s coloring, all dark hair and unreadable, black eyes. Her gaze was sharp as her father’s sometimes. 

Before Sakura could dwell on it, Naruto returned to the phone. “Yeah, we’ll be over in a little bit. Give us like twenty minutes?” 

“You’re a lifesaver,” Sakura breathed, feeling some of the tension ease out of her shoulders at the idea of finally having help with everything that needed done. “I’ll see you soon.” 

After disconnecting the call, Sakura smoothed a hand over Sarada’s soft hair. “You’ve got five minutes, then you’re getting out.” 

When the girl returned to playing with the toys she’d left in the tub the previous night, Sakura glanced back at her phone. She still needed someone to pick up the balloons and the cake. A part of Sakura knew that if she asked Kakashi, he would do it. They hadn’t seen each other since that terrible night a month ago. His voice echoed in the silent place of Sakura’s heart, sharp and jagged as broken glass. 

Sakura had texted Kakashi twice since their fight, break-up, or whatever it had been. She apologized once, then told him that she missed him and wanted to fix things between them. Both of the messages had gone unanswered, which Sakura knew was an answer in itself, much as the empty room had been. Kakashi had broken off their relationship, then left it behind without a backward glance. She did her best to accept the man’s decision while pretending that she didn’t feel like she’d lost a piece of herself in the process. He’d decided the course of their relationship, and as much as Sakura wanted something else, she had to accept it. 

Despite those thoughts, Sakura pulled up Kakashi’s contact information in her phone. At a glance, the photo could have been taken anywhere. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, but Sakura knew better. Her fingers had created the haphazard way that Kakashi’s hair fell, cascading toward his right eye. His headband was gone, somewhere under his couch if she remembered the day correctly, and his mask rested lower on his face than usual. Kakashi’s cheeks held a healthy shade of crimson under the fabric, but his eyes were bright and open, staring at the camera, at Sakura, with a tenderness she didn’t deserve. 

Sakura closed the door on the pain that swelled in her chest and swiped away from Kakashi’s photograph. She dialed Ino’s number instead. 

-------------------------------------------

Two hours later, the party was in full swing with children stampeding through the house and adults mingling on the edges of the room. Most of Sakura’s friends made it to the event despite their busy schedules. Naruto and Hinata had come early enough to hang streamers, set out party favors, and help cook the finger foods that Sakura was serving. At least, Hinata and one of Naruto’s clones had. The real Naruto had taken Boruto and Sarada outside to play hide and seek, judging from the sounds that floated in through the open windows. 

Sai and Ino arrived not long after, balloons and cake in hand. Inojin and Sai had joined the games in the backyard, along with Naruto’s clone now that Sakura no longer needed help, while the women completed the last few things that needed to be finished before the party. Somehow, by the time the other guests arrived, the living room and kitchen were fully decorated, all the food was finished, and nobody had lost their tempers.

After putting paper plates down on the long table that she’d set up in the living room, Sakura let everyone know it was time to eat. In short order, the kids were happily picking at the finger foods she’d offered while their parents ate at the dining room table or stood around the room chatting. Despite the noise and chaos around her, the tension that Sakura had been carrying in her chest loosened further. The day hadn’t been the disaster that she’d feared. 

Sakura’s parents and colleagues were mingling with her shinobi friends, integrating the various aspects of her life the way that she’d done over the past few years. Sai and Ino were chatting with a doctor that she worked with at the hospital, while her father was discussing something with Temati that involved an excessive amount of hand gestures. The only thing missing from making the picture perfect day was Sasuke. The loss wasn’t as keen as it had once been, Sakura had made her life without him, but she felt the ache of Kakashi’s absence keenly. 

Raised voices at the kids table drew Sakura from her thoughts. The personalities of the younger generation were interesting to watch. She kept a sharp eye on Sarada and Boruto. The pair had been around each other so much that they acted more like brother and sister than friends. They were currently arguing over the last blue juice box on the table. Sakura intervened by adding another six, two of each color, to the center. Boruto and Sarada separated with a huff, each clutching their prizes in small hands. 

Sakura shook her head as she watched the display, recalling what Naruto and Sasuke had been like when they were genin. Though the children were years from that, she saw the same combative, competitive nature of their fathers. She hoped they would use it to hone their skills instead of growing bitter and angry at each other. Living in a time of peace meant that they would be older by the time they finished their shinobi training, assuming both of them went to the academy. The idea of anything else was unimaginable. 

Catastrophe averted, Sakura returned to the kitchen for the cake. The sugar high would undoubtedly make the kids hyper, but she planned to let them run it off in the backyard. She was making her way back to the table with a knife when the doorbell rang. 

“I’ll get it,” Naruto called over the chaos of children cheering the cake’s arrival. Sakura flashed the blonde a grateful smile as she cut the first piece and plopped it onto a plate. She had her hands full without trying to keep up with someone who was late to the party. Naruto’s laughter carried to the dining room, but his words were lost in the babble of voices as Sakura filled the disposable plates with sugary confection. 

Naruto stepped through the doorway a few seconds later, dragging a sheepish shadow behind him. Sakura’s heart missed several important beats when she raised her head. Kakashi offered an eye smile and rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand, clearly uncomfortable at her scrutiny. Naruto didn’t appear to notice as he pulled the man toward the center of the room. 

“Late as usual,” Naruto teased, clapping Kakashi on the back. He reached for the present in the man’s hands. “Here, I’ll take that.”

Kakashi relinquished the package to Naruto who carried it toward the table already crowded with gifts. As Sakura met Kakashi’s gaze, she tried to think of something to say, but the words wouldn’t connect to her thoughts. It had been a month since she’d seen Kakashi, four weeks of waiting for him to admit that leaving her had been a mistake. Except, he hadn’t. He’d walked out of Sakura’s life and never looked back. 

As her eyes swept over Kakashi, Sakura looked for any indication that the man noticed her loss as poignantly as she felt his. Had those lines always spidered away from the corners of his eyes? Had the bruise purple circles been so obvious beneath them? Did the tension in his shoulders suggest that he wanted things to be different, or did he wish that he wasn’t standing in the house where they’d—Sakura stopped that thought before it could color her cheeks. She tipped her head in a carefully deferential bow. “Hokage-sama.” 

Kakashi’s hidden smile slid a fraction as he returned the gesture. “Uchiha-san.” 

The formality between them made Sakura’s stomach ache, but she understood it. Inojin and Boruto made for a good distraction as they  argued over a second piece of cake while Sarada looked on with ever watchful dark eyes. The last thing that Sakura needed to do was worry about the complicated feelings that were swirling in the middle of her chest. 

“Excuse me,” Sakura murmured, slipping away from Kakashi. She ran a hand over Sarada’s hair and cut the cake into two smaller pieces for the boys before fists could settle the argument. She kept her attention on the kids for as long as she could. When Sakura couldn’t resist the gravitational pull that was Kakashi, she glanced up and found him gone. She caught a glimpse of his back on the opposite side of the room, deep in discussion with Hinata. 

Sakura allowed herself one longing glance in the man’s direction, then turned back to the kitchen and her responsibilities.  

-------------------------------------------------

As Kakashi watched over half a dozen kids careen around the living room on a sugar high, he wondered if he’d spent enough time at the party to escape without seeming rude. A splash of vibrant pink caught his eye as Sakura moved through the crowd. His chest ached as he watched her pull the strands away from her face. Several tendrils slipped free from the bun at the base of the woman’s neck to dance around her face. He concentrated on not thinking about the feel of them sliding over his fingers as he tipped her chin to the side to kiss her neck. 

Their relationship was over, and had been for almost a month, but the proximity of Sakura made it difficult to remember why. Kakashi had avoided her since they broke things off, saving them both from longing for an impossible future. He knew that he’d made the right decision to walk away, but it was difficult to keep himself from wishing for something different. Kakashi had sacrificed so many things for Konoha over the years; he hadn’t anticipated his happiness being one of them. 

Coming to Sarada’s party had been a private penance of sorts. Kakashi wanted to see Sakura, wanted to make sure that she was okay with the way that he’d left things. Of course, his feelings hadn’t changed during the intervening weeks, so it hurt to see her moving on with her life. Kakashi told himself that seeing Sakura at home would prevent him from doing something that he might regret. It wasn’t neutral ground after their previous encounter, but it was better than his apartment or her office, especially with so many people around. 

As Kakashi watched Sakura float around the party, diffusing tantrums and catering to each guest, he knew that he’d made a mistake. Every movement reminded him of the way that her legs had wrapped around him as they stumbled into the wall. Kakashi noticed the empty space where the portrait of Sakura and Sasuke had hung until her shoulder knocked it loose in a moment of passion. Nearly a month later, Kakashi remembered every brush of Sakura’s hand. 

Coughing, Kakashi took a drink and grimaced at the sticky sweetness of the liquid. He’d intentionally arrived late, but the desire to leave pulled him toward the door. He felt out of place among the parents and children, not to mention Sakura’s family. Shikamaru stood in one corner of the room, weighing Kakashi with a not so subtle stare. The man had noticed Kakashi’s distraction the past few weeks, though he hadn’t commented on it. Kakashi hadn’t volunteered any information, but it was impossible to tell how much the man had guessed. 

“Okay. It’s time for presents,” Sakura called out. Her voice was drowned out by excited squeals from the kids. Kakashi pressed against the wall as the tiny bodies rushed past him. The air left his lungs in a soft whoosh when Sakura’s fingers brushed his hip as she herded the children to the living room. The movement could have been the accidental bump of another adult avoiding the stampede, but that didn’t stop the electric jolt that shuddered through Kakashi. The subtle curl at the corner of Sakira’s lips told him it wasn’t a mistake.

Kakashi tightened his hand, then released the fist with a soft exhale as he followed the others. Sarada worked through her gifts at a prodigious rate, paper and ribbon flying through the air as she tore them open. A pile of toys and clothing grew on the table as Sakura reminded the girl to thank each person for their presents. A new dress with matching hair ribbon came from Ino and Sai, while Sarada received a make-believe doctor set from one of Sakura’s colleagues. She opened a stuffed fox from Naruto and Hinata, then reached for another present. 

“Mama! Look!” Sarada brandished small, foam kunai and shuriken that were modeled and weighted to match the real thing, though designed for a child’s hand. “They’re from daddy!” 

Sakura’s brow furrowed as she lifted the paper that the gift had been wrapped in, searching for the tag. Her frown deepened. “So they are,” she responded, watching her daughter heft the weapon in one hand. 

Sarada pulled her arm back and tossed the kunai across the room. A stack of paper cups clattered to the kitchen floor as Sakura plucked the remainder of the items from the girl’s lap. “These are only for outside,” she admonished with a huff. 

“Can we go play with them, please.” Sarada dragged out the last word in a pleading tone, hands clasped together in front of her. 

Boruto bounced on the balls of his feet, eyeing the gift with intent. “Yeah, can we? We’ll be careful.” 

Sakura sighed and looked down at the eager faces before relinquishing her hold. “Don’t throw them at each other, okay?” A chorus of agreement rang through the kids as they grabbed the weapons and darted for the door. Sakura’s voice trailed after them. “If anyone gets hurt, I’m taking them away.” 

Awkward silence hung over the room as the noise of the children disappeared. Naruto and Sai offered to go supervise, following almost on the younger generations heels, probably to do more damage than the kids did. Sakura began cleaning up the paper and presents, and Ino moved to help her. Most of the other adults returned to conversation, but Kakashi watched Ino rest a consoling hand on Sakura’s shoulder. “It was nice of him to make sure she had a present,” the blond observed, folding several pieces of clothing that Sarada had opened. “I’m sorry that he couldn’t be here in person.” 

Kakashi tried not to eavesdrop on the exchange, but he couldn’t help himself. Sakura’s shoulders rose in a shrug, quick and sharp as she inhaled. “He had a mission, and Sarada is still little. She probably doesn’t know that anything is strange about it.” 

“Yeah,” Ino agreed, collecting empty cups and half filled plates from the table. “I’m sure you’re right.” 

Not wanting to intrude on the conversation, Kakashi turned his attention back to the yard. Naruto had hung a target on one of the trees, and the kids were taking turns throwing weapons at the painted circle. Boruto and Sarada were squared up against each other, holding shuriken and presumably arguing over who got to take the next turn. As he watched, a silent presence appeared beside him. Kakashi didn’t turn. 

After a moment, Shikamaru cleared his throat. “I didn’t expect to see you here today, Hokage-sama.” 

“No,” Kakashi asked, keeping his voice light and amused. He rested one shoulder against the wall and tore his eyes away from the backyard. “Why not?” 

“This isn’t your usual scene.” Shikamaru turned to rest his back against the wall on the opposite side of the window. His dark eyes roved over the room while taking in Kakashi’s expression. “I figured you’d skip it, if you could.” 

Kakashi slid his hands into his pockets, continuing to feign disinterest. “I assume there’s a point to this?” 

