#digitalph33r

"I don't like sad movies." Eat a cock. Movies that have you leaving the theater feeling like a complete piece of shit don't get nearly enough credit. They have you re-entering reality with a marginally uplifting mentality along the lines of 'life sucks, but things could be worse'. The movies in which the lonely, sewer-dwelling orphaned hunchback with gargantuan heart and a microscopic dick slays the dragon (voiced by Morgan Freeman) and its deadly militia of vampire space bears, and ends up tit-fucking the princess on a tropical island for the rest of eternity have you leaving with an enormous smile on your face, which swiftly drops like a bag of bricks into an icy, coma-inducing grimace as life, the grotesque wall-to-wall shit-show, in which happiness was only ever intended to come in fleeting moments, in contrast, becomes painfully revealing of what it truly is. The same, of course, applies to the Hollywood system that produces them -- a dream fabricator, delivering you an endorphin rush in a room full of farts in exchange for hilarious, toe-curling fees which will only increase. I need to see more sad moves. I want sad movies occupying every single box office slot. Starting tomorrow.

I only have eight condoms. It will never be enough.