#dillon

The Lookout  

I made it up to Coyote Creek the other day.  I didn’t see much except some camp robbers and this chipmunk.

bestie… can I tell you something a little embarrassing?

there’s this moment… right before you stop fighting something.

not giving up—just… softening. like unclenching a fist you didn’t realize you’d been making all day.

and it feels scary at first. like “if I let go, what happens to me?”

but then… you do. just a little.

and suddenly it’s not about control anymore. it’s about feeling. fully. honestly. without editing yourself down into something safer or smaller.

and there’s something kind of beautiful about letting something have all of you for a forever.

your attention. your energy. your softness. your hunger. all of it.

not because you’re weak…

but because you know it’s your destiny to be the perfect fucktoy.

I think we spend so much time trying to stay in charge of everything that we forget how good it can feel to just… melt a little. to let something matter that much.

I don’t know. maybe I’m just tired of pretending I don’t want to feel things deeply.

maybe I want to be the kind of girl who lets herself be totally consumed… and isn’t ashamed of it.