Shikamaru chuckled, his lips pulling into a half smile. “You were never one for small talk.” 

Rather than acknowledging the comment, Kakashi dipped his head. Shikamaru’s gaze slid across the room to the kitchen. Sakura stood on the opposite side of the counter, wiping it with a rag. “It was nice of Sasuke to make sure his daughter had a present on her birthday,” Shikamaru ventured, voice pitched low. 

“It was, wasn’t it?” Kakashi allowed himself one second to take in the knowing expression on Shikamaru’s face before tearing his gaze away. “Sarada will remember that he cared.” 

Shikamaru sighed and raised his drink to his lips, taking a long pull as if the silence would work on Kakashi. It didn’t, so the younger man continued. “Look, I know it’s not my place to say this, but for the record, I think you’re a much better—” 

“Some things are better left unsaid,” Kakashi interrupted with an eye smile, convinced that the next words from Shikmaru’s mouth was something he didn’t want to hear, couldn’t stand to have acknowledged by someone else. He couldn’t go down that path a second time. 

"And sometimes, being stubborn hurts everyone—," Shikamaru offered. 

Kakashi raised a hand, cutting off the rest of the words. "You're right. It isn't your place." 

Shikamaru dipped his head with a sigh, mouth pulling into a frown. Kakashi knew that the man had more to say on this subject, but now wasn’t the time. In fact, he wasn’t sure that he would ever be ready to hear the rest of Shikamaru’s advice. Some thoughts were best kept hidden. 

Still, Shikamaru’s observation stirred a battered vestige of hope in the center of Kakashi’s chest, and he couldn’t put himself through that again. He squashed the feeling down as Temari cast her husband a pointed look. With a mumbled apology, the Nara departed toward the back yard with his wife to supervise the kids. 

Kakashi glanced at the rapidly approaching dusk and decided that he’d stayed far longer than he should have. It was more than enough to put in an appearance and prove to himself that he could be around Sakura without doing something that he would regret. Pushing away from the wall, he carried his mostly full drink back to the kitchen. 

As Kakashi approached the sink to dump the offending blue liquid into the basin, something brushed across his back. Electricity jolted through his body again at the familiar form beside him. The armor that Kakashi had consciously worn to the party only partially absorbed the shock of Sakura’s fingers on him. “You didn’t like your drink,” the woman asked, voice deceptively light. 

Hand hovering over the sink, Kakashi turned and swept his eyes across the room before settling on Sakura’s face. “I’m pretty sure it’s ninety-five percent sugar,” he countered, reaching for the lazy, unaffected drawl he’d used so often in the past to distance himself from situations that he didn’t want to be in. 

Sakura smiled, and some of the exhaustion disappeared from her eyes. Kakashi’s heart did an uncomfortable throb against his ribs before settling into a normal pattern, albeit faster than he liked. She moved closer, dropping her voice to a playful lilt that made the room spin. "Mixed with a bit of vodka, these are the best drinks you've ever had." 

For several seconds, Kakashi didn't speak. The words were so far from what he’d expected that it took his mind time to catch up with them. When it did, he laughed. "I always thought you were the responsible one. Don’t ruin my pristine image of you."

"You never thought that,” Sakura laughed, placing her hand over Kakashi’s to keep him from pouring out the drink. 

The plastic cup bobbled in Kakashi’s grip when Sakura touched him. His breath caught as she looked up at him through a curtain of pink hair. Kakashi remembered tucking those same strands behind her ears dozens of times; he remembered his lips trailing down the ivory column of her neck. His body twitched with the memory, and heat rushed into his cheeks. Instead of pulling away, he managed a weak laugh. “Are you suggesting I spike the drinks at your daughter’s party?”

“I’m suggesting you stay after, and I’ll spike them.” Sakura’s voice dropped to a whisper that made Kakashi’s face warm. He couldn’t think beyond the immediate need to escape before he did something that he’d regret. Everything inside of him screamed that this was a bad idea, the thing he’d wanted to avoid all along. 

Sakura glanced over her shoulder at the room, checking for unwanted stares before turning back. “Please?” 

It had always been a struggle to deny Sakura, that was what had got Kakashi into this mess in the first place. He blew out a breath and set his drink beside the sink. He watched the back doors open, spilling kids and parents back into the living room. No one so much as looked in their direction, attending to their own families. “I can’t do that,” Kakashi breathed.  

“We’re still friends, right?” Sakura’s voice reached a pained quality that made Kakashi sick to his stomach. “There’s nothing wrong with two friends hanging out together. It’s been a long day, and I could use some adult company.” 

Kakashi jutted his chin toward the living room where at least a dozen men and women stood. “You have a lot of choices for that.” 

“But, you’re the one I want.” Sakura reached past Kakashi for the damp rag that she’d been using to wipe the counter as she spoke, disguising her words in the movement. 

Kakashi didn’t let the choice of phrasing affect him too deeply. Sakura meant that she wanted him to stay and talk, nothing else. He would have known if she’d ended things with Sasuke, and she knew that he couldn’t be with her unless that happened. There was nothing wrong with them spending time together, but that could change in a heartbeat. How well he knew that. 

Before Kakashi could come up with a coherent answer, Sakura turned away and walked back toward the living room. Sarada stood amongst her peers, dirt smudging one cheek and cake evident at the corners of her mouth. Sakura set about wiping the girl’s face and hands with an abundance of complaining and whining from her daughter. He watched the pair without moving from the kitchen. It felt like time stopped, balancing on the precipice of his decision. 

The arrival of dusk acted like an unspoken signal for the end of the party. Parents began gathering up their children and saying their goodbyes. Kakashi slid into the background of the noise, marveling at the ease with which Sakura moved through the different circles of her life, making everyone feel welcome. Clusters of three and four people left the party until only Naruto’s family and Kakashi remained. Sarada and Boruto were arguing over something on the television while Hinata and Naruto gathered up the boy’s belongings, which somehow had been scattered all across the room. 

“Can we help you with anything before we go,” Hinata asked, voice soft and gentle as always. Kakashi felt a smile tug at his lips, thankful that Naruto had found someone that suited him so well. The realization soured when he looked back at Sakura. Did she wish that she had the same? Did she notice the difference? 

As Kakashi helped the three take down decorations and clean up the clutter after the party, he wondered what the pinkette thought of them. Not of Naruto and Hinata as a couple, because he already knew that she approved of the pairing a million times over. No, Kakashi wondered if she watched the way they worked as a team to wrangle their son, to be a family, even when Naruto was taking missions left and right in preparation to become Hokage. The blonde never shunned his family the way Sasuke did. He chose his missions with care and stayed with them whenever possible. Sasuke prefered missions outside of Konoha, jumping at every opportunity to leave the village— 

“Kakashi-sensei?” Naruto’s voice broke through Kakashi’s thoughts and he realized that the man had addressed him at least once already without answer. He tipped his head to the side and Naruto flashed a grin, an easy mixture of Kushina and Minato that made Kakashi’s heart ache. “I was just wondering if you wanted to walk home with us.” 

Boruto stared up at Kakashi with the curious blue eyes and faintly whiskered cheeks of his father, studying Kakashi with a keenness that Naruto never had. Kakashi shook his head. “Thank you, but I promised Sakura that I’d help her with a couple of things after the party.” 

“I can do that.” Naruto offered with a shrug. “You’ve been working all day.” 

Hinata laid a hand on Naruto, fingers curling around the muscle in his forearm. “You should let him keep his promises,” she murmured. Kakashi had the dizzying realization that Hinata knew or suspected the reason that he was staying later than everyone else. The woman bowed her head toward him. “It was a pleasure to see you, Hokage-sama.” 

The well trained part of Kakashi’s mind responded with proper pleasantries, but Hinata’s defense left him stunned. Shikamaru and Hinata both suspected about his relationship with Sakura. How many others had? 

Kakashi had always taken for granted that he and Sakura had been careful. He hadn’t shown any favoritism toward her since things changed between them. At least, he didn’t think he had. Could the two conversations have been coincidental? Shikamaru’s words were too pointed to be mistaken, but surely no one else. 

Kakashi navigated the rest of his salutations automatically while his mind reeled from the knowledge that he might not be as clever as he thought. Hinata finally managed to usher Naruto and Boruto toward the door. As it closed behind them, Kakashi realized he was well and truly alone with Sakura and Sarada, for better or worse. 

The girl sat on the floor in the living room, sorting through the pile of toys and gifts that she’d received. “Alright, time to get all of this stuff up to your room and put it away.” Sakura ruffled Sarada’s dark hair. “It’s almost bedtime.” 

Sarada started to make a whining noise, but a sharp glance from Sakura silenced it. “I only have two hands,” the girl tried instead, holding the stuffed fox in one and a foam kunai in the other. 

“I can help.” Kakashi pushed himself forward to gather toys and clothes from the floor. “I only have two hands too, but they’re quite a bit bigger than yours.” 

“Lemme see,” Sarada demanded, tossing her treasures aside like garbage. Both of her small hands grabbed one of Kakashi’s, then she frowned and poked at the center of his palm. “Take this off.” 

Sakura appeared in the doorway, and made a scolding sound under her breath. “Those are his gloves, Sarada-chan. You can’t just demand—” 

Waving one hand to silence the chastisement, Kakashi removed the fingerless gloves that he wore almost constantly. Sarada frowned at the scraps of fabric for a long moment, then gripped Kakashi’s hand between hers. She pressed her small palm against his then giggled. “It’s warm,” she observed. Then, to Kakashi’s horror, she pulled his hand close and rested her cheek against it instead. 

Laughing nervously, Kakashi pulled away. “Yeah, the gloves keep them warm.”

“Why do you wear them?” Sarada concentrated on each word, clearly trying to sort something out in her head before she spoke. 

Sakura swooped in, resting her fingers on Sarada’s head and gently turning her. “Come on, Kakashi didn’t come to give you an explanation for everything. I’ll race you to your room.” 

"Sleeping," Kakashi answered. He checked his cellphone once before tucking it into the pocket of his sweatpants. "So, what's on our agenda for the day?

"I'm going to need more information than that." Tenzo nodded when Kakashi reached for a jump rope in the jumbled exercise equipment, indicating that he was on the right track for warming up. But, the man didn't let the line of questions stop. "How did last night go?"

Kakashi rolled his wrists to loosen up before starting a series of quick single and double jumps. It didn't take long for his heart rate to rise in response to the movement. While Kakashi didn't particularly enjoy winter training, it kept his body functional for the more enjoyable activities that came when the weather warmed up. Tenzo had harassed Kakashi until he agreed to meet up at least three to five times during the week for exercise. The days varied, but Saturday was a staple because both of the men were typically free.

Once the sweat stood out on Kakashi's forehead and his body felt warm, he let the jump rope slap against the mats on the floor. He reached for his water bottle and took a long drink of the cool liquid. Tenzo watched him with a knowing look of amusement that made Kakashi uncomfortable. Deciding to draw out the other man's suspense, he grinned. "You know I don't kiss and tell."

Tenzo chuckled and shook his head. "Unless something drastic has changed, you don't kiss at all."

"Ha ha, laugh it up," Kakashi answered, aiming a quick jab at his friend's side.

Tenzo danced backward on the balls of his feet, light and elusive as ever. His movements were smooth and efficient; he'd clearly warmed up while waiting for Kakashi. Tenzo's lips pulled into a frown. "Seriously, how was it?"

Dipping his head to hide the stupid smile that tried to work its way onto his face, Kakashi shrugged. "It was fine." He lifted the carefully wound boxing wraps from his bag and started to work on his left hand without meeting Tenzo's gaze. "The dinner was nice, and the event was surprisingly well planned out."

Tenzo hummed in agreement, bouncing lightly on his toes to keep warm. "You're avoiding my question, which only makes me more curious."

"You know what they say about curiosity," Kakashi quipped, completing the second wrap on his right hand with only a little more difficulty than the left. He flexed his fingers, testing the stretch of the material before nodding.

Tenzo rolled his eyes as Kakashi put on the first of his boxing gloves. "Good thing I'm not a cat, then."

The man held up the second glove and helped Kakashi secure it around his wrist once it was in place. Kakashi sighed. "You aren't going to let it go, are you?"

Kakashi walked toward the bags hanging from the ceiling in one corner of the gym. He flexed his hands inside the glove, trying to to think of a way to answer his friend's question without giving anything away. "Sakura was lovely, attentive, and not what I expected. She's matured a lot over the past few years."

Humming with agreement presumably meant to encourage Kakashi to continue, Tenzo moved to the side to watch him work at the speed bag. A few punches in, the man smiled. "So, when will you see her again?"

Kakashi did his best to keep his tempo steady and smooth lest Tenzo read something in the movement that he didn't intend. Warmth spread through Kakashi's muscles as he continued the steady strikes until his body felt loose and light. He slowed, huffing out a breath. "We didn't talk about it."

