#diffurrent

Thanks for the advice Kelly. We have broken up because he really wanted to but the thing is, we still text but as friends. It’s kind of the same just without all the cheesy stuff. But when we hang out, we still act as if we’re together. I really wanna be with him and he said he does too but he’s scared I’ll lie to him again so he’s made up his mind to not be with me. He said he wished he’d met me earlier so none of this would’ve happened and we’d still be together. I don’t know what to do. I want to be with him more than anything. I don’t mind waiting until he trusts me again but I don’t know how to get him to trust me. He said if he trusts me again we might not even get back together. It’s like he still loves me and said he wants to be with me, but then he’s not going to be with me because I might lie to him again. But I really won’t. I don’t know if I should give up hope that we’d ever get back together because he keeps saying we never would, but there’s a small part of me that thinks that we could. He thinks that because of all this, we’re not meant to be..

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Hey love, 

I’m so sorry to hear that. But maybe it’s for the best. It may hurt now but you never really know what will happen in the future. Maybe you’ll fall in love with someone else. Maybe you’ll fall back in love with each other. Maybe one day it will be worth the risk. However, I’m proud of you for respecting his decision even though it’s hard for you. 

Please remember to take care of yourself through this as well. It’s a lot more important to be okay emotionally right now than to maintain the friendship, in my opinion. If you let yourself hang onto this hope that you’ll get back together for too long, I’m afraid that you’ll never be able to let go later and if he really won’t get back with you it will be so much harder than it already is. So please take a little space if you need to to grieve and come to terms with the breakup. 

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t give up all hopes but you should allow yourself to think about what to do if you won’t get back together and try to move on. Being friends can be hard after a breakup because you’re still kind of together but you’re not so your brain and your heart can’t really fully sever the lingering feelings. If you need to draw a line between your interactions, then do so.

Remember that you deserve to be with someone who trusts you. Trust is fundamental. Even in friendship, if the fundamental trust isn’t there then it’s really not a friendship at all. 

Trust takes a while to rebuilt, to be honest. For me, it takes a long time to build my trust again once you’ve broken it. I am a very guarded person so it can take any time from 6 months to a year to build up my trust again and that only happens if I think you’re genuine. It’s really bad but I usually ignore most efforts because of what’s happened to me in the past. So he may take a while to come to it. All you can do now is be his friends and that’s it. Don’t try to force him to trust you again by being overbearing, you know?

For now, I think it’s safe to say that getting back together isn’t going to happen for the foreseeable future - 6 months to a year. Prepare for that. If you do get back together, then it’s a plus but we should prepare for the harder part of this. That way you don’t become stuck. 

Does that make sense? I know it’s really hard and you really love him, but please don’t put yourself through more heartache. 

Always by your side,

5paqhetto

c4uterize

diffurrent

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