#digitalpm

Communication Etiquette for the Digital Project Manager

Written by Rach Currie

Have you ever been hurt or offended by something a colleague has said to you? One minute you're having a good day, you're working through a complex problem, then a colleague comes along and makes an offhand comment that sh*ts all over your vibe and makes you feel terrible. That sucks, it really sucks. You think to yourself “that was so unfair and uncalled for. What a $%^&# meanie.” To them it was just a few words, but to you this  manner and way in which they spoke them cuts like daggers.

What is a mean-ie? Isn’t that what 5-year-olds say?

   "a mean, cruel or small-minded person."

Do you think you’ve ever been that meanie before? I bet you have; I know I have. I’m not talking about being an outright a-hole, I don’t need to write an article on why that's no good. I’m talking about the things we say, sometimes on the daily, that affect others negatively without us even realizing it. A smattering of regular words here or there that hurt people because of how or when we say them can inadvertently offend and upset our teammates and derail our communication.

Be Human

It’s tough being a project manager. On one side we thrive in the craziness: creative challenges, ups, downs, obstacles. We love that no day is the same. But on the other side, we’re pushed to our limits, shrinking away and suffering panic, anxiety, frustration, and fear. We feel like no one understands us. In our isolation, we can get mean.

But here’s the thing. You make a choice in your role each day: either to be a meanie, or to be human. When a project goes south and blows up in your face, you will get stressed. You might have a client putting pressure on you, a boss demanding updates, or you feel like everything is flying at you from all angles. It's easy to take out your grumpy bad mood on anyone around you. Imagine this salt in your wound: you’re having a bad day, and nothing's going right. Then someone on your team makes a mistake that tanks the project scope. It’s the last thing you want to deal with right now, but you have to stop what you're doing and help work through a resolution. What do you do?

Before you speak, think.

Take a step back, breathe, and think about the best way to remedy the scope tank issue. As project managers we need to practice patience, empathy and understanding. There’s two sides to every coin. Speak to your colleague and work through the cause and effect. Then together make a plan to mitigate the issue. We’re human, which means we make mistakes. Nothing and no-one is perfect. By practicing empathy with our teams, we build trust—and with trust comes improved communication and a happier group of people to work with!

What did you say?

Let's take a look at some common words and phrases which our teams can misread.

'Just' This one is top of the list for a reason. Using ‘just’ in a sentence can be belittling without you even realizing it. “Can you just make this little code update?” “I just need you to tweak this thing in the design.” Quite often it’s never ‘just’—there's a ripple effect to any change or update. By changing a small line of code, it could mess up a core feature or workflow. Instead of inserting ‘just,’, try outlining the change you want and asking for the best solution from your team.

‘ASAP' Let me be clear, ‘ASAP’ is not a deadline. By inserting ‘ASAP’ into the ask, you create urgency and sometimes panic. Outline your expectations clearly, agree together on realistic timing. You might need to help reprioritize workload.

'Quick' Much like ‘ASAP,’ ‘quick, quicker or quickly’ are disrespectful ways of rushing an ask. I’ve heard stories about management coming into the office and asking the team to work more quickly Nope, this is not cool. We ain’t no sweatshop! This is a classic example of instilling fear and panic in the team. The result? Stress that leads to burnout and mistakes.

‘I’m not an art director but…’ Hate to say it, but I’ve said something similar to this before, whilst doing the hovering art director stance. Don’t ever say this. If you're providing creative input, have a rationale to backup your feedback.

‘We're over budget’ I see you already already disagreeing with me on this one. I know this is important to communicate to the team, but there's a way in which to do it, depending on the situation. Don’t make it a blame game, rather a learning experience. Remember, the budget is ultimately our responsibility, so if the team is going over, first understand why before making it your team’s burden.

'Well...' Let’s be honest, nothing great comes after someone's starts a sentence with “Well...” —often with an upward inflection and frown face. It can come across passive aggressive if you’re providing constructive criticism.

Be Aware

So much of our job is about schedules, documents, spreadsheets, budgets, and time tracking that we forget to be human. We all have bad days, but we have to remember  not to bring our teams down.

Be aware of yourself and your behaviour. When the going gets tough, try to invoke the spirits of these key traits which make us so darn good at our jobs—and our communication:

Patience


Understanding


Empathy


Trust 


Respect


Stress less

I gave a talk at DOxPM this week on the topic of stress and how to manage it better. Here are some useful links and resources as a follow up (obvs will be posting some visuals on the blog too!)