Moving away a couple of feet, Kakashi made room for Tenzo in front of the bag. The younger man moved through the same punches that he had to warm up. Tenzo was the one of them who actually enjoyed boxing, and he made it look natural. Kakashi couldn't deny that it took the edge off frustration and anger, but he'd much rather be outside rock climbing, hiking, or going for a run. The gym was necessary evil during the colder months, though.

As Tenzo continued working with the bag, Kakashi stretched in preparation for the inevitable spar that would come next. He didn't dread it as much as he thought he would. A light vibration from his pocket made his face scrunch in confusion. He reached for the feeling, then rolled his eyes at the gloves he'd just put on. Catching the velcro closure in his teeth, Kakashi pulled it loose then clamped his upper arm around the glove to pull his hand free.

Kakashi fished his phone from his pocket with some difficulty because of the wraps. He pressed his thumb against the sensor to unlock it and swiped the screen open. A single message notification waited at the top. Frowning, Kakashi opened it. It worked. I thought about you last night. A second text came through almost immediately. Multiple times.

"Are you smiling at your phone?" Tenzo's voice broke through the momentary elation that flooded Kakashi's system. "Oh my god, are you blushing?"

"No," Kakashi forced his face to wipe the emotion away. He wasn't sure how to respond to Sakura's text, so he left it for a time when Tenzo wasn't watching his every move. "It's just hot in here, and I'm ready to get this spar underway."

Chuckling, Tenzo pulled away from the speed bag. "You're a terrible liar. It's fine to say that you had a good time. Hell, it's even okay to say that you slept with her. I'm not judging."

Kakashi shook his head, sobering at the implication. "We didn't have sex. It isn't like that."

"So, it's not physical," Tenzo repeated, nodding toward the boxing ring that predominated the middle of the gym. The pair had the place to themselves today for a change which allowed them to talk freely. As Kakashi followed him through the ropes, Tenzo's grin deepened. "Damn, are you saying she's in love with you already?"

"She doesn't love me," Kakashi laughed, ignoring the flutter of his heart at the impossible thought. Rin's memory soured the fleeting desire almost as soon as it rose. "She's not that stupid."

Tenzo laughed and dipped his head before reaching out to help Kakashi get his glove back on. "You're probably right. She seemed smarter than average."

"Definitely," Kakashi agreed, squaring up against Tenzo with his body turned to the side to present a smaller target. He weighed his opponent with his gaze, wondering why Tenzo wouldn't let the thing with Sakura go. It wasn't like it mattered; they hadn't talked about dating or going out. The night had been fun, sure, but that didn't mean it was going to be anything more. They'd probably never see each other again.

Kakashi brought his hands up in front of his face and shifted his weight over the balls of his feet to make his movement more fluid. He and Tenzo had trained together for years, so he could practically read the moves before they happened. Jab, cross, jab, jab, hook. Kakashi flowed with the strikes, allowing his mind to wander. The implications behind Sakura's text were impossible to ignore, and the thought brought more heat to Kakashi's cheeks. He'd teased her about wanting her to think about him, but he hadn't meant that way. At least, not seriously.

Trying to come up with a reply was difficult. Did Kakashi respond in kind by admitting that he'd thought of Sakura as well? Did that cross a line that he wanted to keep between them? Did he pretend not to understand the subtext of the comment and ask what Sakura meant? Did he write the whole thing off and continue on the same way that he would have done weeks ago? Did he just ignore it to see if she reached out a second time?

Slipping beneath a quick right hook, Kakashi wondered which response Sakura wanted from him. Almost anything he said would make her more curious about him. Kakashi knew that he could have followed Sakura up to her apartment the previous night, and they would have crossed every line that he cared to draw between them. But, she had respected his decision to stop where they were. Did Kakashi continue holding himself away and playing the logical person, or did he give in to the pressure? Did any of it matter? Sakura's text was clearly meant to evoke a response. Multiple times, it taunted, begging him to acknowledge the unresolved sexual tension between them.

Tenzo slipped to the right and Kakashi circled with him, adrenaline burning through his veins. Boxing helped release some of the tension that wound Kakashi's body tight. He could focus on the natural rhythm of the movements without concentrating too hard on the problem with—another soft buzz ripped Kakashi's attention away from everything except wondering what Sakura said next.

Pain snapped through Kakashi's face, sharp and brilliant as a sunburst. He crashed onto the mat below him, head rebounding against the surface. Darkness swallowed the world. Then, Kakashi blinked at the ceiling in confusion with no idea why he was staring up at it.

"Shit, I'm sorry," Tenzo cursed, crouching beside Kakashi's head. "Are you okay?"

Kakashi's ears rang as he looked around the gym, trying to make logical sense of what happened. Tenzo knelt next to him, pulling his gloves off with an urgency that seemed almost comical. Fingers snapped in front of Kakashi's face, fighting to drag him back to semi-coherence but he had a hard time focusing on the noise. "Come on, I didn't hit you that hard."

"You hit me," Kakashi repeated, still in a half daze from the contact. It was so funny that he almost laughed. The sound burbled in his throat as Tenzo pulled him upright, then the room tipped and spun like a top. Nausea bubbled in Kakashi's stomach, hot and dizzying. He fought it down with a grunt that sobered him somewhat. "You hit me."

"Yes, we've covered that." Tenzo snapped his fingers again, drawing Kakashi's attention to them. "How many fingers do you see?"

Kakashi stared at the wavering image for a second, blinking to clear the immediate blurriness in his vision. "Two."

The hand changed shape. "Now, how many?"

"Three," Kakashi answered, continuing to suppress the nausea that flooded his stomach and throat. He squeezed his eyes shut to push the thought away from him. If he didn't think about it, it wouldn't happen.

When Kakashi opened his eyes again, Tenzo had moved back to give him some space. "Do you think you can get up?"

"You're not a prize fighter or anything. I'm fine," Kakashi grumbled, pushing his hands against the mat to try and stand. Even so, he knew that Tenzo's punches were powerful. The man could have gone on to make a career out of it if he'd wanted to. He usually pulled his punches in spars, though.

Kakashi pushed into a standing position, and the room wobbled with him. The ground pitched under his feet when he tried to move. Tenzo bumped against Kakashi's shoulder, supporting him until they reached a corner of the ring where he could cling to the rope for balance. Kakashi closed his eyes against the dizzy sickness in his stomach. "Mostly fine," he amended, sinking onto the stool that Tenzo produced from somewhere.

It took Kakashi a couple of startled seconds to realize that Tenzo had knelt in front of him and started to remove his gloves with familiar ease. "What are you doing," Kakashi asked in confusion.

"You're done for the day" Tenzo pulled the gloves off and laid them aside, starting to work on the hand wraps. The task was made difficult by the similar wraps on the man's hands.

Kakashi pulled away and started unwinding the fabric on his own. "I just need a minute, then we can get back to—"

"I'm ninety-five percent sure you have a concussion." Tenzo finished pulling off his second wrap without bothering to wind them the way that he normally did. Kakashi wondered if it was frustration or worry that sped his friend's fingers through the movement. "I think you should go get checked out."

Kakashi laughed and shook his head, immediately regretting it when the nausea returned. "No, I'm fine. I didn't even lose consciousness. It was just a lucky punch."

Tenzo leveled Kakashi with a flat stare, then rolled his eyes. "It was a left hook that I telegraphed, but you never noticed. And, you were out for at least a few seconds after it."

"Look at you, using knockout punches in a friendly spar," Kakashi teased, trying to organize the thoughts that were crowding in the back of his mind. He didn't feel great, but he didn't feel terrible either. Surely he would have felt something more than a vague pain in the back of his head after a concussion. "You're growing up."

"You didn't even try to block it," Tenzo complained, shaking his head in frustration as he gathered his equipment from the mat and slid through the ropes to the floor. "You were distracted. You know better than that."

Distracted? Kakashi tried to dredge up the moments before the punch, but they refused to come. Sighing, he followed Tenzo from the ring, bobbling only a little when the room pitched under his feet. "I'm sorry," Kakashi mumbled, rubbing his sore jaw.

Tenzo sighed, worry creasing his features. "You really should go see a doctor, just to make sure everything is squared away. If you won't go to the hospital, at least let me get Tsunade to have a look at you."

Kakashi tipped his head to the side, considering the words for a long moment. Tsunade-shishou would. The memory came slowly; the pieces fit back together in a picture that left Kakashi feeling oddly off balance, even more than the concussion. He ran his tongue across his lips, surprised to taste the coppery tang of blood. "I'm not going to the hospital. If it's a concussion, they'll tell me to rest."

"Which you'll undoubtedly ignore." Tenzo threw his equipment into his bag with an overly dramatic eye roll. "Do you think you have a concussion? Or, did it just rattle you?"

Raising one shoulder in a shrug, Kakashi packed up his wraps, gloves, and jump rope. "I mean, isn't that pretty much the same thing?"

Tenzo pulled a black hoodie over his head, then slung his bag across one shoulder. "You know that you got the finger count wrong, right?"

Kakashi blinked at the words, and the soft pain in the back of his mind ramped up to a slightly more noticeable stab. He sighed in defeat. "Okay, fine, I might have a concussion, but the point still stands. All the doctor is going to tell me to do is to get some rest."

"You lost consciousness, briefly, but it still happened. You had double vision, your balance is off, and you're in pain, sick to your stomach, or both." Tenzo ticked off the points on his fingers, and Kakashi studied them to make sure the number matched the reasons.

Kakashi frowned. "How do you know I'm—"

"The way you squeeze your eyes and tense your jaw every few seconds," Tenzo interrupted, with a rueful shake of his head. "You've got a pain tell, old man."

"Hey, woah," Kakashi chuckled, holding up his hands as if deflecting another blow. "Isn't it enough that you already knocked me out once today?"

Tenzo woke up shivering hard enough to make his teeth ache. He curled tighter, surprised that he hadn’t rolled from the couch with the violence of the movement. Peeking an eye open revealed the cool dimness of his bedroom rather than the living room. A breeze blew through the opened window, stirring the black curtains that he normally kept closed. He took a moment to wonder how he’d gotten there, then the pain slammed into him full force. An undignified whimper left his lips, and he gritted his teeth to keep from crying out.

Something cool and damp brushed across the man’s forehead. Forcing his eyes open a second time, Tenzo found Sakura running a cloth across his skin. He opened his mouth to speak, but the woman shushed him before the words could form. Tenzo hadn’t known what he wanted to say anyway. Another bout of nausea curled his body inward, and he tried to breathe through the sickness. He held it down, clenching his abs so hard that they shook.

Warmth flooded Tenzo’s body, temporarily erasing the agony. The edges of his vision softened, then blurred. He blinked several times to clear it, but the halo of green remained. Pressure against Tenzo’s shoulders guided him to lie back, then blissful darkness swallowed him.

Murky water surrounded Tenzo as he floated in the lightless room. He should have been frightened, but he couldn’t remember why. Cords wrapped his body like snakes. They were normal and familiar, like old friends. Instead, he watched flickering lights cast eerie shadows on the tanks around him with detached curiosity. One had broken open, spilling a puddle of glowing liquid across the floor.

The face gazing at Tenzo from the other side of the glass belonged to a stranger, what little he could see of it. Banadages swathed the man’s neck, cheek, and forehead, making his features difficult to discern. Black eyes, as hard as stone, stood out in clarity. Glass shattered with a sickening crunch, and the stranger pulled Tenzo into brilliant light. He went without question, barely noticing how he was inspected like an animal for slaughter. He didn’t know enough to feel anything yet.

Tenzo stood in the corner of a room no larger than a closet. The hard cot that he slept on left just enough space for him to get dressed. His body ached in dozens of different places, and his muscles trembled from chakra exhaustion. He’d pushed himself too far again, but Danzo expected results. The mokuton was difficult to master, no matter how much Tenzo focused. He went through the hand signs without chakra, building muscle memory as he ignored the tears on his cheeks.

Loyalty had always been simple: follow Danzo. No one else understood the man’s vision of Konoha, but once it came true, they would see that it was for the best. At least, that's what Tenzo had thought, until this mission fell apart. He stared at Kakashi from the corner of his eye, wondering if the man knew that he'd undone years of blind faith simply by existing. Tenzo’s ROOT record was pristine, even though only a quarter of his missions made it onto paper. To abandon one was unlike him.

Icy metal bound Tenzo’s wrists. He recognized the fear flooding his body and wondered if it would have been wiser to kill Kakashi. Danzo hadn’t said what he planned yet, but the men and women that he once considered brothers had dragged him here on the man’s command. Fragmented memories added terror to Tenzo’s helplessness: cold hands, flashes of green and purple, bone shattering agony, a caress against his neck, and the pinch of a needle.

The images overlapped too quickly for Tenzo to fully grasp the memories. Warm blood sprayed across his cheek, but he couldn’t remember if it belonged to him or someone else. Fever hot skin burned his fingers. The scent of infection turned his stomach, but he forced himself to look. Blue eyes met his, filled with fear and pain, but the tiniest sliver of hope brightened them. Death paled them to grey.

Terror clawed at Tenzo, squeezing the breath from his lungs. Kakashi disappeared in a sea of enemies as they were swept apart. Itachi sobbed in the darkness, back toward his teammates. Blood dripped from Tenzo’s fingers, puddling on the ground. Torn bodies filled the edges of the room; the scent of cooked flesh was strong enough to gag him. A hand clutched Tenzo’s shirt, jerking him backward moments before a kunai sailed through the space where he’d stood.

Warm lips opened to Tenzo’s, and a hand tangled in his hair. Kakashi’s blood pulsed too quickly through his fingers. Someone screamed, and the voice was almost recognizable. A moment of indecision, then a flash of pink followed by white. Red chakra pulsed, tearing Tenzo’s palm open despite his efforts to contain it.

“Hello, Subject 214.”

Medicine burned beneath Tenzo’s skin. His arms and legs went numb, then chakra slipped beyond his reach. Laughter followed him into darkness. Pulses of red and white tore Tenzo to wakefulness. The taste of vomit corroded his throat. A pitch black room tipped one way, then the other. No one was coming. Tenzo was alone. He’d always been alone, and he would always be alone. A door cracked open, and pale light blinded him as his torturer entered the cell.

Panic, blood, pain. Tenzo couldn’t move, couldn’t fight back. Something forced his hands against stone, tearing the skin. He screamed as the needle pricked his arm.

Without the hospital or missions to keep Sakura busy, her days passed in a blur of monotony and boredom. Ino showed up a few times in an effort to bolster her spirits, but the plan backfired. The blond's presence was a constant reminder of the life that Sakura had left behind. When Ino opted to give up after the third failure, Sakura didn't blame her. The pregnancy opened a gulf between Sakura and her former classmates, one that she wasn't sure she could cross.

You could just make the problem go away, a small voice in the back of Sakura's mind whispered. She ignored it. Sakura had made her decision as far as that was concerned. She had no idea what her future might hold if she continued living as a shinobi, but if it ended unexpectedly, she wanted to leave behind something of herself in the world. Besides that, even though Sakura was no closer to understanding how things stood with Genma, she knew that he wanted to keep the baby.

Sakura sighed and curled up on the couch with a cup of warm tea. Since the last time that she had ignored Genma, he hadn't returned. Part of her was glad that the man found it easy to put their problems behind him, but a smaller part wished that he'd try harder. He'd given Sakura too many mixed signals for her to be sure of his feelings. Wanting a baby was not the same thing as wanting a girlfriend or wife.

Having Genma in Sakura's life would undoubtedly be more stable for the child, but only if he planned to stay. She couldn't risk having her heart broken while she was pregnant, much less while she was learning to be a mom. Tsunade and Shizune had been right about Sakura needing a more stable environment, at least. Sakura couldn't help but wonder if that was the reason that Tsunade had her removed from the hospital rotation.

Despite the emptiness that losing the position left in Sakura's life, she hadn't asked Tsunade to reconsider. If the woman wanted to be petty over something that didn't concern her, that was her choice. She'd made her disappointment with Sakura known on multiple occasions, for keeping the baby, for getting pregnant in the first place, and for sleeping with Genma. Even though the women had resumed an almost friendship in the weeks since, the suspension remained in place.

When Sakura had first found out that she was pregnant, she'd been more worried about how Tsunade and Kakashi would react than her parents. Mebuki had been quietly disappointed, but she seemed excited about the idea of a grandchild despite the circumstances. Sakura's parents had asked a lot of questions about the father, but she'd been intentionally vague. They weren't ready to hear about Genma, mostly because Sakura was afraid of the way her father might react.

Mebuki and Kizashi questioned how such things were handled among shinobi. Sakura had laughed at the idea that ninja would do anything different from a civilian, but she hadn't made an issue over it. Her parents had no idea what her life as a soldier of Konoha entailed, but they should have known Sakura well enough to guess what she would do. At least her parents hadn't treated her any differently after they found out. Almost everyone accepted the change in Sakura's status as a natural transition, but she wasn't sure whether to be thankful or annoyed that they didn't expect more of her. Hell, she expected more from herself.

Pushing away the thoughts, Sakura tossed off the blanket that she'd wrapped around herself and carried her mug back to the kitchen. She didn't want to spend the day feeling sorry for herself or wishing for things she couldn't have. While she couldn't work at the hospital, there were plenty of other things that she could do. The local cafe had an amazing coffee and tea selection, not to mention some pastries that she'd developed a taste for. There were tons of things to research at the library, and a long walk next to the river would help ease some of the restless energy that had built it up over the past few days.

Sakura had just started for the door when someone knocked on the other side. She paused mid step and frowned, wondering who she would have to avoid this time. Part of her secretly hoped it would be Genma, if only so she could see if he looked upset at being ignored. To her surprise, Iwashi stood outside, tugging his uniform to straighten the flak vest.

The man was so far down on the list of people who might be standing on the other side that he'd never crossed Sakura's mind. She opened the door, but before she could speak, Iwashi dropped into a bow. "Sorry to disturb you, Haruno-san. Hokage-sama requests your presence at your earliest convenience."

Quirking an eyebrow at the formality, Sakura lips pulled into a frown. "Do I have a choice, or is this an official summons?"

"The former, I believe," Iwashi responded. Sakura didn't know the man well enough to know if the tone of his voice was playful or not. Of Kakashi's of guards, she knew Raido and Genma the best. Iwashi shrugged, looking somewhat uncomfortable. "Hokage-sama didn't explain his reasoning to me."

"Yeah, he's bad for that," Sakura joked. She glanced down at her clothes and decided that she needed to change before a trip to the Hokage's office. "If you'll give me a few minutes, I can walk back over with you? You're welcome to come in while you wait."

A soft shade of pink crept onto the man's cheeks as he turned to look over the village while hiding his blush. "Thank you, but I'll wait out here."

"Suit yourself." Laughing softly, Sakura shut the door between them. Her amusement eased the tension building in her chest, and she changed into a pair of traditional jonin blacks, then buckled her flak vest over it. The armor felt strange after weeks without it. Sakura knew that she wouldn't be sent on a mission, but the uniform felt right all the same. As she smoothed a hand over the rough fabric, she wondered how much longer it would fit.

Hurrying to the bathroom, Sakura dragged a brush through her hair and pulled the tresses into a loose ponytail before meeting Iwashi outside. The man bowed when Sakura reappeared then gestured down the walkway toward the stairs without speaking. As they walked, she watched him out of the corner of her eye. Iwashi was the youngest member of the Hokage's guards as far as she knew. Unless Sakura missed her guess, he was a few years younger than Kakashi, even. She wondered how he'd fall in with Raido and Genma as a guard. One day, she'd like to hear that story.

The thought of Genma forced an uncomfortable tightness back into Sakura's chest. It had been nearly two weeks since they'd spoken, and she knew that he was waiting for her to make the first move. While it had been unintentional, she'd hurt him. He had approached her to make peace, but Sakura had ignored him. To be fair, she'd been ignoring everyone. She supposed that she should reach out, if only to invite him to the upcoming doctor's appointment. Sakura could be an adult about the pregnancy at least.

Walking to the Hokage's office took less time than Sakura expected because she was wrapped up in her own thoughts. As they stood outside the building, Iwashi nodded toward the door. "Raido should be looking for you."

Sakura's brow scrunched in confusion. "But, weren't you sent to summon me?"

"Yes, but it's only the first of a dozen things that Hokage-sama needed from me this morning." Iwashi dipped into another bow. "Have a good day, Haruno-san."

After returning the gesture, Sakura took a deep breath, squared her shoulders, then walked into the once familiar building. Things had changed during Kakashi's tenure as Hokage. The efficiency that Tsunade and Shizune ran the village with had been replaced by the chaos that was Kakashi. It wasn't that the man was bad at his job, per se, but he didn't have the administrative skills of Shizune, or Tsunade's bluntness.

Foreboding settled in Sakura's veins as she walked. She had no idea what Kakashi wanted, or why he summoned her. It had been over a week since she'd seen him. When Sakura rounded the corner of the hallway, Raido straightened to attention. Dark eyes settled on Sakura's face, and something unreadable passed over the man's features. When he inclined his head in greeting, Sakura's heart skipped a beat, but only a blank space predominated the wall where Genma should have stood. She could almost picture the man slouched beside Raido, a senbon slanting across smirked lips.

Without waiting for Sakura to speak, Raido rapped on the heavy wooden panel behind him. Sakura wanted to say something, to offer some balm or banter that might make the situation seem less daunting, but she couldn't think of anything. As she watched him peek in to speak with Kakashi, Sakura wondered if she imagined the coldness that she felt from the guard. Did Raido hate her over the way that things had worked out with Genma? Did he blame her? She didn't have the energy to ponder the question as he opened the door and gestured her inside.

Sakura stepped into the office and dropped into a deep bow, eyes on the floor. "You summoned me, Hokage-sama?"

A deep sigh issued from Kakashi's side of the desk as the door clicked shut. "It wasn't a summons," he clarified with huff. "It was a request."

"Of course," Sakura answered. "Whatever you say, Hokage-sama."

The petulance in Sakura's tone irritated her, but she wasn't sure how to change it. In fact, she wasn't certain that she wanted to change it. She wasn't angry at Kakashi, but something dangerous swelled in her chest whenever she was around him. It wasn't the need for recognition that she'd felt before she'd taken the mission all those months ago. It was something else, something that Sakura didn't try to temper. Kakashi was strong enough to take it.

After several heartbeats of silence, Sakura lifted her gaze to Kakashi. The man studied her over his steepled fingers from behind the desk. Unruly silver hair fell into Kakashi's dark eyes, partially obscuring the fact that they were shadowed by exhaustion. Even though Sakura couldn't see it, she knew that Kakashi's lips were pinched into a frown.

Sighing, Kakashi exhaled Sakura's name with a gentleness that she didn't deserve. "I hate that title, and you know it.". When she didn't answer, Kakashi nodded toward the chair across from him. "Why don't you have a seat?"

"Am I in trouble?" Sakura remained where she stood, vaguely aware of her voice rising an octave. "Is this another one of those 'sorry, but I'm stripping you of your position for conduct unbecoming of a shinobi' lectures?"

Lines appeared on Kakashi's brow as he sorted through the words for an infuriating moment. Sakura's anger rose like bile in her throat, a fine tremble working through her body. Then, understanding softened Kakashi's gaze. "Is that what Tsunade did?"

"As if you didn't know," Sakura shot back, some of her fury bleeding out at the easiest target. "I'm sure she asked your opinion, or at least filled you in on the pertinent information after the fact.

Kakashi gestured toward the chair once more, then lowered his palms to the desk. "Tsunade and I haven't spoken about her reasons for removing you from the hospital, whether disciplinary or otherwise." Kakashi gave a convincing shake of his head, then shrugged. "But, you earned the rank of jonin by consensus of your peers. Nobody can take that away from you."

Only partially satisfied with the answer, Sakura scoffed and threw herself into the chair. "Iwashi said you wanted to see me?"

"I wanted to ask a favor, actually." The unexpected request released some of Sakura's annoyance. His tone turned more careful, as if he was trying to untangle a nasty knot that he couldn't get started. Sakura didn't offer the courtesy of asking the man to continue; she remained stubbornly silent. Kakashi continued after a few seconds. "I'm not sure if you're aware of it or not, but there was a diplomatic incident in Suna recently."

Sakura snorted and rolled her eyes. "I mean, you sent Genma as an envoy. What did you expect?"

"This has nothing to do with him," Kakashi answered, voice sharp as a shuriken edge. He blew air between his lips and moderated his tone. "I sent Shikamaru to an extended peace summit in Suna as Konoha's representative to smooth things over."

Sakura considered Kakashi's meaning, keeping her face impassive. It would have been just as easy for Kakashi to go to the peace talks himself. Doing so would have afforded him the chance to get away from the chaos of the village and the self destruction that Sakura had become. Why hadn't he taken it? As Sakura worked through the angles, the man continued. "Unfortunately, administration isn't my strong suit. I'm in over my head here."

Frowning, Sakura tried to make the words connect in a meaningful way, but she couldn't. "I'm not sure what you're getting at here," she admitted.

"I was hoping that you'd be willing to temporarily fill his position." The timbre of Kakashi's voice changed, taking on an almost breathy, nervous quality that Sakura had never heard before. "It would only be for a couple of months at the most, just until Shikamaru returns."

Even though Sakura heard the offer, it didn't make sense. It was as if Kakashi was speaking a foreign language, and she was the only person in the room that didn't understand. Mistaking her silence for refusal, Kakashi rushed to fill the space. "After all the work you did with Tsunade, you have a great deal of experience in running the Hokage's office. And, I thought it might give you a chance to clear your head and focus on something besides," Kakashi's voice faltered and recovered almost in the same breath. "Well, you know, everything else."