All of these people and things helped me rebuild myself over time to recover from illness caused by stress and to keep me on track with good habits. Some of the links are Oxford-based, as that’s where I live.

Life Coaching

Another you life coaching - Sue Leslie Sue literally helped me change my life, I had 6 sessions to work out what I wanted to do with my career and to reignite my creativity. I ended up choosing to change jobs and doing an Artweeks exhibition, both of which enriched my life and helped me de-stress.

As well as offering face-to-face coaching she runs creativity workshops, and offers Skype coaching if you can’t get to her.

Meditation

Inner Space - free meditation courses in Oxford This is where I learnt to meditate. It’s run by the Brahma Kumaris (BKs), non-religious but they are spiritual (think Higher Powers!), so be aware of that before you sign up. I’m an athiest and pretty sceptical but I went with it, you can pick and choose the elements that work for you. They also run courses on stress-free living.

Meditation apps 2016 list - try a few of these and see which one works for you. Headspace and Buddify are two popular ones. I use the BK Meditation Lounge app. If you’re having trouble sleeping due to stress then Brainwave Studio is magic, it uses different sound frequencies to lull your mind to sleep.

I tend to pick a different guided meditation to do each day, or meditate to music, or a combination. I switch it up according to my mood and needs, so it’s never boring. It’s the one thing that’s had the biggest impact on me and I make time to do it daily. It also helps me deal with stress in the moment better, to be slightly detached from the roles I play in my life, and to have a more positive outlook which could be described as a ‘lightness of being’ (yes, really!).

Yoga

I would encourage you to try different kinds of yoga to find one that suits you. Look out for the following practices, which are at the calm end of the spectrum:

Hatha yoga - check out Brita’s classes

Moon sequence yoga - try Laura’s classes

Restorative yoga

Yin yoga

Here’s a great blog post from Brita Benson about why yoga helps reduce stress.

Other types of yoga: Ashtanga, Power, Vinyasa flow yoga are all vigorous forms of yoga, so would not necessarily recommend these if you’re trying to calm down your system. However, they are a very good workout so don’t let me stop you if that’s your thing (I do a mixture now I’m feeling better!) :)

Yogaia app – If you can’t get to a live class this is a wonderful alternative. I’ve tried many yoga apps and this is the best. It’s a subscription service enabling you to practice live yoga classes anywhere via any device, as well as catch up on recorded classes, with every conceivable type of yoga on offer.

Massage/therapies

Shiatsu & Therapeutic bodywork - Brita Benson Brita is a gifted massage therapist who helped me with relaxing as well as the problem areas of neck and shoulders.

Osteopathy - Tom Bedford Tom sorted my long-standing neck and shoulder issues out which enabled me to sleep peacefully again.

Acupuncture – Jess Buck Regular acupuncture can help healing in a holistic way. Jess helped me with strengthening my stomach and lowering stress whilst clearing heat from my body.   

Books

Better than before: What I learned about making and breaking habits by Gretchen Rubin A lot of ideas from this book went into my talk, especially on building good foundations in your life. Thanks to my best friend Jo for gifting this book to me! The life-changing magic of tidying by Marie Kondo Calm space, calm mind - help sort out your clutter once and for all. Side benefit: you can find your belongings when you need them, instant stress reduction; it’s also easier to decide what to wear when you don’t have to trawl through clothes.

Big Magic: creative living beyond fear by Elizabeth Gilbert Even if you don’t think you’re creative (trust me you are) – this is a quick read to help overcome those fears and get on with making stuff. Doing something not related to work that you’re passionate about, and especially something analogue is a good way to de-stress whilst making life not ‘all about work’.

Zen habits: Mastering the art of change by Leo Babuata Blog and book to get some zen into your every day life.

Podcasts

The Happiness Project – Gretchen Rubin & Elizabeth Craft Also a book but the podcast is free and covers many of the topics from the habits book. Get happier now.

The high cost of stressing for me:

Giving up my dream job

Getting sick a lot

The financial cost of repairing myself

Prevention really is better than cure. Be patient with yourself, even when you have setbacks.

Creative spaces for creative thinking

We might be doing this "to-do" list thing all wrong, and actually be hampering our daily productivity. This interesting read explores a new  time management technique:1 big thing, 3 medium things, and a few little things to accomplish each day. 

Army of Awesome