A chance to focus on something besides being pregnant with Genma's baby, something besides being fired from the hospital, and something besides my world falling apart. Sakura's subconscious supplied the words that Kakashi had been too kind to say, and she felt a wash of gratitude that he hadn't addressed it directly. She wasn't ready to deal with that mess, and the memory of Kakashi's bruised knuckles made her think that he wasn't either.

When Sakura opened her mouth to respond, Kakashi spoke over her. "I won't pretend to know what's going on in your personal life, but you don't have to worry about running into Genma here. He's been reassigned."

"Reassigned?" Sakura's brow furrowed. So, that was why he hadn't been standing guard beside Raido, and why Iwashi had been sent to summon her. Annoyance flashed through her as the pieces clicked into place. "He was reassigned because of me?"

Kakashi scrubbed a hand through the hair at the back of his neck in a show of frustration. "He was reassigned because that's what is best for everyone right now."

The slow boil of annoyance shifted toward anger in Sakura's stomach. "Genma's entire life has been spent in the Hokage Guard Platoon with Iwashi and Raido, how can this be for the best?"

Razor sharp laughter burst through Kakashi's lips. "Oh, so, you're an expert on him now? All because you slept with him once? You're just one—"

"One conquest in his string of hundreds?" Sakura spat the words, rising from her chair so quickly that the room spun. She blinked through the dizziness, barely registering the placating gesture that Kakashi made. Fury burned her lips. "I'm just another stupid girl that fell for pretty eyes and even prettier lies?"

"That isn't what I meant," Kakashi interrupted, rising and moving around the desk faster than Sakura thought possible.

The pinkette jerked away before Kakashi's fingers could capture her hand. "It's what you said."

Kakashi didn't reach for Sakura a second time. When he saw her reaction, he raised both hands with palms toward her, then carded his fingers through his hair. The way the spikes stood up like a hedgehog would have been comical under any other circumstances. Kakashi exhaled and regained control of his tone. "If that's how it sounded, then I worded it poorly."

"Right," Sakura snorted in disbelief and turned away. When Kakashi started to speak, she waved him off and shook her head. "It's fine; I'm sure you're right. You know him better than I do, and everyone has been saying the same things. You can't all be wrong. In fact, I think—"

"Are you in love with him?" Kakashi's question halted the flood of words from Sakura's mouth. She spun back to face him, shocked that he'd asked the question so bluntly instead of beating around the bush as he so often did.

When Sakura opened her mouth to respond, there were no words inside. She snapped her teeth back together and stared at Kakashi as if he was a foreign animal that might be dangerous. He half sat on the edge of his desk, arms crossed over his chest like it provided another layer of armor over what he already wore. Dark eyes focused on hers, holding her gaze as if to read some secret there that she wanted to hide. Maybe, he could.

After a couple of heartbeats, Kakashi pushed away from the edge and closed the space between them. Unable to stop herself, Sakura glanced up at him through her lashes, surprised to see something like pain in his eyes. "I watched Sasuke break your heart, once. Don't ask me to let Genma do the same."

The growled words left Sakura stunned, even more so than the question about whether or not she loved Genma. Pity smothered her growing anger, but Sakura couldn't go down that path. Shaking her head, she pulled back. "I never asked you to do anything."

Kakashi chuckled without a trace of humor and brought his hand up like he might cradle Sakura's cheek. It fell back to his side without making contact. "You never had to ask, you mean."

Sakura tipped her head to the side, studying the man's expression with open curiosity and confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"I have always done what I thought was best for you, even when you couldn't see it. When you wanted to chase Sasuke, I let you go. When you wanted to take the twice damned mission that led to this mess, I didn't stop you. When you needed to confront Genma, I recalled him to the village." Kakashi ticked off the points on his fingers, shoulders tensing with each scenario that he threw out. Sakura stared at him, mouth falling open in shock.

With a heavy sigh, Kakashi turned away and stared out the windows behind his desk. Sakura knew he did it to put distance between them, and she let him go. She wasn't sure that she could have moved, even if she wanted to. When Kakashi continued, his voice was soft. "A relationship with Genma is a mistake. Don't ask me to watch you do that without saying something. I've stood aside for too many things already."

"I don't need you to protect me." Even as the words left Sakura's mouth, she tasted the bitter tang of a lie. Kakashi had been one of the first people that she'd revealed her pregnancy to, second only to Tsunade. She'd run to him, interrupting what was probably an important meeting with Yamato, and Kakashi had let her sob it out like a silly, frightened girl. He must have thought her a fool for falling into Genma's arms.

Sakura had never talked to Kakashi about what happened on that mission. She'd never admitted that in her poisoned, exhausted state she thought that it had been him who pulled her out of that situation. Sakura had never revealed the ache at realizing Kakashi had sent Genma in his stead. She sighed, pushing those memories deeper. "I never asked for your protection."

A sad smile crossed Kakashi's lips, visible even through the mask. "No, but you've had it all the same."

"Kakashi—" A knock at the door interrupted Sakura's response, which was just as well because she had no idea what to say.

At Kakashi's call, Raido popped his head into the office. "Sorry to interrupt, Hokage-sama, Haruno-san," the man bowed with his upper body, not fully entering. "You wanted me to remind you of your meeting with the elders this afternoon."

Kakashi glanced at the clock above the door and nodded. "Yes, thank you, Raido."

As the door shut the world away from them for a second time, a change came over Kakashi. Sakura hadn't realized how much he'd lowered his walls until he put them back in place. Kakashi walked back to the opposite side of his desk and rifled through the papers for a moment. When his gaze returned to Sakura, his eyes were no longer soft and open, but flint hard and focused. "Duty calls, I'm afraid."

Sakura started to say Kakashi's name, but he waved it away. "Think about what I said. The job is yours if you want it, and it would really help me out if you accepted."

A million questions rose and died on the tip of Sakura's tongue. A lot of things had been said or hinted at, but she didn't think that anything had changed. Kakashi offered a tight eye smile as he lifted the robes of the office from their hook on the wall. Sakura watched the white fabric transform Kakashi into a stranger. When he reached for the hat, the dismissal was obvious, but Sakura's feet were rooted in place.

One hand reached toward Kakashi, and to Sakura's shock, he captured it with his. The rough warmth of his glove made her heart skip a beat, as did the light brush of his fingertips. Kakashi squeezed, then released her fingers. "Let me know when you've made a decision, but you can take as much time as you need to figure things out."

Sakura nodded numbly, following Kakashi to the door. He paused, hand lifted toward the handle like he might add something else. Then, he shook his head and opened the door for her. "After you."

---------------------------------------------------------------

After leaving the Hokage's office, Sakura wandered through the village and tried to organize her chaotic thoughts. She felt out of place among the familiar scenery. Normally, Sakurawould have been at the hospital during this time of day, filling out reports or seeing patients. She knew that Tsunade would eventually reinstate her, but it could be a while. Six months ago, she would have killed for some time off to do all the things she never felt she could accomplish. Now, Sakura found herself bored and restless.

As Sakura walked, she considered Kakashi's offer. Overseeing administration for the Hokage's office should be easy enough. She'd helped Tsunade and Shizune do it for years, so she was familiar with most of the systems. Besides that, Sakura and Kakashi had worked as teammates frequently over the years. There would probably be some hiccups, but they had a foundation to build on, at least. And, it wasn't like Sakura would have to give up her career at the hospital; Shikamaru would be back in a few months.

Before Tsunade's dismissal, Sakura had assumed that she would work until the baby came, or at least until close to time. She had approximately five months of nothingness looming ahead of her. While she knew there could be a lot of complications, they were most likely to happen at the end of the pregnancy. In fact, Sakura should be entering the best part of it according to all the books she'd read. She couldn't imagine spending that time sequestered at home.

Accepting Kakashi's offer would give Sakura a job until Tsunade decided to let her come back to the hospital. Plus, Shikamaru would be thankful for her intervention. Sakura couldn't imagine the mess that Kakashi would leave if he didn't have an assistant. She pictured mountains of paperwork piling up while he leaned back reading Icha, Icha. Sometimes, Sakura wondered if Kakashi was quite as lazy as he pretended to be, like Shikamaru, or if he was more dedicated than he let on. She suspected the latter.

The thought of Kakashi left an open, aching place inside Sakura's chest, but she wasn't sure what to make of it. He'd said a lot of things during their meeting that she didn't have an answer for, things that she wasn't entirely sure that she'd heard correctly. It was natural for Kakashi to worry about her dating Genma. Tsunade, Shizune, and Ino had all tried to warn Sakura about the man. It almost made him more attractive, though it was hard to imagine that being possible.

So, Genma's fight with Kakashi was about you? Ino's words swam through the confusion in Sakura's mind. Even though she'd noticed the bruises on Kakashi's knuckles and the blood on Genma's lip, she hadn't connected the two. It had seemed innocuous at the time, two entirely unrelated things. Both men were shinobi; injuries happened all the time. But now, Sakura couldn't help but wonder. Had Kakashi punched Genma? And if so, why? Had it been protectiveness, anger, jealousy, or something else entirely?

Sakura almost laughed at the idea of Kakashi being jealous over her relationship, or lack thereof, with Genma. He'd never acted that way over Sasuke, and that had been a hell of a lot closer to dating than this mess. When you wanted to chase Sasuke, I let you go. Sakura sighed. Sasuke was another complication that she neither needed nor wanted. He hadn't once checked on her after the disaster mission. He'd been in the Land of Iron and stayed there for months; Sasuke was a problem for another day.

Frustrated, Sakura rose from the bench where she'd stopped to think and began moving through the village as if she could outrun her thoughts. Stretching her legs felt good, at least. Sakura had spent too many days sitting on the couch feeling sorry for herself. Exercise would be good for her and the baby. She walked to Ichiraku and ordered a small bowl of ramen. The rich, complex flavors stilled the quiet grumble that had been growing in her belly. Sakura wondered if the baby would like ramen as much as she did, then shuddered and hoped it didn't like it as much as Naruto.

Chuckling to herself, Sakura finished her lunch and walked to the market to buy fresh fruits and vegetables. She had lectured enough expectant mothers at the clinic to know how important it was to provide the right kinds of nutrients for her unborn child. It seemed hypocritical to fill up on takeout most nights, though that was certainly easier. After buying two bags worth of leafy greens and bright berries, Sakura resumed her meandering walk through Konoha.

Sakura felt good to be moving again, to be doing something for herself. Ever since finding out that she was pregnant, she'd been stuck in limbo. She wasn't depressed, but she definitely hadn't felt like herself either. Today was the first step in getting back to enjoying life again instead of hiding from it. On a whim, Sakura decided to stop by the bookstore and pick up a copy of the latest romance that Ino had been gushing about. While Sakura enjoyed reading, there hadn't been much space for it in her schedule. Now, she had an infinite expanse spreading before her, and nothing to fill it with.

Just outside the shop, a familiar chuckle pulled Sakura's eyes away from the glossy covers in the window. With a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, she turned toward the sound. She had gone almost as far as the gates leading out of the village on her walk. Just around the corner was the stand where every person was required to check in or out of the village. Monitoring the incoming and outgoing traffic was just one of the ways that shinobi kept the village safe. There were always two or three chunin manning the station, except today Genma was there as well.

The tokujo sat on the edge of the long table with one leg tucked under him and the other stretched out. Sakura had caught Genma in the middle of telling a story; he gestured wildly with his hands, spreading them apart like an explosion. Izumo and Kotetsu, the two men usually responsible for gate duty, howled with laughter. A more sultry sound came from a woman that Sakura didn't recognize. But, she recognized the way the stranger's body turned toward Genma as her hand rested almost on his thigh.

Sick jealousy flooded through Sakura as she watched the pair. Genma shifted, and his senbon caught a glint of sunlight when he adjusted it. Sakura's heart did an uncomfortable flutter that she blamed on heartburn rather than the memory of those lips on hers not that long ago.

"Every word is true." Genma grinned, finishing his story with a flourishing bow.

Izumo's whole body rolled with his eyes. "There is no way that happened. I don't even think it's humanly possible."

"Well," the woman interrupted, gazing up at Genma through her lashes. "I think it sounds very gallant of you."

Genma rubbed the back of his neck and had the audacity to look sheepish at the compliment. "Nah, anyone would have done it."

Pain pricked Sakura's palms, and she realized that her nails had bitten into the skin. Exhaling, she shook her head. It was none of her concern who Genma decided to flirt with. They'd never been a relationship, just a series of questionable decisions. Now, they were working through the consequences of that, nothing more. He had every right to move on and talk to other people. She wished him all the best, even if the woman clearly was trying too hard.

Probably desperate for attention, Sakura decided, eyeing the pair once more. The woman had moved closer, body fully turned toward Genma in a way that practically begged for his eyes to touch her. But, his gaze was focusing on something over the woman's head. Sakura flushed and ducked into the crowd. She'd lingered too long and potentially let herself get caught watching Genma. It wasn't as if she'd expected to find him working gate duty; it had just happened that way.

As Sakura dodged into the press of people just finishing their work day, she thought someone might have called her name. She didn't turn around. Everyone was right about one thing, she needed more stability in her life and less of—whatever that was.

Sakura accepted the job with Kakashi the following morning.

-----------------------------

Sakura's first week as assistant to the Hokage was a lot tougher than she'd expected it to be. Shikamaru had developed a filing system that was different from the one that Shizune used, so she spent the first two days trying to find everything. On the third morning, Kakashi surprised Sakura by having a small desk moved into the corner of his office so that they could work without Sakura running back and forth between rooms constantly. Whenever he was busy with private meetings, Sakura retreated to Shikamaru's office to file whatever they'd managed to complete.

As Sakura feared, the prodigious backlog of paperwork grew with every passing hour. Undaunted by the piles, Sakura threw herself into the controlled chaos of administrative work. She organized each request from most important to least, then delegated whatever jobs she could. Kakashi's time was a limited resource to be used for the best of the village, not spent on everything from the hospital budget to reviewing gate taxes. There were things that other people could take care of, and she quickly set anyone straight who thought otherwise.

When Sakura walked down the hallway to meet Kakashi on the first morning, Raido watched her with open confusion. The surprise in the man's eyes had only grown when Kakashi called both he and Iwashi into the office to explain the new arrangement. Sakura had stood behind Kakashi's shoulder, trying to hide her flush of embarrassment. She knew it sounded like a friend pulling a favor, but there was nothing she could do about that. Iwashi had appeared disinterested, but she read the calculation in Raido's eyes.

Sakura wondered if Kakashi had taken into account the fact that Genma and Raido were best friends. Would the man tell Genma about her new job, or did they avoid talking about her? Had they ever discussed her? Maybe Genma had moved on with the girl from the gate. But, if so, why was Raido looking at her that way? A small, cowardly part of Sakura hoped that the man would tell Genma about her job so she didn't have to. Another part wanted to tell him herself to judge his reaction.

Genma had been hurt when Sakura told Kakashi about the pregnancy before him. Nevermind the fact that he was half the world away in Suna on a mission that he requested. The pain had been unintentional on her part; at the time, Sakura hadn't decided if she planned to go through with it. Even worse, she'd injured his pride before that. In her poison induced haze, Sakura called Genma by Kakashi's name, thinking that he'd been then one to save her. The pair had never discussed it, but she knew the slight had buried itself beneath Genma's skin like a splinter he couldn't pick out.

While the idea of Kakashi being jealous over Genma sounded absurd, Genma falling victim to such a base emotion made more sense. Sakura wondered if Raido would carry rumors back to his friend about her and Kakashi. Would he read things into what Sakura wore, or how many times they worked late? Would he question what happened behind closed doors? Sakura could only assume that a man who had been part of the Hokage's guard platoon for so long would have some sense of decorum and privacy. But, would that extend to his best friend?

The truth was, if Sakura wanted to pursue a relationship with Genma, she should stay away from Kakashi. Whether or not the two men had fought over her wasn't important. Sakura knew that Genma was jealous of her friendship with Kakashi. But, she wasn't sure that she wanted more with Genma. And, even if she did, she had bills to pay and a life to live.

Over the years, Sakura had saved some money that she'd made on missions. But, with an apartment to pay for and a baby on the way, she needed to look toward the future. A couple months of work would let her put food on the table and keep the lights on while saving for her child's future. She had no real reason to refuse Kakashi's request, even if it felt a bit like betrayal.

With that in mind, Sakura threw herself into her work and didn't look back. She could handle Raido's cool, calculated stares from time to time. And, true to Kakashi's word, Sakura hadn't run into Genma since starting. While the Hokage was technically always on call for the village, his office followed regular eight to five business hours, which was less demanding than the twelve hours days that Sakura was used to. Though, she worked more of them to make up for that.

By the end of the first week, Sakura had combed through the majority of the paperwork that threatened to overwhelm Kakashi's desk and organized it into more manageable piles on hers. They'd cleared out the handful of urgent tasks and started tackling lesser difficulties. Sakura found herself engrossed in an outline of the new teaching protocol being introduced at the academy. It had shifted from 'an immediate need of soldiers' approach to one that nurtured the strength and intelligence of the individual shinobi. Sakura wondered if Naruto would have—

Kakashi cleared his throat, interrupting Sakura's thoughts. "It's getting late."

Glancing up from the paper, Sakura frowned at the darkness that had gathered outside the wall of windows behind Kakashi's desk. Dusk threw the room into a state of half gloom that the lamps fought to contain in the corners. Sakura blinked and rubbed her eyes, surprised. "So it is."

With a soft chuckle, Kakashi shook his head. "You do know that you aren't supposed to be working harder than I am, right?"

Sakura laid the report aside and shifted to pop the bones in her back. She ached from sitting in one position for too long. "I don't think that's right. In fact, I'm pretty sure that I'm supposed to work harder so that you aren't swamped by things that other people can take care of."

Eyes creasing into a smile, Kakashi laughed. "Or, you're trying to make me look bad so that they'll name you Hokage instead."

"As if you could ever look bad," Sakura teased, picking up the outline and smoothing the pages across her desk. She liked the proposal and what they were trying to do, but she needed to read it more in depth to be sure. That would be a problem for another day, though. "I'm just trying to get you in shape before Shikamaru gets back so he'll owe me a favor."

Humming noncommittally, Kakashi reached for a book with the familiar, battered orange cover on the corner of his desk. "You know, Shikamaru lets me read for an hour or two a day. I mean, I tried to sneak it in, but he pretended not to notice whenever he caught me."

"Yes, well, I'm not Shikmaru," Sakura observed as she picked up several reports that needed to be finalized. Carrying them to Kakashi's desk, she spread the pages across the polished wooden surface, then trailed her finger over multiple lines. "I need your signature here, here, and here."

Kakashi reached for his pen as Sakura was pointing out the last place, and his fingertips brushed the back of her hand. She pulled back, dragging one of the pages along with her palm. The paper fluttered to the ground between them in slow motion. Blushing, Sakura knelt to pick it up. "Sorry."

"No harm done," Kakashi answered, scratching a spidery scrawl across the first two pages. Sakura laid the third report on the desk, and Kakashi's eyes flicked up to hers. There was something in them that hadn't been there before, and he held her gaze a heartbeat before speaking, voice lower and deeper than normal. "And, I know you're not Shikamaru. The differences are hard to miss."

Don't do it, the rational part of Sakura's mind begged even as her voice asked the question. "What differences?"

"Your hair for starters," Kakashi answered, tipping his head to study Sakura's face. For a moment, she thought that Kakashi might raise a hand to brush the tresses away from her cheek, but he didn't. Warmth crawled up her neck anyway. "It's much pinker than his."

The nervous knot inside of Sakura's chest loosened as she laughed. "You're a little shorter too," Kakashi added, studying Sakura with mock intensity. His gaze traveled from head to toe, then back again. "Also, your eyes are a much brighter shade of green."

Snorting, Sakura shook her head at the silliness that had stolen the moment. "I suppose that's true. You know, since his eyes are brown."

"Are they?" Kakashi's gaze never left Sakura's, and she found it hard to breathe under the weight of his scrutiny. "I'd never noticed."

But, you've noticed mine. Sakura didn't realize that she'd spoken the words aloud until the soft, amused sound of Kakashi's chuckle died. Pink rushed into his cheeks, infinitely more noticeable by their close proximity, and he blew out a breath. "Your eyes have always been striking."

Unsure what to do with the compliment, Sakura blushed more deeply. "Thank you."

The tension stretched for a moment, amplifying the blood rushing through Sakura's ears, then Kakashi turned away. He glanced toward the clock above the door and startled. "You should have left an hour ago," he chided, voice light. "We can finish the rest of this on Monday."

"I don't have anywhere to be if you want to keep working on it." Sakura gathered up the reports that Kakashi had signed and straightened the pages. "We could order takeout, then knock out most of that stack in an hour or two?"

The offer hung in the air as Kakashi studied the papers in question. When his gaze returned to Sakura's, he shook his head. "It's been a long week already, and you need your rest. Monday is soon enough for what's left."

Sakura started to argue, but the look on Kakashi's face stopped her. It was a mixture of pleading and pain that she couldn't grasp. The man's features smoothed to shinobi emptiness as soon as he caught her looking. "Go on," Kakashi motioned toward the door, "enjoy your weekend."

Humming under her breath, Sakura placed the paperwork in her outbox and flicked her lamp off. Shadows surged forward, shrinking the light to a pool of gold around Kakashi's desk. She tucked her water bottle under one arm and grabbed her bag from the floor. When Sakura turned, Kakashi hadn't moved. A frown slid onto her face. "What are you doing? Aren't you coming?"

Kakashi shook his head a second time, eyes unreadable in the gloom. "Not yet. I need to finish a couple of things. You go ahead without me. I'll see you next week. Goodnight, Sakura."

Toying with the strap of her bag, Sakura considered the words, then nodded. If Kakashi had wanted her help, he would have asked for it. "Goodnight," she returned, moving toward the door without looking back.

-------------------------------

When Ino and Sakura swept into the pub nearly half an hour late, dozens of heads swiveled in their direction. Ino linked an arm through Sakura's and pulled her into the room before she could back away in a fit of self-consciousness. Her gaze swept over the people gathered for Naruto's birthday, trying to ignore the butterflies fluttering in her stomach. Kakashi wasn't there yet or not coming at all, everything they'd done had been a waste of time.

Forcing the hopelessness down, Sakura caught sight of an overbearing ball of sunshine cutting through the room. Naruto's grin probably had more to do with the atmosphere than alcohol, but she couldn't be sure. He threw an arm around Sakura's shoulder and pulled her into a side hug. "I was beginning to think nobody from my team was going to show up tonight."

When Naruto released Sakura, his blue eyes slipped lower than her neck. The blush on his whiskered cheeks was obvious even in the dim lighting. "You look nice tonight. I mean, not that you don't always look nice-" Sakura's laughter cut off the awkward exchange, and Naruto managed a nervous smile before rubbing the back of his neck. "I don't think Sasuke is going to make it tonight."

"Unfortunately, Sasuke's mission has him delayed outside the village." The proximity of Kakashi's voice made Sakura jump. When she turned, she realized that he stood just inside the doorway behind them. Their gazes locked, and Kakashi's eyes widened, perhaps only just now realizing that she'd been the one standing with Naruto. While pink hair was unusual in the village, a few girls had started imitating Sakura after the war. She hated it, but the element of surprise was nice.

Ino unwound her arm from Sakura's and moved away to speak to someone that Sakura didn't recognize. Completely oblivious of the tension of the moment, Naruto caught Kakashi with his other arm and pulled them both into a hug. Sakura felt the warmth of Kakashi's chest against her side. "I'm glad you two made it, at least."

Kakashi pulled away, chuckling in the back of his throat. "Of course I came, I have to keep an eye on you kids to make sure you don't get into any trouble."

"We aren't kids," Sakura grumbled, challenging Kakashi with a glare through her mascara lengthened lashes. "We're adults now."

"That's right, sensei. We don't have to listen to you anymore." Naruto laughed, giving Kakashi a cheeky grin.

Kakashi frowned, the barest movements of his mask. "I'm still Hokage, though."

"For now." Naruto's banter eased the conversation into playful jabs that allowed Sakura to stay silent. Kakashi hadn't even responded to her comment about being an adult now. Her heart sank lower in her chest.

As the men exchanged barbs, Ino reappeared from wherever she'd been. Grabbing Sakura's hand, she led them to the bar. "It's pointless," Sakura complained, leaning close so that the words would only be loud enough for Ino. "He'll always view me as a kid. I'd be better off chasing Sasuke."

"Absolutely not," Ino hissed, vehemence dripping from her voice as she raised a hand to order drinks. "Sasuke isn't even on the radar for you. Do not put yourself through that again."

Sakura nodded and toyed with the silver teardrop earring that Ino had loaned her. She knew that Sasuke was a bad idea. The boy had never acknowledged her, not really. And now, it was the same with Kakashi. At best Kakashi saw her as the child that he'd mentored years ago. At worst, the annoying girl that she'd been during those early days. She'd never change that.

"Let me tell you my secret, Forehead." Ino shoved a shot glass into Sakura's hand. "It just takes five seconds of insane courage to get whatever you want. That's it. Just five seconds of bravery, then the hard part is over. You either have the thing you want or you don't, but at least you'll know."

"Is that how you landed Sai?" Sakura asked, closing her grip around the glass of liquid courage without questioning what was inside it. The idea that Ino actually liked Sai and wanted to be with him when there were so many men that she could have had was something that Sakura had trouble wrapping her mind around.

Ino laughed and tucked a strand of hair behind one ear. "Yes, Sai. And, all the others."

Gossip suggested that Ino had worked her way through half of the eligible shinobi in the village. There was a great deal of truth to it. Ino had dated Shikamaru for a couple of weeks before the pair decided that friendship was less troublesome than a relationship. She and Kiba had been fireworks from the beginning, fighting almost constantly. Choji was too gentle, Lee too exhausting, Shino too quiet, and the list went on and on. Somehow, Ino landed on Sai and found that the man matched her surprisingly well. Sakura had already noticed the girl looking for him in the crowd.

"Drink," Ino commanded, nodding toward the alcohol. Sakura steeled her nerves and tipped the glass up. The liquid burned the entire way down, making her gasp for a breath. Ino clapped her on the back. "Good, now let's go and find someone to make him jealous over."

"Ino, no." Sakura pulled away from her best friend with a firm shake of her head. "It doesn't matter. It's just a silly crush."

The look on the blonde's face suggested that she didn't believe Sakura's excuse, but she didn't force it. Sakura let her gaze wander over the people brought together to celebrate Naruto's birthday. He had touched so many lives, and since the war, most people recognized that. Naruto had wanted to do something at Ichiraku, but the stand was too small for all their friends. They'd made arrangements for the celebration to be held here, but white bowls of ramen dotted most of the tables.

Kakashi drew Sakura's eyes like a beacon. He stood in the shadows beside Captain Yamato, heads close together as they spoke. It had surprised Sakura to learn that the men were old friends, especially since Kakashi held so many people at a distance. Sakura and Naruto had grown closer to him, of course, but there didn't seem to be many others. Tsunade and the other jonin perhaps, but the ease between Kakashi and Yamato spoke of actual friendship. Sakura felt a twinge of jealousy. Why couldn't it be that easy for her?

Ino leaned close, the scent of alcohol drifting from her lips. "You know, Yamato isn't bad looking either."

Sakura considered the words. While Yamato didn't hold the aura of mystery that Kakashi did, his easy smile and kind eyes made him attractive in his own way. Even so, no matter how much Sakura watched the pair, her eyes strayed to Kakashi. As she'd expected, he'd worn his uniform to the party. The sleeves of his black shirt were rolled up against the heat of the room, while his hands were tucked into the pockets of matching pants. Kakashi's mask remained in place, of course, but the headband that used to slant across half of his face was missing. Two charcoal eyes stared out at the room, silver hair falling into them.

"Oh, it's definitely just a little crush," Ino teased, pulling Sakura from her longing gaze. "Why don't you just go and talk to him? Ask him to dance or ask him back to your place. Just do something besides staring at him."

When Sakura started to protest, Ino rolled her eyes. "Come on, I've seen you kick ass so many times, but you're scared to talk to a boy? The worst thing he can do is turn you down. And, if that happens, it's his loss."

It isn't that easy, Sakura started to argue. Only, she knew that it was. She'd been pining after Kakashi for months, treasuring stupid, little moments that probably meant nothing: the way that his arms had curled around her on the training field, how his eyes lit up when he laughed at her joke about Tsunade trying to kill them both with reports, or the startle when her fingers had brushed his wrist. Those things made her wonder if there might be something more, but Kakashi was impossible to read. The sudden intake of breath when Sakura touched him could just have easily been discomfort as desire.

"I think I need another drink," Sakura declared, putting away the miserable thoughts for another day.

It didn't take long for the pleasant warmth of alcohol to loosen the tension that seemed permanently attached to Sakura's shoulders. She relaxed enough to dance a couple of turns with Naruto. He was far more awkward on the dance floor than any shinobi had the right to be. After two dances, Sakura begged off and pushed him toward Hinata. A few months ago, the girl had finally gotten brave enough to let Naruto know that she liked him. The pair was slowly turning into a couple, but the transition was painful to watch. They were both too shy for their own good.

Sakura stumbled back toward the bar, surprised to admit that she was having more fun than she'd thought she would, even if Kakashi ignored her. As she reached for her glass, Ino flashed a pleasant grin that warned Sakura that the girl was coming up with a plan that Sakura wasn't going to like. Without explaining anything, Ino linked their arms and dragged Sakura back into the crowd. Three steps into the walk, once she realized where they were going, Sakura tried to stop the inevitable. But, it was too late. Ino stopped beside Kakashi and Yamato.

The men looked up in surprise, their conversation stopping abruptly. Sakura felt Kakashi's gaze on her face for several heartbeats before it slid toward Ino's. With another signature grin, the blond moved into Yamato's personal space. "You sent my boyfriend on a mission just before the party, and now I have nobody to dance with. It seems only fair that you take his place." Ino held out a hand expectantly.

"Um-I-uh-it was unavoidable," Yamato stammered, a delicate pink blush tinting his cheeks. Sakura almost rolled her eyes. It was pathetic to watch how easily Ino turned him, or any man for that matter, into a stuttering mess simply by batting her eyelashes. She'd thought Yamato was better than that.

To Sakura's surprise, it was Kakashi who spoke next. "I think she has a solid case." Yamato gaped at the man, but Kakashi continued as if he hadn't seen it. "You deprived her of enjoying the evening; you should make up for it. Within reason, of course."

As the implication hit home, the pink on Yamato's cheeks deepened to crimson. Sakura struggled not to laugh at his expression. Ino cleared her throat, moving her hand closer. For a moment, Sakura wondered if Kakashi was going to have to push the man forward. Finally, Yamato dipped his head and took Ino's hand. Sakura couldn't stop her mirth as the pair disappeared onto the dance floor. "He's going to be furious with you later, you know that right?"

"It's good for him. Yamato is too shy." Kakashi leaned his shoulders against the wall, and for a moment Sakura couldn't take her eyes off of the smooth stretch of his body and the way his armor shifted with the movement. Half a second later, she realized that he'd said something. Deciding that it probably wasn't important, she nodded and he continued. "Of course, she doesn't mean anything by it, does she?"

Sakura shook her head, watching as Ino attempted to guide Yamato's hands toward her hips as she moved to the music. He kept moving them back to her waist, embarrassment obvious. Sakura chuckled under her breath. "No, she's quite taken with Sai actually."

"Our Sai?" Kakashi asked, eyebrows rising in surprise.

Sakura nodded, watching as Yamato finally relaxed into the dance and loosened up a bit. "She and Sai balance each other well, like Naruto and Hinata."

Kakashi followed Sakura's gaze toward the bar where Naruto and Hinata were talking. The blond leaned against the edge, telling some kind of story while the girl gazed up adoringly. Two years ago, she'd been too frightened and embarrassed to speak with him, and Naruto too stupid to realize why. With a little gentle prodding, they'd finally caught on.

Kakashi made a sound that might have been agreement in the back of his throat. "You're all pairing off these days, falling in love and getting married."

"Not all of us," Sakura grumbled. Frustration bled into her voice as she continued. "Some of us accepted the weight of duty instead."

A silver eyebrow arched skyward as Kakashi turned to face Sakura. A look of understanding crossed his features, but Sakura doubted that he realized she was talking about him as well. Undeniably handsome, Kakashi could have his pick of women in the village, but he remained alone. He had thrown himself into the role of hokage, even though he hated it. Sakura had done the same at the hospital, though she enjoyed her work for the most part. The two of them weren't as different as he seemed to think.

A stir went through the room. Naruto pushed away from the bar, his voice cutting through the din of music and conversation. "You made it!'

As much as Sakura wanted to continue admiring Kakashi, her attention drifted toward Naruto. He stood in the doorway, arms thrown around-Sakura's mind temporarily shorted out, taking several seconds to catch up with her eyes. Sasuke stood in the spill of light, Naruto's arms wrapped around his shoulders. Raven dark hair and equally black eyes swept through the crowd, taking in everyone and everything. His gaze slid over Sakura, then returned and lingered.

Despite everything, Sakura blushed under Sasuke's gaze. Beside her, Kakashi shifted away from the wall. A hand pressed almost imperceptibly against Sakura's lower back as Naruto approached, Sasuke trailing behind like a shadow. Sakura half turned toward Kakashi.

Naruto interrupted the pair before Sakura could get her thoughts in order. "Look guys, Sasuke made it back in time."

"So, he did," Kakashi answered for both of them, voice cool but not quite unfriendly. "Welcome back."

Sasuke turned, oozing arrogance as he inclined his head toward Kakashi. Dark eyes roved over Sakura a second time, an almost smile curling his lips. Even so, Sakura read the tension in his shoulders. Despite the years that had passed, Sasuke remained something of a pariah in the village. There were some groups who would never forgive or forget the time that he had spent trying to destroy the Leaf, despite Naruto's efforts to change their opinions. Sakura knew that Kakashi had helped save Sasuke from execution or life in prison, but the Hokage's intervention had ended there.

"Sasuke!" Ino appeared from nowhere, throwing her arms around Sasuke in a hug that the man shrunk away from. "Welcome back."

Sakura flashed her friend a thankful smile at the interruption. "You're looking well," Ino continued, pulling all of Sasuke's attention to herself by keeping her hands on his upper arms. "Can I get you something to drink?"

"Maybe later," Sasuke answered, voice sounding strained as he shrugged away from Ino's touch. When she released him, the man turned and smiled. "Hello, Sakura."

Sakura couldn't remember how to draw a breath. A thick strand of black fell across Sasuke's eye, adding an air of mystery to his already captivating appearance. Warmth suffused her face when he moved closer, near enough to reach out and brush her cheek if he'd wanted. "Hi," she answered, toying with a silver bracelet circling one wrist.

Sasuke slid between Sakura and Kakashi, angling his body to face hers. "How have you been?"

"I've been doing well." Sakura's answer barely scratched the surface of everything that had happened in her life since the last time she saw Sasuke. She couldn't seem to remember a single event that she wanted to talk about. Yamato approached the small group and squeezed in beside Kakashi while running an appraising eye over Sasuke. He didn't acknowledge the Uchiha's presence. Instead, he leaned closer to Kakashi and whispered something in his ear.

Pulling her attention away from the exchange, Sakura realized that she'd been asked something. It would be rude not to keep talking to Sasuke, so she smiled. "How about you? How have you been?"

"I stay busy following up on leads," Sasuke answered, revealing nothing about his time outside of the village. Maybe he thought that Sakura wouldn't accept his reasons for leaving her behind, or maybe, he didn't care if she did.

After all, how could Sakura expect Sasuke to understand the hours of work that she poured into the hospital, sometimes losing a patient despite her best efforts? Would he care that she pushed herself in training as hard as she's ever done in case they went back to war? Sakura imagined Sasuke teasing her efforts to create orphanages in Konoha. Would he understand Sakura's version of sacrifice when it didn't align with his?

Sakura's eyes drifted back to her group of friends. Naruto stood beside Ino with a silly grin on his face, undoubtedly because Sakura and Sasuke were talking together. He still believed the two of them could make it work somehow. Yamato and Kakashi watched them both without seeming to do so. Sakura couldn't help but wonder if they deemed Sasuke as a security risk, even after all this time. Her gaze settled on the tension in Kakashi's jaw, wondering why he seemed on edge.

Kakashi understood the passion that drove Sakura to fight for those causes. Or, if not, he humored her. Sakura and Kakashi had worked hand in hand to train additional medical shinobi, create orphanages, and work through various issues at the hospital. She'd assumed that Kakashi wanted to see the same outcome that she did. Would Sasuke want that? Did it matter? He wouldn't be in the village long enough for it to make any difference.

Despite the way that things between them had changed, Sasuke still reduced Sakura to a lovesick teenager. It wasn't that her feelings had stayed the same, but Sakura had spent half of her life chasing after Sasuke. She couldn't shake the memory of nipping at his heels, of being willing to throw everything away if he'd only acknowledge her. As Sasuke spoke, Sakura's mind responded on autopilot, answering with soft laughs and smiles.

After several minutes, Ino caught Sakura's attention and half nodded toward Kakashi. He and Yamato had fallen silent, allowing the conversation to flow around them without interruption. Sakura raised her shoulders in a helpless shrug, silently asking what she was supposed to do about the situation. Ino frowned, then leaned in to speak. "So, Sasuke, did you know that Naruto and Hinata are dating?"

The question cut off the conversation. Surprise flitted across Sasuke's face as he looked over at Naruto. The blond's cheeks flamed crimson and he sputtered over his words "Well, Ino is dating Sai," he managed, red from his hairline to his chin.

Ino grinned, tossing her long hair over one shoulder with an air of dismissal. "You say that like it's a bad thing. Sai happens to be far more interesting than you'd anticipate. Not to mention adventurous."

The suggestive nature of Ino's comment made Naruto choke on his breath. His eyes bulged and Sakura couldn't help but laugh; he was still so innocent. Naruto grabbed Sasuke's arm. "Come on, it's definitely time for a drink."

Without waiting for an answer, Naruto pulled the Uchiha toward the barkeeper and further away from Ino's insinuations. Laughing, the girl watched them go. Then, she turned back to Yamato. "I thought you were going to dance with me? And, you," Ino studied Kakashi, "should dance with Sakura so she isn't left alone over here."

For all the nudging that Kakashi had done when Ino asked Yamato to dance, the man seemed less than enthused about taking his own advice. "It isn't befitting of the Hokage to indulge in-"

"Oh no you don't, senpai," Yamato interrupted, already pulling Kakashi away from the wall. "I did my duty, and now it's time for you to do yours. Off you go."

Yamato's brown eyes shone with an inordinate amount of amusement, and Sakura didn't know whether to be thankful that he was pushing Kakashi toward the dance floor, or embarrassed at being some type of twisted payback. Either way, the indecision lasted only a moment. Ino grabbed Yamato's hand and guided him toward the dancers, leaving Sakura alone with Kakashi on the edge of the room.

Kakashi rubbed the back of his neck as he turned to face Sakura. Embarrassment raised the temperature of the room several degrees until it felt impossible to draw a breath. "You don't have to dance with me," she murmured, trying not to sound as disappointed as she felt.

"Ino and Yamato would never let me hear the end of it if we didn't." Kakashi held out one hand, and Sakura slid hers into it. Her pulse pounded in her ears when he leaned closer. "Besides, we only have to dance long enough to get them off our backs."

Sakura didn't trust her voice to speak without breaking, so she nodded and followed Kakashi onto the dance floor. Music blared over the speakers, bass line making her heart pound in tempo. She drew a deep breath and looked into the eyes that had been hidden for so long. Even now, months later, Sakura hadn't gotten used to seeing more of Kakashi's face. She remembered the intensity of his gaze on the training field and the way that she'd wanted to pull him close and lose themselves in the storm.

Just five seconds of insane courage, Ino's voice whispered in the back of Sakura's mind. She could press her body against Kakashi's under the guise of dancing and admit that she wanted more than that. Butterflies the size of elephants trampled over Sakura's chest. If Kakashi rejected her, it would hurt, but she could mask the pain long enough to make it home. Then, she'd be free to deal with fallout. She had done the same thing over Sasuke nearly a year ago. But, if Sakura never took a chance and told Kakashi, she'd never know if there could have been anything between them.

Kakashi spoke, interrupting Sakura's momentum. "You look different tonight."

"Ino begged me to let her try something special for Naruto's party." Sakura chewed her lip, wondering if the words were technically a lie. She wanted to look more enticing as well, more like Ino and less like herself, in hopes that she'd capture Kakashi's attention.

The tempo of the music increased; Sakura allowed her body to follow. She felt the hem of her dress riding up her thigh and tugged it down with one hand. Kakashi followed the movement then snapped his eyes back to her face. He asked something, but the words were lost in the din of the crowd. When Sakura scrunched up her face in confusion, he leaned closer. "For Sasuke?"

For you, Sakura thought, holding the words tight between her lips. The accusation in Kakashi's tone surprised her. "I didn't know he'd be here."

Kakashi inclined his head at the words, expression unreadable. He rested his hands at Sakura's waist without a hint of familiarity or desire. Kakashi moved to the music, half a foot between their bodies. Sakura flashed back to the way his arms had wrapped around her like a glove on the training field. He moved on protective instinct, not to get close to me. The realization left a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach.

Sakura surrendered to the rhythm of the music, turning to present her back to Kakashi's chest so she wouldn't have to meet his gaze. She closed her eyes, willing the ache in her heart to stop. This entire situation was so stupid. Ino was right about everything; Sakura needed to tell Kakashi how she felt so that she could pick up the pieces and move on. She had done it before, and she could do it again.

Fingers curled against Sakura's hips, the thin fabric of her dress hardly masking the feel of Kakashi's touch. Sakura wasn't sure if he pulled her back, or if she moved of her own accord, but she felt the warmth of his breath against her neck. She focused on the sensation, electricity rushing through her body. His damn flak vest separated Sakura from the heat of his chest, but she imagined that she could feel it anyway.

The song ended and the weight of Kakashi's hands fell away as if it had never been. Light pulsed around them as another song started. Sakura turned back to face Kakashi, drawing a shaky breath. "Do you think that dance met their requirements, or should we do another, just to be sure?"

Sakura's name left Kakashi's lips in a strangled sound. Whatever he'd been planning to say was lost when someone bumped hard into his back. He stumbled through the almost nonexistent space between them. Sakura heard an apology, but she couldn't match the voice to a face before her arms were full of Kakashi. She stumbled backward under his weight, tripped over her heels, and then they were falling. Vaguely, some panicked part of Sakura's mind wondered if she was about to give everyone in the room a free peep show.

Kakashi twisted in the air so that Sakura wouldn't be crushed beneath him. His left shoulder absorbed most of the impact half a second before she hit his chest. The air whooshed out of Kakashi's lungs in a soft hiss as their bodies pressed together. Exposure forgotten, Sakura felt his hands grip her, one near her shoulder and the other dangerously low on her back. They were close enough for their noses to brush, Kakashi's eyes wide. The charcoal tone wasn't as dark as Sakura had anticipated, but shot with silver through the iris. She noticed the outline of Kakashi's lips beneath his mask. Kami, it would be so simple to—

"Hokage-sama?" Genma's familiar voice cut across Sakura's thoughts. The man pushed through the crowd to reach Kakashi's side, undoubtedly on guard duty for the night. Sakura raised her head to glare at his poorly conceived timing.

Kakashi released Sakura like he'd been burned, hands coming to the floor instead as he pushed into a sitting position. She half fell into his lap from the sudden change of position. "I'm fine," he answered the unasked question. "I'm hardly old enough to get injured from falling down."

"Especially beneath a beautiful woman," Genma quipped, flashing his senbon-studded grin. Then, his leer slid toward the woman in question and his expression changed to something contemplative as he offered a hand. "Oh, hey, Sakura."

Sakura had no choice but to accept Genma's offered hand. Cheeks flushed with embarrassment, she let the tokujo pull her away from Kakashi. Belatedly, she remembered to adjust the slinky dress lower on her thighs and higher over her chest. Hopefully everything had happened so quickly that she didn't have any reason to be embarrassed. A small crowd gathered around them. Kakashi pushed through them as the music started back up; Sakura followed him to the edge of the room.

"You aren't hurt are you, Hokage-sama," Ino gushed as she hurried to the pair's side. Her brow creased with worry when Kakashi tried to wave her off. Sakura barely resisted the urge to roll her eyes at her best friend. The ploy was obvious.

"I'm fine," Kakashi grumbled, looking distinctively embarrassed by the attention. "I'm not made of glass."

"Still," Ino pressed, reaching out like she might touch Kakashi's arm. "You hit your shoulder hard when you fell. I saw it."

Sakura could see the wheels turning in Ino's mind. No, please, Ino, don't do this. Sakura's silent plea fell on deaf ears. Kakashi raised his arm to prove that he could, but Ino didn't drop the subject. "You should let Sakura take a look at it, just to make sure. I'm sure she wouldn't mind."

And, there it is, Sakura grumbled internally. Annoyance bled through Kakashi's embarrassment as he tried to wave the blonde's concerns away. Sakura interrupted the exchange before it could get out of hand. "Doesn't anyone care about me? I fell too."

"I could take a look at you," Genma offered with a cheeky grin from his position at Kakashi's shoulder. "In fact, it'd be my pleasure."

"No," Sakura and Kakashi answered in the same breath, dragging a knowing laugh from Genma. Kakashi looked almost as surprised as Sakura felt. Cheeks warming at the insinuation, she continued. "I don't need anyone to look at me, I am fine. But, shouldn't you be more worried about me?"

Genma chuckled in the back of his throat. "Because you're such a delicate little flower? I saw the damage you did to the training grounds the other night. I think I'd rather take my chances with Kakashi, to be honest."

"Probably for the best; she's stronger than you think." Sakura's stomach clenched at the unexpected praise from Sasuke. She hadn't noticed that he and Naruto had rejoined them in the chaos.

"Damn right she is," Ino answered, fighting to keep the attention on anything but Sasuke. Her eyes met Sakura's with silent pleading. While Sakura knew what Ino wanted, some things were easier said than done. Sasuke watched them with a smug satisfaction on his face that Sakura couldn't begin to understand as Ino continued. "What will Tsunade say if you leave Hokage-sama injured until tomorrow?"

Kakashi shook his head as Sakura groaned under her breath. She loved Ino, but sometimes the woman went a little overboard with her matchmaking. "Tsunade would say that it's nothing, and no more than I deserve if I can't keep my feet under me. But, if it'll put your mind at ease, I'll get it checked out."

"It would," Ino breathed out, her concern almost palpable. Sakura wondered why the woman didn't become an actress; she certainly had a knack for it. Ino pulled her forward. "There's no time like the present."

Kakashi cast a withering glance at Ino, then faced Sakura. For a moment, the rest of the room disappeared. Even the overwhelming presence of Sasuke shrank to insignificance. The sheepishness that Sakura had noticed earlier had evaporated, replaced by something darker in Kakashi's gaze. Though Sakura couldn't put her finger on it, the expression made chill bumps erupt on her arms. "Would you mind?"

It wasn't the first time that Sakura had healed Kakashi, not by a long shot. But, it was the first time that he'd asked. Sakura's heart did somersaults in her chest. "I don't mind," she breathed, forcing strength into her words. "But, not here. I need somewhere quieter, with better light."

Kakashi inclined his head as if the words made perfect sense. Naruto groaned, his voice turning whiny. "You're going to miss my party? This is the first time we've all been together in years."

"We won't be gone long," Kakashi assured the boy. "Just long enough to satisfy Sakura."

Ino choked on her laugh, eyes shining. Sakura's cheeks flamed crimson at the insinuation. Kakashi either didn't notice or didn't want to draw attention to it. He nodded toward the door. "Come on, let's get this over with, shall we?"

--------------------------

As she and Kakashi emerged from the pub, Sakura drew a breath of the chilly air. Naruto had been the only one to raise an objection to them leaving the party together, but Sakura felt the heat from a dozen gazes as they crossed the room. When they stepped into the street, Sakura's hand slipped out of Kakashi's, and neither made a move to retake it. He stared at the darkness, the stars above, and the benches by the door as they stood under the hazy light of the neon sign.

"I'm sorry that this took you away from the party," Kakashi began with a sigh. When his gaze turned to Sakura, it swept over her body in a way that suggested that he hadn't missed the tiniest facet of Ino's hard work. "You clearly wanted to be there."

"I can always go back later," Sakura answered, knowing that she wouldn't. She didn't want to face Sasuke or Ino after leaving with Kakashi, regardless of what happened next. Kakashi's shoulders seemed to tense at the response, but Sakura wasn't sure if it was her imagination or not. Undeniable nervousness settled in her gut.

Kakashi rubbed the back of his neck with one hand. "You don't really need to look at my shoulder. It's fine, but I needed an excuse to get out of there."

"I know," Sakura agreed. She would have realized if Kakashi was hurt, probably before he did. "But, I gave my word, so we should at least check it."

"Do you want to go to the hospital?" Kakashi moved down the street as he asked the question, forcing Sakura to follow on his heels. He didn't turn back when he continued. "Or, would my apartment be okay? It's closer."

Sakura's breath caught in her throat. She knew where Kakashi's apartment was, of course, but she'd never set foot inside of it. That he'd allow her into his world, even for a moment, stunned her. He continued walking, shoulders tight and hands stuffed into his pockets as he waited for an answer. "Your apartment is fine."

The silence gave Sakura unwanted time to think back over the night's events. She had seen appreciation in more than a few eyes when they noticed the changes that Ino had made, but she couldn't be sure that any of it had registered with Kakashi. He'd said she looked different, not better, not beautiful, just different. That word could mean a million things, or nothing at all. Ino was right though, if Sakura couldn't have Kakashi, she could always go home with someone else. Hell, even Sasuke had noticed and appreciated the extra effort in her appearance. There was only one problem, Sakura didn't want to go home with anyone else.

Sakura nearly walked into Kakashi's back when he stopped in front of her and nodded toward the steps leading up to his apartment. Though she knew it was entirely platonic, Sakura's heart pounded in her throat as she followed him higher. Kakashi unlocked the door, flicked the lights on, and pushed it wider. Sakura slid under his arm and into the room, taking in a million details at once.

Kakashi closed the door behind them and bent to remove his sandals. Sakura admired the smooth stretch of his body for a heartbeat longer than she should have. Tearing her eyes away, she rested one hand on the wall and bent down to unbuckle her heels. It felt good to be out of them, if it was only going to be for a few minutes.

"Does your shoulder hurt at all? They're notoriously fragile as far as joints go." When Kakashi didn't speak, Sakura opened her mouth to repeat the question, then had another idea. Five seconds of insane courage. She took two steps forward and reached for Kakashi's arm, the healing glow surrounding her hands.

When Sakura touched his shoulder, Kakashi startled and jerked away. 'I'm fine," he ground out. "You don't have to—"

"Your heart is pounding," Sakura responded in awe, letting her fingers fall away from his arm. The touch had been brief, but the spike in Kakashi's pulse was obvious.

Kakashi forced a harsh breath through his nose. "You're supposed to be checking my shoulder, not my heart."